Monday, March 07, 2011
Had rough night...couldn't go to sleep was up a time or two during the night and woke up 5 minutes before alarm went off. Drank some tea last night...must have kept me awake and running to the bathroom.
After church went to a different restaurant for brunch. Mom did OK. Sometimes she has a terrible time with change. Went to grocery store with her and hubby. It wasn't too bad. They dropped me off before going to SAM's and Walmart. She's needed to get out and we haven't had a lot of time with her. It seems like I see changes in her...slipping even more but we haven't been around her as much to stimulate her. Not sure why but I struggle having patience with her. I could have patience with my parents. Maybe I'm just stressed out with work and house to clean my patience flies out the window. Have to work on that. I know she longs for a girls day out together. Just hard to find the time. Hubby will be gone Saturday...maybe I can spend Saturday with her doing girl things and looking around. Now she wants me to go with her to new hairdresser. Have to try and schedule her an appointment with this new lady when I can go. Always seems like more work for me. Last lady was so patient. This one maybe she can walk there. She is trying to be less dependent but to get her there is more work for me and she wants me to go with her. Then she thought I'd want to change and go to her new person with her. She changes hair people all the time. Never likes what they do. She seemed hurt that I wouldn't want to go to her new one. She's probably trying to get me to do more with her. She drains my energy when I'm around her and I try to balance my time with her and with things that energize me. I am still with her 3-4 or more times a week but to her it seems like we are never around her. She started crying yesterday because she's never going to see "home" again until we take her back to bury her. Laying guilt on us thick. This will be the second yearsince we took her back. We did see sister in law and family in Texas last October, There is no place for us to stay unles we stay with my best friend an hour away or a hotel at our expense for all of us. If we take her back my sister in law will be too busy to spend any time with her. We do plan to go back this year...but I didn't open my mouth and hubby didn't say a thing...let her whimper and gather herself. That is her way to manipulate us. Maybe that's why it's hard to loose weight...stress makes me eat. I love her dearly yet she is an Extra Grace Required Person.
Guess that's how she's learned to work people...manipulate them. Why couldn't she just say...I'm missing home...can we go back sometime?....I'll pay! But of course she wouldn't say anything like that. We always absorb all the costs. We flew to Texas and I'm thinking you want to spend as much time as you can with Mom being you can't afford to come out and visit here...they stayed about 1/2 hour the last day before we took off as they wanted to visit a reserve post on their free time. They just miss her dearly. In their defense she is an EGR person and they can handle only so much.
Time to get off my soapbox. We are caring for her and we will get through this. She is manipulative and we know it and we love her and care for her in spite of it. She has a good quality of life and we will get her back to "home" sometime this year to visit with family and see dad's grave.
In spite of this I will continue to exercise and work on loosing weight. Probably need to work more on filling myself with food to ease stress and my causes for gaining weight.
Off to the beginning of a GREAT WEEK!