SOULFISH80   13,941
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Time flies

Friday, September 16, 2011

Yay, today is my emoticon!!!
Lost 8.2 pounds and 9 inches.
Drink atleast 8 cups of water everyday
Log all food everday
Have made new recipes and updated old ones
Have exercised atleast 10 minutes everyday for a month
Have made new, wonderful, interesting, loving and movtiational friends
Go to bed before 11:00 pm every night and get up before 7 am every morning, and sleep like a baby all night
Educate myself on my past emotional eating habits and attempt to remedy them
Have goals posted where I can see them everyday
Eat fruit or veggies or both at every meal
Switched to all whole grains
Switched to low fat or non fat on all dairy
Blog everyday
Embrace the roller coaster of life headon without turning to food to cover up the high and low emotions
Told everyone I could that I was on a new health journey
Got my bike fixed
Learned that one cup of dry rice=three cups cooked
Learned to ask the waiter how something is cooked before assuming it is what I want to put in my body
Made my first awesome batch of kombucha
Made my first green breakfast smoothie
Ate breakfast and lunch everyday
Have not eaten fast food in one month
Have only eaten out three times in one month
Have walked/jogged my first 5K ( mapped the distance and tried on my own.)
Rode 5-6 mile bike rides consistently for the last week or so
Did more than 5 push ups
Ran nearly a mile
Swam a half mile a day for a whole week
Talked about SparkPeople to anyone who would listen ( and some who weren't!)
Realized that I am worth it
Realized that I will reach my goal
Realized exactly what my goals are
Am excited by my goals
Got my first exercise battle scar, and am a proud warrior
Know just how friendly my city is in the morning, during peak exercise hours
Know how to shop healthy
Was told I glow!
Planned a whole days worth of meals and stuck to it
Have only binged once in a month
Have big plans for my future and am not going to ever turn my back on my needs, hopes, dreams or health again
Love life in a way I never really knew was possible
See people around me in a new light and want to spark everyone into a healthier life
Am not bored on a diet and ready to quit
Everday am inspired to do more, experience more, and share those experiences whith anyone who will listen
Have a family who is proud of me
Have the spark to get involved in outreach in the local homeless shelter in my city
Know what to do with my "bored" time now
Like exercise
Like beating my own personal records
Like talking about my weight, because I am on the path to change it
Got a fresh, new haircut for the first time in over a year
Learned how to gauge my health progress by more than just a number on the scale

OK I could probably go on and on, but I will stop here. It has been a blessed month, for all of you that were a part of it, thanks and I love you.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RIDMYCOCOON 9/16/2011 7:48PM

    emoticon emoticon
What a lovely list of lovley things! YAAAAY! YOOOUUUU!
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JUDYPOPPINS 9/16/2011 2:36PM

    You are really making some wonderful changes and great progress!! Such an uplifting blog!! emoticon

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ME_HERE_NOW 9/16/2011 2:16PM

    i am SO excited for you! you have realized the power is within you to make your life what you want it. you realize how sparking one area of your life leads to sparking other areas. you are filled with motivation and excitement, which in turn motivates people like me to remember just WHY i try to do the same! your new fresh energy makes me want to move more, be more joyous, and not take things for granted. you remind me why the progress i have made is worth holding onto & to not be afraid to strive for more even tho it may take a lifetime, at least i'll be actively working on it. i am super excited we have met to cheer one another along! congrats on your one month sparkversary, here's to the 2nd month being filled with just as many good vibes and wonderful revelations. YOU ARE DOING IT and i am SO PROUD OF YOU!

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CROOKEDLETTER 9/16/2011 12:56PM


Of course, you have to make sure you post a picture of your new haircut.


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Spark life

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Well tomorrow is my first month sparkversary, and I feel like I have turned a new leaf. I am seeing, with the glorious help from beautiful souls on here, that health is a many faceted jewel. It is not just exercise and eat right and you will be healthy. Your body might be, but what about your heart, your mind? These are the areas I am seeing need attention, because without health and balance there, all the exercise and eating right could go down the tubes in a couple of bad months trapped in a hopeless/helpless mind/heart. So, how do I traverse the wilderness of these mysterious landscapes. I do not claim to understand my heart or my mind. They reveal deep and curious, wild and scary things to me. I am not sure that I am qualified to understand, or heal these areas, I am not a psychiatrist, or a life counselor. But, I do have friends, I do have family, and a husband, and a redeemer in Christ. So with this knowledge that I need to heal my heart, heal my mind, heal my soul, what is the first step towards that? Am I already on that path, I feel like I am. Is it more church? That is a loaded question, since I am more of a mystic Christian than anything else, and modern Christian church does not quite address the deepest curiosities of my soul. Do I turn to others? That helps, a lot, but in the end I have to do the work myself. I guess I turn to myself. It is within me that the questions lie, and within those questions, hope for an answer. I feel changed today, as if the somber realizations of yesterday sent a torrential rain that has washed away a hidden layer I've not seen before. I spent so many years running from the rain, only now to find that it is the rain that brings the crops of my soul to harvest. I hope you are healthy today, in all areas of your life. Let your hearts song be heard, and follow that beat with reverence and joy for you know your path is authentic and divine.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THESHELBSTER 9/17/2011 10:41PM

    Wow. You are such an elegant writer. This blog was beautifully written.. Hugs. Thanks for sharing.

