SPARKYCARLEY   73,230
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Not-So-Great Week; but Great Outlook!

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Today was a great day at church. I hope it's a sign of the week to come. Last week was sooooo stressful.

First, on Monday, the guy I like a lot was in the church office while I was there volunteering. I had so much emotion inside of me and worked so hard to look 'normal' and busy; and as though I wasn't paying attention to him; that when he left I had a panic attack. I haven't had many panic attacks in my life, but I've had a number of them, and I don't like it. The emotion inside of me just came out in a weird way once I was able to let it out.

Then I had 2 days doing a lot of painting with my friend. We worked very hard and very long hours for those days. Plus she's short... and I'm not... so I got to do the upper work... which meant my arms were up a great deal of the time doing upper walls and ceilings. But I kept telling myself "it's cardio... you're burning calories" lol

Then on Thursday night I got a rather upsetting email which triggered a melt down. Then on Friday, I volunteered at the church office again, and the person who sent me the email was there. I didn't want to talk to him but I had to. But God is good and it worked out for the best. We're good again now. Plus I got some great news about some new help that I am going to get... some therapy that I've needed most of my life and never got to have... to help me move beyond a horrible thing that happened to me as a teenager. My pastor thinks it's the root cause of most of my issues... and I don't have to worry about the cost!

But when I got home on Friday, I got some awesome news in the mail! I got my gas bill for the month.... which in itself is not good news. lol This is the month when they do their year end assessment and make adjustments to the equal billing payment. Well I had a $277.00 credit! Woo Hoo... this month and likely the next couple, I won't have a gas bill to pay! Plus my new equal billing payment will go down! Yea! Now, If i could just get the cable / internet company to do the same! lol This break is much needed for me right now. I have so many things I need to pay and do with it.

Yesterday was just a regular Saturday. I was busy in the morning gallivanting with my Mom.... the best therapy I could ever ask for! :-) Then later we had a 2nd birthday party for my SIL. lol

Today... was a great church day! First... the sermon was awesome... but we are blessed that way. The sermons are always such great lessons... that are very realistic and practical. We can always come out of church knowing how to apply the lesson to our lives. I have to say it's the first church I've ever been to (and I've been to lots) that have sermons that teach such great lessons.

Then... the guy that I like was there and he smiled and waved at me. He's the one that I kinda/sorta have a history with, but not as bf/gf. I've been convinced that he hates me. I'm wondering now if I could be wrong about that. I left him a little tidbit gift in his mail slot but I don't think he checked his mail this week because it was still there. He either didn't get it or he wasn't impressed that I left him something. :-( Oh well, maybe next week. I was kinda hoping for a response from it.

Then, my friend who is probably my greatest confident next to my pastor was there. He's not often there in church, especially in the summer, because of his work. But he was there today and we got to chat for a while after.

Then, finally... the guy I went on 1 date with and then it blew up and I had a big meltdown over it... was there. On the night of our date, he gave me a huge bottle of ice rum. After things went bad, I dumped the whole thing down the sink. lol He pissed me off so much that I didn't want any reminders that he was ever around, so I threw out the whole bottle. Anyway... we kinda 'made up' over emails but we haven't talked in person until today. He talked to me, and then he gave me a ride home. My regular ride wasn't there today, and I didn't want to walk home 'cause it's a bit far and it looked like rain was about to start. Anyway... we had a nice chat on the way home in the car. I won't go out with this guy again, but it bothered me that there would be tension. That would be awkward since we're part of the same church family. So things look like they're going to be good.

Tomorrow, I start a course that is 8 weeks long of day therapy at the hospital. There are several groups that are part of this program that my PDOC referred me to. I will be there all day on Mondays, and Friday mornings. The programs are for Anxiety, Co-dependency, and Mood Disorders. So this, along with the new therapy that I will get through a therapist from the church... hopefully this (pray for me) will be a turning point for me. I have to take a break from most of my volunteer work at the church for the 8 weeks... but it's temporary. I will go back when the program is done.

OK... that's it for now. Have a great week Sparklers! Keep on Sparkling!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKYCARLEY 8/17/2011 7:30PM

    Thank you soooo much DIABETICVIP. It makes me so happy... really!... that you are inspired by my words.

