Tuesday, October 07, 2008
My name is Carley... well, OK... it's not really Carley... but that's what a lot of my friends call me and I like it so I go with it. I'm desperate to loose weight. I've been over weight for about 10 years now, at least. I don't like it. I've never grown to be comfortable with my over grown body. Even now I forget sometimes and when I catch myself in a mirror, it takes my breath away in shock for a second. I recently lost 4 pounds which got me all excited and motivated to work even harder on my workouts... then I weight myself again... & I had gained it all back plus 2 more pounds. I've been counting calories and working out for about a month now and I've lost no weight. So here I am... on yet another site that I'm hoping to help me figure out how to do this weight loss thing and / or help me figure out what I'm doing wrong!
Here is my story....
I accidentally discovered another site such as this one about 2 weeks ago when looking for information on how to properly count calories. I had no idea there were sites like this in existence! I was recommended to FitDay by a friend. I have spent the past week downloading and trying diet & fitness software packages. I tried freeware programs and I even purchased one. I spent $40.00 and it was completely useless. I could hardly believe what I was looking at when I found this site. It's everything I was looking for. As a matter of fact this site has so many features I'm finding it to be completely overwhelming. I guess it just takes time to learn.
I am 42 years old. As a child I was very shy. I spent my whole child hood and about half my adult life being very skinny.... just naturally skinny. As a child I was so thin I was constantly made fun of. But I ate as much as my brothers at home. I wasn't sick and I didn't have an eating disorder. Though many people would ask my mom "What's wrong with her? She's so skinny. Is she sick?" But no... just thin. On top of that I was tall. I grew fast and finished growing at an early age so I was taller than my classmates... another thing that I was constantly teased about. As a result, the only way to get clothes that were long enough for me was to get them a little baggy. By the time I hit high school I needed to wear the baggy clothes... which turned out to be a bonus... 'cause in baggy clothes people didn't realize how skinny I really was and they stopped teasing me as much!
As I went into collage, I gained some weight... though it was more of what my Grandmother called "filling out" than gaining weight. I went through my 20's & part of my 30's as an averaged sized adult. I got lots of attention from guys and I had a lot of fun wearing sexy clothes and learning to be outgoing. Then I got depressed from a divorce and went on medication for years... which put over all... about 85 lbs on me! Life as an overweight person is so completely different. I had no idea how different it is.
It doesn't feel natural to me. I still forget sometimes that I have all that weight on me and I catch myself in a mirror and get surprised for a second. My body feels like it's still thin... with a lot of extra padding on me that I'm just caring around hanging off my body. Then there's how differently people treat me as an overweight person as compared to when I was thin. Even going to a department store or a grocery store... the service isn't as good, the people aren't as friendly. It's incredible how different things are just because of some extra pounds on my body.
My depression got so bad about 10 years ago that I had to stop working full time. I've finally gotten in a position to change that, and I'm hoping by next year to get my life completely back on track... get a full time job... and hopefully loose all the weight that I've gained. I need to make myself productive again, and I want to get married again some day. I don't have kids. I have some medical problems and I'm not sure that I can have any... and now my age doesn't exactly help that matter either. So I have to learn to live a life without the only dream I've ever had... to be a mom! But kids, or no kids... I gotta meet someone, and to do that I have to make myself into something that a man would actually want and be attracted to... inside and out! So I've decided that it's time for this weight to come off.
About 3 weeks ago I started cutting down on the amount I was eating... not that I've ever been a big eater, and I definitely don't eat for emotional reasons... when I'm emotional... food is the last thing my stomach can handle. My big fault is stuff like pizza, cake, gravy on my meat & potatoes! I've been doing well with my diet in the past weeks. I also started working out. I've been doing some workout videos... one in particular that concentrates on giving your stomach a work out... which is where I carry at least 80% of myweight... so I figure it's the most important part to work on. But I purchased a mini-trampoline... which is fun... but HARD work! Great workout on the hips, thighs, & buttocks! I started out jogging on my rebounder because jumping was just too hard. I couldn't breath my heart pounded so hard I thought I was going to pass out. So I decided that jogging might be easier and it was. I worked my way up to 30 minutes jogging. But I wanted to do the real work out... the jumping. So I started to jump and started with only 30 seconds once or twice per day. I got up to 2 minutes after several days and found that after that length of time my vision stated to go fuzzy at the 2 minute mark so I thought it would be best not to push myself. Then I twisted my knee.. so now I'm not doing it at all because I have to wait for my knee to heal. Though the video workouts for my stomach which I do every other day are still good because most of the workout is done on the floor.
The problem is even with all this working out and dieting... I haven't lost even one pound! I am so frustrated I can't begin to tell you. So that's when I figured I need help. Something to let me know if my calories are in the right amount. So I went searching for software... and the rest, as they say, his history! Here I am. This is my first day and I'm asking for prayers and as much advice as anyone can give me about using this site, dieting & fitness. Add me to your friends list if you wish. I'll be looking forward to it.
God bless, & good luck to you all in reaching your goal weight.
Oh... any advice on using this site would be appreciated. I've used other sites, but this one is completely overwhelming. There's so many features, and I'm not finding it to be overly user friendly. I'm still trying to figure out the basics.