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Day 368: WEEKEND & Cruise Plans

Friday, March 11, 2011

I didn't write a blog entry on this day last year, so I have nothing to reflect on until the entry I wrote 3/12/2010. :)

Today is the weekend !!! woohoo! Literally minutes after I wrote my entry yesterday, I went to the bathroom and Mother Nature delivered me her little gift she loves to. If I stay completely on track, I'll get my period on the 9th of next month. At least that means by the time I leave for my cruise..I'll have had my period for 3 days and I'll have dropped most of the water weight I gain on it. Good news, good news. I'm praying it comes earlier and I'll be on day 5..or that it doesn't come even a day later than the 9th. haha. Hey, a girl can wish right?...

Yesterday I went to the gym. I started the C25K program..haha..for probably the 4th or 5th time..I've never finished it. I believe that is going to be my goal. Boy, do I HATE running on a treadmill. haha. I can't wait until it gets nicer here and I can do my runs outside. I decided I'm going to run 3x a week with the C25K program and do my personal trainer the other 3x a week. For C25K, I am doing a 3.8-4 walk and a 6.0 mph for my runs (10 minute mile). It was pretty easy for me. I want to finish the first 5K I do in 30 minutes..and gradually decrease my time down from there. It may actually be 25, I have to see how well I can run. I never really run because I can't do it outside..but I think I want to take it up. I used to love running. I also want to be taking a minimum of TWO classes a week at my gym as well..just so I'm getting my money's worth.

I have to walk my dog now..haha. Talk to you guys later.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JESYCZKA 3/11/2011 2:43PM

    I must be the only one who loves running on the treadmill...hmmm I'm a weirdo and I love it! emoticon

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JOIE501 3/11/2011 1:20PM

    What is the C25K program? Is that on SP or your gym? Just curious...

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PRIMROSEPETALS 3/11/2011 9:59AM

    Interval training on the treadmill definitely makes the time go by faster! I'm someone who prefers running outside & gets bored on the treadmill, but I actually did my first interval yesterday & was surprised at how quickly the time went. It may not be ideal, but every little bit helps, right?

TGIF! emoticon

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KASSAY25 3/11/2011 9:53AM

    I call the treadmill the dreadmill, because that's how i feel about jumping on it. I am lucky enough to live in South Florida, so very rarely am i FORCED to choose the treadmill. But i totally feel your pain, they are so boring!

Just try to keep your music playlist fresh, that always helped me :)

I also agree with STRIVING4HEALTH, intervals do make the time pass quicker. When i first started running, i would play with the time intervals by deciding how long i would run for, how long i would walk for. Before i knew it, i was almost at 30 minutes.

Hope it warms up for you soon so that you can run outdoors!

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STRIVING4HEALTH 3/11/2011 9:27AM

    Ugh, I hate running on a treadmill too!! I've heard that running intervals can make it less boring. Let us know how it goes!

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Day 367: My New Year!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Yesterday was my SparkVersary and I have officially begun a new year on the site. I want this year to focus on further engraining healthy habits to stick with for life. Every day I want to choose something I will do more of and do less of. I also want to start a water streak, which I will keep up with on the SparkPeople app on my phone. Once I have consistently gotten 8 glasses of water in for 10 days, I will move onto something else :)

I got a massage to celebrate my 1-year SparkVersary..which was FABULOUS. haha. I also purchased 12 personal training sessions for $199. The catch is that I won't have the same trainer every time and I have to go three times a week for a month. Perfect to get my butt in gear!

My period is starting soon and I am realizing I am probably going to have it for my cruise in May (May 12-16). Bummer! haha. Anyone know any tricks to slow it down or speed it up by chance (that don't involve hormonal birth control--I'm allergic, haha)?

Today, I want to drink MORE water and drink LESS coffee (gave it up for Lent). haha.

What do you want to do more and less of?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHRISTINA623 3/10/2011 10:41PM

    ok.. this may sound really weird. But my best friend claims that parsley (parsley soup, parsley tea) makes it come early. She did it before a big vacation and it worked

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BLAIRJ1 3/10/2011 10:30PM

    i want to give myself more positive comments, and do less beating myself up--especially when it comes to the damn scale!

no period tricks that don't involve the pill, that i know of :(

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 3/10/2011 3:01PM

    Lent is great for goal setting. I had given up candy, then ice cream now.... just lift more!

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TKAYSMILES 3/10/2011 1:31PM

    Woo Hoo on the Sparkaversary!! It has been a Great year!! As for putting off TOM with out BC...no idea!! Have an awesome NEW YEAR!!!

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OHSOCOOLLISA 3/10/2011 11:14AM

    Congratulations on your new year start. Finding different goals will be an awesome adventure. I realized today, that my feet have been neglected for far too long. So, I think I may have to start a streak or goal for getting them in shape for sandal season :) They do so much for me, it seems only right that I take some time to moisturize those babies a wee bit more...LOL

Glad you were able to find a plan for a personal training streak...it sounds like it will be a blast! After each session, just a thought, try to make a note of what you loved and what you would have rather did without. This might help you to figure out what REALLY works for you, as we know this can change over time.

