Sunday, October 24, 2010
October is truly the month that gets the "FOOD" ball rolling at our house and Halloween is the gateway to what seems like an endless buffet through the holidays that won’t end until February 14th when Valentines Day arrives with 5 pound boxes of See’s Candy for the mother of all dessert parties. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM See’s Candy *drool*
There’s actually three birthdays in September but October just escalates with an additional five. Essentially I’ve done very well and as long as I can stay away from the stores that offer Halloween candy on every aisle, even weeks after the fact, I think I may make it through October. At least that’s what I thought I was going to be able to do *sigh*
It all started last week when my weight loss came to a screeching halt. I was still staying within my calorie range of 1200-1500 and had even upped my exercise while participating in a SparkPeople Fall Challenge… shout out to the “Shooting Stars” hey-hey!!! No biggie I thought plateaus happen I usually loose inches so it didn’t faze me. Marching on the scale finally responded… well it didn’t respond the way I wanted it to. Up a pound one day. Up another a few days later. WTF!!! The child in me crossed her arms and stomped her feet and claimed “I’m not going to change my ticker, so there!!!” Then another pound up *weep*
By now I was discouraged and that ‘ole voice began to whisper that four letter word in BOTH my ears… “QUIT” You are lying about what you weigh… just look at your ticker you big fat liar!!!! *grrrrr*
But I didn’t quit… and as I struggled with that demon to eat every thing in sight I learned more about that damaged little girl inside… I listened to her cries to be fed and comforted. She wailed so loud one night I thought the neighbors were going to complain. She acted out a couple times and got ugly with her DH but I didn’t let the pothole derail my journey *WooHoo*
Today I got on the scale again and I was up almost three more pounds… O-M-G, I am a loser, I can’t do any thing right, I’m a waste of skin, how could I possibly have thought I had any control of my life, I don’t deserve to be successful, happy, loved, healthy……. *crash*
My poor husband was sitting right there when I got on the scale and started hurling the insults at myself. The look on his face broke my heart. He was devastated and I was crushed to think that how I felt about myself affected him so much. I just couldn’t believe I’d gained six pounds in a week so I stepped back on the scale and it was up another 52 pounds… got on again down more than 100 pounds!!!! *blink-blink*
Obliviously, my scale needs an exorcism!!! I was so happy I hadn’t picked it up and threw it through a window. It never crossed my mind that there was something wrong with my scale… I blamed myself instead, as usual, and had tittered on the brink of undoing all the progress I’d made so far by giving in and feeding that hungry soul who thinks food is the answer to EVERYTHING.
My DH has been researching the purchase of a new scale as I write this blog and I’m sure we will be off to buy a new one today. In the mean time I’m prepared for whatever it says I weigh and even more resolved to stay the course no matter how many potholes lie ahead because I learned another life lesson that I can jot down in the margin of my roadmap to a healthier life style.
WATCH OUT…. Giant potholes ahead!!!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
This week’s personal challenge is to post a blog telling what rewards you have given yourself and the milestones you reached to earn them. What is the next reward you are working to reach and what milestone is involved? From the Over 60 with 100 to 200 Pounds to Lose Team.
I had posted a blog titled Goals/Rewards back on July 15th… when I went and read it I was so surprised to see the emotional growth I’ve made in less than three months. Needless to say I cut and pasted it here but have edited it, a lot, to reflect the NEW and improved me.
MY GOALS & REWARDS:
10 pounds…. 7/15/10 New scale (my old one sucked, a 20 year old hand-me-down that I had to get on and off of four times and then take the middle number as my weight loss for the day grrrrrrr) My DH went out the day I lost 10 pounds and bought it for me. for my sweetie.
20 pounds…. Get my hair cut 8/25/10 Actually got it cut on 9/16/10, more than three weeks after the fact. Epic fail for putting it off for sooooo long. Learned a great deal about the “old” me during this time and made a lot of emotional progress. Turned out to be a win-win situation
30 pounds…. Originally I was going to get new clothes but I was able to wear outfits I’d conveniently forgotten I had “out-grown” and as my newer things began fitting better I chose to change my 30 pound loss reward to a wii. When I was within two pound of my goal I bought it so I would be sure to have it on hand and not take weeks to reward myself like I did with the haircut. It sat unopened on the sideboard where I could see it for a week before I reached -30 pounds. Seeing it everyday was a huge motivation. 9/24/10 turning exercise into fun, fun, FUN
40 pounds…. Naturally I moved the new clothing reward to the 40 pound loss because I know there won’t be anything in the house that will still fit me by then. Alas, another “Ah-Ha” bell rung loud and clear while completing this challenge and I decided that clothing shouldn’t be a reward…. clothing is a necessity. I want to reward myself with something special that will reflect the hard work and tenacity that went into turning my whole life around. I want something lasting that I’ll have for a long time that will remind me how far I’ve come and keep me focused on the goals ahead. So I’m going to buy myself a pair of pretty earrings. Yes, jewellery!!!! Something I never get or give myself… a reward that will make me feel pretty every time I wear them. This goal is less than 7 pounds away so I’m going to start looking today because I’ve already saved for this reward and I want to be able to wear them ASAP! Go Speedy!!
50 pounds…. Guess what???? I’ve changed my mind again from the original blog on this reward as well. Thank goodness I had added this codicil…. “ I reserve the right to come back any time and change the rewards if I think of some thing else I like better… and I promise it won’t be food”
Originally my 50 pound reward was an overnight trip with my DH. That should have worked out just fine since our 30 year wedding anniversary is 12/28/10. But now that I’m treating myself with more respect and valuing my worth why should I reward myself with a get away that we should be planning anyway?!? I shouldn’t!!!!!!!! And since I’ve stopped “shoulding” on myself I’ve decided that my 50 pound reward will be …............
decided on at a later date as I continue to evolve
It WILL be something beautiful to remind myself of how wonderful I am. Something reminiscent of this joy filled journey that I’m on. Something very special….. just for me
To be continued……..
Thursday, October 07, 2010
My favorite poem....
Footprints in the Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “My precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.” ~ Mary Stevenson, 1936
Thank you to all my SparkFriends who have walked with me through the process of finding my way. Just knowing we are all in this together and can take turns carrying each other on this journey gives me great hope for continued success. I promise I will carry you when you need a friend…….. Enjoy the video
Footnote: The picture was taken by my daughter on her honeymoon six months ago... Thanks Katy & Ryan I know you both support me in everything I do
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