Monday, January 09, 2012
Well, it's Tuesday and I'm only 10 minutes away from finishing my weeks fitness minutes goal. Hopefully, I'll use that as inspiration to surpass my goal and push on through to the other side!!! I haven't been logging my food as diligently as I need to, and I know that this is the number one key to my success. I love to exercise, that is not hard for me to do, but I also love to eat, and eating in my range is quite hard for me to do. So, this week is about staying in my calorie range and drinking my 8 cups of water everyday without fail.
Things have been hard, possibly harder than I've ever experienced. My husband has been out of work for 3 months, our car got repossesed ( praise God my mom gave us the money to get it out), my sister went manic and verbally attatcked everyone in the family. My mom couldn't take it so she kicked her out and now she is roaming the streets in Humboldt county with no job, no money, and a car that is not registered or insured. It is only a matter of time until her cell phone will get cut off and then we will have no way to contact her. I am so worried about her I can barely stand it. But she doesn't want help. She knows she is manic, but she won't go to a doctor, and she is being violent with everyone she comes into contact with. Her friends even turned her away. I am really scared for her and there is nothing I can do. So I pray, everyday.
And amongst all of this, I have realized that if I don't stay strong and healthy I will be no good for myself or anyone else. So I've been exercising everday, and trying as hard as I can to not overeat or do anything else that will compromise my health. I don't know what tomorrow will hold, but with God's help everyday I find the strength to stay positive and hopeful for a better tomorrow.
I know airing your dirty laundry for the world to see is not always the best way to handle hard times. But one thing I've learned recently is that sometimes talking about the hard times brings unexpected advice or help that I wouldn't be able to get if I stayed quiet and pretended nothing was happening. Thanks to this community I do have some tools in life's basket to help me manuever through these trying times without getting depressed and without masking my emotions with food. Doesn't mean it's easy, doesn't mean I'm doing everything the way I want to, but I'm trying. I'm a willing vessel and I feel that this willingness for positive change is giving me the strength to see that I can survive life's hurdles, and come out on the other side wiser, stronger and more able to handle anything that comes my way.
I hope you all are surviving your own hurdles. Health really is more valuable than any riches this world can offer, and SP offers the clearest, best tools to acheive that healthy balance. Thanks for reading this, your comments and freindship have been priceless to me.
Take care, be strong, love big, no regrets. We have a beautiful future awaiting us, we just have to take the wheel and steer this ship into the peaceful waters of life that we all have available to us when we stay strong, focused and healthy.
Love you guys.
Monday, January 02, 2012
Just stole this from a blog I read that was suggested by my good friend RITZIBROWN. Instead of reposting the blog, I just stole the clip attatched. Hope you like it as much as I did. And I also am glad I got off my booty today for 45 minutes........wasn't hard, just had to get up and do it.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
As I sit here at work, counting down the time til the clock hits 12pm and I can go home, I am thinking of all the things I am thankful for. This has really been a great year, and finding SP and starting my healthy lifestyle is definitely the peak of the goodness that has come my way this year. I am really glad to know that I can royally geek out, take time off from calorie counting and exercise and still get back into the swing of things without completely beating myself up. I've already lost a pound this week, and I feel like this really is my life now. I don't look at a timeline anymore, when it happens it happens, and my goals have changed a bit, instead of looking at the 100 pound "ideal" weight loss goal, I've come to realize that even half of that would be monumental, and I will be so happy when I've achieved that......and I'm on my way!!!
Went on my first evening exercise jaunt last night with my hubby. It was really nice. We bundled up and just started walking, sticking to the lighted streets. When we got home, all sweaty and wanting some water, I found out I'd locked us out of the apartment!! Heeee, sorry babe!!! But our managers are so cool and we've lived here awhile and they know us, so when we called, she came right out with a smile on her face, at 8pm, in the cold, and got us unlocked! I love this place, I mean, there is nothing glamourous about apartment living, but it is quite a nice little community! Then the oddest thing happened, as soon as we got in, there was a knock at the door, my husband answered and it was a little boy selling the paper. We don't get it yet, they were doing a 3 month trial offer for really cheap, so we said sure............he was just too cute to say no to. Anyway, my husband opened the front page, took one look and started crying. Now mind you, he is still having his anxiety/depression, so I was a little concerned, but he has been crying often lately. So, I watched his face as it turned from tears to a baffled stare. After about a minute of wondering what in the world he was looking at, he finally showed me, it took me a minute to register who's obituary shot I was looking at, then finally it hit me. It was his great uncle. We heard years ago that he "might" live in our town.......which is quite a small city, less than 50,000 right now I believe. We actually went looking for him a few years back, made it to the house, and decided last minute not to knock on the door because we got the feeling that younger people lived there. The real reason this is so incredible to us is becuase we live in California, and my husband, and his uncle are both from Georgia, my husband has not seen this man since he was 19. My husband was raised by his grand father, the brother of the deceased uncle, and now, for the first time since my husband has been in California (15 years) he has a