All the best!
~Lisa

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 3/10/2011 10:26AM

  congrats on you being on spark for a year! ... best of luck on year two... :) love the stuff you got yourself for your one year on spark :) awesomeness. :)

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PRIMROSEPETALS 3/10/2011 10:21AM

    Congrats on your Sparkiversary & I hope year 2 is even better than the first! Keep up the great work & good luck on your new goals!

Here's to multiple glasses of water! emoticon


emoticon

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APLEWA2 3/10/2011 9:38AM

    This may seem funny.. but when I do indoor tanning it makes TOM comes earlier.. I do it all the time when I know I have a vacation coming up lol.. Also a table spoon of vinegar throws it off track. I don't know if you do a tablespoon a day for a week or so.. might have to look that up..

Great job on all your achievements!

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Day 367: Getting Ridiculed--Reflections On My 3/10/2010 Blog Entry

Thursday, March 10, 2011

So, for my new year..I decided I was going to reflect on the past year. Every day I'm going to reflect on what I wrote the same day the year prior. Obviously some days I didn't write and other days were just a few words...but this will be a good way to take time and reflect over everything that has happened in the past year and give me something to blog about:

This entry was written March 10, 2010 and was the first entry I ever wrote on SparkPeople:

****
So I'm 22 years old..and over the past 6 years in my life I have gone from 120 pounds to 197 now. There are times when people do not even recognize me. Even worse, my family are some of the most superficial people in the world--you're nothing if you aren't good looking. My siblings are constantly calling me fat...my sister even told me to "go throw up and get skinny" a couple days ago. It doesn't matter to them that I'm smart and do very well in every other aspect...all that matters is that I am overweight.

I hear a comment about me being fat at least once a day from one of my family members (I have 4 brothers and sisters). Even my parents call me fat...in nice ways...but still ("you know, you're going to have a hard time finding a job when you are overweight," etc.) They are so obsessed with looks, and even when I was skinny...I just wasn't like that. It is just so annoying to me...because I don't know how to respond.

I also don't feel the need to constantly be wearing make-up or dressed in my best. I have always been like this. I just do not think it is necessary to have a full face of makeup to hang around the house. My family, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. None of the females in my family would leave the house without a full face of makeup on. Even if it was to go somewhere like the store to grab milk...and just because I don't share this point of view I'm a "slob."

What do you guys think? What would you do?
***

HA-this whole entry still is completely true. Although, my family members have laid off the fat comments..and I usually only get them in subtle ways from my dad and when my sister has nothing to say when we're arguing. But...I still don't wear make-up when I don't feel like it. The other day my mom made me go into the 7/11 convenience store and buy her cigarettes because she didn't want the cashier who "sees her everyday" to see her without makeup. HAHA. I thought that was kind of ridiculous. I still have the same exact habits as before.

Over the past year, I have learned how to respond. haha. I also have learned to stick up for people who are getting made fun of for their weight..after all, I definitely know how it feels. I definitely don't let my family get away with talking to me how they used to..and I even make fun of them for being so superficial and putting so much emphasis on something as superficial as looks.

It's funny, because people who knew me when I was heavy (and never knew me before I gained weight) that see me now hardly recognize me (before it was the opposite). haha..oh what can change in a year.

What about you guys? Do you have to deal with superficial family members, boyfriends, friends, etc. How do you respond?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELISAMLW 3/12/2011 12:59PM

    My parents and sisters are SKINNY. And they're not healthy. They all smoke and drink on a regular basis, and none of them work out. I somehow got different genes than my sisters because they can eat and eat and never gain weight, and I ended up gaining 45 pounds. My mom was the most unsupportive person when I was overweight. I remember when we went on our last big family vacation (the year before I got married) and she made some really rude and insensitive comment. I just felt worse about myself.

My husband's family, on the other hand, are all overweight and have always teased me about being the "skinny" one. Even when I was overweight, I will still the smallest of all of us. But they're much more accepting in general. I love my in-laws. :)

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BLAIRJ1 3/10/2011 10:28PM

    as far as family and friends go, i think i have had the exact OPPOSITE issue. there was SO much emphasis on 'being beautiful on the inside' that my weight and health were jeopardized because i refused to believe that my looks meant anything. i'm the same way about makeup and getting dressed up--if i'm just running out for something at the store, i throw on sweatpants and a tank top and sometimes wear my glasses and don't even bother with my contacts. i think i'm starting to find the balance between being a healthy PERSON, and having a beautiful PERSONALITY.

