SOULFISH80   13,642
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SOULFISH80's Recent Blog Entries

The wonder of it all

Thursday, September 22, 2011

I just finished my second 5K attempt, and although I thought I might turn around before getting halfway, I pushed myself, and finished 5 minutes faster than my last attempt, which wasn't even a full 3.1....(?) miles. I am really impressed with myself this morning!! I didn't run that much or that fast, but I did power walk the whole time I wasn't running, and I am a big pool of sweaty goodness right now. I feel sorry for my workout clothes! One thing that was hard is I have a plantars wart on the ball of my left foot, so I compensate for the pain there and place my weight on my heel and now that hurts too. So the whole left foot is in a lot of pain, and I still did great on my walk/jog. Yes, today is a great day. Also thanks to my good friend FREETHEGODDESS I have been really inspired by some of the most AMAZING blogs these last few days. It is just overwhelming what the human spirit can acheive with a little knowledge, love and encouragement! I love this community so much and am so proud and overjoyed to be a part of it!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WENDYLEE15 9/23/2011 8:22PM

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CROOKEDLETTER 9/22/2011 6:19PM

    Yay! Bursts of running is the way to go to get your body use to the movement. Besides, it also means you're doing interval training which burns more calories. I have to admit that isn't why I do the bursts of running. I do it because it is fun and makes me feel like I did when I raced to get to base during marathon hide n seek games.

Do you find that biking aggravates your left foot also?

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PEPPERCHILD 9/22/2011 3:55PM

    emoticon Keep it up and you'll be at your destination in no time.



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ME_HERE_NOW 9/22/2011 1:55PM

    my left foot is funky after doubling up on blisters, i think tonite i will forgo the walk and do some weights and pilates, limping along with ya buddy ;)

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P0KERS0PH 9/22/2011 1:32PM

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Is this normal?

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I am seeing an ebb and flow to my hunger. The last two mornings I have not been hungry at all. I forced myself to eat, and I felt really sick afterwards. This morning was the same, and I just haven't eaten. I am still not hungry and it is nearly 12:20 pm. I have heard a bit about intuitive eating on here, but it seems to go against the spark regulations on calorie intake/outake ranges. I don't want to sabotage my health or weight loss, but I just can't eat when I am not hungry. I have burned nearly 400 calories this morning on my bike ride and I don't know why I am not hungry. It is a little wierd because I have spent the last 10 years being hungry 80% of the time, no matter how much I ate. I am going to go to the message boards to see if I can get an answer to this calorie intake/outake/intuitive eating issue. I really don't want to hurt myself, but I can't be sick just because I am forcing myself to eat. Has anyone expereinced this yet? Is this just a normal part of the journey?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BYEFATNANNY 9/22/2011 3:45PM

    When I started here it was because of diabetes. I went to a class and she told us that after decreasing our portion sizes we'd be hungry for 2 months and at that point we would no longer feel the hunger. She was right on, I cut my portions way back (because I'd been eating way too much) and it took exactly 2 months and after that I NEVER got hungry. I space my little meals evenly throughout the day (diabetics need to, but its a good idea for everyone) and even though I'm not hungry, I eat a little bit. Try a very small portion and maybe you won't get sick, but you also won't be starving later and overeat. Best wishes and good luck.

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FREETHEGODDESS 9/22/2011 2:42AM

    There are some mornings I wake up with my stomach growling and other days when I am busy and it is 1pm before I get hungry. It is all mysterious to me as well. All I know is that eating a small meal in the morning will get your metabolism going and give you more energy to do your work/workouts.

Maybe you could have a lowfat yogurt in the morning. Yogurt is supposed to be easy to digest also, protein with calcium is a great start to the day.


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BUTTERFLYAT38 9/21/2011 11:47PM

    what! I am hungry alot lately..envious..give me some of that!! LOL...Thanks for sharing though. The thing is that sometimes if you have trained your body to eat late for example and skip breakfast...your body overcompensates later. My motto when I am being good is if i am not hungry for example especially for the first meal of the day..make it healthy and small portion. to set a good example for the day. Hope that helps..right now I myself am dealing with hungry all the time esp with my increased runs... emoticon emoticon

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JENNSWIMS 9/21/2011 9:14PM

    I am terrible at knowing when I'm hungry, other than when my tum is growling. Seriously. However, when I switched from a crappy diet to an awesome clean diet, it took 2 or 3 days until I experienced real hunger. So I ate minimally those few days.

My hunger does not usually feel like a stomach thing. I get grumpy and lightheaded and lots of things other than what I expect (tummy growls).



