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The Power to Change

Wednesday, January 29, 2014




Iíve been thinking a lot lately about my current circumstances and the path that I took to get exactly where I am today. I also spend time thinking about the future, as unpredictable as it is, wondering where Iíll be in 1, 5, or even 10 years from now. Every time I get to thinking about it I come back to the same realization. That the power to change lies within myself and that I can use it anytime I need to. (Deep stuff, I know.)

A little over 6 months ago I made a major life change. Iíd known for some time that I was unhappy in my situation, but I would tell myself often, ďYouíve made your bed and now you have to lie in it.Ē. This is a very unhealthy mentality that I think a lot of us have. Change is scary. And even when things get really, really bad we make excuses to ourselves to avoid any type of change. We are always so afraid of what could go wrong that we lose sight of all the things that could go right.



One day I woke up.

And it was terrifying. I decided to leave the man that Iíd spent the last 8 years of my life with, the father of my child. I decided to leave the home that we had together. I feared that I would lose friends. Or that I would end up alone. Or that my son would suffer. So many things. But I was unhappy, and I took a leap.

Iíll tell you what happened though. Some of my fears came to life. Leaving was one of the HARDEST things Iíve ever done in my 26 years of life. I lost friends. I lost my home. I spent countless nights crying completely consumed by my fears that I would be alone. But, as time began to pass, I started to see things differently. Those friends I lost? They were no real friends of mine. My true friends were still there when I needed them. My home? Hardly. It was just a building. I have my own dainty little apartment right now and Iím in the process of purchasing a home exactly where I want to be about a half hour from where I live now. And those countless nights of crying and loneliness? Well, I realize now that it was simply grief. I was grieving the loss of the ďold meĒ. The old Andrea died. And the only way to move on and become the ďmeĒ that I am today, was to acknowledge and grieve the loss.



The Andrea that is here today appreciates the experiences that have led me to where I am. She is happy. She still has bad days, but she recognizes them for what they are. Bad days. Not a bad life. She doesnít accept abuse in any form. Mental or physical. She commands respect. And she will never settle again for less than she is worth.

My son has adjusted well to the change. In fact, he is better now than he was before. I can see the weight that has lifted off of his shoulders since the change. He appears to be happy.

And as far as the loneliness, itís still there sometimes. But, I surround myself with my closest friends. And I realize that I need to be good with myself before I can be good for another person. I know better than to jump into a meaningless relationship only to repeat my pastís mistakes. For the time being now, Iíve decided to focus on myself. Iíve been working out and training for my upcoming race. Iíve been trying to eat right and track my food. I play on a volleyball team with my friends. I spend time reading and Iíve toyed with the idea of taking up a new hobby.

Iíve shared a lot of my personal feelings here. Iím getting to know this new me. And I hope that what I have to share speaks to someone else. The power to change lies within us all. Donít settle for less than youíre worth!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELIZABETH5268 2/6/2014 3:06PM

    Congrats on making that step to change your life. It's never easy but it sounds like for you it was more than worth it:)

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SPARKLED87 1/30/2014 2:12PM

    Thanks Honeybea! It gets a little easier as time goes on. And I'm learning to deal with my feelings. It's nice to have my blog to get some of it out there. And nice to have the SP world there at my back when I need some support.

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HONEYBEA 1/30/2014 1:36PM

    This can't have been easy to write. I hope it gave you some closure and more healing. You were very brave to do what you did. Hang in there. It will get easier.

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SPARKLED87 1/30/2014 10:10AM

    Thanks girl. Some days are a struggle but I know in my heart that I did the right thing for me and my son. I get a little stronger every day.

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FANGFACEKITTY 1/30/2014 1:09AM

    That first step is always the hardest but ultimately for the best. emoticon Good for you for having the courage to make the changes that you needed to make.

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New Year - New Life

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

I haven't posted a blog entry in quite some time... I've been sparking through the mobile app mostly. I got on here today though (because I am in an exceptionally good mood and want to spark with my buddies)... and took a look at my last blog entry from July 16th 2013. A LOT has changed for me since the day I made that post.