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 3/10/2011 7:18PM

  it's great to see that you've become so confident since last year! :)

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2BFREE2LIVE 3/10/2011 4:31PM

    Jealous people say terrible things. Keep your chin high and rise above the people in your life who want to hold you down.
Be determined. Sandy

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TKAYSMILES 3/10/2011 1:40PM

    I totally remember this blog from the beginning! You have come a long way since then!! Keep up the GREAT work! You inspire many!!!! Here's to an amazing new year!!

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DEBBIE19580 3/10/2011 11:20AM

    I have to commeny on this!!!! I grew up with a size 7 mom. My dad always told her if she got fat he would leave, and he wasn't lieing., so u could imagine the remarks i got from him in high school weighing around 148-153 lbs, which at 5'8 wasn't all bad, now that i think back. my mom worked 5 days a week, all i remember was her sitting in front of her makeup mirror every morning, doing her face, she had tons of makeup, and even on saturday and sunday morning before my dad would get up in the morning she would be putting on her makeup!!!! she never ever missed a day!!! it was INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I COULD NEVER EVER understand it, and besides that she would be fully dressed on weekends too, god forbid if she walked around in a nitegown all day or sweats, it never happen!!! so me growing up like that, i went complete opposite, if i have nothing to do all day, im in my nitegown ALL DAY and lovin it, i only wear makeup if i go out with my friends, and 50% OF THE time when i do go out with my friends i dont wear any makeup, not even to a bar or restraunt, i really don't care!!! i would never want to be like that, EVER, i am so me, and never ever cared what people think, if they dont like it, i say adious, for real. its great you are the way you are!!!! your still the same person with or without the makeup and the clothes. emoticon emoticon

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DRB13_1 3/10/2011 10:50AM

    emoticon Keep smiling, you'll have the last laugh

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ACLENDENNY 3/10/2011 10:34AM

    The last laugh is all yours. Karma is a b**ch and they will get theirs in the end. You seem to be very confident now and comfortable in your own skin. Take that confidence and run with it!

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ANH102712 3/10/2011 10:09AM

    I'm alot like you when it comes to makeup. Heck, most days I go to work w/o makeup on. I never had that "girl" part of me come alive. My mother does her makeup and hair all the time but luckily I was blessed w/ very nice eyelashes and eyebrows and pretty green eyes. So perhaps I just feel it's best to let what God gave me shine. I do wash my face all the time however! I got new clinique stuff that cleared up my acne. It's great!

Keep up the good work and just try to ignore the negatives in your life the best they can. I feel like if people don't support you then they don't really deserve to be in your life. But that's a hard rule when it comes to family! Just don't back down!!! Stay strong.

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EDWINA172 3/10/2011 10:06AM

    Wow. The people who are supposed to love you unconditionally are talking to you like that?! Sad. It seems to me that you are the only mentally stable person in your family. I like that you don't feel the need to wear make up. They're superficial. Its sad.

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SLEEPYDEAN 3/10/2011 9:45AM

    I dealt with comments from my dad about my weight (it didn't help that my step mom was an aerobics instructor for 16 years and was a stick) and silly things like my complexion (as if a teenager needs someone to tell them they have visible acne) but I didn't have to endure what you've had to. He kind of drives me now to run fast and try more races because I want to make him proud.

I hate to hear sparkers talk about unsupportive family, but you have a good head on your shoulders and you are doing great!

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HPEFUL25 3/10/2011 9:40AM

  Most of my family members are overweight so they really can't say anything. Although, I do get teased from time to time, espeically by my siblings. That seems to have toned down though now that we are older. I do have a grandpa that hints things once in a while, but he has gut too. I can relate to you on the whole not wearing makeup very often idea. My friends wear makeup all the time. I kinda wish I was like that just so I'd be more like normal women. My sister in law for example wears takes 2 hours to get ready every morning. She has to do her hair and her make up. She looks completely different without makeup on, it's crazy! I don't like the idea of making myself look like a completely different person, just highlighting a few of my features. I also tend not to wear foundation because I figure it just clogs my pores anyway. But once in a while I'll go all out and people usually complement me. If I wear it everyday, no one will notice.


Good for you for knowing who you are. I like the idea of reflecting on past reflections. I keep a journal and will often revist what I wrote the previous year just to see how far I've come in life and what I was thinking at that time in my life. Great Blog! emoticon

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LITTLEFIREFLY 3/10/2011 9:39AM

  a couple of months ago my fiance's grandpa (who no one really claims) made a comment about me gaining weight..It made me mad because he was very rude about it..and it made everyone else there mad as well. I fully intend on ignoring him if I ever have to be around him again, even though I am losing weight. People like that aren't worth my time! There is so much more to life!

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MADDEELOU 3/10/2011 9:38AM

    Wow. I find it ironic that your family is so concerned with looks but your mom SMOKES! Does she think about what that does to her skin and hair and teeth, not to mention what it is doing on the inside? Wow.

Stay strong!