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DIABETICVIP 8/17/2011 2:49AM

    Thank you for the inspiration. emoticon

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SPARKYCARLEY 8/15/2011 9:33PM

    Thanks SPARKLISE! I think so too!

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SPARKLISE 8/15/2011 7:26PM

    Good for you to be having therapy.
The time is right for you to finally walk through this.
Good luck! emoticon emoticon

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SPARKYCARLEY 8/15/2011 4:17PM

    Thanks. I did have an awesome first day. I think I'm going to learn a lot from this. I'm looking forward to the next day on Friday.

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EDWARDS1411 8/15/2011 3:59PM

    Wow, what a busy week for you, which turned out I think to be a very positive week. All the best with the new therapy. Hope you enjoy the first session today!!
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SPARKYCARLEY 8/14/2011 3:44PM

    Thanks. Me too!

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KNAUGHT61 8/14/2011 3:18PM

    Good luck with the new therapy! I hope it turns out to be very helpful and fruitful!

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Weigh Scale Issues

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

OK... bottom line... how do you go about weighing yourself so you know you can trust the number the scale is telling you?

The scale I have has been only a pound or so off from the one at my family doctor's office ever since I purchased it a couple years ago. It's been quite a while since I've checked it, but the few times in the past that I compared the two the number was pretty much the same.

Today, at my PDOC's office he weighed me and I had dropped 3 lbs since last week (going by the readout on my scale at home)! :-) Woo Hoo. To top it off, it was the middle of the afternoon. My weight always goes up as the day goes on due to water weight. I always weigh myself first thing in the morning (on Friday's) so I know what my real weight is.

I went home a couple hours later and my scale said 9 lbs more than the PDOC. My weight fluctuates with water weight... but 9 lbs!!!!!!!???? I'm doubtful. I do have an Aunt, though, who's weight often fluctuates as much as 10 lbs in water weight in one day.

I read an article once that says you can't always trust the scale at the doctors office because many doctors don't calibrate their scales after it's set up and put in place in the beginning. Scales go out, and they need to be recalibrated.

I am having the hardest time trying to loose weight this time around. Before I just kept eating, tracking, working out, and it just came off until I was done. I wasn't on medication at that point. Now I am on meds, and I gained back 25 lbs. I've lost 11 of those (as of last Friday, according to my scale). I want to lose the rest, plus 10 more lbs despite both my doctors telling that my new goal weight is too low. Either way, I would love to get back to where I was last summer and to be able to wear the jeans I wore last summer.

On the bright side, my PDOC upped my meds today and he assures me that there are benefits... that I will be able to concentrate better and I will have more energy. He says this one will help me lose weight. That part, I will believe when I see it. I take the meds, but truthfully I don't truly believe in any of them. I don't even truly believe that there is such a thing as Bipolar Disorder. I know there's something not right... but I've read too much information and watched some videos providing some pretty heavy evidence that I just can't, in good faith, ignore.

Anyway... this is totally freaking me out. How do I figure out who's scale is right? I'm ready to take some drastic measures to make the weight come off... what that is I have no clue. I just know I'm about to enter panic stage.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKYCARLEY 8/11/2011 8:05AM

    Thanks friends. I have been weighing myself only once per week on Friday mornings for years. It's my time. The scales haven't been jumping around too much, though I have noticed a little, but it's not all the time. I'll have to check out the battery idea. My new goal weight is only 10 lbs further than the original.... which is 15 lbs lower than where I am now. I just thought that if I went a little lower than maybe my belly wouldn't feel so incredibly uncomfortable. The bloating is way out of hand and I have to find fix for it. There's no choice on that because some days it looks like I'm very pregnant. My clothes are very uncomfortable because of this extra 15 lbs and the bloating problem.

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LMBARR1 8/11/2011 4:41AM

    I was really having a hard time w/the scale this last year too. I knew I was doing well and it just wasn't showing. One thing is when I began tracking my food again, I did start losing, but also sometimes it took like 2 weeks to show up on the scale. Don't become scale obsessed. Take your measurements instead. That is a more accurate way to see what/where you are losing. Keep up the good work!

