Saturday, August 25, 2012
You know that movie with Jim Carrey where he is living inside a bubble and the whole world is watching him; laughing at him because he is unaware that his whole life is just a TV show? I had to go look it up; it's called 'The Truman Show'. Nothing is real in Truman's world; not the people, his life, love, everything in his existence is fake. He belongs no where and to no one real.
That's me and my life. Jesus and my parents love me, and my wonderful Sparkly friends inside my computer love me. No one else does. No matter how much I try to give them all what they want, it's never good enough. I want to run away and just drop off air completely. I want to leave the bubble, and I want my show cancelled.
Why wouldn't I? It's not like I'll be missed (outside of SparkPeople). Even with you guys I think if I really cared about you at all in return the best gift I could give you is to let you have your SparkWorld exist without me in it. Granted, if The Carley Show was cancelled they would all miss their entertainment, but someone new will be along soon with a bigger and better show. Likely someone who is funnier, prettier, more real, more creative, sexier, more desireable over all. They will be less of a freak of nature. Not so much of a comedy show, more of an action, drama, and suspense person. Someone who can hold their attention outside of a laugh. Much more exciting for certain than any comedy ever was.
They won't be so broken. Not like me who's been broken and shattered and glued back together so often that I don't even look anything like the original piece I started out to be. I am useless, mean, horrible, ugly. My big talent in life is breaking hearts.
Every time I walk out my door these days I wonder if I'm making a mistake. Maybe I should do the world and myself a favor and stay home. Every time I turn on Facebook or SparkPeople I wonder if I should delete all the profiles instead. Every post I write I wonder if I should just shut down my blogs instead. Maybe they've run their course already.
For now, the world will have to live with reruns. I don't have the energy to produce new ones.