Sunday, May 18, 2014
After confessing my sins, (eating alot of junk food) yesterday, I decided to revamp my SP program.
So, I weighed and for the first time in a while, I updated my weight and my goals.
I set the next goal for vacation, and while I have no outrageous goal of losing super amounts of weight before vacation, I do hope to just continue eating healthy and working out as much as I can before vacation and during and after.
For those who are thinking along those lines, set a goal for a date, vacation, birthday, etc, and then thinking once they meet that goal they can just go back to the way they ate before. FORGET IT!!!
It doesnt work that way, it is a never-ending lifetime committment, and I am not saying that to try to make it sound scary, its no different than smoking or drinking or any other lifestyle change, it is just a new way of viewing food and what and how and when we eat.
I make mistakes, so will you, everyone does.
But for today, I havent made any mistakes. I did go over my calories, (the new calorie setting SP set for me) today, but, its ok, all the foods I have eaten are healthy and full of vitamins and the minerals my body needs.
I have gotten in a minimal amount of exercise today, but I have been very productive, cleaning and doing some much needed organizing around here.
Yes, today has been a successful day.
I only set the vacation date goal, as to have a day to work toward. I really just want to be healthy and have more stamina during vacation, 2 years ago I was so big and fat during a very very hot weekend trip to the Smokies, I mostly stayed in the car or the hotel.
Walking in that heat nearly did me in, it was not long after that I decided to buckle down and get real.
Last summer, while I was basically 50 pounds lighter and basically the same weight I am currently, I was healthier and would probably have been able to walk alot more, but due to my broken foot earlier in the year.......etc.
This summer vacation, I just really want to be able to enjoy walking and seeing some sights and hopefully healthy enough that I dont hold the others back.
I know its only 8 weeks away, I know I am not going to lose a HUGE lot of weight by then.
I will be happy to lose any amount, because I havent been lately.
It is just time to buckle down and get real again.
Time to stop living in the past and looking ahead to the future.
AND THE BEACH!!!!
Saturday, May 17, 2014
I am so tired.
I wish I had one half the energy my little dog has, right now she is playing chase with her toy mouse and seems to not be getting tired, she still has stitches in her from being spayed last week.
But she hasnt let it keep her down, shes been just as active.
I cant wait til Tuesday when the stitches come out and I can give her a good warm bath in some good smelling shampoo!
So, for me, I guess I could be doing better.
I mean, I did walk an hour today and I was really glad to get that done. I havent been eating too healthy the last 4 or 5 days.
In fact, I have been eating crappy!!
Deep fried mushrooms and a burger last night.
A slice of pizza AFTER my walk this evening.
a cupcake yesterday at the festival in town and a brownie!!!
I am eating junk, j u n k!!!
And at some point, I have to stop!
Before it gets way too out of hand.
I know my BP is up tonight, I have a bad headache and my face is blood red. I have been drinking water all day. I dont know if its all the stress from dealing with these doctors and insurance compay this week. I made a big decision yesterday, I have decided to postpone the consult with the surgeon and wait until about September.
I start seeing the chiropractor and physical therapist this week so that will help me get an idea of what damages have been done and then I will be on the road to getting my insurance company to approve the surgery when the time does come.
But one thing is for sure, until I lose some more weight, nothing is going to matter.
Right now that is the one thing I am positive is going to get me rejected.
So, why am I eating all this crap and not focusing on eating right?
I know I have slacked way off on walking, I am aware of what I am doing wrong, but I need to understand why.
In other news, the temps here have dropped and tonight its supposed to only be in the 30s so I dragged the big comforter back out of my closet and threw it in the dryer.
Dont get me wrong, I sure prefer the 50 degree weather to walk in than the 90 we had last week.
So, here I go again, trying to understand why I am so off course and trying to find the way back again.
I have been here many times.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
I honestly believe doctors are trying to kill me!!!
Well, maybe just the people who work for them.
I have been so confused the last few days, but finally, hopefully, its all straightened out, for now.
I still have my appointment coming up on the 20th and I dread it, but also look forward to it because at least I will have some idea.
Today, I decided to take a break from it all.
I got up early, called about the one appointment I had, cancelled it, then went to the walking track.
And that is the healthiest place for me right now.
As you can tell, dealing with doctors and the red tape of insurance companies has stressed me out to the point, I just dont want to deal with it.
I have this one upcoming appt, I will keep and then thats that til August, unless something happens.
It is such a nice day out today.
So, I am just going to relax and stop the madness of worrying about this or that when it comes to these appointments, they arent a matter of life or death afterall.
So now, heres another issue. I am sitting here, feeling this gnawing hunger pain, or is it pang? either way. Where is it coming from?
I just finished lunch, I had weight watchers steak fajitas and a banana. Is the banana the culprit???
The high sugar content???
All I have had to drink today is water, no coffee.
