SOFT_VAL67   82,290
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SOFT_VAL67's Recent Blog Entries

days like this

Sunday, May 18, 2014

After confessing my sins, (eating alot of junk food) yesterday, I decided to revamp my SP program.
So, I weighed and for the first time in a while, I updated my weight and my goals.
I set the next goal for vacation, and while I have no outrageous goal of losing super amounts of weight before vacation, I do hope to just continue eating healthy and working out as much as I can before vacation and during and after.
Forever after.
For those who are thinking along those lines, set a goal for a date, vacation, birthday, etc, and then thinking once they meet that goal they can just go back to the way they ate before. FORGET IT!!!

It doesnt work that way, it is a never-ending lifetime committment, and I am not saying that to try to make it sound scary, its no different than smoking or drinking or any other lifestyle change, it is just a new way of viewing food and what and how and when we eat.
I make mistakes, so will you, everyone does.

But for today, I havent made any mistakes. I did go over my calories, (the new calorie setting SP set for me) today, but, its ok, all the foods I have eaten are healthy and full of vitamins and the minerals my body needs.
I have gotten in a minimal amount of exercise today, but I have been very productive, cleaning and doing some much needed organizing around here.
Yes, today has been a successful day.

I only set the vacation date goal, as to have a day to work toward. I really just want to be healthy and have more stamina during vacation, 2 years ago I was so big and fat during a very very hot weekend trip to the Smokies, I mostly stayed in the car or the hotel.
Walking in that heat nearly did me in, it was not long after that I decided to buckle down and get real.
Last summer, while I was basically 50 pounds lighter and basically the same weight I am currently, I was healthier and would probably have been able to walk alot more, but due to my broken foot earlier in the year.......etc.
This summer vacation, I just really want to be able to enjoy walking and seeing some sights and hopefully healthy enough that I dont hold the others back.
I know its only 8 weeks away, I know I am not going to lose a HUGE lot of weight by then.
I will be happy to lose any amount, because I havent been lately.
It is just time to buckle down and get real again.
Time to stop living in the past and looking ahead to the future.
AND THE BEACH!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAPECODBABE 5/19/2014 6:00AM

    Yes, emoticon emoticon emoticon

8 Weeks can make a big difference if you want it

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GORDON66 5/18/2014 10:42PM

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confession time

Saturday, May 17, 2014

I am so tired.
I wish I had one half the energy my little dog has, right now she is playing chase with her toy mouse and seems to not be getting tired, she still has stitches in her from being spayed last week.
But she hasnt let it keep her down, shes been just as active.
I cant wait til Tuesday when the stitches come out and I can give her a good warm bath in some good smelling shampoo!
So, for me, I guess I could be doing better.
I mean, I did walk an hour today and I was really glad to get that done. I havent been eating too healthy the last 4 or 5 days.
In fact, I have been eating crappy!!
Deep fried mushrooms and a burger last night.
A slice of pizza AFTER my walk this evening.
a cupcake yesterday at the festival in town and a brownie!!!
I am eating junk, j u n k!!!
And at some point, I have to stop!
Before it gets way too out of hand.

I know my BP is up tonight, I have a bad headache and my face is blood red. I have been drinking water all day. I dont know if its all the stress from dealing with these doctors and insurance compay this week. I made a big decision yesterday, I have decided to postpone the consult with the surgeon and wait until about September.
I start seeing the chiropractor and physical therapist this week so that will help me get an idea of what damages have been done and then I will be on the road to getting my insurance company to approve the surgery when the time does come.
But one thing is for sure, until I lose some more weight, nothing is going to matter.
Right now that is the one thing I am positive is going to get me rejected.
So, why am I eating all this crap and not focusing on eating right?
I know I have slacked way off on walking, I am aware of what I am doing wrong, but I need to understand why.
In other news, the temps here have dropped and tonight its supposed to only be in the 30s so I dragged the big comforter back out of my closet and threw it in the dryer.
Dont get me wrong, I sure prefer the 50 degree weather to walk in than the 90 we had last week.
So, here I go again, trying to understand why I am so off course and trying to find the way back again.
I have been here many times.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAPECODBABE 5/18/2014 7:08AM

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pay no attention to that sound