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PEPPERCHILD 9/15/2011 10:40PM

You are the architect of your destiny - build your dream and live it each and every day.

I was raised Baptist and attended church, Sunday School, vacation bible school you name it. While I don't worship in the traditional sense anymore my foundation is solid and I fundamentally believe that we stewards for ourselves and others.
Religious affiliations do not define or bind me. I believe in God and live my life in a manner that honors the spirituality of the universe.

I loved your post and I am thankful that we have a forum to openly discuss and embrace our personal beliefs.

The light in me salutes the light in you.


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RIDMYCOCOON 9/15/2011 6:58PM

    Turning to oneself is, in my opinion, the best thing that one can do for true answers. And with some of that other stuff you mentioned as fodder I am sure your crops will be plentiful xox emoticon Happy Sparkiversary! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/15/2011 6:59:12 PM

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CROOKEDLETTER 9/15/2011 4:36PM

    For some reason, the Shaker hymn Simple Gifts is popping in my head.

I have to agree there is plenty of mystic Christian stuff out there. And more and more mainstream congregations as well as alternative ones are bringing more from the contemplative/mystic tradition into worship and conversation.

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MAESTRACH 9/15/2011 1:37PM

    Mystic Christianity is still out there. You just have to find someone who's not afraid of it. I'm blessed to have found 3 pastors here who not only understand my "gifts" but are able to help coach me cope with and use them as well. Find what your soul craves and go for it. With me, it's being among the trees and hearing the winds move through the trees. I can always find a quiet place near by to refresh my soul..taking my guitar and pulling out some Quaker hymns doesn't hurt either.

Glad you're here and that you're on your path. Remember that healthy is a constant state of change and flux. SP has the support and tools for you to find your path. We get to walk with each other and support each other, but it is you who must find your inner harmony. It sounds to me like you're on the right track. Keep up the great work!

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WENDYLEE15 9/15/2011 1:24PM

I consider myself more spiritual than religious.I kind of follow my own thing..and agree with the way you look at things.You ..I feel are headed on the right path( in the right direction) I feel if we seek we shall find.I feel this journey is what we make of it.It is up to us to do with it what we want and the lessons and answers are there if we are open to the truth that is happening.It is not easy..but can be soooo beautiful if we allow it to be. We can be our own worst enemies..or our own best friends.We are always a work in progress..and it is such a blessing when we find others who are understanding and on that same kind of path. So let's just learn to let in the rain.and see what wonders are in store for us :).
Have a wonderfully blessed day!!