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AMBERNICHOLE3 3/10/2011 9:28AM

    My family is kinda hush when it comes to telling you "you've gained weight" or "you're heavy" BUT they are great to compliment you when making progress!

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NOAHANDRYANSMOM 3/10/2011 9:27AM

    DONT LET THE HATERS GET YOU DOWN!!!
emoticon

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Day 366: ONE YEAR SPARKVERSARY TONS of Pics and Before/After Vlog

Wednesday, March 09, 2011


The video above is me before I began my journey and today. For the record, I followed the principles in Natural Hygiene to quit smoking :). I did a video blog to catalog it..and now it serves as my "before" blog. I introduce it today (Ash Wednesday) before you see the actual video. The difference is crazy-I can't believe that was just a year ago! Happy Sparking!!!

***

Exactly one year ago today, I apprehensively began my journey on SparkPeople.com after gaining confidence from being smoke-free for a month, not knowing what to expect. I had spent a great deal of the nine years prior thinking I wanted to lose weight and was never successful, so the possibility that I could be a success story didn’t seem probable.

Sitting on the computer that first day, my 5’ 3’’ medium frame had gained over 70 pounds in the four years prior (over half my body weight, from 123 to 197 pounds). The last 20 pounds really started to have an effect me, I was finding it difficult to find clothes and would easily get winded doing simple tasks such as going up stairs. When my dad would force me to work out with him, my heart rate went crazy (190’s+) when I was just walking on an incline.

From the time that I went through puberty, I was told I needed to lose weight in various ways by my parents and even my grandma. My parents later told me that what they really meant is that I had “bad genes” and they wanted me to scare me from getting fat (HA…joke was on them later). I got made fun of all the time by people who watched me gain the weight, mostly behind my back with the exception of my family members. Although, it usually got back to me though in one way or another. Subconsciously, I wanted so badly to be recognized for something other than my looks. I would say my unhealthy body image began around seventh grade, getting worse and worse as I grew older and my parents began to put more and more emphasis and my weight.

Pretty much from the time I went through puberty on, I felt like I needed to lose weight. I can remember doing hundreds of crunches and counting calories in seventh grade, even though I really didn’t understand why (except that’s what people with “bad genes” do). I recognized that my body fat percentage and weight fell into the “normal” and "healthy" categories (20-22% body fat, 120-125 pounds in high school), but always had body image issues. I hated to be in a bathing suit and even went through periods where I would cover up my body in layers because I hated my body so much. There was always a struggle with logical me and the me that had been effected by the negative reinforcement of my parents. Even though I knew I was a healthy body weight, I hated my body and the way it looked.

Even though I always thought that I wanted to lose weight, my actions did not really show it. I began binge eating at a pretty young age, although it didn’t catch up to me until I was around 18 and I gained my first 10-20 pounds. My thoughts were always consumed with food and when I was going to eat next, even though I thought I wanted to lose weight. These unhealthy thoughts were a result of my parents (and others) putting so much stress on the way I looked, which caused me to have an unhealthy obsession with food. As a result of my unhealthy obsession, I started gaining weight rapidly (about 20-25 pounds a year) and didn’t stop until I had effectively proven my point: I am more than just what is on the outside, which was a hard concept for my superficial parents to grasp. At my heaviest, my dad even told me (in the sincerest way possible) that he felt bad for me because he wanted a nice man to marry me and that they would have to be attracted to me first.

When I would hear comments about my weight gain (which started after I gained the first 10 or so pounds), it didn’t make me want to lose weight. In fact, it made me stubborn and not want to allow people to think they had control over how I felt about myself. I think this made me subconsciously want to gain more weight so I could prove my “point” (something along the lines of I’ll do what I want/don’t have to be what you want me to be in combination with being more than just what was on the outside). The bizarre thing about it all was that the whole entire time I thought I wanted to lose weight, even though I was binge eating and didn’t want others to feel like they had control over me. Ultimately, my binge eating obviously won and I ended up about 30 pounds into the obese category for my height by the end of my struggle.

By the time I was at my heaviest, words cannot describe how much grief I was getting from others about my weight gain. My parents would never shut up (my dad was constantly forcing me to go to the gym and nagging me, my mom made comments but not as much). My siblings (you can read past entries) told me things such as “starve yourself,” “go throw up,” “you’re fat and disgusting,” and “no one is going to ever like you because you’re fat.” There were people I sort of knew before I left for college who legitimately didn’t recognize me (to be honest-this probably hurt the most out of all of it, haha). You would think this would motivate me to lose weight, but none of this caused stubborn me to want to change my habits.

I had started going to the gym more with my dad since I had given up smoking, which motivated me to stay smoke-free and cleaned up my lungs faster. Even though my endurance was awful, it felt good to work out again (I worked out on and off since junior high through teams and clubs and on my own). I chose to ignore the fact that my dad nagging me to go to the gym with him was just another way to tell me I needed to lose weight. It was the only way I’d be able to get stubborn me into the gym.