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2BFREE2LIVE 8/11/2011 2:15AM

    Hey just curious is yours a digital, if it is maybe the batteries need to be changed. I know my will still give me a reading when the batteries are low but it jumps all over the place when I get on and then get off and back on again it will be different. If yours is doing that then time for batteries.
If it is the spring kind, well the springs break down with use and it might be time to buy a new scale.
Best wishes. Sandy

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EDWARDS1411 8/10/2011 11:31PM

    Why are you ignoring both doctors' advice that your goal weight is too low? You may be asking your body to do something that is unhealthy - not good for it - is this logical? Don't count weights taken later in the day - the best time as you probably know is first thing after going to the bathroom. Weigh yourself the same time at intervals that work for you. I would use my home scale and though it may be no more accurate than any other ones, you will still be able to see losses as you go. But you know that scales are only part of the picture - consider going by how your clothes feel on you. What appears on the scale is only a number, however, how your clothes fit tells the real story.
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SPARKYCARLEY 8/10/2011 8:38PM

    Thank you so very much. I'm finding maintenance a little harder than I thought, but I also think part of that for me is my meds. I wasn't on meds during my losing stage. I think losing was much easier because of that.

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EJOY-EVELYN 8/10/2011 8:33PM

    By the way, you look marvelous. Being new to maintenance, I will look to you for inspiration.

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SPARKYCARLEY 8/10/2011 8:21PM

    I wish I would have weight myself first as well, but I never was weighed at the PDOC's office before. That was always left to my family doc. I will figure it out. I just have to calm myself down first and try to think logically about it.

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EJOY-EVELYN 8/10/2011 8:15PM

    I wish you had weighed yourself at home before the doctor's scale. Since it really bothers you, see if you can't do just that on another day soon. I think your peace of mind is worthy of the check. You are right about the calibration ... that could be it. In the meantime, go with the many non-scale victories.

Comment edited on: 8/10/2011 8:17:45 PM

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Time Management

Monday, August 08, 2011

I was thinking the other day how much easier things seemed when I was younger. Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe I'm just thinkig I remember it that way. I once had a full time job, a big circle of friends and we were all involved in each others lives, a husband, a 2800 sq. ft. house, volunteer work, a bunch of hobbies, pets.... and I did it all and never felt overwhelmed. Now, I live as a single woman in 500 sq ft. apartment, without a full time job and no where near as many people in my life. I'm exhausted. It's Monday at lunch time and I'm tired. Monday's are my busiest day. I volunteer in the church office, then I'm home for an hour and have to rush out to a bible study or small group... currently it's not even here in town... it's about 15 minutes outside of town. Tomorrow I will be painting my friends house, helping her to get it ready to sell. Wednesday I will spend half my day at the hospital for 2 appointments there. Thursday will likely be another painting day. Thankfully my Thursday night bible study group that I go to with another group of friends from another church is cancelled for 2 weeks because our leader is on vacation. Then Friday is another volunteer day, and then a family dinner at my Mom's for my SIL's b'day. Saturday and Sunday are always nuts, just because it's the weekend end it seems by nature weekends are busy.

How do I fit in catching up on the writing and reading I need to do, other projects I've put off for a while, working out... I think I'm getting old! lol

And through it all, my heart and mind is on someone that hates me... someone I can't let go of but I know I should.

Any advice and time management help would be appreciated. Pastor says I have "too many balls in the air". He says I need to put some down. But they're all important. How do I put something down without letting others down?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CPDSMITH1 8/9/2011 10:41AM

    Thank you for writing the blog, and thank you for everyone's comments. I heard exactly what I needed to hear. Ill I can suggest is as everyone is saying put god first and pray about it. Also remember there is only 24 hours in a day and no matter what you do you can not make your day longer.

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MSCANELA 8/9/2011 12:36AM

  Whenever we face difficulties, or things that are greater than ourselves, we need just to remember the God we serve, and how, through HIM, we can do anything:

Don't be afraid to let all the balls in the air drop. Let go and let God. Put Him first. First in everything and He will lead you to what balls are the ones that you should juggle and through Him you can do all things. :)


So with Christ through Him; in our relationship of active faith in Him we have strength we could not have any other way! Strength to adequately evaluate ourselves. Strength to know the difference between right and wrong (by faithfully applying His Word). Strength that comes through the remission of our sins. Strength in response to prayer we offer to God through Him. Strength of character as we follow His example and obey Him. This is strength in such abundance, we are able to do everything God wants us to do. "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."


