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2 moments of realizations, brought to you by biking

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I should preface by saying that yesterday was a little bit of a hard day. It was a hard day that turned into not measuring and thus drinking too much wine. It was a hard day that turned into me being unable to refocus my energy towards the positive (something I've been doing pretty consistently since June 27the and this whole new 5% philosophy came into play). So there I was, drinking too much wine and being negative. It made for a bit of a difficult evening. But I know where it's all coming from--we had a super busy weekend with my parents in town (for my Dad's continuing cancer treatments), then a friend in town, and then the 17 year old who used to live with us moved back in (after being put out by his mom). That's funny, that didn't all seem like all that much at the time because I've been so busy, but seeing it written out like that makes me realize there was good reason for my difficulty last night.

Anyway on to my realizations. I went out for my 2nd big bike ride this Am (17 miles), and I realized 2 things:

1. I like to nod or smile or say hi to folks as they pass on the street or on the trail in the park. Most don't look my way or greet me back. But what I realized this AM was that I was fully expecting every one of them to scowl or frown or have some negative action toward me. I then realized I was putting a lot of dialogue in my head from them, things I assumed they were thinking things like, "what is she doing out here (cause she's fat)", "why does she have such a nice bike when she clearly is not a biker (cause she's fat)", "she's on a bike and not running because she can't run", etc, etc. The funny thing is I look pretty normal now. Maybe a little chubby, but not fat I don't think (I really have zero perception of how I look for real, having been so overweight my whole life).
So I am arguing with these people in my head without realizing it while I ride through a BEAUTIFUL park on an AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL morning. What's up with that.
So I decided to keep on greeting everyone, and then make sure I was not making any faces that could be construed or interpreted as judgmental. And then I started to think nice things about everyone I passed. It's a little hokey, I know, but it really helped me to focus on the positive and not assume the worst of everyone. And then I started to notice the things around me, the way the sun was coming through the trees, how strong my legs felt, and how nice it felt to be out. I also noticed the thing which leads us to realization #2

2. I need bike shorts in a big way. I have really relegated bike shorts to 'serious bikers' and have not put myself in the category. I ride to work and home twice a week normally (work is 6 miles away). But with the stress fracture, my riding has increased, as has my....discomfort, shall we say. I'm going to believe what people are writing on SP, which is a good pair of biking shorts or pants will do wonders for in-saddle comfort. I hope they are right. I also bought a little rear view mirror which already fell off my helmet, and a back strobe light which is not comfortable on my helmet. So far my gearing up has not gone as planned. But I won't be deterred.

Have a great day!!

annjie

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LYNNIERN 9/14/2012 7:58AM

    Great blog and awesome idea about thinking nice things about everyone as you pass them. I get frustrated when I'm out walking and say good morning or hello to people you pass and they don't say anything. I'm going to try your approach. I might even compliment them out loud as they pass just to see what happens! Love your idea!! emoticon

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BLUE42DOWN 9/13/2012 3:40PM

    emoticon
#1 is a great thing, really. Both the fact of smiling and greeting others in the first place and in the fact of realizing your own mental conversation behind the smiles was just as important.

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SFREY217 9/13/2012 10:59AM

    Just goes to show that a positive attitude can overcome mountains!!! Keep up the good work and the positive attitude !!

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MIKIBA 9/13/2012 10:46AM

    I don't think your #1 is hokey at all. That is so true that we go through life with the voice in our head that keeps us from reaching out or trying because it has already decided for us that is too risky- we will receive judgement- we may be rejected. I am going to work a lot harder to recognize that negativity before it starts a full conversation in my head!

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4ANEWME2DAY 9/13/2012 10:42AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Stress Fracture Blues (elliptical was not a good idea) :(

Sunday, September 09, 2012

Well, I was riding pretty high--despite my stress fracture in my right foot (5th metatarsal), I have been riding my bike a ton and working out really hard on the elliptical (the podiatrist said neither would probably hurt me). I have also been STing like crazy. I have really been keeping a positive sense, congratulating myself on staying positive and working so hard despite my injury.