The same week I made that entry I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years. A couple of weeks later I moved out and got my own apartment. It's hard to believe now that this all happened 6 months ago. Before you go worrying about me though I will stop you. I am SO much happier on my own and really I wish I had made the decision to leave sooner. I've been on a journey of self discovery these last few months and I feel like I'm starting to get comfortable in my own skin again.

I've lost 7 pounds since I restarted my program. And I'm signed up for the "Truffle Shuffle" 4-mile race Valentine's Day weekend. I've got 3 weeks and my mini-goal is to lose 5 more pounds before that day. I'm really excited. I get a t-shirt that declares my "singledom" and it's the first race I've ever done completely on my own. I'm hoping to meet some new people and just spend the morning enjoying where I'm at in my life right now.

I will probably be sharing much more over the next several weeks... A lot of life changes and all that business. But, I have a positive outlook and I'm looking forward to all of the great things 2014 will bring to my life. I hope all is well for my fellow spark friends and I hope to hear from you all soon!

Have a great week everyone!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKLED87 1/29/2014 12:46PM

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FANGFACEKITTY 1/29/2014 12:53AM

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SPARKLED87 1/28/2014 12:26PM

    Thanks. emoticon I was in a sharing kind of mood today. Seriously, tons of sleep last night has got me geared up and ready to go.

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GUDDIGO 1/28/2014 11:49AM

  Love your sharing...when I write a blog...it is usually one sentence...

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Sushi Tuesday

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Normally Tuesday is my most despised day of the week... Seriously. There is soo much week left. And it always goes by more slowly than Monday. HOWEVER, I have a sushi date tonight with Muffin and I am very excited. I haven't had any since our cruise in April and I have a hankering. Plus, it's a much needed girl date that I expect will help me through some of this awful anxiety I've been experiencing. I need some release.

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I also wanted to share this little motivational picture I found on Pinterest today:



I've been struggling with a few things happening in my life... And I'm sure there are others out there feel the same way. I need to remember that I am in control of my own destiny... And it's never too late to change.

I hope you all are having a great week. Tata!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROL494 7/16/2013 2:14PM

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The Monday Blues...

Monday, July 15, 2013

It was a long day back at work today after a weekend that wasn't quite long enough....The wedding I went to on Saturday was fun, but drama filled as well. Ugh. I'll spare the details but basically I feel a little sheepish about some drunken shenanigans. I'm trying to bounce back today... And I REALLY want to go running but I'm still recovering from a stress injury I got when I went running last Monday. Soooo... I worked out in the pool instead. And I feel a little better now. It really is amazing what a good workout can do for your mind as well as your body.

A prouder note though: The no smoking thing is going well. It's getting a little more bearable each day. And tracking on SP is helping me to not eat my feelings. I know I'll get through this.

I don't have much more than that. Oh. Besides the fact that I want to try myself at WWE style pro-wrestling. New aspiration.

Have a great week guys.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHOWE6 7/15/2013 9:45PM

  Congrats on the "no smoking thing"!! And working out in a different way instead of using your stress fracture as an excuse.

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Smooth Operator

Friday, July 12, 2013

So, a few weeks ago I bought this awesome Kitchen Aid hand mixer. Best new gadget I've bought in a while. I've been substituting a smoothie for lunch everyday this week. They've been delicious, nutritious, and easy AND I've noticed my belly bloat going down already.

Today's Smoothie:

1/2 C Greek Yogurt, vanilla
1/2 2% milk
1 C Spinach
6 Strawberries
1/2 C Blueberries
1/4 C Blackberries
1 tsp honey


Before mixing.


After mixing.


Seriously, so good. And I feel really good about drinking it.

And moving on, I had a half day at work today. It's been a long week. But, I got to go to Target and shamelessly drop $200 since BF got paid today. We have a friend's wedding tomorrow and I'm excited to wear the new dress bought. I'll put a picture up on Sunday.
Oh! And I bought a new scale. But, I refuse to step on it until tomorrow morning. I'll update then.


That's all I've got today. TGIF ---- Toodles.


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