Sunday, July 08, 2012
I am struggling with how to get back on track, motivated and feeling positive about myself again. Since March my allergies have been on overload and my asthma has been a little worse than normal (aggravated by the allergies). A normal year means that I am fighting lilacs and other flowering plans during May / early June. This year we all know has not been normal and I started having symptoms in March. I spent last Saturday in the emergency room because I couldn't breathe and after a breathing treatment, 6 day dose of prednisone, and a follow up on Thursday with my doctor, I feel a little better. My doctor gave me a second allergy shot to help the regular meds I use. He also refuses to release me to exercise or do anything more strenuous than walking around the house until I can breathe normally. With all the drugs in my system I feel lethargic and not very motivated to do anything. Bottom line, I have gained back 8 pounds since last summer and the positive outlook I had is gone.
This year we have also been forced to recognized that our parents are getting older. Health problems on both sides have forced my husband and I to question when to step in and when to be supportive and encouraging. The problems won't go away and as my dad said, I'm not getting older, I am old. It breaks my heart to hear my mom tell me that she can't clean the house or to sit up and do a puzzle for very long. Last night when I talked with her she was lying on the couch with oxygen because her back hurt too bad to sit up and she was short of breath from eating dinner. Mom has spinal stenosis and pulmonary fibrosis - both incurable and debilitating. Dad has had a heart murmur and was recently diagnosed with atrial fibrillation. He's been in and out of the hospital with pneumonia and other complications since Christmas. In May the doctors put a new valve in and that seems to be helping but he is also showing early signs of dementia. The in laws have similar problems and at least one parent on each side is fighting to stay in their own home and not move to assisted living.
Given that my husband is an only child and my parents are 13 hours away, we are pulling our hair out. At the same time, our sons are entering their Junior and Senior years of high school and we want to enjoy these moments with them. I am definitely feeling like we are the sandwich generation!
This morning as I stood in the shower feeling like a fat cow again I decided I was getting back to the basics. Getting back to how I originally lost over 58 pounds - writing down what I eat, planning meals and keeping up with this community. With all the craziness of parents, kids and life, I think this will be my sanity check. While my aerobic activity level is down, I will focus on foods that provide clean energy for what I can do - weight lifting and strength training.
I know this will be a long, continuous battle but I want to find that healthy unstoppable energy I had last year again. As I get back to that place I hope that my journey will help other women who are in similar circumstances. I am a nurturer and encourager - not so different from many of the women I know - and I want to give encouragement to other women who may feel like family and life is derailing their efforts to be successful. I am going to focus on what I love most providing a loving supportive home for my family while being healthy.
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
There's a line in the movie "Independence Day" which I can relate to. The farm duster pilot is trying to send his bomb into the alien ship and it's jammed. He decides to save the planet to commit suicide and blow up the alien space craft with his own ship, saving the planet and his family. As he's sending his plane into the ship he says, "Hello Boys - I'm back!"
The past few months have been a roller coaster ride. After losing my brother to suicide I couldn't seem to find the focus or strength to stay focused on working out or losing weight. Funny, I know the stages of grief and know that this is normal - I just didn't realize how hard it was to find my way back to life. It hit me a few weeks ago that I hadn't really laughed in a while or enjoyed spending time with my husband since my brother died. And, to be honest, I didn't care. I was kind of numb to everything. But God is good and He has been helping me through the journey. I've started to notice things again - friends have made a point of calling me. And my husband has loved me, held me, listened when I needed to rant about something, and just been there. I even found myself laughing this past weekend. I'm finding my way back.
Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated 24 years of marriage. This man has been my friend, lover, encourager, rock, cheerleader for 33 years. When we met, I fell hard and thought I could never be good enough for someone like him (his mom and I think he looked like Tom Selleck in Magnum PI then and I think he looks better than Tom does now:)) Amazingly, he fell just as hard and asked me to marry him. I still enjoy his company and still think he's the perfect man for me.
