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Let's Look Toward the 180s. Seriously.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

I just read a blog that I LOVED about focusing on being healthy, and losing weight being ONE of the by-products of a healthy life, not the goal. The blog also talked about all of the things that the scale doesn't measure that are so, so much better in my life now. It was great.

I have been doing a fairly good job of being within all my goals, tracking, calories, working out, etc.
And I do not want to focus solely on weight, but on being healthy in a way that is sustainable for me for the long haul.

it's time to see a little bit of progress. Even an itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny bit.
I have joined the leaving 190s group, and I wonder what to add or do to make it happen.
it's the holidays and I need serious motivation.
my own little mini-me challenge.
It runs December 10 through January 10.

I've been managing 4 days a week working out.
Let's make it 5. I can do it.
Once a week time on SP, blogging or reading other peoples blogs and pages.
Keep tracking.
Food wise I've been OK, but I need to stay serious about measuring and being careful. It's amazing what little things can find their way into my mouth when I'm not.
NO, I said NO desserts (honestly I'm not that big of a fan of desserts anyway, so it's wasted calories for me).

I think those changes alone will have me seeing progress.

I'll let you know.

To Recap:
5 workouts / week
No desserts
Intentional Eating!
One time (not just tracking) on SP per week

Then we'll eval after the month.

Happy Holidays!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CASSIES 12/11/2009 10:26PM

    Sounds like a plan!

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ROYALETBONE 12/11/2009 5:27PM


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VXWALL1942 12/9/2009 3:39PM

    Sounds like a plan. I look forward to seeing results on 1/10 or thereabouts. Good luck! emoticon

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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Perspective is hard to get. Especially after so many years of not having much.

If you had asked me 2 years ago how I would feel about weighing 198 pounds, I would have said I couldn't imagine it--that it would be mind boggling and wonderful. That even if weighed 198 forever it would be a change I would have taken in a heartbeat compared to the 260 I weighed then.

Flash forward to now.

I have weighed 198 for 2 bloody months (can you hear the ingratitude in my voice?). My lack of gratitude is only seconded by my feelings of self-pity and despising that I haven't moved the scale in 2 months).

Now, granted, I went on vacation and said to myself that if I could just maintain I would be happy. Well, I'm not happy.

That's not true. Most days I am still filled with wonder that I weigh in the 100s. In fact the other day I saw my weight on SP and thought--"oh that's wrong, but many I can't WAIT to weigh 198". I had to laugh at that.

Anyway, mostly I'm just whining. But I just saw right now that my last blog (celebrating my break into the 100s) was written on 9/2/09. It kind of got me down. Despite the fact that I did Turbo Jam today and kicked some serious bootie.
Despite the fact that I'm wearing a shirt that is a LARGE.
Despite the fact that at least several people every day ask me if I'm melting away.
Despite the fact that I feel better than ever.

It just goes to show me that although for years I imagined the smaller me as a different person, the 198 pound me is just the same (for better and for worse). And tonight that me was feeling a little down.

But better now.

Happy Wed. everyone.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CITABRIA 11/8/2009 12:08PM

    I know this isn't how you're looking at it, but I'm feeling reassured by the fact that, for 2 months, the 198 lb you has continued to be the same you. All the good and positive things about you are still there. Your friends and family are still there. The things that make your life what it is? They're all still there. Everything hasn't gone away because you broke that 200 lb barrier.

To me, that's a wonderful, wonderful thing to hear.

Now, for you -- a while ago my WW leader told me that she held in the 190s for a long, long time. My impression is that some was a plateau, but some was also her mentally adjusting to being in that new place. She reached deep and was patient with herself and is now ... I'd guess around 130, if that. I hope you're able to find that same patience so you can keep moving onward and downward!

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ROYALETBONE 10/29/2009 11:36PM

    Oh, best beloved- I think that learning to love and accept ourselves AS WE ARE- and know that being AS WE ARE is ok- is one of those things that we just need to keep working at. (Says Mare, who has plateaued for so long that I changed the mailing address... tee hee.)
Yeah- accept ourselves AS WE ARE- so we can keep changing.
Like that.
Over and over.
Great blog... holding you in the joyous light.

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198 is the most beautiful number I've ever seen

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

When I started all of this I would sit and read posts of people who had been successful. 30 pounds and counting, 40 pounds and counting, 100 pounds and counting.
I would just shake my head, hopeful but doubtful.

The doubts have crept away slowly as the confidence built, and I had my own milestones. 10% of my body weight lost felt good. 25% done felt great. 50% was magical.

