Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I could feel my blue side rearing it's lonely little head yesterday the moment I walked through my work door. I was running late, hadn't done my hair, it was wet still, and a client made some off color remarks to me about how long he'd already been waiting. Instead of my normal response of, " I'm sorry, I can take you right now", I snapped back at him, "Well, I'm early, do you want a haircut or not?" This is not me. I have really been having trouble facing all of my emotions without the food fog to help me ignore, or brush over them. I am feeling things I haven't felt in a long time, and am not exactly equipped to deal with this barrage of emotions. I am also feeling the inner attack I've always had on myself for not being perfect. That was always a factor in my house growing up, my father only showed true affection when we had a perfect report card, or did something extraordinary, and anything less was unacceptable. I have had that attitude toward myself my whole life, but as I got older and my life was not perfect, I just ate to cover up my feelings of guilt and regret for not being the best, not being what I always thought I would be. Now, as I am embarking on this new journey, atleast this morning, I am focusing on the honest mistakes I have made thus far, and not seeing all the progress. And this is the reason I have been blogging everyday. I need to track these emotional ups and downs, and I also am glad I can look back and see the progress I have made. I am beating myself up because I made a few mistakes this last week, which has kept me from reaching my 10 loss for this first month. And in some ways I am very upset, I didn't see these bumps in the road coming, and I feel like I should have known better. But on the other had, I am trying to be happy with the progress I have made. I have read a few articles about how the scale is not the best indicator of your progress, and I beleive that, but for now I am not broke from using that as a gauge for my progress. And when it is either not moving, or going up, I have to question what am I doing wrong. And sure enough I do get my answers, and all the peices fit together, and even though I have been exercising everday, I have had a couple of inadvertant overeating scenarios arise. I haven't had a full on binge since the first couple of days on here. But I am still not strong enough to say enough is enough, in a restaurant setting. This weekend my brother took me to dinner, and I assumed I would be able to find something suitable to eat. I settled with spicy chicken strips, not realizing it would be breaded, I know, I know, I was so hungry, I just wasn't thinking straight. (I still haven't mastered the art of having healthy snacks around me all the time.) So when my food came to me, it not only was breaded, but also swimming in a sweet sauce. And I ate all of it. I only ate half the rice which is acutally an improvement for me, however, the scale is now reflecting this. This teamed with the fact that at the end of last week I made a recipe and said I put in 4 cups of rice and actually put in 6, which caused me to think my portions were bigger than they should have been, and I ate this item three times in one day. Which added to my calorie count more than I even know. So, yeah, it's not perfect, it's not even the out of control binges that are getting me down, like I thought I would be having trouble with, it is the honest mistakes, just not thinking straight. That bad habit of not caring what I am eating or how many calories I am consuming is still alive and well. And it is going to take time for me to really tame these beasts. But I also have to focus on the positive, on the progress not the amount lost. Because really, I have my whole life. Just one day at a time, it's not a race, so what if I just signed up for a challenge and committed to trying to loose 40 pounds by February!! So what! If I do, awesome, if I don't, oh well, I'm not giving up. OK, sorry for this long rant, just needed to get all that out. Feels better to purge the emotions instead of let them fester and cause more guilt and unrest.
I am thinking my bike ride is going to help me clear my mind this morning, so glad I have that bike to rely on.
Thanks for reading!!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
My first attempt at a 5K just occurred, begining at 8:05 am and ending at 8:53 am. Yeah you heard me, it took 48 minutes!! Ha, well quite a bit slower than I'd hoped for, and not as far as I thought, but it was my first try. Now I have a place to start from, it's only up from here! I actually did run some of it, obviously from my time, not very much. My whole body is sticky now though, so I feel like I did something good for it. I tried to walk as fast as I could, and I did tae bo punching arms while I was walking, since that is the one part of my body that hasn't lost any inches yet. And if I look at it this way, a month ago, I would have still been in bed, for another hour or so. And I've already had my smashing breakfast and did 48 minutes of fitness time. Not too shabby. So what if my almost 5k time is hideously slow, who cares, now I know where I'm at and have a time to beat. I am going to have to figure out how to add .21 miles to my distance. It's the little details that keep me coming back for more!!! Spark on people, own that sweat!!
Monday, September 12, 2011
This morning I cut my ride down from 6 miles to just over 5, which I thought would really affect my calories burned, but actually I ended up riding a bit faster and didn't really burn that many less! Kind of funny. Also it seems the harder exercise isn't always better for me, because then I feel too tired and too hungry. It is the stuff that I can stick with and I like to do everyday that seems to be working better! I have exercised everyday this month for atleast 10 minutes, (most days it is 20-30) and I feel great. I've been waking up on my own at about 6:30 every morning, ready to start my day. My house has never been cleaner, and my fridge has never had as much healthy goodness in it. This is really an incredible life. It's hard to beleive that on the 16th it's only been a month. It feels like so much longer, in a good way. I can't even dream of not doing the things I am doing now. The exercise, the healthy food and GOOD sleep, it is all like a dream to me.
I have a really great day planned, taking prego shots of my about to pop sister-in-law at a really nice park. I am excited, I love taking photos of anything, but especially of my family. This is the first biological baby from my siblings, so we are all super crazy excited. He/she will be here within the next three weeks. I can't wait. I've got to snap those shots like crazy because this may be my last chance before the baby is born.
So, time to clean the house, dream up and make a delicious/nutritious lunch and go play in the park. My new work schedule is so wonderful! For the last two years I felt like I didn't have time to do all this, I worked 9-6 M-F, and 9-12 Sat, which left me with barely enough time to breath! Now I have Sun and Mon off and don't go in till 11:30 on weekdays. I feel so spoiled! And with my new spark life it really helps me to have the time and energy to do all the fun stuff I've been inspired to try this last month. Life is good.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Yes, I have lost 9 inches in less than a month. Can't really believe it, but it's true, the tape measure doesn't lie!!! Every time I am frustrated with the weight not coming off (even though that is going pretty well also) I measure myself, and EVERY TIME it goes down, atleast 1 inch. That is incredible. This lifestyle is the greatest gift I have ever given myself.
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