I will always miss my brother - suicide is a pointless, selfish act of giving in to feelings of worthlessness and pain. I wish I had known how much my brother hurt and I wish I could have dome something to help him. But, I couldn't help and he chose to end his pain.
But life is for living and I'm ready to rejoin life. And life includes getting back on track with exercise and eating right. So, Hello Boys (and Girls!) I'm Back!!
Monday, April 25, 2011
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My great grandmother (Susan Day)
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Yesterday during worship - Tears of joy and awe.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yes, most of the time.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? turkey
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Yes, three of them
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Maybe
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM ALOT? Not as much as I use to.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? NO!!
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Oatmeal
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No, I take them off then untie themº
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? yes
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Really good vanilla
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Their smile
15. RED OR PINK? red
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Lack of height
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My grandmother
18. WHAT IS THE PAUL MCKENNA TECHNIQUE THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE MOST? Who¡¦s Paul McKenna??
19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Not wearing shoes
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Italian beef with brown rice
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Dancing with the Stars
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? green
23. FAVORITE SMELLS? The world after a spring rain
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My husband
25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE? Mountain hideaway
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Football!!
27. HAIR COLOR? red
28. EYE COLOR? Hazel
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No
30. FAVORITE FOOD? Bob Evans Potato soup
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Legend of the Guardians ¡V The Owls of Gahoole
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? black
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? winter
35. HUGS OR KISSES? both
36. FAVORITE DESSERT? cheesecake
37. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO? Zumba! (cardio)
38. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION? computer
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Christmas Homecoming by Lenora Worth
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? The mouse
42. FAVORITE SOUND? My husband¡¦s voice
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? The Stones
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Canada
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? none
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? New Jersey
47. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW? Indiana
48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE? Gray
49. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR? white
50. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS? Not really
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wouldn't it be wonderful to lose weight, gain muscle and eat whatever we want? I mean really, isn't that what we all want to do??
For the past several weeks I've been in a funk and have not been as diligent in my food tracking and cardio workouts. I haven't fallen off the train completely but I have been leaning over the side further and further. Since my brother died on March 12 I've been creeping up on the scales. 161 became 162 and this week 165. Part of this is because I've just been eating too many carbs (yum). Part of this is because my trainer has been pushing my weight training program - we've increase weight, decreased reps, increased circuits. So I'm sore and it's a good sore. But, the poor diet has derailed any true success that I might have seen.
This week I've put myself on notice. I'm starting CAROLYN1213's 28 Day Bikini Ready/Clean Eating Challenge on Monday and focusing on eating healthy. Having the challenge in front of me, and having a short time frame (28 days is less than a month - I can do something for that long) hopefully will help me break the cycle of making poor choices when I'm depressed or not feeling good. Seeing CAROLYN1213's progress (and she is on fire - if you haven't seen her pics check her blog out!) and knowing her has helped me realize that what I eat does make a difference. I need to get my head in the game again and focus on what my head knows and the rest of me needs.
So, here's to the next 28+ days. I'm rallying the allied forces: willpower, friendships, and focus! Adding some strong weapons: cardio, weights, and healthy eating. And looking forward to a successful campaign.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Today was my annual checkup with the ob/gyn. Not my favorite even though I have a wonderful doctor. This year I wanted to hear how happy he was with my weight - which he was - but then he started asking about how much coffee I was drinking.
ARGGHH! I know he has my best interests at heart but why can't 3 cups of coffee be okay??? Actually, it would be if I didn't get migraines with auras and happen to be over 50. Evidently, my risks of having a stroke just increased because of the migraines. So, he strongly suggests limiting my coffee to 1 cup occasionally 2 but to be very aware of how I feel.
And, I need to deal with the hot flashes - no estrogen since I am already at a higher risk for stroke and no HRT because of my little episode 2 years ago with blood clots. Oh, and guess what time it is? Squish time!! My yearly mammogram needs to be scheduled. All in all, a good visit but I do enjoy my coffee. Sigh, I will miss it.
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