A few days later, I came across the SparkPeople website for probably the fifth time (I had created a username before and was took big of a wussy to really get involved in the site-haha), I decided to sign up and create a new e-mail just for my SparkPeople account. I set up my Mail client so it would alert me when I got a message. I took my “before” pictures and posted them on my page and joined a few teams that I thought would help me. I quickly made friends with people who joined around the same time as I did (CHOATICKITTY, VEGANCHIC, KISSYTINA, BLAIRJ, etc.). This was where my SparkPeople obsession began. :). I followed the Spark way of doing things and for the first time in my life, I started losing weight consistently.

I blogged regularly, it felt good to be able to vent since I was still getting hell from my family members about being fat. Blogging made me feel good, hearing other Sparkers speak up made me feel like I wasn’t alone and that I COULD DO THIS. It was the first time I had ever tried that I felt motivated for longer than 24 hours (HA!).

The best feeling was when people began telling me that I was an inspiration to THEM. Who me? The girl who struggled for so long with body image issues? No way! :) It gave me the confidence to continue, combined with the fact that I was steadily losing weight and finally able to complete health goals I had set for myself.

I began working out regularly, some weeks I’d fall off randomly…but I always got back on track (and usually quickly). By the time July came around, I was so impressed with how much stronger I had gotten. Working out no longer was a chore (YES-what other people tell you is true, you do eventually hit that point…haha, I didn’t believe it either). In fact, working out comes before most things in my life and I’d rather work out than not. Haha.

With the encouragement of others on the site, I decided it was time to put my passion to work. I applied and got a position at a wellness clinic/chiropractor’s office as a weight loss coach. I have loved being able to watch people achieve their goals offline as well and even spread the Spark a little bit :).

I’d be lying to say my journey has been perfect, and if you read my blogs the past few months, you’d see that. Losing weight is about getting to where you need to be psychologically and doing it for no one but YOURSELF.

I do know one thing though; I have met some of the most encouraging and amazing people on this site who have changed my life forever. I’m telling you, just knowing about SparkPeople is a gift. You can do ANYTHING you put your mind to; you just have to stick with it. SparkPeople is a great way to stick with it. For those of you starting out, I NEVER imagined I’d be where I’m at (a smoke-free weight loss coach down ~65 pounds of fat, 55 pounds total [I gained 10 pounds of muscle this past year]) a year ago. Even if you have tried a million times (so did I), try AGAIN. This time will be different if you follow the principles of SparkPeople. You CAN do it!

Thank you SO much to all my Sparkies and those who have kept up with my journey this past year. Here’s to making my second year on SparkPeople great :).

Here's my journey in pictures SO FAR :) (I added some from my last blog)
Before:


Hiding in my jacket..I did this a lot. haha.


Pretty much completely stopped doing my make-up too! haha.


My dog...and my old double chin! haha.


Had to start wearing sports bras because my boobs were getting way too big!


Yikes!


The December before the March that I got on Sparks.


You can see how fat I am just by looking at my hands!


No more cute Halloween costumes for me! haha-Halloween.


This wasn't even my heaviest! 21st birthday!


21st!


Body shot on the 21st again.


This is the last picture I took before my life started changing. Two days after this I quit smoking cigs and about a month after that I started using Sparks. THANK YOU GOD!! haha. COMPLETELY stopped caring, what-so-ever. haha. As you can see..no wonder people who hadn't seen me in awhile couldn't recognize me!

Afters:
All of this pictures make me realize how fast this all happened...I went through all the pics I've taken since getting my digital camera (I got it when I was around 170ish). My other one broke when I was 170ish in college and I didn't replace it--haha, I think it was because subconscious me didn't want to document my fatness anywhere anymore (which was crazy because I always took a million pictures..which I'm back to doing now, haha). WOWWW...can't believe it. Here we go!!


About a month on Sparks!


About a month on Sparks!


The first pic I took with my new digital camera!


I believe around 168...


I believe around 168-170


Around 168...period bloat I remember. haha.


167-ish


166 probably?


165-ish


165-ish


163-ish


163-ish..my mama. haha. I can remember thinking I looked skinny for me at the time. haha.


Finally at the pool after years of hating my body-regardless if I was 120 pounds or almost 200! haha. That's what this picture will always mean to me. Sunscreen sprayed everywhere!! haha.


Glad to be back at the pool-I always loved it! haha.


Ruffles are not flattering on big chested girls! haha 163-ish.


Same dress..but 161-ish now! haha. This dress doesn't really fit anymore :( and I LOVED it. But yay for it being too big, because when I bought it, I could hardly zip it!


161-ish.


161-ish with a period bloat! haha.


haha, waiting for my boobs to shrink with the rest of my body! 161-ish.


