Saturday, October 08, 2011
I am asking for prayers for a very special friend. His name is Matthew. His life is a mess right now. He's struggling to stay sober. His roommate asked him to leave their place by the end of this week. Matt does not have a phone, so I can't call him. I have no idea where he is or if he is OK. Please pray that he is safe and sober; and that God leads him to call me or to stop by my place. I really need to know he is OK. Thank you so much.
Friday, September 23, 2011
How are you all? It's been a while since I've had the time to sit and write you updates about my own life. I am so busy these days I am, literally, overwhelmed. It's all good, but never the less I have way too much on my plate.
I was on the bus the other day, and that guy I like so much got on. I wanted so much to go sit with him, but I didn't. Maybe one day I'll work up my nerve to talk with him. Right now, I'd give just about anything for him to invite me to be on his FB friends list! lol But I doubt that will happen. I want so badly to talk to him.
Anyway... I had one bad week recently because of my meds. My PDoc upped my meds to the next version up of one of the prescriptions that I already take. It was supposed to step up the benefits of the old one. Except, it didn't. It backfired. So Doc said to quit. NOW! Except... I couldn't go back to the old one for a week. That week in between was nasty. But I'm leveling out now. I never thought I'd say this but since I finally went back on my meds a year ago, things have changed for me a lot. The therapy that I've done and I am currently doing as well has helped me a lot. I am learning so much about my health issues that I didn't know before.
I'm also getting some help finally for my childhood traumas.... professional help from someone who can gear my therapy to deal with those things specifically. On top of that, I'm meeting with the pastor every week. He's awesome. He's my greatest confident now.
I also made a new friend at church. I'm helping him get a new place to live closer to the church, so he can continue to go on a regular basis. He's a writer as well. We're hoping to work on something together.
I'm getting great response from my new website venture. I'm having fun with it. One of my new therapists is friends with the editor of a Christian magazine. She's written her friend suggesting that they publish something for me. I haven't heard anything back yet, but that's OK. I'm getting so many great compliments that I'm happy just with that. Mostly I'm happy that the readers are touched by what I write.
The pastor of our church that I've told you about before... that moved away. Everyone was just so in love with him. Well, I had an opportunity a couple times recently to chat with him! I saw him once, and chatted on the phone with him another time. But I chat on the phone now & then with him anyway 'cause I volunteer in the church office and he calls there now & then.
I have a therapy program that keeps me at the hospital for 1 full day & 2 half days per week. I'm volunteering in the church office 2 days per week. I'm in a small group, another bible study and a 3rd bible study that will start in 2 weeks. Plus I work on some Sundays in the Welcome Centre ministry. I do the Community Board and Give & Take ministry. Plus a couple weeks ago I was invited to join the Decorating team. I have homework for some of my therapy groups. Next week will be even busier 'cause the regular office administrator will be out of the office for most, if not all week. I will have to do my regular duties plus do the bulletin for Sunday. Plus some Sunday's I have a therapy appointment before church, which I do with my therapist in the pastors office before service. I try my best to work out, but it doesn't seem to be happening on a regular basis just 'cause of the time.
I'm still fighting to bring my doggie home, but he's adjusted so very well, that I would hate to move him again. He's old and blind, with some health issues. Where he's living now is good for him and he is so very loved. I get to see him now & then, but not often.
Despite all that I have on my calendar, over all I'm doing very well most of the time. I just need more time. Either that I need an assistant. The Bipolar seems to be under control. Life is going well. I'm liking my life. I love my new apartment.... except in a week or so it'll be a year since I moved in, so on that note, I guess it's not so new, though it feels like it is; just 'cause this past year has whizzed by so fast.
OK... I think I'll stop rambling now. I just felt like chatting with you all.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Today was a great day at church. I hope it's a sign of the week to come. Last week was sooooo stressful.
First, on Monday, the guy I like a lot was in the church office while I was there volunteering. I had so much emotion inside of me and worked so hard to look 'normal' and busy; and as though I wasn't paying attention to him; that when he left I had a panic attack. I haven't had many panic attacks in my life, but I've had a number of them, and I don't like it. The emotion inside of me just came out in a weird way once I was able to let it out.
Then I had 2 days doing a lot of painting with my friend. We worked very hard and very long hours for those days. Plus she's short... and I'm not... so I got to do the upper work... which meant my arms were up a great deal of the time doing upper walls and ceilings. But I kept telling myself "it's cardio... you're burning calories" lol
Then on Thursday night I got a rather upsetting email which triggered a melt down. Then on Friday, I volunteered at the church office again, and the person who sent me the email was there. I didn't want to talk to him but I had to. But God is good and it worked out for the best. We're good again now. Plus I got some great news about some new help that I am going to get... some therapy that I've needed most of my life and never got to have... to help me move beyond a horrible thing that happened to me as a teenager. My pastor thinks it's the root cause of most of my issues... and I don't have to worry about the cost!
