I’ve set some long term goals… I’d like to lose 143 pounds, Yikes!!!! If I don’t that’s ok because any thing close to that will be reward enough. I joined SP to feel better and that goal was met in the first week so I’m changing that long term goal to my first short term goal… which I’ve met. WooHoo
Now... rewards are another thing all together for me. There’s been a little voice inside me that’s whispered “you are not worthy” for so long that I had to dig deep in the past to even be aware that that’s why I’m not good to myself. I’m my own worst enemy… there’s not one person out there that would be more pleased to see me fail than me. So forgiving myself is my second long term goal…. Figuring out for what will be the journey.
Back to rewards… see how I go off instead of addressing being good to myself…..
I keep thinking reward = food. I’ve said I’m not going to do that any more but saying it and NOT doing it are two entirely different things. Could this mind set go as far back as when I was a baby and if I cried I would be fed? To a toddler, when I didn’t cry I’d get a treat? When I skinned a knee I’d be pacified with food?? Good grades = food… Failed a test = eat… Jilted, stuff my face. Turn another year old = cake AND ice cream!!!!
I’ve had issues with money all my life. Growing up my parents were frugal and I think that’s a wonderful thing, I enjoy frugality too. When I was widowed at 27 with a four year old and an 18 month old the financial crunch was overwhelming. The next five years were tough and when I remarried we blended families… totally enjoying the yours, mine and finally an ours to complete the nest. Not a lot of discretionary money through out those years. But we did have to eat so it makes sense that food = rewards. =
Breaking THAT habit will take some time but sounds like it could actually be fun =]
So back to the rewards….
REWARDS: 10 pounds…. New scale (mine sucks, it’s a 20 year old hand-me-down that I have to get on and off of four times and then take the middle number as my weight loss for the day grrrrrrr)
20 pounds…. Get my hair cut 8/25/10 (Took me 20 minutes to come up with this one)Actually got it cut on 9/16/10
30 pounds…. I’ll need some new clothes by then!!! (Easy)
40 pounds…. Take a class in…. to be decided. (I’m most excited about this one)
50 pounds…. An over night trip with my honey!!! (He’s most excited about this one
Oh, and I reserve the right to come back any time and change the rewards if I think of some thing else I like better… and I promise it won’t be food =]
Socrates' guiding rule was, "Know Thyself." I’ve been self actualizing since a psych class I took in college way back in the 60’s. Since joining SP and reading Chris’s introduction to “The Spark” it’s as if my once keen sense of self is transforming from a fuzzy focus to a much clearer vision of what really triggers my emotional eating.
For decades I’ve found myself standing in front of the pantry almost in a fog… looking, looking for something to make me feel better and as my glazed stare would sharpen I’d some times say out loud to myself, “What am I looking for?” Food of course… but why? Had I seen, smelled, thought of food or realized I was hungry? No, I was standing there because I had had some kind of uncomfortable encounter with someone. Not always the same person, never for any particular reason but clearly because I’d been triggered by anxiety of some sort.
I’ve known for a long time that paying the bills always triggers a hot flash… and now that I realize its people that make me want to eat I can use more appropriate responses to deal with the anxiety… like affirmations or exercise or maybe even something naturally sweet like strawberries to take that bitter taste out of my mouth.
Even if they are valid an excuse is still just an excuse NOT to do something. If it were something I wanted to do I’d put down or aside whatever got in my way of doing it and be all over it like white on rice. Just look at all the hours I’ve logged in playing Quake and Thief online over the past 10 years.
Short of going door to door I’ve been singing the praises of SP for, well, for all of three weeks now. Not really that very long I know but still…..
The past few weeks have saved my life. Sounds dramatic but it’s absolutely true and I know there are tens of thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands who are finding, not only, peace with themselves but all the tools one needs for a healthy and happier life style right here on SparkPeople and it’s FREE!!!!!!
I feel like I’ve won the lottery and want to share it with everyone. Perhaps once I’ve walk the walk and talked the talk long enough family and friends will begin to see the new me and ask, “Wow, what’s happened to you?” And then they will listen.
How long did you know about SP before you checked it out and joined?
While drinking my morning coffee I was reading our little throw away paper with small town news and lots of local pictures, you know the type of paper Jay Leno uses to do his skit called “Headlines” the one with typographical errors, or unintentional inappropriate items? This week’s paper had a menu tucked into it called “320 Main” Steaks*Chops*Seafood. I had a little bit of coffee left so I thought I’d check it out… first thing on the menu under starters was
“Deep Fried Mac n’ Cheese” $8…
I almost spit my coffee across the room!!! Macaroni and cheese as an appetizer???? It still makes me giggle to think about it….now that’s an inappropriate item. Well there is a new restaurant in town but it’s called “Linda’s Kitchen” and that’s where all our meals are coming from for awhile.
Side note… I found the same “Mac n’ Cheese” item on their lunch menu too… good news you can add smoked duck for another two bucks. Evil, it’s all around us!!!
Believe it or not when I was growing up fast food joints were few and far between. There was a McDonalds that we would pass on our way to Big Bear going to and from church camp every summer. Stopping there was part of the “special” treat that went along with the traditional summer vacation we looked forward to all year and loved so very much.
I can still remember the golden arches with the proud display that said “THOUSANDS SOLD.” I think their current boast of “BILLIONS AND BILLIONS SERVED” hasn’t changed in the last decade.
A cheese burger with fries and a coke was a treat. Then it became a reward. We used it for good grades with our children or a place to go for a birthday or graduation. Now people drive thru daily not only for that “fourth meal” but as a convenient bribe if the kiddies have behaved themselves.
Desserts were the same way when I was a kid. We didn’t have them every night. In fact a hot fudge sundae once a month at Hoff’s Hut was worth getting dressed up for. Pumpkin pie with whipped cream was for Thanksgiving only (and that alone made it taste sooooooooooo good). Again we used 31 Flavors or Penguins as a reward with our children… “Happy last day of school” or “Yippee, no cavities at the dentist!” Now a bowl of ice cream after dinner every night is a given…. not to mention that frozen pie in the freezer and tempting tub of cool whip with an expiration date that’s good until next year.
Snack time’s become a joke. What happened to that piece of fresh fruit or handful of nuts or raisins? They’ve given way to sodas and candy bars or cigarettes and a brewski. Treats have become rewards we bribe ourselves with for finishing a task or for just being good little boys and girls.
I’ve had all sorts of realizations since joining SP and as I continue to face my stuff instead of stuffing my face I’ve decided not to reward myself with food. Desserts have become treats again instead of a reward for over eating. Just this weekend I found that raspberry Jell-O with real whipped cream on the 4th of July not only brought back many sweet memories of my childhood but tasted soooooooooooooo good.