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WENDYLEE15 9/21/2011 5:30PM

    Some days I feel I am forcing myself to get to my minimum calories in my range..I am like you..after all those years of eating all the time ( even when I wasn't hungry)..now I am to the point that I refuse to eat unless I am hungry.I don't like eating then feeling sick because I felt as though I shouldn't have.It does seem to slow my weight loss .I notice it on the scales when I have had a week with more days like that but..I simply made the decision to not eat unless I feel the need...I am trying to let my body tell me when I need to eat... .I guess a lot of people would say this is the wrong thing to do..but it's where I am at right now. .. Good luck and keep us up to date as to what you find out !!
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KARENE10 9/21/2011 4:54PM

    I WISH that there were days I wasn't hungry. I am a-l-w-a-y-s hungry emoticon

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WYO_CASEY 9/21/2011 4:50PM

    I haven't been hungry for the last two days but have been forcing myself to eat.

Once in a while, a little below the calorie line isn't too bad, but making it a pattern is!

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PEPPERCHILD 9/21/2011 4:36PM

    Agree that it is very normal. That's when I grab one of my protein drinks that I listed on My Favorite Things so that I am least at the bottom of the minimum of my calorie requirements the day. Sometimes I don't get there but I try to get as close as possible.

It is extremely important that you eat something or you body will begin storing calories which then translate to a plateau or weight gain.

If you're not hungry find the few things that will give you the carbs, protein, and fat that you need for the day.

I know there is a daily blog on this topic because I read it a while back.

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P0KERS0PH 9/21/2011 4:08PM

    I get days when I am not hungry at all, and days when I want to eat everything in sight! I think it's just part and parcel of this whole journey

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Everyday

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I know that blogging everday may be a bit excessive in some people's view, but for me it is becoming a ritual that is really helping me through the rest of the day. Each day is new, with new emotions, feelings, energy levels, and ideas of what my day is going to look like. This morning is a low level day. Yesterday was the first day I did not exercise since begining SP, and I am really feeling down about breaking that streak. I was really proud of it. And I am kind of telling myself that I did get a little exercise because I was out all day, walking here, walking there, but deep down I still feel a little hurt that I didn't atleast take those ten minutes for a little jog when I got home. I am feeling the sadness now, even this morning, I feel a bit depressed I guess, just lacking any energy, or momentum for this day. Yesterday was a really busy day, and I don't have those as often as some people do. I do not have children living with me, and my husband is gone from the house three nights a week. So I have a lot of free time to do what I want, when I want. I guess I have just become spoiled by that. I was derailed by one filled up day! I was exhausted yesterday though, and had to take a nap, and still feel quite tired today. I guess instead of being sad about not exercising today, I just have to start this morning on the right foot. Beleive that today is a new day, with new energy and feelings and tasks at hand. I really want to take on my local 5k route again, but I just don't know if I am up for that this morning or not. I am trying as hard as I can not to do the negative self talk, but it is quite difficult to break years and years of practice at something. I know it can be broken, and it is just one day, one step at a time. I think I might have been quite attatched to my negative feelings, using that energy to fuel me when I am down. This is almost a disturbing realization for me to open my eyes to, but I feel myself almost wanting to be depressed, not wanting to look at the bright side. All these emotions I usually cover up to the point where they are unrecognizable, this is my life now. Dealing with them, seeing them for what they are, accepting them, attempting to transform them. It is quite a task, but there is nothing I'd rather be doing. I guess I understand when people say that they need to work on themselves, I never quite got that. But it is work, it is work to acknowledge, and address your needs on a daily basis. Quite different this new world of mine it, very much different than I had initially thought. I just had no idea the magnitude of what I was dealing with as an emotional eater. Food really has been used as a drug to cope with my life, every aspect of it. Now, without my trusted companion, my sugar and white flour and excesses, it is just such a foreign world out there. I'm so used to being half awake, not really experiencing anything, numb, comfortably numb. But as it turns lately, not so comfortably numb. My overeating has began to really affect my body, how it feels during activity and during rest. So, by purging my emotions onto this page, day in and day out. I am becoming my own counselor. Healing my own wounds. Accepting myself as I am, and moving forward into who I want to be. I really had no idea how powerful the prospect of change could be in my life. It is my shining star, I will not let it go, I will not turn my head. I will stay focused, as intently as I can on the path ahead. Onward and upward my dear ones, we are in this together.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ME_HERE_NOW 9/22/2011 1:42AM

    it is great to get your feelings out and let them go, it also helps you stay accountable to yourself when you share your goals with others. you know, a day of rest isn't a terrible thing, i bet your body enjoyed it and you had a lil extra oomph in your step the day after for your next workout. you can always start a new streak, you can make all kindsa streak goals, you are doing great, it is easy to feel let down when we don't fit in everything in a day we would like to - but tomorrow is there to try again ;) xoxo!