Looks like I'm going to have to dig a little more deeply. I have to admit to myself that my foot is hurting a bit worse since we got the elliptical. And I talked to a PT yesterday who told me I was crazy, and was hampering my recovery. When I said to her, "but there's not foot strike or pounding with the elliptical!" she replied that it is still full body weight on my injury in a non fixed position and it is just not a good idea. I would trust the word of a PT over most anyone else, so I have decided that the best way to care for myself is to really do recovery well, and stop the elliptical.

IT HURTS!!! not my foot, thinking about not having that hard core elliptical to kick my butt. I miss running SO MUCH (whine, whine, whine).

But I will not heal if I am not serious about this.

So, what does the 5% say about this. When I act as if I am the positive, energized, can't-beat-me-down person I want to be, what do I do?

I decide to take healing seriously. No elliptical
I decide to continue to really focus on STing
I ride my bike 5x / week. 2x going to/from work and 3x a week for longer rides.
Think of some STing goals (push up challenge or something, have to think about this one)
start doing yoga poses, as I've been considering how much flexibility is missing in my workouts
Keep positive. This injury, though it is seeming to take forever, is temporary. I should:
#1 be grateful that I am mostly assured I will return to full function, a lot of people cannot say that
#2 remember that the better care I take of the injury, the sooner it will heal and I will be back to running
#3 see it as an opportunity to have time to pursuit other things, like yoga
#4 remember that I have a SPORTS INJURY and that makes me a BADASS!
#5 remember that this is a LOOOOOOOOOOONG process, and this is just a little piece of time on it.

I honestly don't feel a lot better, but at least I have these reminders in my toolbox. I do believe they are all true. That's a good first step, I guess.

Have a good rest of your Sunday. It's core day for STing for me.

annjie

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RVALENTINE 4/7/2013 5:53PM

  Thank you for posting this. I am struggling through a third metatarsal stress fracture in my left foot and I was supposed to run a 1/2 marathon next weekend. I was thinking of trying the elliptical to mix things up, but saw your blog. I have been struggling with staying positive and I really appreciate your list of reasons to stay positive. I hope you have healed well and are back running.

Thanks,


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JAMIEHORN20 9/10/2012 9:12AM

    My favorite is #4!

I know how much this sucks...having to take time off from running is never fun! I'm glad you're making a game plan for how to get through it. Enjoy that bike and ST time!! You'll be back to it before you know it!

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SUSIEGKORN 9/9/2012 8:18PM

    Sooooooo frustrating, but soooooooo important to heal! Have you checked out any of the chair exercise videos on Spark. I tried them when my leg was hurting and you can work up quite a sweat with some of them. All is not lost! Keep your positive attitude and determination going and that will help you heal, too! Good luck!

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JUDYPOPPINS 9/9/2012 3:00PM

    You are right to put healing above all else. And I do know the frustration quite well. While training for a 5k I hurt myself; while training for a 4.2 mile charity walk/run, I got the 4 & 5 metatarsal stress fractures; and my daughter completely ripped her ACL (had reconstructive surgery), plus tears in MCL, PCL, & meniscus...on a "fun" run obstacle course..hers is a 9 month post surgery recovery. You're smart to listen to the PT...they do know what they are talking about.

Sending you lots of positive vibes for your recovery!
emoticon

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Nachos and the Scale

Thursday, September 06, 2012

How is the 5% going? Thanks for asking!
If you look at the scale...well it is not moving very well. I had gotten down to 188, but this morning weighed in at 189 or 190 depending on the angle! I have a digital scale coming from Amazon, but am currently using a non-digital. It leaves a little room for interpretation (dangerous!). I am nervous about getting the new scale. We bough a cheap digital from BBandB, and instead of 189 I suddenly weighed 197! But the scale proved to not work very well, so I'm hoping my old scale is accurate, even though I suspect it's not. It will be really hard for me to learn that instead of 32 pounds to go it's more like 42. But I'm not on the bridge yet.

