SOULFISH80   13,642
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Today's journey

Monday, September 26, 2011

I just want to be me. I want it so bad. I want to be the me I see when I close my eyes. Living the life I want, I guess that is what we all want. I must admit, I'm a little confused about the whole weight loss mystery this week. Since the first month went so well, weight loss wise, I assumed it would all be that smooth and easy. I haven't lost anything this week. I have been exercising and staying within my calorie range everyday. I've been drinking my water, and everything as "by the book" as I can. I already know that this won't derail me, I am not turning around, or back, or any direction but forward. But it is still frustrating and of course I have to ask myself, what did I do wrong? What didn't I do? Did I eat enough? Too much? Exercise enough? Too much? It is quite a mystery to me. If it was a gauranteed 1-2 pound loss per week, I think I could justify all of the work I have been doing.........not that I really need to justify it, I love my new, active life. But I have to say, it is a little disheartening when the scale is the same. I guess we have all have those weeks. And the old Stephanie does peep her head in to let me know that I am not strong enough, I just don't have the willpower, I'm not going to succeed. But deep down I know I am. I know it. I have to learn patience and perseverance. I am a pretty strong willed person. And I know I will achieve my goals, I just see some blogs on here of people with so much success, so quickly. But I can't judge my path by anyone else's. Just one day at a time. I do know I am eating MUCH less, and much cleaner than I was before SP, and exercising MUCH more. And that is HUGE for me. Two things that have been so important to me for so long. I guess the weight is really a side issue at this point, I know it will come off in time, if it takes two years, fine, three, four, five, fine. It really doesn't matter. I keep thinking, if I could just run faster, or father, bike longer or harder, eat cleaner or less, I would see the results I want. But it isn't all about that. It's about health in all things, in all areas. I guess I am a tad more impatient that I realized I was, one of the many things I am learning about myself that I didn't see when I was immersed in the food fog. And everyday I am still growing and pushing. Yesterday I did yoga for the first time. So great, it felt amazing. So, one day, one step one breath at a time. This is my mantra. I have to write it, say it, so I can believe it and do it. Thanks to all of you wonderful community members out there who are on their path to a healthy life, you all inspire me so much. I think of you often before I take a bite of something I really don't want in my body, or when I push myself in my exercises to ride one more mile. I really feel like I have a whole cheering section behind me, helping me acheive each days goals. For this I am eternally greatful.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ME_HERE_NOW 9/28/2011 4:19PM

    hey darlin, you had immense success off the starting line, so naturally it would have to slow a little. i think you are doing amazing, and being able to do more/longer/harder/faster comes with time, right now i think you are doing an amazing job stayin active and motivated and not burning yourself out - i think you are doing a sensible and awesome job, and yes, ones journey cannot be compared to someone else's because we all live a life unique to ourselves, our bodies are unique, as are our hearts and minds. some weeks/days/months you just gotta do it to do it, because soon that will take you to the next level, not every wee/day/month comes with an immediate reward - but that is what makes the journey exciting and challenging!! big love beamin atcha!

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MAESTRACH 9/27/2011 5:41PM

    Are you tracking your measurements as well as your weight? You will find that about 90% of the time when your stupid scale isn't moving that it doesn't mean your body's not. You'll start noticing little things like a bra cup suddenly not fitting right or perhaps, you'll see more definition in your biceps. It's really important to watch those numbers too. It's the non scale victories that will help you keep going. Remember that the scale is not the begining and end all of a healthy life style (that's for dieters) When the scales not moving, don't trip potato chip, find something else to focus on perfecting while you're learning how to coax your body into doing what you want her to. For example when I'm on a plateau, I have to watch what and how I'm snacking and I usually have to (shucks darn) treat myself to some good old chocolate ice cream and some foods that I don't normally eat to get my body thinking Oh what's next? then I go back into my calorie range, change up my workouts a bit and down we go again. Healthy doesn't mean boring. Sometimes, though we get into a rut and then the body does and you have to jump start her like a dead battery. Add some extra zing and you'll be back to slimming down.

Keep up the great work. Part of your weight loss journey is learning about your emotional health too.

Spark on Girl!!!

