Sunday, April 03, 2011
Woke up early...had a challenging day yesterday. Took off with Mom for an adventure with hubby and meeting up with son and daughter in law for lunch....UGH Mom just wasn't happy. We went into a couple of little shops as we were early. It was too windy for her. I told her what to wear but she didn't remember and decided to wear dress pants instead of the jeans I had suggested and wore her dress shoes instead of walking shoes I had suggested and didn't bring her warmer coat like i had suggested to her. Just got a wrong start. We got seated and of course son and daughter in law were 20 minutes late...as usual...before they got there we had to play musical chairs 3 times to get mom seated comfortably. She chose every time. After the third rotation I said we are NOT playing musical chairs again! She complained about her water glass and the waitress brought her two new glasses and hubby finally suggested she use a straw. She finally said I'm just a pain in the A-- and I said Yes Mom some times you are! She had trouble finding anything to eat...needed more dressing for her Cesar chicken salad...we got it but she doesn't like Cesar dressing..so that was a bomb..on and on and on. We ended up having a nice time. I know she enjoyed herself afterwards and when we got her home she apologized to me. I seem to have little patience now days. I am tired after a week of work and Saturday is the only day to get things done around the house...Sundays I'm often tired after church and get some things done...but not as much. So I take my one day to do something special and she complains the whole time...I'm like Why do I do this? This is a waste of my time and effort. Then I feel quilty for feeling that way towards her. She is our only living parent. I wanted to make her BD special and only time we could meet up with son and daughter in law. She is an EGR person. I used to have more patience. I wasn't on my A game either. Usually I tease and pat her and chat with her a lot and tease and laugh with her...didn't feel like that yesterday and I was quiet...so didn't help to ease her along. Hubby tells me not to feel guilty...but I do. It's a vicious cycle. I long to treat her with respect, love, make her feel cherish and needed and after all these years I'm slowly becoming more vocal and not always overlooking her idiocyncrasies and quirks. Sometimes its hard to see what is her quirkiness and what is aging/alzheimers/depression issues. At the season where I need to show more patience and caring...I am less patient and caring. Issue I need to work on. Stopped by McDonalds on way home...because she had complained of not enough to eat...to get her her beloved chicken tenders...get in, order and she decides she too full and doesn't want to eat. Hubby and i weren't hungry but thought if we sat down she would eat...so we ate and she sat and watched us eat...so ate useless calories didn't need to eat to try to get her to eat which she didn't. She probably ate them when she got home alone. Some times I wonder why I try or care...UGH! Well we move on to a new day. I know why sister in law rarely calls. They care she is just difficult at times. I knew it would be challenging...just some times it piles up some. Hubby seems so patient with her..yet she is his mom. When my mom lived with us years ago with Alzheimers...he was NOT. I struggle with those memories too! Yet I choose to be patient and loving to her. Lessons we learn and struggle through life. Each day we choose whether to follow Christ or ourselves/world. Probably shouldn't vent it out. Woke me up at 4:30 pondering all this and thought maybe if I journal it out...I can analyze it and process it. Off to make it a GREAT DAY! AWESOME worship service ahead.