Sunday, October 24, 2010
Is it just me, or does it seem that men go out of their way to misunderstand women? AWWWWWW It makes me crazy to see how a guy absolutely insists on misunderstanding everything to a ridiculous extreme! To make it worse, he tells others and it makes me look like a sleaze, or an idiot or something. How can one person be so far out of reality? Seems I missed a class somewhere on how to relate to men. Of all the crap I've been through with this guy, he still insists on being wrong about me. Why is it so important to him that he sees things wrong? And to think I still have feelings for him... maybe I am an idiot... for a whole different reason. Truth is... I see a little boy inside him that needs love, and I would so very much like to be the one to give it to him, but in his eyes, not only am I ugly, but I'm not even human; and certainly not worth the energy it would take for him to be himself and stop working so hard to try to make others believe he isn't... or maybe it's himself he's trying to convince. Either way I pray for him every day...and I always will.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Earlier this year I did a 10 week very in-depth bible study program by Beth Moore called "Believing God", which is based on the book of the same name. In this study, Beth, opens with an explanation of something she calls a "GodStop". Her description of a GodStop is “any way God discloses Himself to you”. Of course it takes time to build your faith, to not only believe 'in’ God but to 'believe God'. That is; to believe Him about who He says He is, what He can do, who you are, and what you can do. There are many, many times in the average week when God shows Himself to each of us. Do we always recognize those moments? Probably not. Most of us, unless there's a situation boarding on 'miracle' or divine intervention that is outrageously obvious, we quite often don't recognize God's input, or hear His voice in our situations.
Well, Beth Moore, through this bible study asks people to start recording their GodStops. Carry a notebook in your purse, and jot down your GodStop moments as they occur. I do this with some brief notes that will allow me to remember the details later so I can go back and journal about them. It's an awesome practice. In the end by the time these 10 weeks are complete Beth leads you through YOUR whole lifeline and lets you go back and see God's intervention from the beginning of your life... even BEFORE you were a believer! This study is one of those rare, once-in-a-lifetime studies that is life altering. Not many studies can claim that, but I can assure you this study will change your life. Looking back on all the times that God has stepped into your life with not only the big moments but all the many small moments is completely overwhelming.
It's been quite a while now (probably close to a couple months) since the study has ended for me, but I've kept up, for the most part, recording my GodStops in my little notebook. No matter how many of these moments I record, it never ceases to amaze me just how awesome God is! I am simply dumbfounded at His perfect timing (I mean how EXACT it ALWAYS is, and how He NEVER misses one opportunity), His ability to never miss a detail, and to have the most incredible plan with details that I never could have come up with if I tried! I am always awe-struck. My breath is always taken away at how much better things work out when I let go of all my reservations and just let God take over. It always works out to be a way better plan than I ever could have conjured up!
Well, today I had a GodStop moment like that again. If you read my blog from yesterday you'll remember that I talked about how I feel I've backslidden a little when it comes to my counselling; because our beloved lead pastor has moved. I had some upsetting moments and it's in my nature to push everyone away when I'm feeling rejected or hurt; so I wasn’t sure counselling was a good idea anymore. I was thinking “maybe I just need to handle this (my life) on my own”. So, anyway, after talking about all this yesterday with you guys, my SP friends, I went today, and did my usual Monday volunteering at the church office. I love doing it. It's one of the highlights of my week. I do a couple days per week there all the time. Well, today, I'm busy working on my ongoing projects that have been assigned to me; when the phone rings. I answer it, and wouldn't you know it... it's our not-so-long-lost pastor. He asks me how are things going, what's new, and such things. I told him not much is new. I guess I've talked to him too much and he knows me well by now 'cause he asked me "really!?". So I started talking to him again. We had a great conversation. Plus, I told him how I had some fears about moving my counselling to another person; and a couple other issues. Well, by the time I hung up the phone I was feeling OK with the idea of going to this new counsellor.
So my GodStop moment today was that God sent me the one man who could get me past this... the man I felt safe talking to... just when I needed it. God came to my rescue again, just in the perfect moment!
Here’s more about the bible study. I highly recommend it. If you can’t find a church in your area that is hosting this video bible study, you can do it online. It comes with massive amounts of homework for the whole 10 weeks, but I assure you, it is worth every single minute! I addition to the rather thick workbook with spaces for your homework assignments, I, personally, wrote an additional 80 pages of homework, all typed on the computer; simply because I found that the spaces provided in the workbook were nowhere near enough to write as much as I wanted to write to complete the homework.