Rachel

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TRAVELINGLITE 9/26/2011 9:16AM

  Losing slowly is soooo frustrating. (Sounds like me). But you are wise enough to know it is not just about the scale. As you said, it is about your health. You can't control the scale. All you control is your behavior. Sounds like you are doing what you need to do. The results will come. Inspiring blog. Wish I could write so well.
Lynn emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/26/2011 9:15:36 AM

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CROOKEDLETTER 9/26/2011 8:03AM

    I second what Ms. Freethegoddess said about all the Non Scale Victories. How do you feel? How do you move? What can you do? I also think our bodies need time to adjust to big changes, so you lose weight for four weeks running and then don't lose any or much of any, for a week or so, which seems like the body saying okay, let me get a handle on this thing that is happening to me.

Also make sure you have your fitness settings adjusted to reflect all your exercise. Sorry if this part of the comment is a repeat from before. Sounds counterintuitive, but I started losing weight again once my calorie range was increased to deal with the fact that I'm being super active ('cause I like it and need it not 'cause I'm trying to lose weight quickly).

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FREETHEGODDESS 9/26/2011 1:51AM

    Okay girlfriend, here's the skinny (no pun intended) on this whole scale thing....the scale SUCKS and is not to be trusted! Sorry to be so blunt but, it is true! I have 4 1/2 months of this under my belt (I'm full of puns tonight!) and I know now that the scale is playing mind games with you.

First off, the best way to gauge whether you are making progress on your weight loss, with regards to the scale, is to look at a whole month not each day or each week. Weight fluctuations, especially for women, are very normal and very frustrating.

A good way to stay positive and motivated is to measure your success in other ways too. Do you feel better now? Do you sleep better now? Is your skin clearer now? Are you stronger? Can you do more push-ups? Have you lost inches? Does your face look thinner?

It is nice to see the number go down on the scale but, my happiest moments have been when I was able to do something I couldn't do before like paint my toe nails and walk a 5K. Those are the things I am really motivated by.

You are going in the right direction and will reach your goals eventually. In the meantime, just enjoy the journey and celebrate all the big and little accomplishments along the way!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/26/2011 1:53:22 AM

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SAC-6582 9/26/2011 1:15AM

    emoticon Thanks for being so open and honest about your journey. You can do this. Just keep it up. And don't sweat the small things keep on moving forward.
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great blog!!!!

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Just what I needed

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Wow the master of the universe sure knows how to guide me where I need to be.
Hope you all enjoy this boost of motivation.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOlTdkYXuzE&
feature=related


This one has a similar message, but a bit more amazing added footage.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aj1GAQDCPiY&
feature=related


emoticon this emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANCYLRAGS 9/27/2011 3:48PM

    Thanks for sharing!

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SEASPIRIT1 9/26/2011 11:04PM

    WOW......just absolutely stunning and inspirational! Thank you for sharing these clips! A perfect way to end my Monday!
Hugs to you from me!

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RIDMYCOCOON 9/26/2011 11:07AM

    Good Gracious is He BEAUTIFUL! emoticon

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JUDYPOPPINS 9/25/2011 11:06PM

    Amazing...thank you for sharing this!

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GODDESS181 9/25/2011 9:42PM

    Thanks for sharing this.
emoticon

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WENDYLEE15 9/25/2011 6:28PM

    Thanks for the share =] !!

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FREETHEGODDESS 9/25/2011 5:14PM

    Thank you for sharing this. It really puts my problems into perspective. I was totally inspired by this man! It brought tears to my eyes! Incredible spirit this man has. I made my 10 year old son watch it too!

Message received!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 9/25/2011 10:36AM

    thanks for sharing.... very motivational emoticon

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IILAAD65 9/25/2011 9:41AM

    I have seen this before.. he is VERY inspirational!

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ME_HERE_NOW 9/25/2011 1:39AM

    insane, wow, i never want to complain about anything ever again!

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Dear me

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Dear Me,
I know you don't always believe in yourself, I know it's not always rainbows and flowers for you. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes you wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Sometimes you are tired, sometimes sick. Sometimes you just don't want to. But you have a vison for the future, you have goals, hopes, dreams, a plan, a path you are walking that is leading to a future you never believed was possible.

