Saturday, November 10, 2012
So I adjusted my ticker today. I changed it a month or so ago to show the top weight as my current "restart weight" (234) so I would begin to feel engaged with the journey. Now that I am a month into my return to healthy habits I feel so much more connected with where I was before that I changed my start back to where it belongs 286.
When I started this journey in July 20009 - I weighed 286 lbs. I was in complete denial about my health and generated a lot of self hatred over what I imagined people must think about me. In the first year I lost 90 lbs and exercised a 365 day streak. That following summer I completed my first triathlon and I have never (even at smaller weights) felt better in my life. The fall of 2010 I reached a low of 190lbs.
Then things slowly reversed. Details don't matter - life happens and I am a stress binge eater. By March of 2011 I was 215lbs. I maintained at that weight until the following winter when it went up to 225. I still felt good about myself, and frequently tried to "restart" but just couldn't seem to get consistent. Then this summer even exercise dropped off - my weight rocketed up to 234. I saw pictures of myself that were starting to remind me of the "old Hollynn" and my brain started cycling the self hatred. It was clearly time to "stop the madness" and move my focus back to healthy living. Not a diet but a rededication to who I want to be in life.
So October 9th I logged into the spark. I bought a journal and wrote a plan, with short and long term goals. I exercised and imagined where I could be by January 2013. I didn't beat myself up for losing ground. Yes - on October 9th I was 44 lbs higher than I was 2 years ago in October. So what? I decided to move past the whole "I wish I was 190 lbs" and accept myself where I was - hence the ticker reset.
Only a month later I have lost 17lbs. 217 on the scale this morning....
17lbs - just by getting my butt in gear, eating healthy, not binging and exercising consistently. Damn.
So where is my brain now? It is PROUD of me. No part of me is trying to live in the past. So what I was once 190 lbs - today I am 217 lbs and I am sooooooo happy and proud of myself.
If you are living in the past - LET IT GO.
Appreciate yourself right now - no matter where you are and set some goals for the future.
Sometimes you have to let go to move forward
And - finally - I couldn't have done it without all of your support.
Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who has left a comment, message on my page, spark goody or even just send warm thoughts my way. Love you!
Hollynn aka SpunkyDucky