Thursday, June 16, 2011
Today's topic: 'A photo of someone that inspires you'.
Wow... another loaded question... who inspires me? How do I answer that without doing injustice to so many others? There are any number of people who could fall into that category.
First there's Paul... who I'm sure you're tired of hearing about now. My ex-bf / bff. He has a walking disability, which is slowly moving into his hands as well. He is a workaholic, determined, and never, ever gives up. He pushes himself harder than anyone I've ever met in my life. See, Paul's disability is with walking, but he's not in a wheelchair... yet. He will likely be some day. (There's a recent sign of hope from a new surgery that may help him... without it, there is no avoiding the wheelchair in the future). Doctors have told us that they have no explaination as to why he's still able to stand... sort of. He can stand with support. He can walk, but with a limp and a cane; but he can't stand still alone. His doctors say he should have been in a wheel chair years ago. I told the doctor once that he's not in the chair because he's just too stubborn to let himself sit down in the thing. Seriously. Paul has taught me about pushing myself beyond any limits that I ever knew I had.
Then there's my family... they inspire me just out of how much love there is.
There's the little old couple that I saw in the mall one day, barely able to walk but they walked together hand in hand like they were still young and in love.
There's my little dog, Casey; who's the light of my life. He needs me and I need him.
Over all, though; I think the biggest inspiration in my life in the last few years especially is Jesus. I have found His love and I don't ever want to live without a relationship with Him in my life ever again. I only wish I had the words to express how amazing it is to have that 'veil' lifted. Being a saved Christian is the best thing I have ever done in my life. I don't ever want to go back. My drive and determination come from the desire and need to please God. He loves me and gives me miracles and blessings all the time just because of how much He loves me. How awesome is that?!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Today's topic: 'A picture of something you want to do before you die'
Well, like most people, there's a whole big bucket list. For me, though the one thing that hasn't changed, and has yet to be fulfilled is this. Not sure what else I can say about this except that I am so looking forward to this one day. The ultimate in crazy, wild, and free. Awesome.
The only thing that's really stopping me is cost... I'm as broke as a shattered glass.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Today's topic: 'A photo of someone you cannot imagine your life without'.
Well, there's a number of people that fall into that category. My family being at the top of that list. The others.... well, they would likely be the 3 that I mentioned in my Day 10 blog. My BFF's. However, what we can or cannot imagine and what is reality is not always the same thing. See I couldn't imagine my life without Graham, but the day came when things happened between us, tension became more than we could handle because of it, and he walked out of my life. I didn't see him again for about 7 or 8 years when I went to great lengths to track him down.
The next one is Paul; my ex-bf, who is still one of my best friends. I cannot imagine my life without him either. 2 weeks ago it was the 5th anniversary of when Paul and I stopped being boyfriend & girlfriend and became, instead, just friends. I have never adjusted to that. I have yet to truly deal with it despite the incredible journey and the pain that I've been through since because of it. I am still carrying that baggage like I just picked it up yesterday. In the past week, things are changing for Paul. His changes are making my heart ache even more. I am having a hard time with it. As a result I am finding myself with only one path to follow... that is to move on and end that chapter of my life. It is a major anchor holding me back. I cannot move into the future as long as I am being held in the past; and it is hurting too much for me to stay back here where there are no more happy places for me to hide.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Today's topic is 'A picture of your favorite band or artist'.
There's lots and lots of bands and artists that I really like a lot, but there are two that brings back the most special and fun memories.
The first is Joan Jett. OM gosh... she is so awesome! She's wild and free. She's an inspiration for women to reach out and go get what they want, even, and especially, when that something is traditionally from a male dominated world. The percentage of great girl rockers compared to males, is very low. Joan Jett went into that world and very successfully became a part of it. Back in the day when I listened to her music the most, I dressed like her, I partied with my friends all the time to her music. Back then, my spirit was free. I was rarely afraid of anything. Now, I struggle all the time with it. My spirit feels so locked up most of the time. I feel like the people in my life now don't know who I am because I'm scared to show it... but then to show it I need to know who that is myself. So much of my time now I don't have a clue.
