Sunday, October 30, 2011
Had an emotional weekend. Boss changing my job to sales. Our Debbie Downer co-worker (not her real name) who is off on maternity leave is only going to come back part time so he is putting me in her position and eliminating the job I did...for the most part. He admits I'm not a sales person yet he is putting me in that role. He basically said he really has not need for what I am good at in his organization at this time. Because I have such a good attitude and team player he wants to keep me on the team. He knows he's not going to keep me. Have had a lot to sort through. I will stick it out through the end of the year. Have known I need to move on for a long time...I'm not a quitter and I don't want to give up. I have worked myself up about it and fretted and stewed where I'm not eating much...that is something for me not to eat. It is just hard to walk away. From a business perspective he is doing what he needs to do...but it's not where I want to spend the rest of my days. I have been unhappy for a long time and instead of complain...I need to do something about it. Everyone including me is tired of hearing about my complaints.
It just isn't the right fit for me. There is something else I need to do...guess we will find out.
Feeling better but still pretty emotional. Hormones aren't helping any either. Feel like there are two people arguing it out inside of me. One says you have a good job just shut up and do your job the best you can. The other person says there is something you can excel in...you need to take a chance and change. Who knows in two months I may love it and wonder why I struggled so....
I think I feel good about setting a time to evaluate and head out. I think it eases my mind some. I have a direction to head and a plan of action. Beginning to feel more at peace about the whole situation. It is me...it is not the right place for me. It has been good for me but time to move on.
Came home this afternoon and took a nap. Woke up around 4:30 and felt I should call Mom and ask if she wanted to go for coffee. She did. Took her for a drive through countryside. That calms and relaxes her. Didn't want to eat dinner but went for coffee/hot chocolate. Doing for others always makes me feel better too! She is worried she is causing a lot of stress. She is but we will deal with it. Probably the combination of not being happy at work and so many things pulling at me and people wanting things from me...I'm worn out and weary. But feeling more at peace tonight.