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Magnificient Monday

Monday, July 23, 2012

Still recovering from adventure with Mom yesteray. I know she's elderly...our only parent left. She can be so difficult which is why she probably rarely hears from her daughter far away in Texas. For some reason I want to please her and make her happy and we have a fun time. She asked me to take her and then tells me...I didn't bring my coupons because no one told me we were going shopping. I try to realize it's all tied into the dementia and early Alzheimer's yet I still end up taking it personally when she snaps at me. I end up feeling like I wasted my day for nothing. It makes me want to take her less and less and there are times I need to take her out and get things. Yesterday she's starting to talk about needing new underwear. I have taken her out to get fitted by experts so they fit well and paid big bucks for expensive ones and they don't fit she says.

I'm thankful she lived far away for most of our lives. Yet I long for her to be comfortable, loved and enjoy the latter years of her life. We have had good times together and I long for those days to just be buddies. I know she appreciates what we do...as she tells us frequently but it wears me out being around her much any more. I come back drained, frustrated discouraged and worn out.

Yet I know I shouldn't take it all to heart and add the burden to my load. I also get discouraged as I come home and her son (my hubby) carries so many of her difficult traits I wonder if after she's gone...I will have the newer generation of her left to deal with. He's repicking up all her traits being around her.

Boy I am on a bummer today. Woke up early and need to get in God's word to soothe the soul and refocus.

Meeting tonight after work so will be a late evening. Trying to decide whether to squeeze in Curves tonight after work with MOM. Probably will do us both good.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FINALLYBEINGME 7/26/2012 4:07AM

    Hang in there. It sounds like you're doing your best. She is very lucky to have you. emoticon

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SHARON10002 7/23/2012 5:40PM

    I agree with all that has been said here. You can't change your husband, but perhaps you could sit down and discuss some of his "traits' that are bothering you. You could ask God to intervene now to open your eyes to seeing him differently.

I know how hard it is to take care of an aging parent. It is so very hard to see our parents, our pillars of strength, as they age and we watch them decline.

A couple of suggestions you might try...
One of my friends leaves little post its around for her mother with gentle reminders; i.e "Take the bus to the store at 10:00 AM Tuesday"; "Concert in dining room Thursday 7/18 at 7:30 PM"; "Robert (her brother) coming tomorrow." She also bought her an alarm click that tells, DAY, DATE, and time so her mother knows what day it is. She calls her every time before she goes over, to let her know that she is coming, and reminds her of things she knows will be happening that day, and asks if there is anything she needs to bring. This might help you to help her with the things she wants to remember if you do this. She also has taped directions to her answering machine to help her use it. Your mom probably knows that she is not remembering things as she should, and feels confused. They don't want anyone to know.

I hope that God will give you the patience and compassion to help you deal with your feelings as you help her during this time.

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AVANELL 7/23/2012 10:20AM

    You have a lot on your plate with working and caring for an elderly parent. I pray that God strengthens you for your journey and lightens the load that you are carrying. Don't anticipate a rerun of her life through your husband. The past doesn't have to determine the future if we don't let it. He may carry some of her traits but he is an individual of his own and God is able to change the negatives into positives in his life. The devil would like for you to see your situation as never changing and the curses of one generation flowing down to another, but be encouraged in knowing that God is able to make a way where there seems to be no way. He is there with you to help you, to give you hope and to fulfill the good plan that He has for your life. God bless you! May you have a great day today!

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KALLIE1958AR 7/23/2012 8:23AM

    Hi .. I do understand how you feel .. I can imagine what my daughter feels alot . She is my caregiver and I live like right here .. But I think the thing to remember is I know yo u love her and she took care of you for the first years of your life Smiles .. Funny how you get to repay huh lol .. I pray you get strength to share the time you have left I lost my dad last year and it is hard .. You love them want what is best for them same as we did our Children growing them up .. I get to help with my Grandchildren and I enjoy .. it .. I have a granddaughter Amber whos off to camp today .. will miss her but I say its only a week not forever .. I guess you understand .. embrace each day you never know when it will be the last day .. God Bless .. emoticon