The next one... is at least as special if not more so. The photo is of the group Motley Crue. My favorite member is Vince Neil (the blonde guy for those who don't know who's who). Granted I love their music. It was another group that I partied to a lot. But this one is special because back then, my best friend Graham (see his pic in my Day 10 blog), was a Vince look-alike! OM gosh... back when Graham had hair and a lot less belly, he was so hot it made me crazy. We would hang out together and people would actually think he was Vince. I loved that because they thought that I was the latest chick on his arm. Kinda cool.
Sometimes those days feel like yesterday; and other times they feel like they were about a dozen life time's ago. Where has the time gone? In my heart I am still that young woman having so much fun. But my body doesn't seem to feel the same. I look in the mirror and I see someone I'm not sure I recognize. I feel like I should still be seeing 'her' face... that person I used to be back then... before all that other stuff happened.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Today's topic is 'A picture that defines you and A picture of something you love'
A photo that defines me. Well, to do that I need to know who I am. How well do we truly know who we are? I thought through my whole life that I knew who I was. I've lived with me my whole life so how can I not know who I am? Well in the past 2 years I have come through a journey that has taught me that, in fact, I didn't know who I was. There are so many things about me that I didn't know before and God his helping these characteristics to be revealed. It's awesome. I am loving this journey despite that it is often the hardest thing I've ever had to endure. But I've also come to learn that I am truly thankful for that. It's building me in ways I never knew could happen.... and He's not done with me yet! It's like an adventure or a mystery where I'm just waiting to find out what's about to happen on the next page.
There are so many aspects to a person that I'm not sure one photo can truly tell the story. I found tons of photos of me, all different, and yet all saying something about me. Here's a few of them:
In this photo, I see the person who has a traditional side. I like the past, I like the traditions of the past. I think they are important and they have survived for a reason. I think the doll here represents that. I still get dolls every year for Christmas. I also see that this photo represents the little girl that is still inside me. A little girl that loves to have fun, and laugh.
This photo, for me, represents the 'risque' side. The side that's daring and different. I've come to learn in life that it's good to step out of the box; especially when you're not comfortable doing so. That's when you will get the biggest rewards and the best blessings.
This is my ex, back when we were together. He was the love of my life, so far. This photo represents that... I don't mean him, specifically. I mean the part of me that gives 100% if myself to the man I am in love with. He is my world. I like being in a relationship and I like the romance; and the world that goes with it.
This photo represents the side of me that, deep inside, is so wild and loves to have fun. I'm still working on letting that out. There was a time when I didn't have a problem with that. I think having fun is vital in life. I like laughing, I like feeling sexy; and now-a-days I like being different from the norm.
This is my family. I was raised to believe that family is the most important thing. Families stick together through thick and thin now matter what. Even when you just wanna string them all up because they're making you nuts... you know that you would not have it any other way. I love my family.
In this photo I'm sitting and looking out at the great Atlantic Ocean from a rock in my home province of Newfoundland. In this photo I see the other side of me... the side that most people see and make their judgements about me upon. Here I am a loner who needs that space and spends a lot of time deep in thought thinking about life, feelings, other people, and the world around me.
This photo was taken on the Sunday of my enrollment at church. This photo represents the new me... the child of God that I've become. My church is the center of my world, and that's how I like it. I never want my main focus to be on anything that is not about God. My church family has become like my biological family. I depend on them for many things. We are taught there that we are a family and it's something that is always a topic close at hand. We are a unique church in that way. I've been to many churches in my life and none have compared to this one. I am so overwhelmingly blessed to be a part of it.
This photo represents the part of me that is close to nature, and knows that my pets are a part of my family as much as my church family, as much as my brothers and my parents. They are family. Anyone who does not have pets, or have never had them, have truly missed out on one of life's biggest joys. No child should be without a pet, and dogs will bless you more than any other animal on the earth. One of childhood's greatest pleasures is of being close to a dog.
The final photo.... is to be of something that I love. Well, again, where do I go with that. There's a long list of stuff that I love. Like Interior Decorating, Reading, Walking, a nice glass of wine, curling up by the fireside with a good book, watching a good move... or a scary one!... Sunny, summer days... and I could go on and on. But to pick just one... well, the first thing that comes to mind is my church. There it is... my church home (It's a Google Maps photo). When we got enrolled we were told that to do so is making a commitment to this family and to God. It's like making marriage vows. I have chosen this place to be my church home for as long as God will have my life here in this city and on this path.
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