I'm tempted to go into a whole thing here about how slowly the weight comes off. I am really kicking it. But I'm not going to do that. I am going to remind myself that I am doing this to be healthy and increase my daily happiness and longevity. And I'm not going to go there just yet. It's only been a little over 2 months since I hit the reset button...
OK, I'm kind of depressing myself. it's been like 2 pounds in 2 really right on months. Sigh.
But I also know that I ate out 2 days last week. One was Indian. I ate well the rest of the day so probably wasn't too far over my range. But Monday night I got nachos.

Let's talk about nachos. I LOVE nachos. They aren't a problem food or trigger for me (I don't think) like peanut butter or straight cheese. They are my favorite food though. I never eat them anymore. There's not a good way to stay in range and eat nachos too, so I don't. But Monday night I decided to. We had to get out of the house. We'd been at home for 3 straight days, the dogs were driving us crazy. We realized we hadn't had a meaningful conversation all weekend and we needed some couple time away from the dogs. AND I'd been really craving nachos for the past 2 weeks.
The bad news is I spent about an hour going back and forth on the merits and evils of 'giving in'. The good news (I think) is that in the end I realized I was driving myself crazy over nachos. I have been totally on track and I decided to treat myself. So I had nachos and beer. And it was GOOD! And I didn't hate myself the next day (amazing).
During that hour of evaluation my morality vs eating nachos, I couldn't decide what the 5% meant with letting myself go out and eat something not 'good' for me. Can I still say I'm living the 5%?
I realized that, as I keep saying, the 5% is a whole life, all encompassing thing. It is not just 5% eating or 5% exercising. It's 5% intentionality and integrity and balancing all my goals and priorities and needs and desires. It is, very rarely, eating the nachos and then making sure I don't destroy myself for it after.

Or maybe I'm just BSing myself and the nachos were just medicinal for the rough few weeks I've had. Well, even if that's true I am WAY ahead of where I used to be, and I just keep getting better at this!

I think one reason the nachos did not destroy me is that I kicked my work outs into even higher gear this past week. A 17 mile bike ride (a LOT for me) one day, getting the elliptical and doing circuit training, and STing where I finally got what they mean by muscle failure. I've been working very hard at STing what with my stress fracture keeping me from running. My muscles are indeed getting bigger. But I wasn't going to failure like they recommend. Until this week. My body feels deliciously grateful.

But back to the scale. Are the nachos enough to stave off weeks of work? Who knows? I mean I had 2 weeks of lower range eating and exercising. I think I will plan to have another 2 good weeks, initiate the new scale, and then maybe email a coach in the SP coach program I'm doing for 3 months.

But to quote RENT, "how do you feel today?" It is not going to far out on a limb to truthfully answer the same way they do in the musical, "the best I've felt all year". With a stress fracture on board, that is saying something!

Have a great day!

annjie

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MANDYLOVE_76 9/7/2012 9:35AM

    LOL way to fight the Nachos!

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SUSIEGKORN 9/7/2012 8:59AM

    Sounds like you're building muscle which you know weighs more than fat so that could account for things. You're doing great, even with the nachos, and feeling the best ever, those are both something to be proud of! Those NSV are so important!

Go annjie, Go!

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KALANTHA 9/6/2012 7:52PM

    I doubt the nachos are going to do you in, Annjie. They may make you retain some water for a couple of days, but with the workouts you've been doing, you should probably be ok.

How is your stress fracture feeling? Can you tell if it's healing?

I think, with all things considered, you're doing GREAT!

Kath

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MYBULLDOGS 9/6/2012 2:27PM

    emoticon

my sister walks 15,000 steps a day at 63 years old and has lost 105 pounds.

i gave up grain and sugary products and have lost 44 pounds at age 60.

we are both still loosing weight until we reach our goal

emoticon

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CHANGING-TURTLE 9/6/2012 2:13PM

    emoticon emoticon

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TRIXYMAHOGANY 9/6/2012 2:10PM

    I know how you feel about the nachos! Probably one of my all-time favorite things to eat, and loaded with calories especially since nachos just aren't nachos without the works.

