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This whole daily inventory thing from Sparkcoach

Friday, August 17, 2012

is awesome.
I have renamed in awesomeness and challenges.
I realized the other day that I am getting better at countering my negative voice, but not giving enough credence to singing my own praises when I do things that are awesome.
This occurred to me as I was riding my bike to work, lamenting the fact (blasting myself) that I had not been doing much cardio.
Then I realized that was ONE way to look at it, the other way is:
WOW! you are biking! With a stress fracture you are still biking even though you could just throw in the towel for a few weeks. AND you are biking while carrying your fracture boot on your back to wear at work. You are great!

That was much more pleasant, so I started listing things that are awesome, and the things that made them, and my day, challenging. Note that I am NOT listing things I did wrong or ways to improve. Those go through my head enough. But not these other 2.

So this occurred to me the same day I started the free Sparkcoach trial, where they have you do it every day. So I've been doing it every day and it's been good.

My motivation is pretty good. And that is amazing considering the weekend I had. We got not so great news about my Dad's cancer, and our friend came into town on the 5th anniversary of her husband's (also our friend) murder in our neighborhood. It was an intense, sad weekend. On top of it all we didn't get much sleep which just makes everything worse.

But I mostly met my goals despite that, and am having a good week since.

I'm feeling motivated and inspired to keep working toward my goals, including working toward my goal weight, just 36 little pounds away.

Have a great weekend!!

annjie

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSIEQ911 8/19/2012 10:19AM

    emoticon

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WALKINGIRL5 8/18/2012 2:41PM

    Feeling that energy too thank you. I have to counter mt negative voice big time. emoticon

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LITTLEDUTCH 8/17/2012 3:51PM

    Your great attitude is inspiring me. Keep up the good work!

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BLUE42DOWN 8/17/2012 3:50PM

    emoticon

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RCW0442EHS 8/17/2012 3:46PM

    Wow, I'm totally feeling your positivity. In light of a bad weekend you chose to dwell on the good not the bad which many people including me can't do. I really admire your ability to do that. I've been trying spark coach as well but I haven't really been feeling it but now I'm going to stick it out after reading this. Keep up what you've been doing and I hope you get to your goal soon.

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Post Vacation Blog

Friday, August 10, 2012

I've actually been back from vacation for over a week now, but just sitting down to recap everything.
What a GREAT vacation!
The only negative was that my foot is in a boot for my stress fracture, and it really inhibited my mobility, but aside from that, it was really, really wonderful.

Here were my lofty goals. The goals which I really didn't think I could possibly attain:

I will:
do strength training 5 out of every 7 days!
--We ST'd 9 out of 14 days, (so 4.5 days out of every 7...not bad!!)

swim in this lake that I'm living next to every other day
--This was SO fun and challenging. I managed to swim 5 times (6 would have been every other). I was really, really proud of this one b/c it was such a challenge!

go canoeing at least once
--Did not manage this one. We decided not to go this year

write in my journal to keep that f'ing negative voice at bay, cause it is not welcome here
--I wrote 3 times in my journal. Not as much as I would have guessed, but we also talked a lot about mood and food and how I was feeling. And mostly those negative voices were not around. I beat them down with the STing and the swimming!

track all of the food we have brought to vacation so that the amounts and calories will be listed in a hard copy in our cabin and I can still track every day
--totally done. It was a pain, but I tracked EVERY SINGLE DAY!!

buy measuring cups b/c our cabin did not come equipped
--DONE

tell myself during strength training (which is difficult with a boot), that although it is difficult, I am still DOING IT, and doing it with a STRESS FRACTURE. I could be doing nothing
--DONE. I had to do that one several times. It is so hard not to do the cardio I am used to. But my energy stayed really good and my motivation was really, really up almost every day. It was pretty amazing.

Instead I am looking at this situation as would a person who is positive, has energy, is revved up and excited to make good choices, and who is not burdened by this negative voice!
--Done and done well!

Stay in calorie range 10/14 days:
--Done, exactly 10/14 days, thank you very much!!

It was an incredibly successful vacation in terms of living the way I want to live.