One day, one choice, one step at a time. Some days are hard, some easy. Some filled with reasons to rejoice, others reasons to cry. Sometimes the scale is your best friend, others your worst enemy. Sometimes you are hungry, other times full. Sometimes you eat clean, other times not as much. But you are trying, every day, in every way you can, to be stronger, faster, smarter in your new healthy life. Records have been broken, inches and pounds have been lost. Miles have been walked/jogged/ridden, fitness hours have been tracked. Food choices have been healthier, friends have been made, sweat has dripped and compliments have been given.

You are becoming you. The cocoon is loosening. You aren't going to quit this time. It will happen, you will achieve your goals. You are smart, funny, big hearted and loving. You give as much as you can to everyone you meet. You love your neighbor, genuinely, truly. You want to be more than you are, to give more than you have and love bigger than you can imagine.

You are giving your body the building blocks for your future, to live the quality of life you've always dreamed of. You are poised to achieve your dreams, and you must not forget it. Today may not be easy, tomorrow might not be either, but you know where your past actions led you. Tears, questions, why's, that is the life you knew. Filling up the hole in your heart with food until you didn't recognize the woman in the mirror anymore. You know where that path leads, you've been down that road for many, many years and it leads nowhere. So now, today, make the choices that lead to your future. The future you dreamt of as a girl. The health and vitality that you were destined to know.

Don't forget how far you've come, don't forget the feeling of your successes. Don't fall back. Walk, run, crawl your way to your prized future. No one can do it for you and you have the best helping hands to guide your moves and position you exactly where you need to be. Hold tight, dont' give up. Exercise smart, eat smart, live smart, be smart.

I love you and so does your family, be the best you can be, so that you can get to know the woman you were born to be. Congratulations on your hard work, keep doing it, you will acheive your goals, one day, one week, one month at a time.

All my love,
Me

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CROOKEDLETTER 9/25/2011 8:31PM

    Cheers!!!

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FLYCHRISTI 9/25/2011 10:07AM

    How beautiful!!!How exciting!!!How motivating!!!
You are emoticon
emoticon emoticon

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ME_HERE_NOW 9/24/2011 9:22PM

    being your own biggest cheerleader is what this journey takes, because as u noted not every day is a winner, but YOU are a winner because you are taking steps to change your life, you aren't putting it off til the new year, you aren't waiting for conditions to be perfect, you are doing it NOW and tackling every struggle that lands in your path. spark on!

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DANLIN60 9/24/2011 9:15PM

    This was beautiful, I actually got teary eyed, What a wonderful idea. Good for you!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WENDYLEE15 9/24/2011 6:48PM

    emoticon and beautiful!!
emoticon

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MAESTRACH 9/24/2011 6:25PM

    WOOO HOOO BEAUTIFUL!!!!

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EXENEC 9/24/2011 5:43PM

  Loved this! People should be more kind to themselves. Best of luck in your journey to better health.

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Accuracy????

Friday, September 23, 2011

The automatic calories burned calculator says that I burned 600 calories this morning on my 7.15 mile bike ride, nearly 200 more than my 5K walk/jog yesterday. And I just can't see how that is true. The bike ride was 35 minutes, the walk/jog 45, I was about to keel over, drenched with sweat on the walk/jog, on the ride, not so much. I just have a feeling the calories burned might be a little off? Has anyone ever thought this before? I guess this is another question for the message boards.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PEPPERCHILD 9/23/2011 8:53PM

    I just purchased a heart monitor for the exact reason. The SP numbers are good but I wanted a bit more accuracy. The important thing is that you are moving and sweating and dropping lbs....and that's all good.

Keep up the good work.

Happy Friday.

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CROOKEDLETTER 9/23/2011 3:18PM

    So plopping the figures into the SP tracker, it says I would've burned close to 400 calories. Since I weigh less, it is quite possible you burned 50 to 200 calories more than that. SP always is under my iPod/nike tracker for walking/running, often by quite a bit. Personally, I go by the SP figures because I have to assume that I overestimate how much of a burn I get when do things like "Playing with Kids," which is a category on SP. So I think it balances out.

The only thing to be careful of is making sure you get enought to eat if you're burning like mad. I stalled a little on weight loss for a week- some because we won't see weight changes every week and also possibly because I wasn't getting myself quite enough food for how much exercise I was doing- not intentional, just hadn't adjusted the Fitness Setting. Since I adjusted it and am eating in the higher calorie range, I've begun to lose again.