But nothing I've ever experienced feels like this--crossing from 200 to the 100s has blown my mind. I could say the things that are true--I haven't weighed this since jr. high, that I feel better than ever, that I'm still a long way from the 'end'.

but what I really want to say is this.

i really, really didn't think i could come this far. i'm shocked at my own strength, and even more shocked that I believe in my own strength.
and for the first time ever, i feel almost normal.
for the first time ever, i can stand in the check out line or anywhere in public and not wonder about how freakish i look to everyone around me. for the first time ever i feel almost like i'm not on the outside of things; like i don't have to hide as much, or work so hard.

the only way i can say it is that i almost feel normal.

and it's good.
normal is good.

i still have a ways to go, but this feels so monumental to me.
i just think of myself at every single age i've ever been, wishing so hard that this would come true, but unable to make it happen.
i weep for all of those women, all of those me's who wanted this so badly.

and i thank god that another birthday won't come when i think to myself, well maybe this year.

when i turn 40 i will be at my goal weight.

i want to shout to myself at 20 and 30 that there is hope.

and i would not have done this, could not have, without SP. SP has been the difference.
tracking has been vital, but so has reading the stories of so many of the people on this site. to be surrounded by success. to be surrounded by positivity.
It changes you, you know?

I can't believe it.
I won't go back.
This is too good. Too sweet.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CITABRIA 9/20/2009 8:08PM

    Wooooo! Sorry it's taken me to catch up with your blog and congratulate you on this!

I hope you're still revelling in this victory, and hope to join you in Onederland soon. :)

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ROYALETBONE 9/11/2009 12:27AM

    Woot, toot, hooray!

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LOVESLIFE48 9/3/2009 8:22AM

    Keep up the good work! I can't wait to leave the 200's. Seems like I never will!!

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CMORISAK 9/3/2009 6:58AM

    GREAT JOB!!! WAY TO GO!!! KEEP UP THE AWESOME WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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ASANTOSO 9/3/2009 1:45AM

    What an inspiration!! Good on you!!

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    This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing such an exciting and awesome thing!!! You ROCK!

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    Wow! That is amazing. You should be so proud of yourself! I'm trying to picture myself at that stage. You must find it hard to sit still! I'd want the world to know! Thanks for sharing a part of you.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SEXYNAILS 9/2/2009 6:53PM

  Great job keep up the good work you are on your way. emoticon

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TRACYEH53 9/2/2009 6:49PM

    YOu should be so proud of yourself! Keep up the good work and you will be at your goal weight in no time! emoticon

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CHUCKLES0719 9/2/2009 6:46PM

    WOW THAT IS EXCITING! You are an inspiration! emoticon

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CATIEBELLE 9/2/2009 6:43PM

    Congratulations with your milestone and losing the weight. It is great to know that with Spark the feeling can last forever.

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SAVINGHANNAH 9/2/2009 6:31PM

    Way 2 Go!!

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Plateau 101

Saturday, August 22, 2009

After 17 months on SP with things going fairly well overall, I may have hit a plateau. I'm not really sure, but I am realizing that since June not much has happened.

Now there are good reasons for this that I won't bore you with, so I am tempted to say it's not a plateau. But does the label really matter? I think not.

I read a lot about others' experiences with plateaus here on SP, and here is what I learned and have been incorporating with some success (some success? I am 0.6 pounds away from 199 pounds! even to be this close is amazing to me. I think jr. high was the last time I was in the 100s).

1. dropping the calories doesn't seem like a good idea. That was my first instinct, and in fact what I did. But then I panicked. What if I hit another plateau, then another? Will I eventually be eating 500 calories a day? I didn't know what to think, which is why SP is so helpful. Lots of other people have already thought through this, and helped me to come up with some sanity, which is that dropping calories unhealthily will not help.

2. Be hard core for 2 weeks. Not crazy, but for 2 weeks eat smack in the middle of my range around 1600 calories a day, and measure everything and NO extras that seem to creep in so easily (little lick of the peanut butter spoon after I measured, few extra nuts, extra si8ps of wine, etc). So for these 2 weeks (one down), be hard core and precise.

3. Vary the workout. This one is hard for me, because I work out with my partner. We've been exclusively doing Turbo Jam for several months, and everything I read suggests that variety is not only the spice of life, but necessary to keep your body rising to the challenge. We also walk and jog some, but it seems like we need to do more of that each week.