It is funny to write about it, b/c the energized, positive, sparked person who made and met those goals hasn't really been around since we got back. Or at least that person has not been driving.
Things are going OK, but not sparked and woo-hoo worthy.

And it is easy to see why. Aside from just the whole being back from vaycay thing, we came down to my Dad's health not being as good. We are currently waiting for the results of a bone marrow biopsy to see if his cancer has progressed. I forgot how difficult these feelings are to live with. I remember them now, very well. It has been 2 1/2 months since I have felt like this, but in those past 2 months I have spent a lot of time trying to ready myself to meet this head on when it came back around, and to make healthy, loving, gentle decisions different than how I did all of last year.
And I gotta say, it's going pretty well. Specifically:

--I have tracked every day since I got home. Very nice
--I have been in calorie range every day except for 2 days, and they were not far out of range
--I got my bike fixed with the goal being to use it for cardio (I can do that with my foot fracture)
--I have done STing twice
--I have ridden my bike once
--I have stayed on track and not let my negativity carry me, although my zeal is less than one would hope

So I would say it has been a good week back.
My negative voice would point out my lack of exercise, but a positive person would look at the objective data and say, "WOW have I done well with food. Amazing given how I've felt. And there seems to be a lack of exercise now that I look at it, so I will plan my exercise for the next week and make sure I stick to it". Yep, that's what a positive person would say. So that's what I'll say. I might even believe it.

It has been a fantastic exercise for me to greet each emotion/experience with the question, "how would a positive person view this?" Because I believe that my best self and truest self is really positive. Things have perverted that joy a bit, but I can still feel the life of her in me. So posing that question, coming up with the answer, and then living the answer has helped me. For example, when I first started doing STing with the boot, I could have really gotten upset. It is clumsy, I have to alter a lot of the exercises. It is uncomfortable and way more difficult. But asking that question, I had to answer, "this is such a challenge for me to figure out exactly how to do this, but I can figure it out, and it is going to be so cool to realize I am doing this despite the difficulty." And you know what? It worked! I did enjoy the challenge and stopped whining to myself.

So I've felt a little mopey, a little whiny this week. And I want to be gentle with myself and know that there are good reasons. But a big part of my healthy lifestyle, living in the 5%, is countering negativity. So much good blossoms when I am able to do that.
I have needed a prod, a nudge, a jolt of electricity. And I thought blogging might do it.

I still feel tired, but it does seem to be working.

Man I kicked some serious a*s on my vacation!!

This weekend is going to be a challenge. Our dear friend is coming in on the 5th anniversary of her husband's murder. They lived a block from us and it is one of the life altering, joy zapping things that I referred to earlier. Aside from being very painful, I will have a hard time countering the going out to eat, going out for cocktails, general eating/drinking too much in a group of people things that happens. And b/t the anniversary and my Dad's health, I'm gonna WANT to eat and drink a LOT.

So it's good I know that. It's good to say it. And it's good to say
I DON"T HAVE TO DO IT!
I can feel those feelings and be healthy and then be sad and PROUD instead of sad and SELF-DEPRECATING b/c I ate and drank too much.
Right?
Right.

So how would a positive person greet this weekend?

Dear, you have such a big, difficult weekend coming. You are going to want to consume everything in your path b/c it's what you're used to doing. But you are different now. Healthier.
Imagine Monday morning coming around and you knowing that you rose to the occasion of loving yourself well. Imagine how good that will feel.
It will feel very, very good.

So here are my goals:
--eat within my calorie range every day. I am tempted to give myself one over day, but why? This is clearer.
--I will ride my bike on Sat, and ST on Sunday
--I will tell my friend that I want to be living in my healthy lifestyle this weekend. She supports me and will back me up.

I can do it. Because I am that positive person.
I am.

have a great weekend.

annjie

the pictures are of me conquering lake michigan, and jenny and I at a restaurant (check out those clavicles!!!).