But I really doubt one meal ruined your hard work. From this post it sounds like your'e doing AWESOME! So good on you! emoticon

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Scales and Nachos

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

How is the 5% going? Thanks for asking!
If you look at the scale...well it is not moving very well. I had gotten down to 188, but this morning weighed in at 189 or 190 depending on the angle! I have a digital scale coming from Amazon, but am currently using a non-digital. It leaves a little room for interpretation (dangerous!). I am nervous about getting the new scale. We bough a cheap digital from BBandB, and instead of 189 I suddenly weighed 197! But the scale proved to not work very well, so I'm hoping my old scale is accurate, even though I suspect it's not. It will be really hard for me to learn that instead of 32 pounds to go it's more like 42. But I'm not on the bridge yet.

I'm tempted to go into a whole thing here about how slowly the weight comes off. I am really kicking it. But I'm not going to do that. I am going to remind myself that I am doing this to be healthy and increase my daily happiness and longevity. And I'm not going to go there just yet. It's only been a little over 2 months since I hit the reset button...
OK, I'm kind of depressing myself. it's been like 2 pounds in 2 really right on months. Sigh.
But I also know that I ate out 2 days last week. One was Indian. I ate well the rest of the day so probably wasn't too far over my range. But Monday night I got nachos.

Let's talk about nachos. I LOVE nachos. They aren't a problem food or trigger for me (I don't think) like peanut butter or straight cheese. They are my favorite food though. I never eat them anymore. There's not a good way to stay in range and eat nachos too, so I don't. But Monday night I decided to. We had to get out of the house. We'd been at home for 3 straight days, the dogs were driving us crazy. We realized we hadn't had a meaningful conversation all weekend and we needed some couple time away from the dogs. AND I'd been really craving nachos for the past 2 weeks.
The bad news is I spent about an hour going back and forth on the merits and evils of 'giving in'. The good news (I think) is that in the end I realized I was driving myself crazy over nachos. I have been totally on track and I decided to treat myself. So I had nachos and beer. And it was GOOD! And I didn't hate myself the next day (amazing).
During that hour of evaluation my morality vs eating nachos, I couldn't decide what the 5% meant with letting myself go out and eat something not 'good' for me. Can I still say I'm living the 5%?
I realized that, as I keep saying, the 5% is a whole life, all encompassing thing. It is not just 5% eating or 5% exercising. It's 5% intentionality and integrity and balancing all my goals and priorities and needs and desires. It is, very rarely, eating the nachos and then making sure I don't destroy myself for it after.

Or maybe I'm just BSing myself and the nachos were just medicinal for the rough few weeks I've had. Well, even if that's true I am WAY ahead of where I used to be, and I just keep getting better at this!

I think one reason the nachos did not destroy me is that I kicked my work outs into even higher gear this past week. A 17 mile bike ride (a LOT for me) one day, getting the elliptical and doing circuit training, and STing where I finally got what they mean by muscle failure. I've been working very hard at STing what with my stress fracture keeping me from running. My muscles are indeed getting bigger. But I wasn't going to failure like they recommend. Until this week. My body feels deliciously grateful.

But back to the scale. Are the nachos enough to stave off weeks of work? Who knows? I mean I had 2 weeks of lower range eating and exercising. I think I will plan to have another 2 good weeks, initiate the new scale, and then maybe email a coach in the SP coach program I'm doing for 3 months.

But to quote RENT, "how do you feel today?" It is not going to far out on a limb to truthfully answer the same way they do in the musical, "the best I've felt all year". With a stress fracture on board, that is saying something!

Have a great Wednesday!

annjie

  
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BIGDOG18 9/5/2012 9:42AM

  emoticon

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Keeping the Spark and Living the 5% when it doesn't come naturally

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

I've been really on track for a long time now.
Since a few months ago (June 27th to be exact), a switch turned on in my head thanks to a blog I read. I realized that I have a lot more power in me than I had previously known. I realized I was the driver, and that it was within me to chose positive thinking and motivation every day, that these were not gifts handed down from the Gods and bestowed on deserving people. I realized that I could, and will be one of the 5% who gets there and stays there.