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

I honestly believe doctors are trying to kill me!!!
Well, maybe just the people who work for them.
I have been so confused the last few days, but finally, hopefully, its all straightened out, for now.
I still have my appointment coming up on the 20th and I dread it, but also look forward to it because at least I will have some idea.
Today, I decided to take a break from it all.
I got up early, called about the one appointment I had, cancelled it, then went to the walking track.
And that is the healthiest place for me right now.
As you can tell, dealing with doctors and the red tape of insurance companies has stressed me out to the point, I just dont want to deal with it.
I have this one upcoming appt, I will keep and then thats that til August, unless something happens.
It is such a nice day out today.
Hot!!
So, I am just going to relax and stop the madness of worrying about this or that when it comes to these appointments, they arent a matter of life or death afterall.
So now, heres another issue. I am sitting here, feeling this gnawing hunger pain, or is it pang? either way. Where is it coming from?
I just finished lunch, I had weight watchers steak fajitas and a banana. Is the banana the culprit???
The high sugar content???
All I have had to drink today is water, no coffee.
But heres the kicker, I went ahead and sparked my "planned" food for the day and I am going to go over calories and still am no where near fiber and iron.
I am trying to figure out what I can eliminate, because really it is such a minimal amount of food.
I guess I can let the greek yogurt go, and replace it with some grapes, spinach maybe. Cantaloupe.
But then that lessens my protein for the day.
It is so hard to get all the nutrients and still stay at calorie range.
That is probably why I take so many vitamins, iron tablets, etc every day.
This elliptical, a friend had one she wanted out of her house, so she gave it to me and while it doesnt keep the digits, it still works for exercise.
It is kicking my booty!!!
5 minutes yesterday and I was about dead, and those 5 minutes I had to break up.
Going to go for 5 again today.
Little steps.
I just hope I start to see some results, and I hope this growling stomach shuts up!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAYNBOWCHASER 5/15/2014 7:52AM

    The elliptical kicks my butt too! I am in the same spot as you, just trying to successfully do 5 minutes! But we can do it, as you said, baby steps will still move us forward! And I know the nightmare of doctors, vitamins, watching nutrients and in my case, also dealing with brand new diabetes diagnosis. But you are doing a good job of handling it all.
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MAINEALI 5/14/2014 1:44PM

    It can be maddening to try to balance all the nutrients and get them just right. I do know that you'd be better off with an orange rather than grapes. Since I signed up for better health insurance, I've been going crazy trying to get everything done that they want me too. Taking care of yourself can be a lot of hard work. I love days where I can just relax all day. Take good care of yourself!

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SLOWDETERMINED 5/14/2014 1:10PM

  Loved the blog. Been there doing it.
Too many doctors, too little food, not enough exercise, not enough nutrients, so little time!

Take it one day at a time. I'm impressed--little steps!

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MJEFFERSON23 5/14/2014 12:31PM

  I hate to give cliches, but don't sweat the small stuff!

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It aint over til the...well, you know the rest!!!

Monday, May 12, 2014

Today was my dreaded doctors appointment. I have come to realize, that ALL doctor appointments are now dreaded.
Nothing really to dread from todays visit. She went over my blood test results, hormone, thyroid, vitamin d, etc.
She told me I am worrying too much and that for my age, 46, these are perfectly normal results. and that this is just all a part of life.
So, in other words, get over it, you're getting old!!!
Lol.
So, I feel a little better, nothing to worry about says she.
And the number on the scale, while it was a bad number to me, was still 2 pounds less than last time.
2 pounds gone is 2 pounds gone.
Now to just make it 2 +2+2+2 etc etc etc!!
So, that is behind me for the time being, now to just get thru this next upcoming appointment and see where that leads, if anywhere.
I am just glad that the number on the scale wasnt any higher and maybe now I can see that it isnt the end of the world and I can get back to working hard and eating healthier, which I sure have been the last few days.
It is a sunny nice day here and I am going to relax the rest of the evening.
Puppy is in the itchy scratchy stage of after-care for her surgery. Day 3.
I have been leaving the cone on her, even though I dont think its 100 percent keeping her from being able to lick.
It seems to help a little, she has now started taking her back foot and trying to scratch the area.
I have been pretty much leaving her in her crate, getting her out for a half hour here and there to eat and go potty.
Letting her stretch her legs some.
She doesnt really seem to be in much pain, she moves around briskly.
But she had some dried on poo on her backside, she wouldnt let me near her, so we had to hold her and clean it off and cut some of it that was matted to her coat.
I believe that was bothering her more than anything else.
She will sit quietly in the crate for a spell, then jump as though shes running from something and hop from one side of the crate to the other.
She will scratch the area with her foot for a minute and is beginning to show some redness, a few inches from the incision.
I know mostly this is just itching where her hair was shaved. I just hope to make it peacefully thru the next couple of days until the danger of her tearing at her stitches has passed.
Shes to go on the 19th to have them removed.
So many appointments. May has been a busy bee.
Cant wait til July, to just sit in the sun and relax and let it all wash out to sea!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRADMILL2922 5/13/2014 12:37AM

    Congrats on losing the 2 lbs and it sounds like the tests went well :) KEEP GOING!

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SUZIPAM1 5/12/2014 2:48PM

    keep pushing - you doing well

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celebrate???

