SOPHIEJUNIE   1,631
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this morning...

Saturday, September 25, 2010

...I was awakened by my husband, who was stroking my body and proclaiming it to be "luscious." Then we made love. Then he took the dogs for a walk, so I could take a post-coital nap. When he comes back, he will change the brake pads on my car. Clearly, I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.

  
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SAL2525 9/30/2010 1:12PM

    You most certainly are! Isn't nice that our husbands notice the change in our bodies! I know mine appreciates all my hard work!
PS Nice side benefit that the car gets fixed! Sal

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Fake it til you make it

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Recently, an incredibly supportive Spark friend was nervous about an upcoming event. My two cents for having fun instead of letting nerves get the best of her -- fake it til you make it. After her event, she reported that it worked, and she had a good time.

Isn't it amazing that we can trick ourselves into having a good time? We have so much influence over our own emotional reactions to things -- even when it feels like situations are getting the best of us, it is OUR mindsets that determine our responses.

I'm particularly conscious of this right now, as I (continue to) struggle with my Mom in the wake of Dad's death. Because her life feels out of control, she wants to control everything around her...and since I'm the child who is in town, I'm often the one at her house, to help. Which means I'm often in the line of fire. Given my complicated relationship with my Mom, I often react and play out my part in the same way I have since I was a kid -- defiant, angry, hurt. Not a great combination when I'm there to help.

And, the truth is, I want to help...and she needs help. But I struggle with wanting my help to come from a loving place without being disrespected in the process. And, yes, even with an ailing Mother, being treated with respect is a minimum expectation. At the same time, I am absolutely bringing my own attitude to the table right now, by waiting for the slightest sign of disrespect. I'm watching for it, defensively...and when you come at life from that attitude, you're bound to find exactly what you're looking for. So I am creating part of the dynamic, too.

So my goal for myself right now is to take my own advice...and fake it til I make it. I will go into my interactions with my Mother anticipating nothing but love and respect from her. By going into her home with that energy (even if I'm faking it) I really think it will change the dynamic between the two of us.

I'll let you know how it goes.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMEDITOR 9/5/2010 6:15PM

    Hi there- I know when times have been tough with family members (ususally teenagers at my house- but occasionally parents/in-laws too), I try to follow some advice I heard or read somewhere along the line of treating these individuals as if they are their highest selves- as if they are really at their best in other words. For example, with one son, rather than railing at him all the time and consequently feeling negative myself- I treated him as if he were really a great kid- the kid I knew he really was inside. And, it worked some great changes in our relationship. He was still a challenge some days, but not all of them. So- along with faking it- maybe this can help too?

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SAL2525 9/3/2010 10:09AM

    I think you are 100% right! Expect the best and it will come! I think you are going to see a change and if not in your Mom in YOU! You are an amazing person and I am glad to call you my friend! Hugs Sal emoticon

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CATHYCOUNTS 9/3/2010 12:11AM

    You are so wise my dear. I admire your desire to honor your mother even in the difficult times. Did you know that hospice offers grief counciling. Would she be open to that?

Take Care,
Cathy

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LILDYNARIDER 9/2/2010 10:53AM

    Great blog. I hope everything comes together for you.

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MISSCUS 9/2/2010 10:43AM

    fake it til you make it has worked for me many many times. I know it must be hard to be thrust back into the childlike mold we grew up in, and it is hard to force ourself to get out of that way of thinking and reacting. We can be successful with the fake it til you make it strategy. I sympathize with you in all you are going through and I know it is hard to deal with, but I also know that you will come out of it a much stronger person.

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Emotional eating

Thursday, August 26, 2010

For weeks I have, somehow, managed to curb my emotional eating to a huge degree. At the point when my life was most in turmoil, I was able to keep it together pretty consistently...which meant that I got through my Father's death and funeral week without any real weight set-back. But since then, I have also not lost any weight...even after being back on track with food and exercise.

Just a couple months ago, I was drinking soda, eating fries and burgers on a regular basis, and following that up with desserts/doughnuts/cookies on the run. I don't understand why the scale is not moving...it's not like I could possibly be on a plateau, I've only lost four pounds since the beginning of July!

Yesterday, I got on the scale and saw that I was in a position to be down this week. My day went well, until I visited Mom to spend a few hours paying bills, helping around the house, and generally keeping her company. Unfortunately, one way my Mom is grieving for Dad is by being very controlling. No matter what I do, she questions it. I try to remind myself that she feels like her life is out of control and this is a coping mechanism...but yesterday, she was just a little too unappreciative and, frankly, unkind. We argued. And then I ate.

I didn't eat the world, but certainly enough to feel unpleasantly full and I'm sure I've blown the week, in terms of tomorrow's weigh in. I'm trying to remember that I didn't get to this weight in a day, and I can't undo my progress in a day, either. Also trying to remember this is a long process of small steps. Its just a bummer to be stuck at the same weight when I feel like I have made consistent changes over the past 6 weeks.

