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Saturday, August 10, 2013

Although I am actively pursuing 2nd opinions, the carcinosarcoma has come back for the 3rd time. I have a tumor growing quickly in my liver and my oncologist says it is inoperable. If my insurance ever approves, I am going to have "cyber knife" radiation treatments to shrink/destroy the tumor. But if they drag their feet much longer, it wont be necessary 'cause the tumor will kill me real soon. I have talked to the tumor and explained that if I die, it dies, but it doesn't seem to care. I have yelled and cried and screamed and pleaded to God, but I guess His answer is no. I am "only" 57 and we are raising 2 of our grandchildren (both 9, and the boy is severely developmentally delayed). I am not afraid of dying at all (I will be with Jesus!) but I really can't leave my family right now. It is so unfair to them. Yeah, I know, life isn't fair.
emoticon see you on the other side!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HINK2013 8/12/2013 10:26AM

    emoticon sending a hug and praying for a miracle.... "be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

That quote is something that sits on my desk at work and I read it a lot, when I'm having a hard time.

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PATTISWIMMER 8/10/2013 8:49AM

    I have recovered from cancer using alternative methods... yes it is possible, and better chances than chemo and radiation.... where to start... there is not one answer on how to cure cancer lots of ways and use them all... the biggest cruciferous vegetables and eating greens.... a vegtable diet keeps your body alkaline and tumors cannot grow in alkaline....Meat and dairy and bread.. carbohydrates make your body acid and feed the tumors..

Gloucose feeds the the higher the carbs the more the tumor grows... I turned my body into a fat burner and killed the cancer..

Also litmus paper will help tell if your body is acid or alkaline.... green tea... lots of it..resveratol... essaic.... do the research..

Cancer is a big business..... they don't want you cured... think ab out it

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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just when things were looking up...

Thursday, July 19, 2012

something soul crushing comes along. I am waiting for my husband to tell me to "curse God and die." *sigh* I had the total hysterectomy 5/25 and all of the carcinosarcoma was contained in the uterus (nothing had matastised, nothing in the lymph nodes). Alas, the oncologist wants me to do chemo because this is a very aggressive and quick moving type of cancer. Yesterday I had the portacath installed near my right clavicle (sore, but nothing horrible) and today I spent the entire day getting "infused" with various highly toxic substances that kill off fast growing cells (like the lining of my mouth and my hair oh, and cancer). I am doing 6 treatments every 3 weeks and they are highly intense doses. By the 2nd dose my hair will be gone. The thing that is bothering me is that I am doing this horrible thing to my body "just in case". And even then, there is no guarantee that it will find and kill any free roaming cancer cells.

I'm not as scared as I was, now I'm just ticked. Anyhow, I just want to keep track of what reactions/problems I have due to the chemo. It has been 4 hours and nothing yet.

7/22: ok... I feel like I have been run over by a train - every muscle, every joint just aches horribly like a toothache; I take Tramadol 50mg but it's not relieving this pain. This is not pleasant.

7/23: I didn't make it to work today. I still feel horrible. I did lose 17 lbs in 2 days. good grief.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPATTERS3 7/22/2012 8:58AM

    thank you, my sweet Karen, but check this out:

R>There are evil people in this world who profit off other's suffering and pain. I have faith that God is with me through this trial and I know for a fact that no matter how this turns out, it is all good.

Comment edited on: 7/22/2012 8:58:59 AM

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KAREN_01 7/21/2012 12:39PM

    Have you ever heard of Dr. Burzynski ? - Just wondering....

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PATTOMMC3 7/19/2012 6:58PM

    Stay strong! I did chemo/radiation 3 years ago and that was one rough year BUT I am still alive and thriving! God bless you! emoticon

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the things you think are precious...

Saturday, June 09, 2012

change quickly when the doctor tells you "the cancer you have is uterine carcinosarcoma - it is unique, rare, and extremely aggressive." I only had three days to digest that information before I had a total hysterectomy. My poor family and friends have been freaking out. The prognosis is good - it looks like all of the cancer was contained inside the uterus, there were no cancer cells in the lymph nodes, and nothing else was effected. That being said, it is a nasty bad type of cancer with a 15% 5 year survival rate. So... after we all get back from the Great GrandKid's Adventure to Disneyworld And Beyond next month I get to have a port installed in my chest so they can pump my body full of toxic chemicals. It's the radiation that I'm mostly afraid of though. I don't want to be sickly. I don't want to suffer lifelong side effects from the treatments just because I "could" still have cancer cells inside my body. I want my mommy ! *sigh*

I am not afraid of dying. I am afraid of leaving my family. My 70 yr old husband and I are raising 2 of our grandchildren and the boy is severely developmentally delayed (he doesn't talk and he's not potty trained - he's 8). I have to find a residential program for him. And it will break his heart.