Since then I have done it with amazing success. When I get down on myself or struggle or am tempted to let the negative thoughts carry me away, I remember that I am in charge, and I don't have to chose that anymore. It has been transformative.

Things have been a bit of a struggle here. It's a lot of stuff, including my Dad's health declining again, not enough space and time to relax as much as I need, some sleep being missed, too much to do, having to wear this stupid boot for 4 more weeks with my stress fracture, etc.
But through it I have really continued to live as the 5%. And seeing that I can make those choices despite things really be against me has been a great experience.

This weekend was really hard. Really painful as my Dad took a turn for the worst. I ate well, considering the barriers in my way, but I didn't eat in the 5%. So this morning I had a little 'remembering session' with myself. And here is what I came up with when I remembered I am a 5%er:

Woo Hoo for you, annjie. You are paying attention to your interior space and the suffering that is going on inside of you and choosing to bust up your normal way of reacting to it! Way to go!

The grief is not going to subside for now. But you know that in the midst of grief can be beautiful moments of light and laughter. Take them when you can, and realize that the sadness is just going to be here for a little bit.

And those things that compound grief--trying to ease it by eating and drinking. Trying to quell it by ignoring it which leads to harmful behaviors--you are choosing against them. Today you are aware, you are awake! So today you will keep making loving choices. You will be gentle and keep reminding yourself that you are responsible for your choices, even when you are suffering.

It means:
only one cup of coffee at work
no soda
measuring everything that goes in your mouth. EVERYTHING
breathing gratitude on your bike rides
deciding how much to drink before you drink, and sticking to it
being aware of other people--their experience and struggle and offering yourself to them. That awareness alleviates a bit of all of our suffering.

I still feel sad, but grounded in the sadness.
I don't feel RA RA! but I do feel determined.
paying attention is the first best step for me.

Today was a sad day
today was a completely freaking successful day.
I took good care of myself.
Even though it isn't coming easily right now.
I can.
I can.
I can.
I am.

annjie


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSIEGKORN 8/29/2012 12:21PM

    What Jamie said! I just stopped by to check on you and wow, just read your blog. Sorry you're going through some challenges, especially with your dad. That's a rough one ~ been there, done that. I'll keep him (and you) in my prayers.

I am so glad for you that you can maintain such a great attitude through the adversity. It helps so much to be able to do that.

emoticon

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JAMIEHORN20 8/29/2012 10:10AM

    I just love reading your blogs. You have such a unique perspective, so positive and encouraging!

I'm sorry to hear your dad has taken a turn for the worst, but I love what you said about there being beautiful moments of light and laughter. I know you will cherish those moments in the years to come, so I'm glad you're taking the time to be aware of them now.

You are doing this with no excuses, and that's what it takes! You are awesome!

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SUSIEQ911 8/29/2012 10:02AM

    Great attitude!
emoticon

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NEWMOMOVER40 8/29/2012 1:05AM

    Hi Annjie, I haven't read your blog before but I just wanted to say how much I like what you've said here. I remember going to a meditation class and the teacher would talk about an emotion/thought/feeling being something that you can just "notice" instead of letting it control you or overwhelm you. So you are doing great!
emoticon
Jennifer

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ONEKIDSMOM 8/28/2012 10:05PM

    I love this reminder. "Hello, sadness. I recognize you. You are a feeling. You are real. But you will not kill me, and I do not need to eat to numb you. Eventually you will diminish, but I will welcome you, and entertain you for the moment. I do not have to be elated every minute of every day."

You've got it, living as the 5%. emoticon

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GRANDMA0627 8/28/2012 8:33PM

    WOW!! Really... WOW!! Yes you can! and you are! and you have just put a little gust of wind to my sails. Thanks :)

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LALMEIDA 8/28/2012 8:30PM

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