Sunday, May 11, 2014

So, it is Mother's Day, sooooo?
I know this isnt going to be a popular blog, but, not everyone has a mother they can be close to. Not everyone has a mother who they can spend time with, without strife and conflict and feeling depressed later.
I wish my mother and I were closer. Yes, I called her, and yes I had planned to spend some time with her today, but my sister and I have an unspoken pact, that we each have to be there to act as a buffer or at least so each of us doesnt have to hear about how awful the other sister is.
So, I got to hear about all the aches and pains and my dad in the back ground with his comments and input. And I should do this and I should do that, and oh by the way, I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, I learned that they were both well aware of that one.
How they found it out, hmmm, who knows.
Doctors are a big thing in their lives and they apparently want to keep track of everyone elses appointments as well.
There is nothing I can say except, it is what it is.
There have been horrible feuds between myself and them at times, and between my sister and them as well. and my brother, well, you get the point.
They are aging and yes, they both have health issues, but I wonder sometimes how much of it is real and how much is improvised.
So anyway, no loving family dinners or going out to a nice restaurant for me today.
I have been doing laundry and cleaning up from last nights supper, I was just way too tired to do it last night.
Having run nonstop for 3 days and have to go again tomorrow, so now the laundry is finished and I am going to spend the rest of the day watching Netflix, lay in the tanning bed and treat myself to a nice mani/pedi, courtesy of myself.
Where is my son today you might ask, well, he works night shift and gets home at 7 am, so he messaged me on FB this morning when he got off work and told me HMD and he loved me and was going to bed.
I really am not that bothered by not doing up a big family gathering or cooking or going out.
I guess it should bother me, and people would say, spend time with your mother while you can, etc, but like I said, not all families have this tight knit loving bond.
Some are just lucky to tolerate each other and for me personally, maybe it is a personal issue, I am not a lovey dovey person who is given to nostalgia and moments of deepness.
In fact, maybe its a personal problem, but I dread these days, I dread birthdays and anniversaries and MD/FD, any time I am expected to call and give well wishes.
I just cant wait to get it over with.
Maybe I have some kind of anti-social personality or maybe I am just a loner.
Have been taking care of puppy, she is doing pretty good, so far, she wants to try to lick but I had to put the cone on her, it isnt 100 percent preventing her from licking and I am concerned shes going to start scratching at the stitches.
Well, I am tired from all the running, but I keep waking up super early, Sunday morning and I wake up at 7 am!!!
And right back out to the doctor tomorrow, I know my weight is up and I have got my hormone test results to discuss with her and get this appointment behind me, and then hopefully I can rest for a few days.
Hopefully.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SOFT_VAL67 5/13/2014 9:01AM

    I am sorry for all those who have lost their mom and I do wish so much to have the kind of relationship I once had with my mom, where we could discuss books, movies, tv shows, the news of the day, etc.
But she changed somewhere down the line and she lets my dad call the shots and most of the manipulation and angering words and devisive actions come from him thru her.
I cant explain how it feels to call her and 2 minutes into the conversation, it turns to how wicked and awful my sister in law is, how mean and hateful my sister is, how grumpy my brother is, etc and so on and I am sure they get to hear about what a terrible person I am.
Someone commented that we have to sometimes leave our family and friends behind in order to be healthy, well that is what I try to do.
Only speaking to them on special occasions, birthdays, not going around them often.
It is for my own sanity, and it is the only way I can have any kind of relationship with her.
This woman is a hypochondriac and she would be happy if every member of her family were dealing with some type of illness, (Munchhausen)??? My 9 year old nephew has learned the behavior, get attention by playing sick and has had to be picked up at school many times, his parents are now taking him to a stomach specialist, but the school and students all say he is just faking and forcing himself to throw up so he can go home early.
This is learned behavior and I want no part of this.
My mother would argue he is deathly ill and you cannot convince her otherwise.
I choose to stay around positive people and while I know I sometimes blog negatively, it is just to get it out and pour the words out of my body and not hold on to the sickness, so that I can try to be healthy.
If anyone on here blogged they were in an unhealthy relationship with someone who manipulates and belittles them, they would be encouraged to break that off, well, it is no different sometimes with family.

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CAPECODBABE 5/12/2014 5:57PM

    At least you have a mother, and a chance to make things right.

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FLAMENM 5/12/2014 12:02AM

    Honor thy mother is not the same for all of us. The converse is also true. Honor thy children.
For some, the damage has been done. Being healthy and whole means keeping myself separate from my mother.

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GEMINICHIK 5/11/2014 1:55PM

    Honor thy mother, moms are not perfect & neither are her children. In a blink of an eye, without any warning she can be gone. I lost my.mom 5 years ago so unexpected, although we were like oil & vinegar when we were around each other I wish she was still here with now. I didn't get to tell her how awesome of a women, not just a mom ,she was and how much gratitude I have that she raised me to be a strong resourceful independent woman. I am grateful she raised me in the LORD. We will all be old what relationship do we want with our children. How do we want them to treat us? Forgive & cherish your mom's while you have her.

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GORDON66 5/11/2014 1:29PM

  Not everyone gets to grow up in a Beaver Cleaver household. I sure didn't. All you can do is persevere and take care of yourself.

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PCOH051610 5/11/2014 1:26PM

    My therapist told me it's okay to not like our mothers even though we know deep down that we love them! I've learned to be "entertained" by my mother's comments and when it gets really tough I email my brother who lives in Australia!

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