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In the valley

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

I could feel my blue side rearing it's lonely little head yesterday the moment I walked through my work door. I was running late, hadn't done my hair, it was wet still, and a client made some off color remarks to me about how long he'd already been waiting. Instead of my normal response of, " I'm sorry, I can take you right now", I snapped back at him, "Well, I'm early, do you want a haircut or not?" This is not me. I have really been having trouble facing all of my emotions without the food fog to help me ignore, or brush over them. I am feeling things I haven't felt in a long time, and am not exactly equipped to deal with this barrage of emotions. I am also feeling the inner attack I've always had on myself for not being perfect. That was always a factor in my house growing up, my father only showed true affection when we had a perfect report card, or did something extraordinary, and anything less was unacceptable. I have had that attitude toward myself my whole life, but as I got older and my life was not perfect, I just ate to cover up my feelings of guilt and regret for not being the best, not being what I always thought I would be. Now, as I am embarking on this new journey, atleast this morning, I am focusing on the honest mistakes I have made thus far, and not seeing all the progress. And this is the reason I have been blogging everyday. I need to track these emotional ups and downs, and I also am glad I can look back and see the progress I have made. I am beating myself up because I made a few mistakes this last week, which has kept me from reaching my 10 loss for this first month. And in some ways I am very upset, I didn't see these bumps in the road coming, and I feel like I should have known better. But on the other had, I am trying to be happy with the progress I have made. I have read a few articles about how the scale is not the best indicator of your progress, and I beleive that, but for now I am not broke from using that as a gauge for my progress. And when it is either not moving, or going up, I have to question what am I doing wrong. And sure enough I do get my answers, and all the peices fit together, and even though I have been exercising everday, I have had a couple of inadvertant overeating scenarios arise. I haven't had a full on binge since the first couple of days on here. But I am still not strong enough to say enough is enough, in a restaurant setting. This weekend my brother took me to dinner, and I assumed I would be able to find something suitable to eat. I settled with spicy chicken strips, not realizing it would be breaded, I know, I know, I was so hungry, I just wasn't thinking straight. (I still haven't mastered the art of having healthy snacks around me all the time.) So when my food came to me, it not only was breaded, but also swimming in a sweet sauce. And I ate all of it. I only ate half the rice which is acutally an improvement for me, however, the scale is now reflecting this. This teamed with the fact that at the end of last week I made a recipe and said I put in 4 cups of rice and actually put in 6, which caused me to think my portions were bigger than they should have been, and I ate this item three times in one day. Which added to my calorie count more than I even know. So, yeah, it's not perfect, it's not even the out of control binges that are getting me down, like I thought I would be having trouble with, it is the honest mistakes, just not thinking straight. That bad habit of not caring what I am eating or how many calories I am consuming is still alive and well. And it is going to take time for me to really tame these beasts. But I also have to focus on the positive, on the progress not the amount lost. Because really, I have my whole life. Just one day at a time, it's not a race, so what if I just signed up for a challenge and committed to trying to loose 40 pounds by February!! So what! If I do, awesome, if I don't, oh well, I'm not giving up. OK, sorry for this long rant, just needed to get all that out. Feels better to purge the emotions instead of let them fester and cause more guilt and unrest.
I am thinking my bike ride is going to help me clear my mind this morning, so glad I have that bike to rely on.

Thanks for reading!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I really identified with what you wrote about trying to be perfect to please your family. I grew up the same way. My father was never satisfied with what I accomplished. He always pointed out what I could have done better. That can be helpful but, not if you are left feeling like a disappointment to your family. I didn't realize until recently that I was depressed as a teenager.

Now that I am grown, they say that they were always proud of me but, I sure didn't feel it growing up. My parents have always fought a lot and they love to eat especially after one of their fights when we would have some kind of dessert. I learned at an early age that food was comforting to me.

All my life I tried to be perfect and always felt ashamed of myself for being fat. I felt like I showed the world my weakness and flaws by being over-weight. I had to relax my sabotaging thoughts of perfection in order to allow myself to learn and grow.

Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. If we don't allow ourselves to make mistakes and still love ourselves, we will never be able to grow and succeed.

Those feelings of perfection are in your head from your father. Kick thoses thoughts out of there!!! You have to treat yourself with love and care now. You are choosing to live a healthy life. You are worth doing this for. You are not alone anymore. We are here to walk this path with you. You are learning a new lifestyle and there will be ups and downs that are a normal part of learning.

You will be better prepared next time you go out to eat. When in doubt, ask the waiter questions about how the food is prepared. But, that meal is over, concentrate on the new day tomorrow brings and allow yourself as much time as you need to take this journey.

Compliment yourself everyday on something you have achieved. You will start doing it automatically after awhile. This is about getting those old negative thoughts out of your head and replacing them with new, positive ones that encourage you to reach your goals. Soon you will find joy in the small accomplishments you make along the way.

You CAN do this! I am glad you are here.
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Comment edited on: 9/15/2011 2:55:53 AM

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ME_HERE_NOW 9/14/2011 2:34PM

    the most important thing to see is the big picture - you are so so so far out of your comfort zone right now but you are doing amazing! did you ever think you would be biking 5 miles, walking and running 5K, watching what you eat - even with slip ups i guarantee you are eating like HALF what you once were daily. the journey is never perfect, i slip up all the time, what we are aiming for is to do a good job 80% of the time, leaving room - because lets face it LIFE happens, for a variety of reasons, not every day is as sparked as it can be, but moving fwd, listening to your heart, with your eyes wide open, you will succeed, you already are succeeding, goals are there to push you, but you cannot let not meeting them in a certain time frame derail you. it sounds like you are off to an amazing start, let that thrill you, don't let the little bit you missed sour you - as i tend to do. i am learning and re-learning from you every day and i really appreciate your friendship in my life! it has been so long in my journey since i had any major change, but you are reminding me it is the thrill of the game, challenging myself, and to just let the rest go! xoxo!

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CROOKEDLETTER 9/14/2011 12:41PM

    Sending take care of yourself wishes your way!

I think the thing to remember is that we all mess up all the time in all areas of our lives because we are humans. We make small mistakes here and there. And some are no big deal, so you might not even thing twice about a small slip of the fingers that you quickly corrected for, and others unfortunately are emotionally loaded. I've really been working on a gentle but close to neutral assessment of my "bad" choices. What did I do, why did I do it, do I regret the choice, what would make it easier to make a different choice, is there a baby step so I don't fall it to fix everything right now mindset, which often makes me crazy and means I fix nothing.

