Monday, September 26, 2011
I just want to be me. I want it so bad. I want to be the me I see when I close my eyes. Living the life I want, I guess that is what we all want. I must admit, I'm a little confused about the whole weight loss mystery this week. Since the first month went so well, weight loss wise, I assumed it would all be that smooth and easy. I haven't lost anything this week. I have been exercising and staying within my calorie range everyday. I've been drinking my water, and everything as "by the book" as I can. I already know that this won't derail me, I am not turning around, or back, or any direction but forward. But it is still frustrating and of course I have to ask myself, what did I do wrong? What didn't I do? Did I eat enough? Too much? Exercise enough? Too much? It is quite a mystery to me. If it was a gauranteed 1-2 pound loss per week, I think I could justify all of the work I have been doing.........not that I really need to justify it, I love my new, active life. But I have to say, it is a little disheartening when the scale is the same. I guess we have all have those weeks. And the old Stephanie does peep her head in to let me know that I am not strong enough, I just don't have the willpower, I'm not going to succeed. But deep down I know I am. I know it. I have to learn patience and perseverance. I am a pretty strong willed person. And I know I will achieve my goals, I just see some blogs on here of people with so much success, so quickly. But I can't judge my path by anyone else's. Just one day at a time. I do know I am eating MUCH less, and much cleaner than I was before SP, and exercising MUCH more. And that is HUGE for me. Two things that have been so important to me for so long. I guess the weight is really a side issue at this point, I know it will come off in time, if it takes two years, fine, three, four, five, fine. It really doesn't matter. I keep thinking, if I could just run faster, or father, bike longer or harder, eat cleaner or less, I would see the results I want. But it isn't all about that. It's about health in all things, in all areas. I guess I am a tad more impatient that I realized I was, one of the many things I am learning about myself that I didn't see when I was immersed in the food fog. And everyday I am still growing and pushing. Yesterday I did yoga for the first time. So great, it felt amazing. So, one day, one step one breath at a time. This is my mantra. I have to write it, say it, so I can believe it and do it. Thanks to all of you wonderful community members out there who are on their path to a healthy life, you all inspire me so much. I think of you often before I take a bite of something I really don't want in my body, or when I push myself in my exercises to ride one more mile. I really feel like I have a whole cheering section behind me, helping me acheive each days goals. For this I am eternally greatful.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Wow the master of the universe sure knows how to guide me where I need to be.
Hope you all enjoy this boost of motivation.
This one has a similar message, but a bit more amazing added footage.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
I know you don't always believe in yourself, I know it's not always rainbows and flowers for you. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes you wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Sometimes you are tired, sometimes sick. Sometimes you just don't want to. But you have a vison for the future, you have goals, hopes, dreams, a plan, a path you are walking that is leading to a future you never believed was possible.
One day, one choice, one step at a time. Some days are hard, some easy. Some filled with reasons to rejoice, others reasons to cry. Sometimes the scale is your best friend, others your worst enemy. Sometimes you are hungry, other times full. Sometimes you eat clean, other times not as much. But you are trying, every day, in every way you can, to be stronger, faster, smarter in your new healthy life. Records have been broken, inches and pounds have been lost. Miles have been walked/jogged/ridden, fitness hours have been tracked. Food choices have been healthier, friends have been made, sweat has dripped and compliments have been given.
You are becoming you. The cocoon is loosening. You aren't going to quit this time. It will happen, you will achieve your goals. You are smart, funny, big hearted and loving. You give as much as you can to everyone you meet. You love your neighbor, genuinely, truly. You want to be more than you are, to give more than you have and love bigger than you can imagine.
You are giving your body the building blocks for your future, to live the quality of life you've always dreamed of. You are poised to achieve your dreams, and you must not forget it. Today may not be easy, tomorrow might not be either, but you know where your past actions led you. Tears, questions, why's, that is the life you knew. Filling up the hole in your heart with food until you didn't recognize the woman in the mirror anymore. You know where that path leads, you've been down that road for many, many years and it leads nowhere. So now, today, make the choices that lead to your future. The future you dreamt of as a girl. The health and vitality that you were destined to know.
Don't forget how far you've come, don't forget the feeling of your successes. Don't fall back. Walk, run, crawl your way to your prized future. No one can do it for you and you have the best helping hands to guide your moves and position you exactly where you need to be. Hold tight, dont' give up. Exercise smart, eat smart, live smart, be smart.
I love you and so does your family, be the best you can be, so that you can get to know the woman you were born to be. Congratulations on your hard work, keep doing it, you will acheive your goals, one day, one week, one month at a time.
All my love,
Friday, September 23, 2011
The automatic calories burned calculator says that I burned 600 calories this morning on my 7.15 mile bike ride, nearly 200 more than my 5K walk/jog yesterday. And I just can't see how that is true. The bike ride was 35 minutes, the walk/jog 45, I was about to keel over, drenched with sweat on the walk/jog, on the ride, not so much. I just have a feeling the calories burned might be a little off? Has anyone ever thought this before? I guess this is another question for the message boards.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Am I ready for this? Am I really? I've only lost 11 pounds and already the compliments, from people who don't even know I've lost any weight, are coming. On my lunch break today, the landlord (who happens to be a younger/attractive guy) told me that I looked "really good today". Uhhhhh, what?????? 254.2 people, yeah, um, can I handle compliemnts already. I just smiled and said thanks. But I'm a little wierded out. OK, really wierded out. I'm not used to favorable attention for my looks, maybe my witty personality, or something else non-looks related, but men don't usually compliment my looks. I mean I've known the landlord for 2.5 years, never anything remotely complimentary has ever come out of his lips towards me. Uh, help me!!! Cuz I'm imagining this is only the begining????? What did you guys do in this situation? Did it make you feel wierd? I've just been so heavy for so long, still am, and am finally realizing that I won't be forever, and how am I going to deal with this? I've never been the right weight for my height, EVER. I was an overweight child, the last time I was a normal weight, I was 4. OK, so, any ideas people? I don't want to be freaked everytime a compliment comes. But I don't want to get a big head. I mean I have a long way to go before I'm going to have to worry about the kind of attention I am worried about..............BUT already???? 11 pounds???? Yikes, this is wierd.
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