Sunday, October 24, 2010
October is truly the month that gets the "FOOD" ball rolling at our house and Halloween is the gateway to what seems like an endless buffet through the holidays that won’t end until February 14th when Valentines Day arrives with 5 pound boxes of See’s Candy for the mother of all dessert parties. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM See’s Candy *drool*
There’s actually three birthdays in September but October just escalates with an additional five. Essentially I’ve done very well and as long as I can stay away from the stores that offer Halloween candy on every aisle, even weeks after the fact, I think I may make it through October. At least that’s what I thought I was going to be able to do *sigh*
It all started last week when my weight loss came to a screeching halt. I was still staying within my calorie range of 1200-1500 and had even upped my exercise while participating in a SparkPeople Fall Challenge… shout out to the “Shooting Stars” hey-hey!!! No biggie I thought plateaus happen I usually loose inches so it didn’t faze me. Marching on the scale finally responded… well it didn’t respond the way I wanted it to. Up a pound one day. Up another a few days later. WTF!!! The child in me crossed her arms and stomped her feet and claimed “I’m not going to change my ticker, so there!!!” Then another pound up *weep*
By now I was discouraged and that ‘ole voice began to whisper that four letter word in BOTH my ears… “QUIT” You are lying about what you weigh… just look at your ticker you big fat liar!!!! *grrrrr*
But I didn’t quit… and as I struggled with that demon to eat every thing in sight I learned more about that damaged little girl inside… I listened to her cries to be fed and comforted. She wailed so loud one night I thought the neighbors were going to complain. She acted out a couple times and got ugly with her DH but I didn’t let the pothole derail my journey *WooHoo*
Today I got on the scale again and I was up almost three more pounds… O-M-G, I am a loser, I can’t do any thing right, I’m a waste of skin, how could I possibly have thought I had any control of my life, I don’t deserve to be successful, happy, loved, healthy……. *crash*
My poor husband was sitting right there when I got on the scale and started hurling the insults at myself. The look on his face broke my heart. He was devastated and I was crushed to think that how I felt about myself affected him so much. I just couldn’t believe I’d gained six pounds in a week so I stepped back on the scale and it was up another 52 pounds… got on again down more than 100 pounds!!!! *blink-blink*
Obliviously, my scale needs an exorcism!!! I was so happy I hadn’t picked it up and threw it through a window. It never crossed my mind that there was something wrong with my scale… I blamed myself instead, as usual, and had tittered on the brink of undoing all the progress I’d made so far by giving in and feeding that hungry soul who thinks food is the answer to EVERYTHING.
My DH has been researching the purchase of a new scale as I write this blog and I’m sure we will be off to buy a new one today. In the mean time I’m prepared for whatever it says I weigh and even more resolved to stay the course no matter how many potholes lie ahead because I learned another life lesson that I can jot down in the margin of my roadmap to a healthier life style.
WATCH OUT…. Giant potholes ahead!!!