connection to the family of the most important person in his life. It is terribly sad that we didn't knock on that door those years back, but now we can talk to his wife, kids, grandkids, etc. After we saw the obituary, my husband instantly googled his uncles name and address and got a phone number, called it and his aunt answered, although he doesn't remember her, she rememberd him from when he was a kid. Mind you this was a great uncle that lived in California his whole life, so it wasn't someone he was around very much, BUT, but to my husband this is HUGE. His whole family is gone, both parents, step-parents and grandparents have all passed away. He has a half brother and sister, his two boys and me, that is the extent of his family. So to find out that he has family, right here in our small town is really, really overwhelming to be honest. We've been invited over for lunch sometime next week, then we are going to the funeral where we might meet up with the sister of his grandpa and uncle that my husband has only heard of and never met. This is such a lovely connection for my husband because his grandad was God on earth for him, and to be able to meet some of his family is really amazing. I'm so glad we came home from our walk when we did, and that we bought the paper, because on another, less joyous night, we might have denied the little paper boy, since we have never recieved the paper before.............and we really have no real desire to take it now, it was just a God thing, that is the only way we can explain it. We would never have seen that obituary if we hadn't have opened that door and said yes to that little paper boy. Anyway, this coudln't have come at a better time, with my husband being so depressed and having these severe anxiety attacks recently. I think this is the light in his life that he needs right now, a connection to his past that he hasn't had in nearly 20 years. So, that is my excitement for today. Sorry this was a bit rambling, I'm just so excited to see how these family meetings/relationships will grow. I guess all of their family lives in this general area, they've been here for over 40 years, working and living in this town. Wow, you just never know what life holds for you!!!!
Happy New Year! Love to you all.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Well, don't know exactly how long I've been off track, but I haven't been on here in a little over a month. Much drama ensued these last months, the most overwhelming being my husbands incessant panic attacks that have left him spending most of his days in bed, crying.(Went to ER on Christmas Eve with an especially bad one.) So, of course, I relied on my 31 year old actions of overeating, and lethargy to help me deal with this stress and worry. I went from losing 17 pounds and 19 inches in two months, to being afraid to get on the scale or pull out the tape measure last night. But I did break down and get on the scale this morning, and was pleasantly surprised. My nearly two month binger resulted in a 4 pound gain. So in four months I've lost 13 pounds............not anywhere near where I'd imagined I'd be by now. But I'm learning. I remembered how good I felt when I was exercising and coutning my calories and eating more fruits and veggies and drinking all my water. And wow, in just over a month, I felt TERRIBLE, both the guilty kind of terrible that goes along with letting myself down, and physically terrible from overeating and under activity. So, even though my stress levels are quite high...........(can't pay bils, worried about my husband and when he is going to get better, worried about my own health because being bi-polar myself, stress affects me quite negatively) I must trudge on. I can't give up on myself, I don't want to. Everyday these last weeks I've been thinking about eating better and exercising. I just couldn't do it, but I wanted to. So today..............started off with whole grain cereal, lowfat yogurt and blueberries. I've got my water cup filled, and I went on a 2.5 mile bike ride. I can't believe how much things can change in such a short amount of time. Right before I stopped exercising I was up to over 8 mile bike rides, with energy for more.......burning 300-400 calories, this morning, my 2.5 mile ride was HARD and in the time it took me, I only burned just over 100 calories!!! Wow, it really doesn't take long to fall back to the starting line. But, the one thing I do have is the desire, and a plan to get started again. I am going back to my fast break goals, and am going to try to meet those everyday.
I want to thank all of you who kept me in your thoughts and checked in on me when I was gone. I missed you more than I knew and I appreciate you endlessly.
And to all of you who have already lost most of your wieght and have been mantaining for awhile...............WWWOOOO Double HOOOOOOOOOO to you. You have always been my heroes, but in my recent absence, I am in renewed awe of your determination, strength and stamina through the ups and downs of life. You all are helping me keep my eye on the prize!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
So instead of being unhappy that I haven't lost much this last month...........I'm now celebrating that I haven't gained any this last week!! So happy. It was a REALLY long hard week, in fact so long and hard that I slept my entire weekend, two whole days. I haven't done that in years and years. My sister went missing for 26 hours, we all panicked and it was a HORRIBLE day, that was early last week, and I didn't really recover from that stress until today!!!! It was really bad. I am glad she is OK, I am glad it was nothing bad, it's just wild the thoughts that run through your head when you think someone you love might be hurt. It's overwhelming. I'm really excited for Thanksgiving, gonna have a houseful at my mom's. Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. I am definitely trying to do it healthy this year, my goal is to drink my 8 cups of water and track everything I eat....................I'm not too worried about staying in my calorie range, if I go a "little" over, I'll be OK with that. I know that's not a great way to think of it, but that is what makes me feel good. I hope you all have a lovely time with your friends and families.
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