HULLLO 150-ville! haha..159ish.


haha-if you don't notice..I wore a lot of the same clothes out..didn't want to buy more when I was going through sizes so quickly. So I was wearing old clothes from when I last could fit in them (in college). 159ish.


158ish.


The superficial parents who gave me so much grief..haha. But I still love them anyway. 158ish.


I LOVE SP!!!! My first SP shirt!!


156ish. Funny thing..I bought these shorts in black and yellow too because I like how they fit..I bought them pretty tight so I could grow into them. You can tell here because my fat kinda rolls over. Now I have to fight with them to stay up! haha.


156ish.


154ish. Love my pooch, if you couldn't tell already! haha.


My parents and I. 154ish.


The little brother who notoriously called me fat for 20 minutes when I was first trying to lose weight while my mom didn't say anything. haha (remember that blog entry?). We get along most of the time, I swear. haha.


Now when my friends go out for smoke breaks while we are out, I work out while I wait! haha. 153ish.


149ish.


149ish.


HA! New vest! 148ish.


147ish.


Found my jaw line! haha.. 147ish.


After the cleanse...back up to 149ish.

Here's afterward..haha..this is all kinda a blur as far as weight goes, like I said..I keep gaining and losing the same 5 pounds. I also stopped weighing myself for awhile. Tried to put them in order :) These are all between 140-147 haha.


Mommy and I!


Homecoming down at my college! Go Salukis!


Homecoming again!


Some of my girl frands :)


My best guy friend and I


Halloween :)


My family vacation to Caribbean!


More family vacation to Caribbean!


Miami after the Caribbean! haha-gained like 7 pounds on the cruise! Of course, a lot of it was SODIUM weight...which is something I learned about on Sparks :)


With one of my best friends, Carrie


Size 4! haha-quite the feat for me!


Most recent!


Same night! :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEPHYY3 8/22/2011 1:50PM

    this is so amazing. you look like a completely different person.

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SANDRAAAR 4/13/2011 9:27PM

    you look absolutely wonderful!!!

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AWEBBER3 3/11/2011 9:59PM

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STRI23 3/10/2011 10:52PM

    AMAZING, you rock! The vlogs back to back are unbelievable, good thinking! Congrats!

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BLAIRJ1 3/10/2011 10:24PM

    this blog was so amazing lauren! youuuuuu are awesome. i am so happy that you have learned so much and achieved so much in just one year, and SO happy that i could be right along-side you, begging for tips and support! haha. you continue to inspire me, and i'm so happy to rock our journeys together!

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MIBELLALUNA 3/10/2011 4:09PM

    Wow, I was looking for reinspiration and your journey has been great!! Congrats! I have to say you were beautifully photogenic at every size but you look awesome now. Size 4...sigh...I can dream! :)

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TURBOTIF 3/10/2011 2:19PM

    good job girl!!! keep it up

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LETSSTARTOVER 3/10/2011 1:54PM

    girl you are AMAZINGGGG!!!! You should be so proud of yourself, you've really accomplished something great!! Keep it up, I know you'll get to your goal soon!!
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AMBERNICHOLE3 3/10/2011 12:25PM

    You look like a completely different person!

Comment edited on: 3/10/2011 12:25:55 PM

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NUTS4NUTELLA 3/10/2011 10:43AM

    You have gone such a long way and had SO much progress! Get it girl. You are AWESOME.
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CHAOTIC-KITTY 3/10/2011 10:30AM

  Beautiful before and after photos. :) You are such an amazing girlie. :) I am so proud of you of what you've accomplished in a year!! Every time *I* feel like I can't do it or continue on... you have been my cheerleader ... so, thank you Lauren. :)

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ELIREELI 3/10/2011 10:03AM

    wow you have come soooo far! congrats!!!!!

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PRIMROSEPETALS 3/10/2011 8:44AM

    Wow! You have come so far! You truly are an inspiration! I love reading your blog because you always write EXACTLY how I feel. Congrats on not only your weight loss, but also your self confidence. Your hard work has definitely paid off, and reading your story honestly motivates me to stay on track. I hope you continue to blog and stay on SP, because people like myself use you as motivation and success stories!

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2BFREE2LIVE 3/10/2011 3:01AM

    emoticonBlog and an incredibility beautiful young lady. emoticonon your emoticon. Sandy

Comment edited on: 3/10/2011 3:02:53 AM

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EXCUSELESS 3/9/2011 10:43PM

    I remember meeting you on here several months ago, before you applied for your job. You were an inspiration just for sharing your story with us and you are most certainly an inspiration now. I am amazed with how much you have changed both mentally and physically. You have done your health and body great justice. You are such a beautiful person. Congrats on your success.

