Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Adding onto Junes goals, which went well, I think.
I feel like my head and heart are more into the game again, which feels good.
So for July:
--work out at least 4 times a week.
--track most days
--time alone 3 times this month
--pray or meditate 2 times a week (I'm a little scared of this one not coming true, but I can do it!)
--be on SP (for a longer time than tracking my food/exercise) 2 times a week at least
I think they're doable.
Mostly it feels good to be really thinking about this in a good way today. I kind of screwed myself tonight by wondering if I could fit nachos into my calorie count ( couldn't), but then felt deprived during a wonderful, healthy dinner.
Let's Go July!!!!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
My last post was on my one year anniversary at the end of March. Since then, nothing much has happened. I've gone on tracking my food most days, and working out most days. Except in May, when we got a new puppy (7 weeks old). I did not work out the entire month. I still ate mostly within my range, but somehow decided it was a good time to do a trial break from tracking. In my new-puppy-sleep-deprived state, I believed myself when I said, "it's been a year, you know portions better, you can try not tracking and see what happens". What happened is that my negative voice was able to come creeping back in (especially since I wasn't working out). In the absence of daily, objective data about eating within my range, I was certain each day that I was eating out of my range, and that, in turn, meant I was going to immediately be back to nearly 300 pounds within a week.
After a year, the ferociousness of that voice is sad to me.
But, it was good to be aware that the voice, while not being as strong as it was before, is still lying in wait.
So...for June I made some simple goals:
--work out 3 times minimum a week
--track MOST days
--get time by myself at least once every other week
and I'm happy to say that I've made them almost 100%. I've missed a few days tracking, but only a few. I've worked out at least 3 times each day!
It feels really good to reaffirm myself.
But the tracking shows that I am almost always at the top of, or slightly over my range. My motivation is not as strong as it used to be.
I seem to be at a 50% plateau. I've been waiting for it, and here it is.
So it's time to reassert myself on SP. A few ideas:
I'm going to the St. Louis SP gathering tomorrow!!
I'm going to look for a July challenge.
I'm going to spend more time on SP, reading blogs and posting. I've gotten away from that, been a little too solitary.
I'm excited about it! It feels like time to dig in again. And if the past year has taught me anything, it's that I CAN DO IT!!!!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Well, here we are back from my 50 % trip. It was great, busy, fantastic vacation to California (to a tennis tournament and then to the beach in Santa Monica). Conveniently, it fell on my one year SP anniversary! trip
There are so many amazing things to reflect on at this point.
Only one thing is amazingly disappointing: a year in and 50% of the way there is the continued pervasive voice that is still with me, telling me I'm really a failure, despite all of the evidence to the contrary.
So on my 50% trip, when mostly I should only be thinking happy thoughts, the voice was saying: "you're not really at 50%. You took the trip 3 pounds early, and the way you ate on that trip means you're probably really more like 10 pounds away now!"
But instead of listening (mostly) to that voice, I said to it, "Voice, do you think after losing 50 pounds that I'm going to freak about 3 pounds? And I ate well on vacation. Meaning I didn't worry myself about it. It is a PROCESS, right? And this 10 days of the journey are me not worrying about the nachos but making sure i'm getting salads in, and enjoying myself. I deserve to treat myself well, and that means moderation, not trying not to eat nachos!
But mostly at one year, I am amazed by the positives:
when I got on the flight to CA, I had the same terror about the seat seat belt. I knew I wouldn't fit and it would be awkward and embarrassing.
You know what? I FIT! I FIT COMFORTABLY!! AND THERE WAS SLACK IN THE SEAT BELT!!!.
I was amazed most of the way to CA.
On the 3rd day of being in Santa Monica, I realized that I had been walking up some pretty serious hills without realizing it. It was only when I went jogging that I noticed.
A year ago, I would have noticed the hills the first minute, and worried about how hard it was going to be to climb them. This year? I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE!!!!
One day after leaving the beach, my friend Zac and I played on the playground equipment. I was like a kid. It took my partner to point out I never would have done this a year ago. AND I would have felt badly about myself for it. This year the only thing that stopped me was that I swung so high I got nauseous!
I sit with my legs crossed now.
I look forward to going up the stairs, because Iím still amazed that my knees donít hurt.
the voice, while still present, is a quiet background voice (mostly). Doing the work every day has made it fade in a way that nothing else has.
At the end of the year, Iím just amazed that I have done this. With a lot of support, I have done what I always dreamed about.
Itís no longer a dream!!! It is my reality.
And I never, ever could have done it without SP, for sure.
Itís also amazing that I am the same person. I know everyone always says that, but itís hard to realize that I look different sometimes, and strange how different I can feel while still not feeling very different at all (in a good way).
donít get me wrong, I donít want to be a different person. when I imagined myself skinny, though, I guess I always imagined someone else. itís both strange and comforting that that is how it is.
anywho, happy one year!!
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Three times (count em) I have put an SP tee shirt as the reward for some wonderful goal. Three times I have come thiiiiiiiis close to the goal, but not to the goal itself.
I want a tee.
So here is my fourth try.
And I think this time I'm gonna get it.
I am going away with 10 friends to a cabin this weekend. A lot of these people can really cook. A lot of these people like to eat and drink a lot (see why I'm friends with them?).
So here are the goals:
--take and eat my own breakfast (oatmeal)
--NO snacking between meals except fruit and veggies
--take my own lunch on Saturday (sat is the only day where there will be 2 meals prepared by the group, so I can't control what is made. the other days i can plan my own meal to be lighter to make up for the group meal. so...i will take my own meal on sat lunch to make sure i stay in range
There you have it.
come on tee shirt!!!!
Sunday, February 01, 2009
I just took the SP survey--wow it made me feel good. If I had taken that survey a year ago--wow would my answers have looked different! A lot can happen in a year. Here's what I wrote at the bottom of my survey:
Taking this survey has put a HUGE smile on my face. It's amazing how much my life has changed! I know that it is me doing the work, and I know that I was ready for the change. I also know, without a doubt, that I would not have done it without SP. My entire life has been spent as a person who was very overweight. When I get to my 50% mark in the next few months, it will be the least I've weighed since middle school (early middle school at that!).
Being asked about a pill that would magically make me the ideall weight was startling to me. I have spent my entire life wishing, praying, yearning for that pill. In church as a little girl, I would touch holy water to my stomach and pray that God make it go away. I prayed that God had the power, because I knew I didn't.
Now, I don't think I would take that pill, and it is because of everything I have learned at SP. Getting to my goals is not a matter of losing weight. It has taken an amazing amount of realization about the voices and attitudes that have kept me eating all these years. I need to battle those demons slowly. To be skinny all of a sudden would not make those negative powers go away--the only thing that does that is daily focus and working out and staying in my ranges for calories, etc. It is a neccessarily slow process.
And, it has been startling to find out that I have to get used to each new weight. I never anticipated having to settle into lower weights, but it does take some time. doing it slowly (about a pound a week) is saving me, and making the program work.
This is my life, and I owe SP an immense amount.
Get An Email Alert Each Time SONGBUDDHA Posts