Saturday, July 16, 2011
Buying a bra must be one of the most humiliating experiences in the world.
You walk into the dressing room feeling some confidence because you've lost enough weight that your old bras are in danger of sliding up at any moment, releasing your charms like the Enola Gay releasing the atomic bomb. You have been careful to bring a range of sizes into the dressing room with you, and you are clever enough to start with the largest.
You slip it on and WHAT THE HECK? How can it be this so tight? So, well, so WRONG? So, grumbling, you put on your clothes and go out and get a bigger size. But this one is too big and you are starting to feel a little like Goldilocks in search of Juuuuust RIGHT!
Suddenly, the realization hits : you can't do this alone. It has been so long since you've bought a good bra that you aren't even sure of the sizing any more. You are going to have to ask the salesgirl for help.
Now, I don't know about you, but I always seem to get the smallest busted salesgirl in the store, and I am definitely not small busted. This somehow seems to make the entire episode harder to take. How on earth can she understand years of stuffing yourself into a wire-framed torture device?
Now, you stand in the corner with your arms over your head while she whips out her tape and measures your rib cage. Well, the good news is your chest measures smaller than you expected! Wooo Hooo! The bad news is, she still needs to get that other measurement. You roll your eyes toward the ceiling and think of England. That done, you wait while she pulls out a calculator to compute that all important cup size. Then with a smile, she's off to pull a variety of samples from the wall. You accept them with a semblance of a smile and head back into the dressing room to try on another batch.
Oh, this isnít right! This oneís too tight! This oneís too low! This oneís too pushy-uppy! This one isnít pushy-uppy ENOUGH! This oneísÖ Alright. Iíll tell the truth. The problem is that fat bubbling out at the back. The problem IS that if I were a hog I wouldnít be lean enough for bacon! I donít understand. Iíve lost tons of weight! Iím exercising my butt off! Iíve worn out three pairs of shoes on the TREADMILL!
You look at yourself in the best-fitting bra. You take a deep breath and look critically but not cruelly. Okay, yeah, thereís some, er, spillage in the back. But what about the front? Hey! You put your shirt on over the new bra. Oh my gosh. Is that me? Wow! I HAVE A FIGURE!
All of a sudden those days and weeks and months seem so worth every pint of sweat and good food choice. All of a sudden you believe, deep, deep in your soul, down where you never really quite believed it before, that you can do this. That you can go all the way. That you can be the you that you want to be. And thatís worth all the humiliation in the world.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Someone on one of my SparkTeams (Go Missourians!) asked us to "Name one thing that Spark People has started you to do."
A million things popped into my head : Track food, track exercise, connect with other people...but really, one thing covers it all : SparkPeople has started me making informed choices.
Because I understand the caloric cost of what I eat, because I understand the benefits of different types of exercise, because I have contact with so many other people, all striving to make a better life, I am better able to choose which foods, which exercise and which groups and friends help me most.
So maybe in the end it isn't so much informed choices that SparkPeople has started me making, but informed living.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
I need glasses. Ugh. I HATE to have to wear glasses. Hate, hate, hate it. I didn't even need glasses at all until I was 35, so going so many years without them made it so much harder to have to put them on. When I picture myself I do NOT picture glasses. My daughter, who has worn glasses since she was ten, has no sympathy at all! And I'm not 'blind-as-a-bat' without my glasses, I just can't read those pesky road signs without them.
So, if I'm not driving, or even being a 'navigator' on a long trip, I will usually leave them tucked into my bag. (I'll leave the rant about having to carry a bag because of my glasses for another place.) But if I'm driving I need something in, on, or around my eyes so I can see.
This year I broke down and got contacts. I LOVE them! EXCEPT...if I'm wearing contacts I cannot see close up. So I end up seeing clearly as I drive and run through stores sliding fluorescent green reading glasses up and down the bridge of my nose as needed. Why reading glasses don't bother me as much I don't know. I've asked myself several times, but I still have no clear answer.
Any road. Friday I drove my momma and Uncle George to St. Louis, some two plus hours away. We go up every few months to stock up on all that stuff you find in the BIG CITY that we don't have here in our small but growing town. We generally leave at 7 AM and are home at 4:30 PM, just enough time to haul everything in from the car and for my uncle and me to haul our butts over to our Taiji class.
Our class is held at the local gym, and that is where I weigh myself. Every Friday night I take off my shoes and take the plunge, sliding the weights over to the highest weight I can bear to be without feeling upset.
So this Friday I slid the weights to, um, well, about where I was last week...I, um, think. Because, of COURSE, I'm still wearing my contacts and cannot see the scale clearly. I stand on the scale and I have to slide the upper weight one click to the FATTER side of the scale. NO. No. crud. I step off the scale, take a step or two back and squint and open my eyes wide, but I really cannot see it at all clearly. I step back on and, yep. Looks like I gained a pound. GRRRRRRR!
I was bummed the entire weekend. Now, I did NOT do the old Soxy thing of "Woe is me, I am such a loser, I can't do this." I was sorry, bummed, frustrated, but not angry at myself. I stayed mostly prosaic. Frustrated, but how it goes. I didn't binge and freak and eat a bunch of stuff, neither did I stop eating. I stayed careful and Soldiered on.
Monday nights I go to the same gym for my body/cardio/sculpting workout. I have taken to weighing myself on both Monday and Friday. That's it. I'm usually the same on Monday as I was on Friday, but I do it anyway.
Mondays I'm coming home from work. Work, where I spend all day on the computer and cannot wear my contacts. I take off my glasses before my class begins.
I sighed. I stepped on the scale, and I was five pounds lighter than Friday. Huh? I stepped off, squinted, move the weights a few times and tried again. Yep. Five pounds lighter. NO WAY! So I counted the divots and, as I'm sure you've figured out by now, I had mis-counted, mis-judged, mis-calculated on Friday. I had not gained a pound at all! I had lost FOUR!
Thank goodness for SparkPeople, and my friends here, and for my head somehow getting around itself so I DIDN'T do all the crazy bad things that I had done in the past when facing what I THOUGHT was a set-back.
I think from now on I won't weigh myself if I'm wearing my contacts. Unless I bring along my reading glasses, too!
Saturday, June 04, 2011
Okay, okay, I know it. Everyone keeps telling me that losing one pound after being on vacation is a GOOD thing. And I think it is.
I didn't go crazy; I didn't think : Woo Hoo! I'm on vacation I can pig out; I watched my portions and ate good food. I didn't deny myself anything, but I was careful, putting new lifestyle changes to work. Okay, the fried dill pickles were a little over the top! But that was really my only crazy indulgence (And I enjoyed every hot and slippery one of them!)
The problem is that for a while the pounds just DROPPED off, and now every one is hard-fought. I tell myself that now that I'm doing the muscle-building core conditioning body sculpting class, that I'm putting on muscle, and I think I am! That was part of why I waited to take the class until I got myself under the dreaded 200# mark! That was a hard weight to break.
I've reminded myself that just because my clothes are falling off does NOT mean that my journey is over! I still have 50 (well, 49) pounds to lose! I've been mixing up my caloric intake so that I'm not just barely hitting that bottom level, but am moving it up and down. I've mixed up what I eat so my body doesn't say, "I know what's coming next!" I've read what others have written and have striven to get it through my head that this 'plateau' happens to everyone. Be patient, keep moving!
Part of me hears it. Part of me believes it. Part of me puts up a hand and says 'What-EVER!' And part of me thinks "I LOST a POUND while on vacation!" I guess the trick is holding onto that last thought, and just keep moving forward.
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