Wednesday, August 03, 2011
This is day one of my new program.
Did exercises this morning and wrote them down.
Wrote down everything I ate but i did not have time to put them on the site.
Wanted to do some cardio,but just did not have time.
Lots of e-mails that are going to go unanswered.
Not a bad day today. Hope for a good day tomorrow!
Have to go to bed because i have to get up early.
Oh! I did my visual of my goals,broke them down,and put some rewards at every 5 lbs.
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
Enough of this pity party!
Now is the time to get my butt in gear. Again!
Been feeling down,kinda depressed.
Life is not what I want it to be.
Get over it,stop feeling sorry for yourself,and start living !
The weight is coming back on.
But I still have a 20 lbs lost.
So. TIme to regroup and rethink my goals.
I have 2 goals gone, and I'm going to reach my 3rd as soon as I can.
Tonight,I'm going to make a visual collage(that i didn't do yet) with specific goals to reach and with rewards after each one, so when i am tempted, i (hopefully) will think of that.
But ,to do that tonight,I will have to leave this site, because one of my goals is to get 8 hours sleep as often as i can(sometimes it's just not possible).
Successful spark people are who keep me going,because I know if they can do it, I can do it.
I tracked everything I ate today,but I was 412 calories over!
I will just have to do better tomorrow.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
It's raining outside today! It will water my garden.
People complain about the rain,but compared to other parts of the world,we are very lucky.
No floods and no lack of rain.
I heard today that 2/3 of the world population don't have access to adequate toilet systems, and that a lot of children die needlessly of simple diarrhea in these places.
Makes me realise that we take so many things for granted over here.
I often feel like my life has not meaning,that i have nothing to strive for and that i just don't have the get up and go to do something with my life.
Hearing statistics like this always make me feel a little guilty because I have so much and the possibilities are endless of what I could do, but, I feel like my life is just passing me by.
Gotta find my spark again!
Friday, July 22, 2011
I am fighting my need to binge with everything i have.
It's really a battle between good and evil right now.
I know that if i eat,i will have instant gratification,but i also know that i will be disappointed in myself when it's over.
I know that if i don't eat,hopefully the feeling of bingeing will go away eventually and i can celebrate my success. Plus ,i know darn well that eating will leave me feeling bloated and yucky.
So why is it still so hard???
The food is calling me and saying(yes,food has a voice)"Just one bite!I'm soooo goood! I'll melt in your mouth and you'll feel soooo gooood!!!"
LIES! I know they're not real. And i know i can do this.
I almost did last night,but, i gave in without even blinking.
But today is another story.
I have my eyes wide open,and i will not be sucked in!!!!!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Went on a major binge.
Did it make me feel better?
Food was good,but most of it was not as good as i remembered,and some of it i don't think i tasted.
So why do I do it?
I guess it's the wanting to feel like I'm in control of what I'm eating and nobody can stop me.
I want what I want and I want it now!
I had a moment yesterday where I had to decide to eat or not to eat.
I knew I had the choice,but I talked myself into having that ONE thing-like if it was going to stop there! I hate that when I believe the lies I tell myself!
But now, I have to figure out what is really going on,because bingeing is never because of the food. Food is a symptom that I am not dealing with something else.
I know in the back of my head what it is(a few things actually) and it's been going on for a few weeks and instead of dealing with them, I've been avoiding the subjects.
I am going to right down on paper what is bothering me and what i have to do to deal with it without eating.(It would be too long to put here!)
Then,I'm going to deal with it without food!
Right now I am super duper tired(because when i binge,i don't sleep much,so i went to bed at 3 am), my body feels like crap, and I am dead emotionally.
Binges never deliver what they promise.
I don't feel better and my problems are still there.
Hopefully I can remember that next time and deal with my thoughs in a more rational matter.
I have the possibility to have support but i hate asking for it because i feel like if i'm bothering people,and that i should be able to deal with life without all this insanity.
I've been feeling down lately even though i'm on antidepressants.
Maybe it's time to call the shrink again.
When i'm feeling like this, i just don't have the get up and go to do anything.
Right now, i just can't find the pep to do much.
I lost my spark and my joy and i'm not sure how to find them anymore.
Well,enough of the pity party,I have work to do.
Thank you to all my spark friend who encourage me.
If it wasn't for you, I would still be bingeing.
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