I could be wrong, but sailing is not so much a going straight from point A to point B, but starting off in the desired direction, followed by a series of small and regular corrections to get to where you want to be. If you can, try to see the "mistakes" as places to correct course.

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WENDYLEE15 9/14/2011 12:01PM

    Big hugs..I know how hard it is to try to break away from years of emotionally eating to hide/keep things down.It does seem at times that the so called "food fog" made things so much easier.When we start to focus things do come out that we have been avoiding ..but with baby steps we can get there. Just deals with little changes at a time.I have had quite a few FULL ON binges since starting SP.I have had in in control for a few weeks now..but at times it is just hard to fight and so much easier to give in.You haven't resorted to that..and that is REALLY something to be proud of!!You have been doing great and it's really awesome that you popped on here to blog knowing that it would make you feel better.I hope you continue to be proud of yourself because I know I am proud of you !!I hope your bike ride helps to clear your mind and your day turns out to be a beautiful one !!
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Missed it by .21 miles

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

My first attempt at a 5K just occurred, begining at 8:05 am and ending at 8:53 am. Yeah you heard me, it took 48 minutes!! Ha, well quite a bit slower than I'd hoped for, and not as far as I thought, but it was my first try. Now I have a place to start from, it's only up from here! I actually did run some of it, obviously from my time, not very much. My whole body is sticky now though, so I feel like I did something good for it. I tried to walk as fast as I could, and I did tae bo punching arms while I was walking, since that is the one part of my body that hasn't lost any inches yet. And if I look at it this way, a month ago, I would have still been in bed, for another hour or so. And I've already had my smashing breakfast and did 48 minutes of fitness time. Not too shabby. So what if my almost 5k time is hideously slow, who cares, now I know where I'm at and have a time to beat. I am going to have to figure out how to add .21 miles to my distance. It's the little details that keep me coming back for more!!! Spark on people, own that sweat!!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ME_HERE_NOW 9/14/2011 2:15PM

    i have run a cpl 5Ks - i am more about walking them - and my time was like 43 something, so u arent that far off for someone just getting started, tells me you will be fabulous and keep trimming time off. sounds like you are really enjoying the new routine and putting your body thru its paces - very cool. i like that you are discovering the you that has lain dormant inside for so long and now she's getting out and loving the world & conquering challenges every day! congrats!

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RIDMYCOCOON 9/14/2011 12:05PM


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SEASPIRIT1 9/13/2011 9:45PM

    You Rock!!
I love trying to beat my own's the only type of physical competition that I'm motivated by! Keep going before you know it you'll zoom through that 5k and will be working towards a 10k goal!
PS....My arms are still not losing either ~ I was told today that the arms are the last to show keep going strong!

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WENDYLEE15 9/13/2011 2:47PM

    emoticon and you just keep going !! That's a great accomplishment !!Keep us updated !! YOU GO GIRL!! emoticon

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  Good job!! I have had a hard time getting out of bed to work out lately, so I am proud to see that you can!! What are you using to keep track of your distance? If you have an android phone, you might what to get the "Run Keeper" app. I believe you can set it to Kilometers, so you can go 2.5 one way and turn around.

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HJFOGARTY 9/13/2011 12:22PM

    now that is awesome!!! and you are right you have a starting place and will only improve from here! take your time and you will make it happen!!! thanks for sharing and continue to inspire!

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My beautiful weekend

Monday, September 12, 2011

Spent the weekend with family. Had my brother and sister-in-laws baby shower on Saturday, then a wonderful day at the park today.

My healthy contribution to the baby shower, veggies and hummus

A tee pee my brother found on the side of the road, he spent most of the baby shower putting this up

My neice wearing her hand crocheted hat I bought for her at a local craft fair

My beautiful day at the park with my brother, sister-in-law and neice

Perfect baby belly

My bro

My 3 year old neice doing an impromptu backbend, wish I could do that!

It was a very lovely few days, hope you all have a great week!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WENDYLEE15 9/13/2011 2:43PM

    What a wonderful weekend you had.Love the pics!! Beautiful :) !!

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RIDMYCOCOON 9/13/2011 11:03AM

    Looks terrific!

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    emoticonpics! So glad you had a great time!

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TEMPERANCE88 9/13/2011 12:20AM

    What beautiful pictures! Thanks for sharing your experience with us. It sounds like you had a wonderful time. And way to go on bringing a very healthy (and delicious!) food contribution for the baby shower! It looked yummy. Have a great week!

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PEPPERCHILD 9/12/2011 11:34PM

    Thanks for sharing .... Such a wonderful weekend and beautiful family.

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