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Sunday

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Praise Team went well. Took Mom to breakfast/lunch and then we went shopping for shoes for her. Drove to two different malls and knew we weren't going to find anything to go on her ankle. It still swells. She was picky about shoes before and now she's impossible to fit. She was in a difficult mood. She asked me to take her. I was dragging my feet on the inside but tried to make the best of it. I know time with her should be precious. I want to go out and have fun with her. Yet she snaps at me a is grumbling and moaning the whole time. Then on the way home she apologizes and knows she is difficult and how much she appreciates me. I know all that but the more experiences we have the less I want to do for her. I want to have fun like we once did. I try to hold it all in and just be quiet. She gets more upset if I argue something with her...so just try to stay calm and quiet. I am becoming more and more quiet. She gets more and more twisted and turned around. Part of the process I guess. I pray I never become this difficult to be around.

Hubby will be taking her to foot Dr when they schedule appt. See if they can do anything for her swelling ankle. But if she won't take care of it...gotta keep her moving or it will be more difficult to care for her.

Off to make it a great evening....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EDITOR 7/23/2012 5:31AM

    My Dad had ALZ and my MIL had ALZ and moved in with us. No more difficult times than that in my life and they both suffered within months of each other. It stripped me of my independence. I did resent, quite truthfully, the buden I bore. DH and I were sometimes at odds and I couldn't leave the house. My families were at odds over who was or who wasn't doing enough. One thing I did learn from that is that God never gave me more than I could bear, and looking back it was not top one of my hard times in life.

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MARYJOANNA 7/23/2012 5:05AM

  The important thing is that you are standing by her and try to help her in every way. Have you ever tried saying,"God loves you and so do I?" Maybe that would jar her into a bit more of reality. All we can do is pray to God for endurance and strength. Best wishes to you.

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EDITOR 7/23/2012 3:54AM

    It is rough. Be quiet if you have to. Hope the foot doctor can help. Just let Mom know you are doing the best you can and be assured that you are.

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AVANELL 7/22/2012 10:16PM

    I know it's a difficult time for you and for your mother as well. I remember when my mother went through all that and I didn't enjoy the times with her as much as I would have liked. But now that she's gone, I would take even the difficult times just to be able to be with her again and to be able to hug her and tell her I love her. God will strengthen you for the task ahead of you. Enjoy her as much as you can because someday she will be gone.

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LDMCNIEL 7/22/2012 8:31PM

    emoticon. I can't imagine what that is like. I witnessed my mom and aunt go through that with my grandmother. I wish you all the best and will pray for God to give you all the strength and patience you need.

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Lovely Saturday

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Went to Farmer's Market this AM and got fresh cantelope, summer squash and stringless green beans. Yum! Yum!

Got some cleaning done as we have more company coming next weekend. Hubby and I went for a ride. The weather is gorgous 82 with a nice breeze. The sun felt so good. Went to Arboritum and went through Butterfly sanctuary. Really interesting and then walked in the woods on trails. Surprised Hubby heard about it and wanted to go. Really enjoyed being out in nature. The flowers were gorgeous and such pretty butterflies...AWWWW

Praise Team tomorrow and then taking Mom shoe shopping. Not sure I'm up for that but we'll see. Not sure what she will want as she doesn't know. Her foot is still swelling. Had regular Dr visit Friday and she told her that since she won't ice it or wear a brace or bandage around it...it will be very slow to heal if it ever heals. She is not happy with Dr so has referred her to foot specialist. Glad hubby is in charge of this Dr visit. We had it re-x-rayed to make sure it wasn't broken awhile back and it wasn't. Now Mom said their machine must have been broken because she KNOWS her foot has been broken. You can't get that out of her head. Maybe a new Dr will make her happy...or NOT. At least we are getting it checked into further.

Nice realxing day! Enjoyed myself.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EDITOR 7/22/2012 2:59AM

    A great day and you bought good foods for the week.

It was a gorgeous day her yesterday too.



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MNABOY 7/21/2012 10:51PM

    Must be cooler or less humid than here. The butterflies are staying in the shade!