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DEBBIE19580 3/9/2011 8:45PM

    i loved your blog and i loved looking at all your pictures. you are such a beautiful girl, inside and outside. you look so fantastic and what a amazing change.it is so amazing that you have not only quit smoking, which i know all to well, but in addition to that you have succeeded in loosing weight too. you deserve only the best of everything, you worked so hard to get to where your at, and it has made you into the beautiful person that you are. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUKOTO 3/9/2011 7:14PM

    Wow what a transformation. Aren't you glad you found SP and made the lifestyle change?! You look terrific. Keep up the great work!

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SPRING2IT11 3/9/2011 6:25PM

    suchhhh an inspiration, i hope that i can be writing a blog like this in a year!!!

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LOVE_IS_LOUDER 3/9/2011 6:23PM

    GET OUT you are so hot!! Lol I would have never recognized you in that old video, if I didn't know it was you. So inspiring... thanks for posting all these pics. Congrats!!
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PRINCEZZSHAN 3/9/2011 5:30PM

    Congrats girl!!!!! You look great and have done an amazing job throughout this journey!!!! emoticon emoticon

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LABRYANT 3/9/2011 3:44PM

    Wow. That's all I got. Wow.
L.

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MAGGIEX3UK 3/9/2011 2:25PM

    Thankyou for sharing this, you have a come a long way and you look great. Congrats on your accomplishments. Your hard work was not done in vain, which i'm pretty sure you know. I loved the picture of you in the white dress..you look stunning!!!

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CORALIL 3/9/2011 2:13PM

    you have come so far and I am so proud of you! I think you should plan a trip and show off the new body :))

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ANH102712 3/9/2011 1:29PM

    Oh my gosh! It's like 2 different people only with the same voice and characteristics..amazing! You did a great job and you deserve to be happy and healthy!

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BACKTOLOJ 3/9/2011 1:27PM

    Your blog is amazing, and you are amazing!! I cannot wait until I have a collection of photos, proof, like this to look through!! You deserve every bit of happiness!!

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FANGLE 3/9/2011 1:24PM

    Awesome work

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ILOVEPOTATOES 3/9/2011 1:15PM

    You are doing an awesome job!

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JENONTHEROX 3/9/2011 1:13PM

    you should be so proud of yourself :)
your transformation over the last year is just amazing...

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DAWNCOLONNANOW 3/9/2011 1:11PM

    Wonderfully inspiring personal story. Thank you for sharing and congratulations on your huge accomplishment.

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BGAL29 3/9/2011 1:10PM

  You look amazing and have done such a great job with your journey!!!

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CARMINACG 3/9/2011 1:01PM

    Congratulations on all your hard work, your transformation is a testament to how badly you wanted this! Keep up the excellent work hunny! Take care! AND.....HAPPY 1 YEAR!!! Woot Woot!

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MINENA1 3/9/2011 12:55PM

    You've done such a fantastic job!!! Congrats!! You look amazing!

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BRANDI.FEY 3/9/2011 12:46PM

    You are so beautiful! (I seriously would have smacked anyone who said otherwise!) Congratulations on your weight loss and I'm so happy that you did it for YOU!

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RIVERDLC 3/9/2011 12:44PM

    You look amazing!

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RAINIDAYSUN 3/9/2011 12:43PM

    Congrats on all your hard work && accomplishments! :)

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MEGSMILEY 3/9/2011 12:40PM

    Congratulations! You have had an awesome yeara nd should be REALLY proud of yourself and your accomplishments!

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JMARISK 3/9/2011 12:37PM

    Wow. That is amazing. So insperational. I'm on week 2 of my spark transformation. I can't wait until I get to put my 1 year blog up. I hope my transformation is just as amazing as yours.

Congrats!

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LESLIES537 3/9/2011 12:29PM

    Amazing transformation!! You look gorgeous!! Congratulations!

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CANDOK1260 3/9/2011 12:20PM

    if you don;t know it you have always been a inspiration to me on sparks, you are one of the good one

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-FEMALE- 3/9/2011 12:19PM

    You look AMAZING!!!

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LOPEYP 3/9/2011 12:15PM

    emoticon

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MSUNEK 3/9/2011 12:12PM

  You ROCK! emoticon

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AMOLINARI 3/9/2011 12:09PM

    your journey amazes me. you are such a gorgeous girl, inside and out. truly an inspiration!!

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JENEJOHN 3/9/2011 12:06PM

  You've come so far and done such an amazing job! Keep it up - see you later today!

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ALCONSTANT 3/9/2011 11:54AM

    Congrats! You look great!!

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HEALTHYKHELLE 3/9/2011 11:46AM

    Girl you have really did good, keep on doing it!! By the way you are really pretty too!!!