Oh... today was the 1st day for our interim lead pastor who will be taking over until a new permanent pastor is found. He's already a member of our congregation and was a pastor in another church once, so he has lots of experience. Him, his wife, & family are already very much loved members of our church family. Today, though, she shows up on his first day at work with us... with a batch of hot muffins straight from the oven! I told her "wow, don't we just love you already?!". LOL Then I told him "I think she's a keeper!". He agreed! lol
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Whatta ya know about paranoia?! I mean... can anyone help me and give me some advice on this. I have a friend that I've been noticing more and more is either just plain ol' mean and nasty or he's suffering from some serious paranoia. How do I know the difference? How do I know if this is just a personality flaw or some kind of symptom to something much more serious. It hurts; the nasty stuff he says, but it's so over-the-top off the wall, and sometimes creepy, that I'm just in shock. He says stuff that isn't logical and makes no sense to me. I'm just concerned for him, and for myself too. How far could this go? How big of a deal is this? Could he potentially hurt someone, or himself? I've tried to do some reading on this but it didn't really help me much. Of course, the obvious final question is "am I the one being paranoid thinking about this?" lol
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
Once in a while... in the blue moon of blue moons... I actually get homesick when the sky is about to fall in with no hope. It's during these times I just wanna go home. This is an awesome video & song! It helps take me home when I can't otherwise go.
I hate to admit it but I think Paul is right yet again. You can take the girl out of Newfoundland, but you can't take Newfoundland out of the girl. He always called me his tough little redneck Newfie girlfriend. LOL Sometimes I think maybe he was right.
God bless Newfoundland
Friday, February 26, 2010
As Sparkers we've all been well educated on the importance of setting small goals. I feel like we’ve been let in on some special life’s secrets that the world doesn’t know about. That’s how much I’ve learned since joining SP. I want to shout and share it with the world. SP has taught us that we're not out to lose 50 lbs, 75 lbs, 100 lbs, 200 lbs, etc. We're out to lose 10, or maybe even 5! Then when that's gone, we're set out to lose another 5 or 10 & so on! We've been well taught how important it is to take small steps, don't 'bite off more than you can chew', be patient, don't give up when you have set backs (which you will), and to REWARD yourself. SparkPeople.com and their awesome team have taught all of us these things. It's so important to set small, achievable goals for yourself with rewards planned for each mini-goal reached.
For so many decades weight loss has been a struggle for most of the civilized world. SparkPeople.com has discovered the secrets! They're awesome, yet at the same time, when you look at it; it's all common sense! You put healthy stuff in, you’re gonna get healthy stuff coming back! Work hard and you will get results! The only thing we really need is the motivation and determination behind us to JUST DO IT! You need to have 'that' vision in mind of a goal that you want to achieve that's TRULY more important to you than eating is! Whatever your reasons for over-eating or being over weight... it's there for a reason. When you find the reason in your life that's truly more important than your reasons for eating... you WILL succeed! If you're not progressing, than what you think is more important isn't really! If it were you would be succeeding. So if you're trying to lose weight because you want to be alive for your family, but you're not making much progress in your weight loss, than you really have to wonder... why not? Weight loss is all about the psychological issues more than the physical. Overall, it's a small percentage of people who are overweight for medical reasons over psychological reasons. Once you’ve figured out your subconscious reasons for the need to eat and you’re willing to let go of whatever it is that you’re getting out of overeating, than you will succeed. These important SparkPeople theories about weight loss, I have found can be applied to other areas of my life as well. I’m learning so much about how to be a strong, capable, independent person from SparkPeople. This website has changed me in more ways than just the physical!