Take Him out of the equation and we miss out on His blessings!

Put God first in everything you DO and things(time) what you do will fall into place. His will for you! His abundant blessings!

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Comment edited on: 8/9/2011 12:38:22 AM

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MOMMY445 8/8/2011 7:01PM

    i agree. god is our best time manager resource out there.

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SPARKYCARLEY 8/8/2011 4:32PM

    Thanks for the awesome advice EHagfeld. I know you are right. I pray about these things so much, and I try to hear God. My mind has so much bouncing around inside that sometimes, I guess, I just can't hear Him. I wrote this blog at lunch time. Later in the after noon that person was in the office. Oh my gosh! I think I had a panic attack because of it. I honestly thought I was going to pass out. I was excited, nervous, scared, overwhelmed all rolled into one; and to try to look busy and normal took all my energy. After he left, I got a massive headache, I got weak, trembling, stomach sick. All the emotion I was holding in just came out in a weird way. This can't be good. I have to figure out how to handle these situations.

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EJOY-EVELYN 8/8/2011 3:01PM

    Your pastor and my partner tell me the same thing. I seem to be as busy as ever and now I'm in retirement. I know, however, that it's a different kind of busy (more thoughtful giving of my time and talents).

God deserves to be our priority and we need to listen carefully to the direction he has in our lives. God is truly our best time manager resource. Place your trust in him, and you'll soon hear a new directive for where you spend your time.

Sometimes, we get busy creating our own direction to travel, and unless you have God's blessing, you may soon find that our direction is misdirected. Dig into God's word and let him direct your paths. Is this an easy answer? . . . Yes and No! Our God is both simple, yet so complex!

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Poems about Love

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

A little change of pace today... some poetry I was reading... about longing for a love that was never meant to be.

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Longing For The One You Love
by Shirlotta Tidwell

For the longest time
Have I longed to touch thy face
To kiss thy beautiful lips
And feel the warmth of thine embrace.

For the longest time
Have I longed to hold thee near
And whisper sweet caresses
From my mouth into your ears.

For the longest time
Have I longed to sing out loud
Of the passion that I'll feel
When we dance beneath the clouds.

For the longest time
Have I longed to be with thee
To join my heart with your soul
Until you're the greatest part of me.

For the longest time
Will you and I be together
Until our fantasies have become realities
And our spirits have become one forever.

www.1lovepoems.com/longingfor
theoneyoulove.shtml


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Longing for my Love
by LoveLifeLen Altamar

As I go to bed I cried
I think of you at night,
I think about the life
that we both have desired.
I've been waiting for you to come
and take me anytime,
day and night I tried,
but you never did arrive.
Your name is all I got
I whisper it in my heart,
my body aches for your touch,
my soul is longing for you so much.
How can our LOVE survive
without YOU by my side?
My love, my life;
Come... And take me with you tonight.

www.poemhunter.com/poem/longi
ng-for-my-love/


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Longing for Love
by Grace Hays

Longing for your love
is all I do these days
I miss you more than
you will ever know
I canít sleep because you
fill my thoughts at night

A friend, a lover, and a musician
I know that you donít have time
You are a good friend to me

MistyRaine really does like you
She knows how much I care for you
She also knows how much I hurt

Longing for love
Knowing that I canít turn to you
Longing for love with all my heart

A constant heartache
with no ease in sight
Will I ever earn your love
Will I ever be loved

Longing for love
A heart broken with grief and heartache
Longing for love

www.poemhunter.com/poem/longi
ng-for-love-2/


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Longing
by Matthew Arnold

Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again!
For then the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day.

Come, as thou cam'st a thousand times,
A messenger from radiant climes,
And smile on thy new world, and be
As kind to others as to me!

Or, as thou never cam'st in sooth,
Come now, and let me dream it truth;
And part my hair, and kiss my brow,
And say: My love! why sufferest thou?

Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again!
For then the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day.

www.links2love.com/poetry_88.
htm


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Only my wonderful Father in Heaven knows what's in store. He knows my heart better than I do. He, only, knows what is best for me. I leave it all in His hands. I want His Will only.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKYCARLEY 8/9/2011 5:27PM

    MSCANELA - God has a great plan for you, and I believe it to involve love and marriage. God said that it is not good for us to be alone. Now that you are good with the idea of being alone, you are ready to let someone else in your life. I know that's why God has me living single this time. I've been married & divorced; and I've had a lot of boyfriends and a couple other long term relationships. I am slowly learning to be OK being single. I'm slowly becoming the independent person that I think God wants me to be. It's a long process to let God change your heart, but it's been happening to me. I know that God will not leave me alone and single forever. Sometimes my patience is short. OK, a lot of time it is short. Patience is one of those things He's working on in me. There was someone in my life a while back... not a boyfriend... a friend, who I fell in love with. I never got to tell him, and life took us in different directions. We're not friends anymore but I still miss him. I see him now and then and my heart jumps every time. He doesn't like me anymore, and my heart is sad about that. But I will move on. God has a great plan in mind or me as he does with you.

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MSCANELA 8/9/2011 12:54AM

  God longs for our love. Sometimes we turn away from that.

Being a single, never married woman, I longed for love. I longed for a realtionship, a family and children. I do not have any of that and I was beginning to get bitter and asking God why has love not come to me? I always tried, dated, socialized, etc...but romance never came knocking at my door. This really began to eat at me...it caused me to just eat and drink...eat and drink my "singleness" away.

One day, the pastor spoke in his sermon about the way God longs for our love, for us to love Him, desire Him, depend on Him, trust Him and completly surrender to Him.

I realized that yes, my desire is valid, BUT God wants me like no other man would ever want or love me. God LOVES me so much He longs for my love and devotion. That thought touched and healed my heart.

I am ok with being single just because I KNOW in my heart that God is my one and only true love that has rescued me and will never forsake me. emoticon

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SPARKYCARLEY 8/4/2011 1:20PM

    Thank you for the comments of support friends. I appreciate it so very much.
MissB.... I understand what you mean about the patience thing. I have never been a patient person; but God is slowly, but surely changing that now. Maybe that's the point of all this. Either way, I am willing to wait for Him.

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MISSB8604 8/4/2011 12:51PM

    "Longing For The One You Love" is exactly how I'm feeling right about now...*sigh*

And you are totally right, God has a plan and He will provide. We just need to be patient...oh, patience...I wish I had more of it.

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DMOSCIANO 8/4/2011 9:49AM

    Jeremiah 29:11-12 "For I know the plans I have for you," declasres the Lord. "Plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.


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How Do You Know What's Right?

Friday, July 29, 2011

I need to know what you guys think about something. Please help me with some advice. There's something that I get so confused about sometimes. I'm thinking about this from a Christian perspective, but even from a non-Christian perspective I think would help shed some light for me.

What do you do when something that you know FOR SURE... with every fibre of your being and your soul... is right; and then you find out you're wrong? How do you handle it when you have to look at a situation and truly see only complete 'wrong' and yet the whole world tells you it's right. You are the one who's wrong?

Like... when my friend had to move out of town. It is not right! He should still be here. He belongs here.

Or when another friend married someone that he does not act (or talk) like he's in love with.

Or another couple that every one says "oh, they're sooo much in love", yet for the life of me I don't see it. They do not look like they're in love. I don't see how they act like they're in love when I see them together. I've seen tons & tons of photos of them and they do not look like they are in love; yet they have a long history together, a great family and God is using them to do great things. But I just do not see how these two are in love or even that they belong together at all. Without a doubt, I know it is just not right.