I don't think I've ever put in this much effort for so little reward...but I don't know how to stay motivated when effort is not producing results.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SAL2525 8/28/2010 7:33AM

    Ohhhh Ali! Don't give up. Put the scale away for a while.(Try to do the tape measure thing. After years of trying to lose weight I finally measured myself and I think that is really a good idea. It is the toning which really makes a difference in how our clothes fit.Often our bodies show lose in inches but maybe not so much in pounds.)
Celebrate that you did not gain during all that turmoil. I love what MOMEDITOR had to say! CATHYCOUNTS is right too.
As for your Mom. It must be so hard for her and she must feel so lost and angry too. You are a safe target and you just happen to get it. As a parent I sometimes forget how much power we wield in our children's lives. As a child even one of 53 : ) I know it well.
Today is a new day and here in Boston the sun is shinning. Hope today is better.
Remember you have made lots of positive changes in your life and this is a JOURNEY - one that sometimes sends us up and down the mountain. emoticon emoticon Sal

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MOMEDITOR 8/27/2010 10:45PM

    Hey there! It is tough to be in the "sandwich years" between needy adolescents and increaingly fragile parents. We spend years coping with things the best way we know how - and sometimes that is via eating for comfort, and now we want to change that and be healthy. It is a fabulous goal, and sometimes just incredibly imposssible to feel motivated about. I saw that you wrote that you didn't eat the entire world- I imagine that you could have eaten more than you did. I imagine you could have kept silent about it. I imagine you could have lied about it. But, you recognized being uncomfortable with the fullness, you expressed your feelings openly, and you owned up to falling off the wagon for a short while. Sounds like progress to me sister. Life can be hard, weight loss can be hard, but thankfully the good days eventually come around and plateaus eventually break- keep the faith and brighter days will come!

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CATHYCOUNTS 8/26/2010 7:39PM

    One thing that I use to help me keep going when I'm not seeing the results is I remind myself that I'm learning to make healthy life choices even if the result hasn't shown yet. I get in the thought pattern that what I'm doing is only until the weight comes off. But I believe that is a lie that we tell ourselves. Because if we don't keep making wise choices after we are at our desired weight it will come right back on. So whether I see progress or not I have to know and believe that I'm still doing the right things for a life long achievement. So, I look at the slow go times as a learning life time changes period. A time that I still need to go through to stay at that desired weight once I'm there. Hope this helps.

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End of summer clean out

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Sometimes, it feels good to clean out and have a fresh start. Today, I have spent the morning getting stuff off my desk, literally and figuratively.

I wrote ten thank you notes.

I filed a foot-high pile of papers.

I changed out my filing cabinet, so that only the current stuff is next to my desk.

It's a good feeling. I am also going to have the kids clean out their desks before the new school year. I would say I'd clean out my closet, but that is generally a task that leads to feeling bad, and I'm unwilling to go there today. Today, it's all about feeling good, and hitting restart...I'm moving on.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SAL2525 8/28/2010 7:18AM

    That is very liberating! It amazes me how much "work" occurs when someone passes away. Good for you for writing those thank yous and for cleaning up the cabinet. Kind of like cleaning the spider webs out of our mind. emoticonSal

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CATHYCOUNTS 8/25/2010 1:29AM

    Hi Sophie,

You have had a lot of obstacles to hurdle and still you continue to amaze me. If I had to pick one word right now to describe you I would pick fighter. You never give up and keep moving on. That's why I know you will reach your goal.

Take care,
Cathy

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Dealing with frustration...

Monday, August 23, 2010

Last week I was really honestly good with my eating and my exercise. I logged every meal except one dinner (which was too complicated to deal with) AND I drank water like a champ. And I didn't lose an ounce. Man, it's frustrating. So, of course, this weekend I blew it all off. Yesterday, I went to the movies and ate a (small) popcorn by myself, so I'm sure I'm retaining water like a sponge today. So I'm going to try not to weigh myself...but I have started to obsess with the numbers on the scale a little bit.

The thing is, rationally, I know that if I keep it up the weight will come off...it's just science. But I don't understand WHY some didn't come off last week. It's not like I'm anywhere near a plateau...I have a lot to lose and this just doesn't seem fair.

I don't want to create some messed up excuse to throw in the towel, because I clearly don't feel good and I want to look better, be healthier, etc. But it's very, very hard to regroup when doing the right thing doesn't get you the results you want.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SAL2525 8/28/2010 7:16AM

    Oh boy that is exactly why I stopped weighing myself except at the very most every two weeks.Sometimes I just do it once a month. That way I always lose something. I could never figure it out myself. A few years ago when I did WW I discovered that for some strange reason the weeks I "overate" were the weeks I lost. I now know that even though I ate within the point range it was not enough calories when you took in my exercise. Did I ever mention the book, I Can Make You Thin book by Paul Mckenna? If you ever have some free time (ha) check it out. I still use some of the basic principles - he thinks we should just throw away our scales and he makes a pretty convincing argument to do so. Sal

Comment edited on: 8/28/2010 7:42:11 AM

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