Back in the early 90’s (Christmas 1992, to be exact) I was in a major auto accident that changed my life. I was the passenger in a car with my (then) fiancé on an icy highway in central Ontario. It was Boxing Day. We were on our way north to visit his family for the remainder of the Christmas & New Year Holiday season. We lived in Barrie, and were on our way north on Highway 69 toward Sudbury; a drive that typically took us about 3 hours. We got as far as North Bay; and we drove around a large turn in the road, and suddenly we hit a pile up of cars that had already been crashing. We were the last car on a pile of 6 vehicles. They had to use the jaws-of-life to cut us out. They told us that we were extremely lucky for many reasons, but one being that our car was a rag-top convertible. It was a very nice sports car, and well built. Though our car was completely totaled, it was strong enough to withstand the crash, and protected us from being crushed. That was my lifestyle back then. If it wasn’t for that well built Chrysler I wouldn’t be sitting here typing this to you right now. In the emergency room later that evening, he said to me “Now you know why Highway 69 is called The Highway to Heaven”. I said to him “Oh great, so now you tell me!”.
My life changed in so many ways that day. I could, literally, write a book on the spinoff that affects my life to this day. For months after I was almost bedridden. I was able to get up and about but it would take a quite a while and I needed help. Getting to the bathroom alone or putting my clothes on without help was impossible for weeks after the accident. It took a long time for me to recover. I remember the day that I went to the bathroom alone. Then I came out and walked toward my bed, sat down and put my own clothes on… by myself! It took me quite some time to achieve all this… but I did it! ALONE! Just me, with no help from anyone! I truly and honestly felt like I could conquer the world. I sat there alone crying with joy and said out loud “look out world. I’m back & there’s no stopping me now!”. I called everyone I could think of to tell them how excited I was. I got responses that raged from “Yea, Ok… good for you” with a tone of “so what?”; to “Yea OK… Good for you” with a tone of “I’m so proud of you and so happy for you”; to a sarcastic “some of us have been doing that for quite some time now”. Yea, I know… there’s always the comedian in the bunch, especially in my family! There’s no end to the comedians! LOL
My point is that it was a small thing in my life… yet it wasn’t! It was HUGE! Just like each pound lost with SparkPeople. It’s a big deal! Nothing is a small achievement. It’s important and each step is important to changing the whole YOU! Weight loss isn’t just about changing your size, your weight, your clothing. It’s about changing who you are on the inside. There’s only one right way to change YOU... and it has to be done in 3 parts… body, mind, and spirit! If you don’t complete all 3 parts, or if you do a flimsy job on anyone of the 3, than the whole package will not be complete. You need to set your goals. You need to know the steps to achieve them, and the route you need to take to get there! And if you don't know, than you need to reach out to someone who can guide you in the right steps. Just like my journey north on that day after Christmas 1992. We could have gone a different route to Sudbury. We didn’t because the other route would have been about an hour extra, and being a snowy Ontario winter day we didn’t want to be on the road any longer than necessary. But guess what? For an extra hour, my whole life would have turned out completely different! Know what you want. Don’t be afraid of hard work, or how much time it takes to get there. The goal is to get there… alive and happy!
This week I had a couple things that got me excited, and made me feel proud like I just accomplished a goal. They were also small things, yet big things.
First, I learned to accept that my friend that I talked about in the last couple of blogs that’s leaving my life isn’t the end of the world. It’s my pastor. He’s been vital in my progress since last spring. He’s my pastor, my counselor, my greatest confident, and most of all he’s my friend. He’s leaving town. It devastated me to find this out. Thankfully God is good and didn’t leave me to learn this news with the rest of the masses. That would have been more than I could handle. This week, I’ve come to realize that life goes on. There is life after Cliff, and I will survive and be OK! He will forever be in my heart, and will forever be a vital person in my progress in my journey. Besides, it’s not like he’s going to Timbuktu… he’s just going to Whitby… a couple hours down the highway! He’s not leaving until the end of June and there’s already people talking about when they’re going to go & visit him. Plus his family is here in town & he assures me that he’ll be back to visit. So, you see, all is not as dire as my dragon would have me believe sometimes.
I’ve been super sick this week. It’s been many years since I was this sick. I couldn’t keep any food down for several days. I had, literally, no energy. Getting across the hall from my bedroom to the bathroom was a big deal. Honestly! I even passed out in the bathroom at one point. It’s been almost a week now since it hit me suddenly. My stomach is still unstable, but I’m eating. My legs are still jelly-like, but I’m getting up and out. So, my next big accomplishment this week… getting from my bedroom all the way to my kitchen without passing out or throwing up again! Woo Hoo! Look out world… here I come! It’s all a matter of perspective. Who’s to say what is truly a small goal or a small step, or what is a big one?
Love you SparkFriends for being such a vital part of my progress.
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