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BUTTERFLYAT38 9/20/2011 11:11PM

    Beautiful and honest post. Its so true..when we overeat we try to numb and as great as it is to feel really alive its just as scary sometimes to sit with those feelings. Your awareness is exceptional. Why do we sabatoge ourselves from being the best we can be? Its so much safer to stay miserable we know what to expect..but when we are optimistic and go out there and do different things we open ourselves up for disappointment and hurt but we also open ourselves up for the wonders of life and progression. Ahh growing pains....

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CROOKEDLETTER 9/20/2011 8:54PM

    I think the thing to remember is that occasionally some days will be too full for "normal" exercise, and some days we will feast in good for the spirit ways and some days we will gorge in bad for the spirit ways, but if we're hitting the target more days than not, then we're doing good.

It is interesting to notice the ways that we enjoy our negative thinking. Some day I'm going to write an essay or performance piece about how poetic descriptions of depression should be outlawed (not really, but part of me thinks this). I have stopped myself from waxing poetic when blue- instead I let myself feel blue, pay attention to what's happening and sometimes distract the mind in positive ways, 'cause rumination is not good for the soul.

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Weekend bliss

Monday, September 19, 2011

Went to the local wildlife refuge yesterday. I usually go there during the wetter months when there are more birds and lots of water, but it was pretty out there now too.



I also went to the best bible study I have ever been to last night. My husband found a new church that we have been to about three times now. And although I would rather be going to a local church where we can meet people from our own city, I am really enjoying this new place. I have never been around more humble and knowledgable people. Last night the worship leader and the pastor and their wives met at the pastors house with four others besides us. It was a very educational, intimate, comfortable setting. I didn't feel condemned or put on the spot or out of place like I have often felt in similar settings. I am feeling like I might have finally found my community I've been searching for for years now. As I have said before, I am more on the fringe of spiritual practices, I usually don't fit into traditional settings very well. But for some reason this church just feels different. I am hoping it is the humble, Christ honoring, community changing, loving entity that I have been dreaming of for awhile now. If it is, then being a part of it is the answer to years of prayer.

Today is my Sunday, since I have Sunday/Monday off, and I am spending it with Grandpa. We are going to Sacramento for a doctors appointment and then meeting two of my siblings for lunch. I am not looking forward to eating out again, since I ate out twice this weekend already. But I haven't gone over my calories in quite a few weeks now and am slowly learning how to order according to my needs, so I'm sure it will all go well. It's always nice to spend time with the fam. Hope you all have a beautiful, sparky start to your week.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WENDYLEE15 9/20/2011 6:55AM

    I am really happy for you.I hope you have found what you have been looking for too!! I know how hard that is.that would be such a blessing!! I hope you had a good family lunch....and have a great rest of your week.
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BUTTERFLYAT38 9/19/2011 9:58PM

    emoticon your in such a good place right now i can see emoticon emoticon

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CROOKEDLETTER 9/19/2011 1:33PM

    A beautiful, sparkly sparkling sparky spart (spark and start all mushed together) to you as well!

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HEIDIB2935 9/19/2011 11:28AM

    Great photo! Have a good week!

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11,11

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Had to post this today, 11 pounds and 11 inches lost. Pretty cool, wonder how many other times these numbers will match???? Gotta get sparkin this morning, hittin the streets before church.
Cheers to you all!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ME_HERE_NOW 9/19/2011 4:25PM

    hope you had a great sparked day m'lady :D i was thinking about you and your excitement last nite while i was ROLLER SKATING for the first time in well over 20 yrs *laughs*

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COACHKRYSTIE 9/18/2011 9:18PM

    awesome!

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FREETHEGODDESS 9/18/2011 8:19PM

    Make sure you pick number 11 on your lottery ticket. lol

Fantastic job on the weight loss! You CAN do this!
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PURPLELVR7 9/18/2011 6:46PM

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SHAMROCKY2K 9/18/2011 5:34PM

    EXCELLENT! Keep us the good work!
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CROOKEDLETTER 9/18/2011 1:09PM

    11 11 make a wish!

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WENDYLEE15 9/18/2011 12:30PM

    Total awesomeness..How cool is that !! emoticon Have a wonderful Sparky Sunday !!

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ADDYSGETTINFIT 9/18/2011 11:53AM

    Way to go, hon! Woot! Woot!!

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