  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDOORN 9/27/2012 10:39AM

    What a great "reframe" on your approach to vacation! Super pic too! :-)

Don

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SUSIEGKORN 8/17/2012 6:45PM

    What a cute picture of you two and your clavicles! You did awesome while on your vacation. Way to go! I absolutely loved Saugatuck! I'd really like to plan family reunion there sometime. Today is my last day in MI. I'm in Port Huron visiting with my aunt and uncle from Ontario. It's been such a fun 10 days.

I'll check in with you soon to see how good you're doing. How is that for positive thinking!!!

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TAINYC 8/11/2012 5:06PM

    Thank you for sharing your positivity with us! I'm going on vacation in November and while I'm working very hard now to look good for it, I should also set goals to achieve while away. I hope that your weekend is wonderful and I'm confident you'll be able to stick to the goals you've set. emoticon

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PICKIE98 8/10/2012 4:16PM

    Holy cow!! you stayed on the beach in Saugatuck? Pretty ritzy! My ex BIL was a Captain at the Dunes there years ago.. What a gorgeous town!!
No matter what you DID do, I am proud of you for the fact that you DIDN'T eat in all those cutesy-tootsy places there!! How tempting was that?
Your body got some needed rest to rebuild inside, your foot got a REAL vacation, and you still enjoyed yourself, discovering how clever you can be to alter workouts to fit your boot!!
Just think how much you can do NEXT summer? glad you shared this!!

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MONTREAL12 8/10/2012 4:04PM

  Maybe be a little less ambitious at this stage and add as you go along; having goals is great; however, they need to be achievable; otherwise, they can work against you rather than with you! emoticon

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Vacation Update. I am DOING IT!!!

Monday, July 23, 2012

We're back at the coffee shop for a quick check in. Blogging a few days ago really set my mind and spirit in the right place, so I wanted to do it again! Thanks for all the positive messages!

It is going GREAT!!! Better than great. I am amazed at my strength and my tenacity at putting that negativity away.

Here's what I said I was gonna do and how I'm doing:

I will:
do strength training 5 out of every 7 days! WE HAVE ST'd EVERY DAY WE'VE BEEN HERE. 4 DAYS IN A ROW!!!!
swim in this lake that I'm living next to every other day DONE ONCE, SCHEDULED AGAIN TO DO TODAY. IT IS HARD SWIMMING IN THOSE WAVES, BUT FUN TOO. MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I AM REALLY TOUGH! :)
go canoeing at least once NOT YET BUT IN THE PLANS
write in my journal to keep that f'ing negative voice at bay, cause it is not welcome here
THAT VOICE HAS NOT STOOD A CHANCE SO FAR. WHENEVER IT REARS IT'S HEAD, I KNOCK IT DOWN OR TALK TO JENNY WHO STANDS WITH ME AGAINST IT.
track all of the food we have brought to vacation so that the amounts and calories will be listed in a hard copy in our cabin and I can still track every day DONE. TRACKING IS GOING GREAT!
buy measuring cups b/c our cabin did not come equipped DONE
tell myself during strength training (which is difficult with a boot), that although it is difficult, I am still DOING IT, and doing it with a STRESS FRACTURE. I could be doing nothing
DONE.
Instead I am looking at this situation as would a person who is positive, has energy, is revved up and excited to make good choices, and who is not burdened by this negative voice! TOTALLY ROCKING IT OUT!!!
Stay in calorie range 10/14 days: I'VE BEEN IN RANGE EVERY DAY EXCEPT ONE PLANNED DAY WHEN WE WENT OUT TO EAT, AND i WAS BAAAARELY OVER THAT DAY!!!!

It is amazing how much my positive energy feeds itself. Each positive, on track day makes the next day easier.

It is so very good!

We are having such a nice, relaxing time besides. Lots of reading, lots of lying on the beach. It really is perfect.

I hope everyone is dealing with the heat OK and garnering motivation for the journey!

annjie

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSIEGKORN 7/27/2012 9:08AM

    Good for you! A healthy vacation is just what you needed! I bet that stress fracture is healing better because of it! Sounds like you are having a great time.

Thanks for checking out the Ivy Inn. I debated about staying at a place with a pool so I could get in a water workout, but then I remembered I'll be getting in lots of other activity. I'll have to check out The Mermaid. Thanks for the tip! Really looking forward to some cooler weather and the beauty of Michigan!