Yeah, I'm a control freak (I'm a Mainframe Systems Programmer - the ultimate control freak) and letting the people I love know how upset I am about all this is just not something I'm able to do. I'm the rock! I can get through anything! I am a prayer warrior and God loves me best!

...and I think this may be the monster that defeats me. I don't expect anyone to come to my rescue, as it were, I just needed a place to yell this all out before I explode.

Oh, and I'm finally losing weight again :-) I'm below 300 which I haven't seen in 15 years. Cool.


Four things quiz

Friday, October 08, 2010

(copied from BAYBELIEVER who copied PATRISNA who shamelessly copied from ChrisTurtle)

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. phone solicitor (yes... telemarketer)
2. cowboy boot maker (Justin Boots in Ft. Worth, TX)
3. nursing assistant (nursing home)
4. mainframe systems programmer

Four movies I have watched more than once:
1. It's A Wonderful Life
2. Wizard of Oz
3. The Polar Express
4. Avatar

Four places I have lived:
1. Trumansburg, NY
2. Ft. Worth, TX
3. Berkshire, NY
4. Frankfort, KY

Four Places I have been:
1. Cambridge, Ontario Canada
2. Fremont, CA
3. Denver, CO
4. Miami, FL

Four of my favorite foods:
1. cream of asparagus soup
2. beef stroganoff
3. roast leg of lamb (more mint jelly!)
4. creamcicle

Four TV shows I watch:
1. Antiques Road Show
2. Billy the Exterminator (hilarious!)
3. Holmes on Homes (I need him)
4. Fox News

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. home
2. Englewood, FL (my parents)
3. on a beach
4. did I mention home? oh, ok... heaven

Four things I am looking forward to this year:
1. losing weight... any weight at all
2. walking better and farther and pain free
3. buying a new vehicle (probably a Toyota Sienna)
4. my grandson talking

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KSHANTL 10/26/2010 9:20PM

    Nice... we were neighbors at some point... I grew up in Berkshire, MA... not exactly across the street for coffee... it's a bit world

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42 questions (from SkinnyDoll)

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
closed (that's where the boogey man lives, doncha know)

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
Yes... and never seem to use them!

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?

4. Would you rather be attacked by a bear or a swarm of bees?

5. Do you have freckles?

6. What is your biggest pet peeve?

7. Have you ever peed in the woods?

8. Do you ever dance if there's no music playing?
yes (but there's always music playing in my head)

9. Do you chew your pens and pencils?

10. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?

11. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
ranch dressing

12. What is your favorite food?
roast leg of lamb with mint jelly

13. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
It's A Mad,Mad,Mad... World; Wizard of Oz; Avatar

14. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
no - campfire girl

15. Can you change the oil on a car?
I've never tried

16. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
yep.. twice

17. Ever ran out of gas?
yes (the fuel gage was broken)

18. Are you lazy?
to nth degree

19. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?

20. How many languages can you speak?

21. Who is better Leno or Letterman?

22. Do you sing in the car?

23. Ever eat a pierogi?
not that I'm aware of

24. First concert?
Black Sabbath (with Ozzie) in Dallas, TX 1976

25. Where would you be able to spend hours and be happy?
by the sea

26. What's your favorite kind of doughnut?

27. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
2 holes in each ear

28. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
My daughter

29. Are you still friends with the people you knew in middle school or high school?
A couple online

30. What is the last thing you ate?
banana & half of an Everything bagel w/cream cheese

31. What did you want to be when you grew up?
A rock and roll singer

32. Name three things that are close to you:
coffee mug, water bottle, keyboard

33. What was your best subject in school?

34. What is your favourite restaurant?
there's this little place in New Orleans... Chef Prudhomme's

35. Any hidden talents?
my left thumb is double jointed

36. What is your favourite girl's name?

37. Would you rather be a rock star or a famous athlete?
Rock star ..

38. What are you wearing right now?
black slacks, light blue smock top

39. Did you graduate from college?
Yes - 2 yr

40. Do you have any nicknames?

41. How do YOU de-stress?

42. What's the longest amount of time you've gone without food?
3 days (I drank lake water and contracted ameobic dysentary... thought I would die)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GREYPARK 9/21/2010 10:02AM

    LAKE WATER ???? BAD IDEA emoticon
Glad you made it!!

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MALKS_ARIA 9/21/2010 9:57AM

    Sounds like a great breakfast :)

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