The thing that's bothering me the most is when people keep telling me that it is wrong that I had male roommates. They say a single Christian woman does not accept male roommates. Well, the one thing I know FOR SURE that I know ABSOLUTELY FOR SURE is that I do NOT belong with a a female roommate... not that I need a roomie anymore... but some people just won't let stuff go. I know with every fibre of my soul that I cannot live with another female. It is as WRONG as anything I have ever known. I belong with male roommates. There is absolutely no instinct in me anywhere that can relate to that concept, or to accept it as an OK thing. I know that my history of having a string of male roommates was rocky on & off; but I also know that God brought each of them into my life for a reason. Even knowing what I know now about the last one (which I see as the most important one)... things were rocky... and things were awesome as well. Bottom line is that he was a major turning point in my life and there's been way more benefits than bad stuff. Even now that I'm a Christian I think I would do the same thing if I had to live it over again. I would not be willing to give up what life has brought to me since I met him. I have God to thank for bringing us together. I KNOW that I am not meant to live with other females. I know even more that I was meant to have male roommates. I know that having more male friends than female is the way God made me to be.

... yet the world tells me I'm completely wrong about all of it. All my Christian friends tell me it's not right according to the bible. How do I deal with this? How do I let it go? How do I move on from it? How do I ever trust my own judgement? Am I broken? What's wrong with me?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKYCARLEY 7/30/2011 6:27PM

    DAHNDEE - God will forgive you of anything, if you ask Him... and then repent. For me, I learned that confessing & repenting are two different things. So many people do not seem to understand this. The 2 words seem to be used interchangeably. If you confess and then change your ways, He forgives.

I have been to a lot of churches in my life, and it wasn't until I found the church I go to now that I saw for the first time how God really hopes we will live. They are awesome people... no restrictions. They do not judge no matter how bad you messed up in the past. I found the Holy Spirit for the first time after I started going there. I can honestly say they are different than most. I am so overwhelmingly blessed. So, just so you know... those types of churches do exist. They are super rare, but they are out there. The first thing I did was to research the churches in my area. I looked at their doctrines, values, and statements of faith. Their teachings are very biblically sound. Then I decided which one was best for me. Later I met someone who was a member there & I started going there. My life and my world changed. I have been told which "Christian" denominations are in fact cults. There are several well known denominations that are seen by real Christians as cults.

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DAHNDEE 7/30/2011 3:34PM

    Indeed Carley! Jesus spoke with both prositutes and tax collectors. The "church" would tell us that gaining higher education would take time away from gods work and would expose us to detrimental teachings. After I left, I went to college. I was still angry with God at this time. What I (personally) found out over time was that what I had been exposed to was essentially a cult. I can no longer be associated with a man made religion. choosing instead to have a personal relationship with the creator. I have made mistakes in life, making a choice that god may not condone, but he knows my heart. When all of us have to stand in front of him, no one else is going to there to point out the mistakes or to save you, so don't let them do it now. Listen to him and listen to yourself.

Have a great day!

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1_AMAZING_WOMAN 7/30/2011 12:11AM

    Amen Carley

Amber
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It's the lost & worldly people that Jesus came to save... it's the kind of people that Jesus hung out with!

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SPARKYCARLEY 7/29/2011 8:48PM

    DAHNDEE - the part about taking the yoke back... I've been told that before. I have to learn to let the past stay there... in the past. I keep carrying around loads that are over & done with... and loads that are not mine to carry. I've been through a lot of counseling trying to learn how to let other people carry their stuff instead of me carrying it. I have a hard time with anything that makes me feel like I messed up or anything that I see as me not being 'good enough'. I have forgiven so many for so many ugly things, and I have a hard time forgiving myself for having flaws. Thank you for your advice. I really do appreciate it so much. Though I'm not sure I understand the idea behind not needing a college education... God's work can be done anywhere. If the theory behind that is that college is a worldly place, than that's all the more reason to go... God's work would be there more than in your own church. It's the lost & worldly people that Jesus came to save... it's the kind of people that Jesus hung out with!

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DAHNDEE 7/29/2011 8:26PM

    I was raised and baptized in a very fundamentalist religion. You didn't have dates, you went out as a group. If there was someone you wanted to get to know better you would be set up with a younger married couple to be chaperoned on dates. You were never to be alone with a member of the opposite sex. You didn't go to college because there was no reason for us to have any further education, you were to spend as much time as you could in the Lords work, not striving for riches.