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WOLFKITTY 3/9/2011 11:33AM

    Congrats!
Jocelyn

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DEBBIEOLMOS57 3/9/2011 11:25AM

    way to go

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POMEGRANATE01 3/9/2011 11:21AM

    WOW! You've done such a good job and long journey. I wish you the best for the future. emoticon

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Day 365: Control/Last Entry Before My One-Year Anniversary

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Soooo this marks 365 days that I have been on SparkPeople! Woohoo. You can expect me to post my one-year in picture blog very soon. I was thinking of doing something a little bit fun that would encourage me to blog! My first entry on SparkPeople was March 10 of last year. I think it would be fun to reflect on every entry on the same day this year as I wrote it last year. It allows me to reflect on the progress I have made while encouraging me to be more self-aware. Plus, I'll always have something to blog about because I wrote close to every day :).

I decided to write my last blog on something that has had a huge impact on my whole entire life: control. As I have talked about in previous entries, my dad was very controlling of my mother. I picked up on this at a very young age and developed control issues. My life growing up was extremely unstructured (my parents got divorced when I was in fourth grade and both went through "selfish" phases where they heavily drank) and the fact that I was a middle child left me with little attention. I grew to be very independent, but also very emotionally awkward. I also tried to plan and control every aspect of my life that I could, mostly because my home life was very unpredictable. The result was that I became an excellent student, which went unnoticed. What I did notice was that, in my family, the more you messed up...the more attention you got. I found this extremely irritating and as a result, I constantly wanted to get away from my family. I ended up going to college 5 1/2 hours away from home to get away. I even planned to live in St. Louis and refused to move home after I graduated. haha. Ultimately, I moved back home (thank God) and started on my very successful Spark Journey :)

My dad has always used negative reinforcement to "encourage" us--which ultimately backfired on him (my siblings and I all rebelled in different ways--mine happened to be my weight gain). This further developed control issues in me. (Subconsciously, which I didn't realize until later), I felt like my family members were trying to control my weight and how I felt about myself by telling me I was fat. Mind you, I was like 25 pounds lighter than I am now and not fat at all.

Believe it or not, it wasn't until one of my good friends in college pointed out that I was a huge control freak before I even realized it. I was super self-destructive in college, so we're not even friends anymore...but I don't think I would have even realized I had control issues if it wasn't for him. Obviously, this has made me understand my weight gain a lot..but I remember hearing him say it and it clicking..."oh my gosh..I am a control freak!" haha..it was funny because it didn't hurt my feelings at all, it was almost comforting because I had realized something that explained why I was who I was so much. I don't know how long it would have taken to figure out if it wasn't for him..most of my friends from home never saw the side of me that my friends from college did (which wasn't really a good side-haha).

I was thinking about control, which is why I have had so many issues lately. My parents, who won't take credit for my gain..but have no problem taking credit for my loss, are my problem. I have worked TOO hard for anyone to take credit besides me..especially the people who put me where I was. At least that has been my mindset the past few months....and look at where it has gotten me..haha. Losing/gaining the same 5 pounds over and over again. So you know what it's time for? Letting go. I am going to seek help on getting over my control issues because they are getting me no where. Where I am going to find that help, I don't know.

Bottom line..only I can control how I feel. No one can MAKE me feel a certain way. I need to start taking responsibility for my actions/stop blaming other people...and that starts today. Today is my 365th day on the site. I am going to start my one-year anniversary out like I did a year ago: strong. :)

Hope everyone is doing well! :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MBG976 3/9/2011 11:01AM

    Good for you! You have come a long way and worked your tail off! I totally understand the whole "control" thing, because I have the same issue(strict father too). Just work on you. You deserve it!

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BLAIRJ1 3/9/2011 10:10AM

    oh happy day! thanks for spending this last year motivating me and inspiring me. to many more!

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 3/8/2011 9:17PM

  Happy Sparkversary Girl! You have come a long way... I am so proud of you!

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CAROLINACHICA 3/8/2011 8:12PM

    You are so awesome and inspiring!! Love ya girl!

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OHSOCOOLLISA 3/8/2011 6:37PM

    Yay you! This a huge deal and I'm going to validate it with you. Control is a tricky topic for me, but I totally get what you are saying. You deserve the credit and you are so right about feelings.

All the best to you :)

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HEALTHRAY1 3/8/2011 2:30PM

  congrats on your anniversary and thank you for the blog....your amazing....i looked at your pictures and it's such a transformation....i can only hope that by this time next year i am in the same place....thank you for the amazing post! and have an amazing day!

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MINUS50PLUS00 3/8/2011 12:38PM

    This was soooo touching, I guess b/c I can relate.

U rock and have a great day!!

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AMBERNICHOLE3 3/8/2011 12:27PM

    Awesome blog, thanks for sharing! Happy sparkversary!

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LIMONADE34 3/8/2011 9:53AM

    Great blog, you've made such incredible progress over the last year! Thanks for being such an inspiration and congrats!! emoticon

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HAPPYCUPCAKE 3/8/2011 9:46AM

    You're totally right. This is about YOU. Time to be selfish AND give credit where credit is due! You've worked you @$$ off, and NO ONE will take that from you! You got this.

Congrats on your Sparkversary!

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