Comment edited on: 9/23/2011 3:20:04 PM

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VERONICAVW_140 9/23/2011 3:02PM

    Sorry, I missread your post. I thought you were using a heart rate monitor. I hope you find out what the difference in the calorie burn was! :)

Comment edited on: 9/23/2011 3:03:38 PM

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ME_HERE_NOW 9/23/2011 2:45PM

    it depends how the calories were gauged...a heart rate monitor you wear that continuously monitors (not like mine where u have to keep checking in so if you are high or low when u check in it's not an accurate picture - hence i don't use it anymore!) is going to be more accurate than a built into the machine calorie display. u can compare readings you are getting by inputting into the spark tracker and seeing what it guesses for that particular activity - but not sure that this takes into account individual weight or if its a general tally, plus for biking and walking it has MPH as a factor, without some sort of conversion/measuring who knows how fast u went the WHOLE ride or an average thereof...if u are more sweaty and challenged you are probably right and burned more doing the walk/run than the ride. follow your heart! u know what's up! :)

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GODDESSELLIE07 9/23/2011 1:29PM

    was the 600 calories based on the machine, Spark, heart rate monitor?

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Unexpected compliments

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Am I ready for this? Am I really? I've only lost 11 pounds and already the compliments, from people who don't even know I've lost any weight, are coming. On my lunch break today, the landlord (who happens to be a younger/attractive guy) told me that I looked "really good today". Uhhhhh, what?????? 254.2 people, yeah, um, can I handle compliemnts already. I just smiled and said thanks. But I'm a little wierded out. OK, really wierded out. I'm not used to favorable attention for my looks, maybe my witty personality, or something else non-looks related, but men don't usually compliment my looks. I mean I've known the landlord for 2.5 years, never anything remotely complimentary has ever come out of his lips towards me. Uh, help me!!! Cuz I'm imagining this is only the begining????? What did you guys do in this situation? Did it make you feel wierd? I've just been so heavy for so long, still am, and am finally realizing that I won't be forever, and how am I going to deal with this? I've never been the right weight for my height, EVER. I was an overweight child, the last time I was a normal weight, I was 4. OK, so, any ideas people? I don't want to be freaked everytime a compliment comes. But I don't want to get a big head. I mean I have a long way to go before I'm going to have to worry about the kind of attention I am worried about..............BUT already???? 11 pounds???? Yikes, this is wierd.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WENDYLEE15 9/23/2011 8:33PM

    That is great!! I can't even begin to discuss the compliment subject and be helpful about it!! I don't feel comfortable when I get them at all..and they have even ruined my weight loss efforts in the past.My weight is a kind of comfort zone for me..and when it starts coming off and the compliments start..I feel VERY uncomfortable.That's when ( in the past) I would start putting weight back on to get me back to my comfort zone.

Wow..sorry..that just brought back a lot of memories for me !!I really needed to read this about now..Thank you!!
Something I really need to work on!! Crazy ..I guess we are just to smile and say thank you..easier said than done sometimes..you'll be fine..your doing GREAT!!
emoticon

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BYEFATNANNY 9/23/2011 3:49PM

    On the contrary, I miss it....I'd lost 62 lbs and stayed and now they have stopped. I miss it and the motivation it gave me. I agree with Maestrach, it's a confidence and attitude that comes out too. Go with it, learn to enjoy it, you'll hear a lot more. emoticon

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ME_HERE_NOW 9/22/2011 9:53PM

    lol, it is strange, whether it is a compliment or not, to know that people are observing you...i am just thankful people don't say 'boy you've gotten heavy!' but say things like 'you are lookin fabulous!' i have a pad answer if someone feels the need to say something to me (not a fan of compliments or comments really) i always just compliment them back, that way it deflects it from me and makes it less awkward!

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MAESTRACH 9/22/2011 8:40PM

    11 pounds is more than just weight. There's a whole new attitude and confidence that you're exuding and that's what most guys pick up on.

I TOTALLY understand how you're feeling though. That's how I felt when Mike asked me out. He'd been checking me out for weeks (as I had him, I'll be honest) according to a friend of his. Mike says he couldn't figure out how to approach a pretty, confident woman and that's what took so long.

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FITNAPTURAL 9/22/2011 7:27PM

    Congrats! That's awesome and say thanks politely while jumping up and down with glee in your head. It's always great to get those unexpected day makers :)

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