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LDMCNIEL 7/21/2012 8:52PM

    Sounds like you had a great day!

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Fabulous Friday!

Friday, July 20, 2012

We made it to Friday! Co-worker and I have had a busy week! Managed to get some sorting done for files like my boss asked.

Had a nice rain yesterday. Didn't take my rain coat and it poured 1/2 way to work. Still pouring at lunchtime so came home and got my coat. As soon as I left back to work rain stopped and didn't need my raincoat.

Had praise team practise last night so little tired this AM.

Not a lot planned this weekend. Planning to go to Farmer's Market Saturday morning and get some fresh produce and get caught up on straightening the house. Have company coming next Saturday - Monday. Dear friends who moved away a few years ago....stopping through after spending some time away for their 50th wedding anniversary.

Hubby got some paint ordered so we can start cleaning and painting our deck. It's a big deck and we've needed to do it for a long while. So it will be a big project. Where are our kids when we need some help? Far away :(

Off to make it a great day!

Knees a little sore from exercise yesterday will have to be patient with them I guess....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LDMCNIEL 7/20/2012 8:32PM

    You inspire me the way that you keep going and not giving up, even with the physical ailments that you have endured. emoticon

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EDITOR 7/20/2012 9:43AM

    Glad you enjoy company visits and are not too exhausted from hectic work week!

Always work when you own a home and help is ALWAYS scarce!

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CASTIRONLADY 7/20/2012 6:58AM

    Take good care of your knees. You are doing a great job of blogging.

emoticon emoticon

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Trying to get back on Schedule

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Got a good night's sleep and getting back to morning exercise and see how knees react to it. Planning to go slowly.

Yesterday blew it. Was tired and bought Reece's Cups at the gas station when getting gas cards for work. Went back to work and ate them all. Think it was because I was tired and also upset with the boss. He stopped in for around 10 minutes...spread joy...NOT...and then left. Never can understand his demeaner. We've gone down from 3 to 2 and he acts like we never work. Co-worker is becoming scarcastic to him as we are getting tired of his comments. I am trying to remember he is my boss and I owe him respect. Some days it's getting harder and hopefully I keep myself in check and don't blurt something out I'll regret later. He's young 36 and isn't a very good leader/motivator/boss. He is the type to stop by for a few minutes dictate orders...stir up the pot and leave.

He made me angry but I did get some more files sorted through. We are going paperless in the office and have a high school girl scanning them in. So we have to go through the files and prepare them for her. We haven't made a lot of time to do it. I was hot when he left. He blows in throws around bits of discouragement and then leaves...leaving us reeling. He really needs some training on leading a team but doesn't know how to motivate or inspire people.

Guess I let his visit and being tired get to me and I ate candy I normally wouldn't. In hind sight thinking it was being tired, angry and stressed. Have to come up with coping methods when that happens next time....because I know it will.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARKSTIPANOVSKY 7/20/2012 7:38AM

    Boxercise is more fun than candy... +Mark
(and more rewarding)...

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LEANJEAN6 7/19/2012 6:26AM

    You CAN react in a better way if you plan it-- when angry, decide you will NOT allow him to get to you--like ""smile"" and agree with him--then jump up and down 20 times as soon as he walkjs away--LOL--I certainly know what you are going through however and how we all react with food when upset--Plan it baby! You CAN do it!---Lynda- emoticon

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MARYJOANNA 7/19/2012 5:54AM

  You show restraint dealing with the young boss, remembering he is the boss even when you would like to tell him off. I praise you for that and your Christianity shows through. Best wishes to you.

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CLWALDRO 7/19/2012 5:54AM

    It is hard to keep a positive attitude at work when the boss is negative all the time.
I would make it a rule that when going shopping for work to only buy work related items no personal ones that might help avoid doing this in the future.
Today is a new day and i am sure your boss will probably come to say something un-wise .
Try to not have any temptations on hand that can derail your journey to better health. emoticon

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EDITOR 7/19/2012 5:49AM

    I just don't know. These younger people are not as seasoned. It must be difficult.

Getting back on schedule is a dread. Us older people (ha) are not as flexible.

It is a quandary.

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