Keep your positive spirit! You sound so happy!
emoticon

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SUSIEQ911 7/24/2012 9:31AM

    emoticon

I hope I can be as successful next week on vacation! Good job!

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DDOORN 7/24/2012 9:28AM

    Kudos to EVERYTHING, especially your "tenacity at putting that negativity away"...!

Don

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KALANTHA 7/23/2012 8:13PM

    You've built some nice momentum, Annjie! I love your spirit!

You will not be stopped!

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JAMIEHORN20 7/23/2012 2:09PM

    I just have to say that you are a rock star!! Keep up the awesome work...this will be a vacation that you will be proud of forever. Making the lifestyle work for you while still enjoying your time away. That's so awesome.

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vacation (not quite all i ever wanted, but still)

Thursday, July 19, 2012

I'm checking in very quickly at a coffee shop here in Saugatuck, MI where we will spend 2 glorious weeks on vacation. It's our 4th time here, and this year we brought the 2 dogs (we left the sweet foster dog in someone else's care for 2 weeks), and we are RIGHT on the beach. So it is pretty delightful.

We have been really talking a lot about making this a 5% vacation. That is, making this be an active, positive, on track, living the 5% of people who will lose weight and maintain that loss for the long haul kind of vacation.

But there are a few barriers:

my foot does indeed have a stress fracture, so my mobility is limited by this big-ass boot on my leg. It's all the rage in beach-wear this year let me tell you!
So that means no running, no kick boxing. And THAT means my negative voice sees a great opportunity.
Also part of the plan was tracking my food every morning prior to the day to stay in my calorie range at least 10 of the 14 days we're on this vacation. But although advertised as having internet, our beach bungalow does not.

Will I let this ruin my vacation? Will I throw my hands in the air and think it's not worth it to try b/c the barriers are too big to overcome? Will I eat and drink to my heart's content while hating how I feel before and after? Will I decide that it's just 2 weeks, and I can get back on track when I get back? I mean, what's 2 weeks really? Will I tell myself that I should be a little gentle with myself b/c I have a stress fracture? Will I do a million other things that indicate I am ready to live in the 95% of people who gain back the weight they have lost?

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Although even the 1st 24 hours has been rough at times b/c of the above, I WILL NOT DO THAT!!! I WILL NOT DO THAT!!!!

I will:
do strength training 5 out of every 7 days!
swim in this lake that I'm living next to every other day
go canoeing at least once
write in my journal to keep that f'ing negative voice at bay, cause it is not welcome here
track all of the food we have brought to vacation so that the amounts and calories will be listed in a hard copy in our cabin and I can still track every day
buy measuring cups b/c our cabin did not come equipped
tell myself during strength training (which is difficult with a boot), that although it is difficult, I am still DOING IT, and doing it with a STRESS FRACTURE. I could be doing nothing. Instead I am looking at this situation as would a person who is positive, has energy, is revved up and excited to make good choices, and who is not burdened by this negative voice!

It will not be easy without having SP in my daily life. But how much of this has been easy, truly? Not very damn much.

And yet here I am, friends.

This vacation may not be all I ever wanted, but it is gonna be all I make of it, and that will be great!

In 2 weeks, I will write that I am amazed at my strength, how I didn't really feel like I could do it, BUT I DID>
I will be so proud of myself. And I will be stronger in so many ways.

WOO HOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

annjie

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAMIEHORN20 7/19/2012 8:39PM

    Heck yeah! I would love to have a 10th of your determination right now! I'm inspired by your attitude, and I know you've got what it takes to use this vacation as an opportunity for growth and strength building. Physically and mentally!

You are awesome! Enjoy your trip and I hope you can kick that boot to the curb VERY soon.

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KALANTHA 7/19/2012 7:28PM

    Love your attitude and determination! You make run into a few obstacles but you will find ways around them! I have faith in you!

Have a great time!