4. Weight Training. Enough said. This has always been a weak (no pun intended) area for me.

5. Belief, belief, belief. I watched a Star Trek episode last night where the body of one of the characters was taken over by a malevolent being (I know I'm a nerd, you don't need to tell me). From deep within her own taken-over brain, she fought for control and just kept fighting within herself.
Instead of approaching this may-or-may-not-be a plateau in a whining "whaat's wroooooong" kind of way, I will reach deep in myself and see it as a battle. One I will win. One in which strength of character and belief are necessary.

6. Remember that 150 is my goal, but my life is now, and not to get too focused on the outcome, but that I am healthier now that I EVER have been. And that is what we're going for here. Remember

So that is the wisdom I've gained from all of the SP members who have traveled there before me. There are more words of wisdom, but these are the ones that seem particular to my journey.

In belief, strength, and precision,


did I mention that I'm freaking 0.6 pounds from 199??????

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CASSIES 12/14/2009 11:19PM

    Thanks for putting so eloquently exactly how I feel.

aaaaaay for NORMAL! I am tasing what that feels like and it is sweet.

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PLATINUM755 8/22/2009 4:53PM

    Are Trekkers nerds?...If so, then I'm one! too emoticonso emoticonfellow Trekkie... emoticonon a job well done...and you summed up the battle correctly, it really is an internal battle, but sound like you're equip to handle it!

Changing up my workout has always helped me when I hit a plateau (my new plan changes every 4 weeks)...while I've never used Turbo Jam, it's working for you and I can understand not wanting to change to drastically, however, took a quick look at the program and I like the look of the sculpting gloves and, just a suggestion, perhaps along with light ankle weights may be all the change you need to make your workout more intense and get you where you want to go. PS just made me emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ROYALETBONE 8/22/2009 12:04PM

    What a smart, simple, Spark laden plan you have devised. Perfect!
I'm down 106, 44 to go... and I know that I'm NOT doing what you are doing. I've been eating too much, going to parties, having fun, playing away... there are a few minutes where I think I need to get to work, but then I say, nah... and stay in my hiatus from losing. I should save this blog for me to look at again when I'm ready to tackle the last pounds. You've got it JUST RIGHT.
Woot, woot!

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FITGRL124 8/22/2009 11:32AM

    It's okay that you've hit a plateau and you will overcome it. I PROMISE!!! I was in a plateau for about 8 weeks and last week I finally bursted through and since then have lost 4.5lbs. You will make this happen. Just keep plugging through because one day you'll step on the scale and it will a 1 not a 0.6!!!


Have a good day and don't worry! :)

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Not off Track (except my negativity)

Sunday, July 19, 2009

How many times do I have to relearn that my negative voice is not accurate?

I was feeling really down today because I'd been off track, eating over my calorie range from tuesday until today. It made me want to rethink everything, b/c it feels like i'm starting to get one good week, then one bad week.

But Jenny and I went over the past week. I didn't track since tues, which led to 2 things:

1. I ate not a huge amount but in an uncontrolled way on friday, in a big way b/c not tracking causes my brain and heart to not be 'in the game', and it's easier to go off on my own.

2. I actually only went over my calorie range twice when we replayed every day, yet I had this strong sense of being out of control for 5 days. Not tracking makes me go immediately to failure thinking. How many times do I have to relearn this?

So back to tracking, and back to positive-ness.
I'm such an outgoing, positive person most of the time. That voice is powerful, though.

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROYALETBONE 7/20/2009 12:01AM

    How I love Spark... it gives us a place to put down these thoughts, and remember what works, and celebrate coming back to focus.
Woot, woot!
You are sooooooo doing this! This is a LIFESTYLE---- not a quick release button. So, slipping, getting back on track practically right away.... uff da, that rocks!

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CHICUELAGIRL 7/19/2009 3:33PM

    I feel the same way. It's been less than 2 weeks since that I decided to try to lose weight once and for all. I will recommend that you try to stay focus and motivated. It sounds like you easily get off track b/c of distraction. I know exactly what you're going through. For me the worst time are the weekends. I tend to eat like crazy. So, I decided to be good at least one day whether that be Saturday or Sunday. Then get back in control the following day. Yes, you'll have days where you go over your calories and eat things you are not suppose to. But knowing that you can always get back up after falling is BEST thing ever. Keep reminding yourself what your weaknesses are and avoid those pitfalls as much as you can, and even if you fall for them, GET back in your feet and try once more. Don't give up! emoticon

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