I believed in every fiber of my being that what they taught was the truth. As I got older I strove to be the most loyal and obedient servant of god. For some reason my eyes were opened and I saw so much abuse of church elders. Their daughters were behaving badly, they were having disputes with other members and behaving in an unchristian like manner. Others were gossiping and passing judgement. I remember one night praying and Matthew 7:20 kept playing in my head. Over time, I was convinced that this was NOT the true religion and I left. I was very angry at God and pretty sure I let him know that.

In this day in age people may be suspicious if you were a 40 something woman living with another woman room mate. The only two people that matter are you and God. God knows your heart and intentions.

You certainly wouldn't want to be responsible for stumbling another Christian, but as was mentioned before those people need to remove the timber from their own eye before they try to extract the speck out of yours.

Pray and give it God and forget about it, stop taking that yoke back!

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SPARKYCARLEY 7/29/2011 7:31PM

    Amber... in a longer way of saying it, you've said the same thing as I have been told in counseling. Thank you so much for taking the time and thought to help me with this. I appreciate it so very much; and you did help me thanks.

EHagfeld... I am who I am, and I have known since I was a small child that I am different. I have never truly fit into any group. Sexual temptations were an issue with a couple of my roommates, but not with all the rest. Besides, when I make a decision I stick to it. If I decide moving in that I don't want that, it's rare that I would ever change my mind. I'm not sure how other people think, but to me it's two different problems, worlds apart. I know what God has spoken to me about. I hear Him very clearly at times. I know the commitments I have made to Him, and I do not intend on breaking them. I am perfectly capable of having a guy as a friend. Not every guy is meant for sexual relationship. He is a human and a friend first. My pastor tells me all the time that God does not waste ANYthing... and I know this will not be any different. One day I will see why I am not like anyone else, and why I'm just a person who feels more at ease with the opposite sex. It is who I am. God made me this way. Amber is right, I have to let other people be who they are and not judge them, and do not take it personally when they judge me.

Comment edited on: 7/29/2011 7:33:56 PM

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EJOY-EVELYN 7/29/2011 6:36PM

    There are facts, and then there are judgment calls. Two plus two is four or the sun is in the sky are facts . . . the sun is yellow is a judgment call (as the blind person may only feel the suns heat and the sailor may see that purple/pink or the warm reds of the sunrise or sunset depending upon the time of day, etc, etc. As humans, we will always fall short and when we judge, we must be willing for God to judge us even more harshly the log thatís in our own eyes.

According to the Psalms, God made us all with his plan and purpose for our lives that we choose to uniquely implement. It is our hope that we chose to live with Godís blessing and direction in our lives. I believe in the sacrament of holy marriage. For example, if you hope to take a male to be your husband some day, it would probably not be wise to live with premarital temptations. The Lord called living with the opposite sex as living in sin when he asked Mary about her husband at the well. Humans are sexual beings and God would want us to have pleasure, but then also prefers that we do it through the commitment of marriage.


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1_AMAZING_WOMAN 7/29/2011 6:18PM

    When you belong to a group - any group - if you don't think like them it creates a gap that may or may not be able to be bridged. I know Christian groups would not approve of a single female living with male room-mates. You cannot control how they or anyone else thinks. You accept how they think, and hopefully you can co-exist with them with you thinking differently. Often though there is no co-existance with people who have different lines of thought, and you come to a bridge where you have to 'join them' in how they think, or separate from them. Which is a shame, cause nobody should have to become a 'clone' of whatever group they are in. I'm not talking just churches, but A.A., Single File, and many many other groups. It seems like you are supposed to think exactly like they do on ALL points, and any differences at all are not tolerated.

We are all probably broken in some way - some more than others. Accept who you are, and love yourself as you are, however broken you may be. As far as moving on, I think being in your new apt. should help, and if anyone wants to bother you about having a previous male room-mate change the subject or let them know in some kind way that you don't want to talk about it. You trust your judgement by honestly looking at your past choices and learning from your choices. You know deep inside what choices were not good and you can use that information to look at what you could have done differently. And, I do know and understand that even with all the information there is no clear way of knowing what you should have done or could have done, cause these issues and life are complex. Just do the best you can and let the rest go. Try to make choices more from the head and not let your heart rule completely. You will be O.K.

Amber

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