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QUAIL75 7/19/2012 2:57PM

    Woo hoo! You can do it! You have an amazing attitude, will and determination and will reach your goals! emoticon

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SUSIEGKORN 7/19/2012 2:16PM

    Wowowowow! That's what I'm talking about! I can feel your positive energy radiating out of your blog! Sorry about the stress fracture/boot thing but hey! You're not letting that take you down! And what a beautiful setting to relax, rejuvenate, and get some movement in ~ Saugatuck, MI! I've just been researching that area since I have a wedding to go to in August north of there. I booked 2 nights at the Ivy Inn B & B on Water Street, so let me know if you go by there and it looks like it's a good place to stay! I'm staying in Montague 3 nights for the wedding, 2 nights in Grand Haven, then on to Saugatuck, before heading east to Port Huron (meeting my aunt and uncle from Canada there). Excited for you.....and for me!

Can't wait to hear about your trip and your stronger self!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EMMIELANE 7/19/2012 1:51PM

    Wow! You have a truly amazing spirit and energy. I am inspired just by having read your blog (first time ever). Stress fractures suck, but you sound like you're approaching it like the athlete you are! Have a great vacation! I will look forward to reading your return-to-reality blog in 2 weeks! Great job!

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A rare night blog

Thursday, July 12, 2012

OK, so it's only 9pm, but my brain mostly shuts down at 8pm or so. I am not a night owl. I wake up mostly raring to go every morning.
But I'll attempt a blog anyway.
I don't have anything deep to say, but I want to be writing more, and I missed my normal Wednesday blog date with myself.

Things are going very well. My motivation is not as perfect as it was the last several weeks, but this new voice inside of me speaks calmly and lovingly to me and reminds me I can decide. I am the driver here, and I can make good choices despite moods, despite wants, despite boredom or tiredness. It feels revolutionary kind of. It's nice.
I feel pretty self-inspired.

The bummer is that I have not done any aerobic exercise in the past week aside from one day of bike riding. I've been hitting strength training hard! I think I might have a stress fracture from running. I get an x-ray tomorrow to diagnose it. That would be a big bummer, so I've been doing some mental prep work to handle it well. Biking is possible, but I rode to work on Tuesday and some kids tried to steal my bike and they really jacked it all up, so it's going to be a bit before I can work that out. I may get a new bike out of the whole thing. We'll see

We leave for vacation in 6 days!!! Lake Michigan cabin with our 2 dogs. I can't wait. I'm bummed b/c usually there we run and play tennis and play paddle tennis on the beach. It will be swimming and more strength training for me. But I feel VERY resolved to have a 5% vacation still, and eat and drink only what I have chosen and planned to eat and drink. It's an exciting challenge. Remind me of that when I really want a beer and fries on vacation!

I did get my blue nail polish. It was everything I'd dreamed it would be, except it chipped after the first day. Oh well.

Oh and we still have the 3rd foster dog. I am using the term 'foster' more and more loosely!

Have a great weekend!

annjie

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDOORN 7/17/2012 1:04PM

    Oooh! Lake Michigan cabin!! JEALOUS! :-) I think you've been there before and I've asked before, but you know how that gray matter can be: whereabouts around Lake Michigan?

I just spent a few days around St. Joseph a couple weeks ago for our family reunion, cycling back and forth to my parent's place 25 miles away first thing in the morning before the heat climbed. We were blasted away by the heat! 94 degrees at 9 pm...? That was just spookily, eerily hot...!

Wonderful to hear of your calm, loving inner voice too!

Don

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GOGETFITJULIE 7/14/2012 1:55AM

    Ha! a 3rd "Foster" dog -- so that's what you're going to rename it, Foster? ;-) I really like what you said about choices, that you can decide. I'm just learning that myself. I just got a little book called "The Misleading Mind: How We Create Our Own Problems and How Buddhist Psychology Can Help Us Solve Them" In it, Cayton walks through a process, and the first step is recognizing there's a choice.

Thanks for this post and have a great time at Lake Michigan!

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PAMSPARKS 7/12/2012 10:50PM

    If the motivation was there everyday we wouldn't need SP! You sound like you are on a good path. Good luck with your fitness journey!

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