I've been thinking about a way to chart my progress in the picture section of my Spark page.
I don't have a lot of pictures of myself... I took control of that by being the photographer in the family... thus less pics of me... smart huh!! And current naked pictures of a 300+ pound grandma floating around the internet is hella-scary!!!! Probably why I don't stand around looking at myself in the mirror any longer than I have to or go out in public in a swimsuit any more.
Before and after pics of my clothing won't work... all my pants are streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetchy.
Even in group pics I'm hiding behind someone... I'm tall you know so I HAVE to stand in the back.
What I have noticed over the years in pictures of myself is that extra fat that's lost the battle with gravity and slipped from my chubby cheeks to my turkey waddle. It became even more obvious to me when my "Jack Sprat" of a husband complained of his double chin in a picture taken at our daughter's wedding this past April.
"Hahahaha," I scoffed out loud, "You wanna see a double chin? Look at this" And I grabbed a hunk of me that I realized everyone can see no matter how few pictures I have taken.
Sooooooooo... I'm gonna try some face shots, front and side that shows my double chin and maybe some day I'll post a picture of me front and center, in a swimsuit, with a huge grin on my double chin-less face =]
June 2007 age 60
December 2008 age 61
June 2010 63rd birthday and Yes, I felt as bad as I looked... and that's why I joined SparkPeople at 326 pounds.
Everyday in every way I'm getting better & better" A mantra I used with my sons when they were little that was truly lovely. I stopped telling myself this years ago because i didn't feel like I was getting better... only fatter and less fit and older... I'd peaked basically and was on the way down but recently I shared it with my oldest granddaughter who needs some inner praise to face her scary world and it sparked a peaceful cord with me as I realized I am getting better and better in everyway... every day!!! So I'm using it again and it is pure magic =]
As I "stop stuffing my face and start facing my stuff" I feel that a Spark is lightening-up my life and showing me the way to a healthier thus happier go at this realm we call "The physical"
Shameful secrets like cockroaches that scurry to hide once that light goes on above my head can only be eliminated if (squashed by the truth) (owned by their keeper) (acknowledged out loud)
P.S. My Spark glowed so brightly today I forgot to eat everything I put on my nutrition tracker so instead of having the Jello I made for dessert I drank my protein drink I usually have for lunch.... oh, and I also realized I had UN-derestimated the amount of water I was drinking. I thought my water glass held 16oz but it actually holds 20+ Woo Hoo I easily reached my 64oz quota this weekend =]
"Keep your words sweet and tender, you may have to eat them"
I'm not very nice to myself.... I mostly call myself a dumb-ass and constantly put myself down. I have no idea why anyone would love me.... I 've always thought I was some what critical of others and tend to judge... then emphathy kicks in and I quickly forgive them or at the least understand why they do the things they do, but I've come to realize that what I find "off" in others is exactly what I don't like about myself.
I call others victims, and say grow-up... get a life.... take responsibility for your actions, don't wait for others to make you happy... Oh poor YOUUUUUUUUUUUU... Stop blaming!!!!!! What the heck.... I'm not talking to them I'm yelling out loud at myself.
That little girl who I've drowned with food trying to snuff out the cries for help by stuffing my mouth so the words won't come out has suffered long enough.