But when I got home on Friday, I got some awesome news in the mail! I got my gas bill for the month.... which in itself is not good news. lol This is the month when they do their year end assessment and make adjustments to the equal billing payment. Well I had a $277.00 credit! Woo Hoo... this month and likely the next couple, I won't have a gas bill to pay! Plus my new equal billing payment will go down! Yea! Now, If i could just get the cable / internet company to do the same! lol This break is much needed for me right now. I have so many things I need to pay and do with it.
Yesterday was just a regular Saturday. I was busy in the morning gallivanting with my Mom.... the best therapy I could ever ask for! :-) Then later we had a 2nd birthday party for my SIL. lol
Today... was a great church day! First... the sermon was awesome... but we are blessed that way. The sermons are always such great lessons... that are very realistic and practical. We can always come out of church knowing how to apply the lesson to our lives. I have to say it's the first church I've ever been to (and I've been to lots) that have sermons that teach such great lessons.
Then... the guy that I like was there and he smiled and waved at me. He's the one that I kinda/sorta have a history with, but not as bf/gf. I've been convinced that he hates me. I'm wondering now if I could be wrong about that. I left him a little tidbit gift in his mail slot but I don't think he checked his mail this week because it was still there. He either didn't get it or he wasn't impressed that I left him something. :-( Oh well, maybe next week. I was kinda hoping for a response from it.
Then, my friend who is probably my greatest confident next to my pastor was there. He's not often there in church, especially in the summer, because of his work. But he was there today and we got to chat for a while after.
Then, finally... the guy I went on 1 date with and then it blew up and I had a big meltdown over it... was there. On the night of our date, he gave me a huge bottle of ice rum. After things went bad, I dumped the whole thing down the sink. lol He pissed me off so much that I didn't want any reminders that he was ever around, so I threw out the whole bottle. Anyway... we kinda 'made up' over emails but we haven't talked in person until today. He talked to me, and then he gave me a ride home. My regular ride wasn't there today, and I didn't want to walk home 'cause it's a bit far and it looked like rain was about to start. Anyway... we had a nice chat on the way home in the car. I won't go out with this guy again, but it bothered me that there would be tension. That would be awkward since we're part of the same church family. So things look like they're going to be good.
Tomorrow, I start a course that is 8 weeks long of day therapy at the hospital. There are several groups that are part of this program that my PDOC referred me to. I will be there all day on Mondays, and Friday mornings. The programs are for Anxiety, Co-dependency, and Mood Disorders. So this, along with the new therapy that I will get through a therapist from the church... hopefully this (pray for me) will be a turning point for me. I have to take a break from most of my volunteer work at the church for the 8 weeks... but it's temporary. I will go back when the program is done.
OK... that's it for now. Have a great week Sparklers! Keep on Sparkling!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
OK... bottom line... how do you go about weighing yourself so you know you can trust the number the scale is telling you?
The scale I have has been only a pound or so off from the one at my family doctor's office ever since I purchased it a couple years ago. It's been quite a while since I've checked it, but the few times in the past that I compared the two the number was pretty much the same.
Today, at my PDOC's office he weighed me and I had dropped 3 lbs since last week (going by the readout on my scale at home)! :-) Woo Hoo. To top it off, it was the middle of the afternoon. My weight always goes up as the day goes on due to water weight. I always weigh myself first thing in the morning (on Friday's) so I know what my real weight is.
I went home a couple hours later and my scale said 9 lbs more than the PDOC. My weight fluctuates with water weight... but 9 lbs!!!!!!!???? I'm doubtful. I do have an Aunt, though, who's weight often fluctuates as much as 10 lbs in water weight in one day.
I read an article once that says you can't always trust the scale at the doctors office because many doctors don't calibrate their scales after it's set up and put in place in the beginning. Scales go out, and they need to be recalibrated.
I am having the hardest time trying to loose weight this time around. Before I just kept eating, tracking, working out, and it just came off until I was done. I wasn't on medication at that point. Now I am on meds, and I gained back 25 lbs. I've lost 11 of those (as of last Friday, according to my scale). I want to lose the rest, plus 10 more lbs despite both my doctors telling that my new goal weight is too low. Either way, I would love to get back to where I was last summer and to be able to wear the jeans I wore last summer.
On the bright side, my PDOC upped my meds today and he assures me that there are benefits... that I will be able to concentrate better and I will have more energy. He says this one will help me lose weight. That part, I will believe when I see it. I take the meds, but truthfully I don't truly believe in any of them. I don't even truly believe that there is such a thing as Bipolar Disorder. I know there's something not right... but I've read too much information and watched some videos providing some pretty heavy evidence that I just can't, in good faith, ignore.
Anyway... this is totally freaking me out. How do I figure out who's scale is right? I'm ready to take some drastic measures to make the weight come off... what that is I have no clue. I just know I'm about to enter panic stage.
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