But heres the kicker, I went ahead and sparked my "planned" food for the day and I am going to go over calories and still am no where near fiber and iron.
I am trying to figure out what I can eliminate, because really it is such a minimal amount of food.
I guess I can let the greek yogurt go, and replace it with some grapes, spinach maybe. Cantaloupe.
But then that lessens my protein for the day.
It is so hard to get all the nutrients and still stay at calorie range.
That is probably why I take so many vitamins, iron tablets, etc every day.
This elliptical, a friend had one she wanted out of her house, so she gave it to me and while it doesnt keep the digits, it still works for exercise.
It is kicking my booty!!!
5 minutes yesterday and I was about dead, and those 5 minutes I had to break up.
Going to go for 5 again today.
I just hope I start to see some results, and I hope this growling stomach shuts up!!!
Monday, May 12, 2014
Today was my dreaded doctors appointment. I have come to realize, that ALL doctor appointments are now dreaded.
Nothing really to dread from todays visit. She went over my blood test results, hormone, thyroid, vitamin d, etc.
She told me I am worrying too much and that for my age, 46, these are perfectly normal results. and that this is just all a part of life.
So, in other words, get over it, you're getting old!!!
So, I feel a little better, nothing to worry about says she.
And the number on the scale, while it was a bad number to me, was still 2 pounds less than last time.
2 pounds gone is 2 pounds gone.
Now to just make it 2 +2+2+2 etc etc etc!!
So, that is behind me for the time being, now to just get thru this next upcoming appointment and see where that leads, if anywhere.
I am just glad that the number on the scale wasnt any higher and maybe now I can see that it isnt the end of the world and I can get back to working hard and eating healthier, which I sure have been the last few days.
It is a sunny nice day here and I am going to relax the rest of the evening.
Puppy is in the itchy scratchy stage of after-care for her surgery. Day 3.
I have been leaving the cone on her, even though I dont think its 100 percent keeping her from being able to lick.
It seems to help a little, she has now started taking her back foot and trying to scratch the area.
I have been pretty much leaving her in her crate, getting her out for a half hour here and there to eat and go potty.
Letting her stretch her legs some.
She doesnt really seem to be in much pain, she moves around briskly.
But she had some dried on poo on her backside, she wouldnt let me near her, so we had to hold her and clean it off and cut some of it that was matted to her coat.
I believe that was bothering her more than anything else.
She will sit quietly in the crate for a spell, then jump as though shes running from something and hop from one side of the crate to the other.
She will scratch the area with her foot for a minute and is beginning to show some redness, a few inches from the incision.
I know mostly this is just itching where her hair was shaved. I just hope to make it peacefully thru the next couple of days until the danger of her tearing at her stitches has passed.
Shes to go on the 19th to have them removed.
So many appointments. May has been a busy bee.
Cant wait til July, to just sit in the sun and relax and let it all wash out to sea!!!
Sunday, May 11, 2014
So, it is Mother's Day, sooooo?
I know this isnt going to be a popular blog, but, not everyone has a mother they can be close to. Not everyone has a mother who they can spend time with, without strife and conflict and feeling depressed later.
I wish my mother and I were closer. Yes, I called her, and yes I had planned to spend some time with her today, but my sister and I have an unspoken pact, that we each have to be there to act as a buffer or at least so each of us doesnt have to hear about how awful the other sister is.
So, I got to hear about all the aches and pains and my dad in the back ground with his comments and input. And I should do this and I should do that, and oh by the way, I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, I learned that they were both well aware of that one.
How they found it out, hmmm, who knows.
Doctors are a big thing in their lives and they apparently want to keep track of everyone elses appointments as well.
There is nothing I can say except, it is what it is.
There have been horrible feuds between myself and them at times, and between my sister and them as well. and my brother, well, you get the point.
They are aging and yes, they both have health issues, but I wonder sometimes how much of it is real and how much is improvised.
So anyway, no loving family dinners or going out to a nice restaurant for me today.
I have been doing laundry and cleaning up from last nights supper, I was just way too tired to do it last night.
Having run nonstop for 3 days and have to go again tomorrow, so now the laundry is finished and I am going to spend the rest of the day watching Netflix, lay in the tanning bed and treat myself to a nice mani/pedi, courtesy of myself.
Where is my son today you might ask, well, he works night shift and gets home at 7 am, so he messaged me on FB this morning when he got off work and told me HMD and he loved me and was going to bed.
I really am not that bothered by not doing up a big family gathering or cooking or going out.
I guess it should bother me, and people would say, spend time with your mother while you can, etc, but like I said, not all families have this tight knit loving bond.
Some are just lucky to tolerate each other and for me personally, maybe it is a personal issue, I am not a lovey dovey person who is given to nostalgia and moments of deepness.
In fact, maybe its a personal problem, but I dread these days, I dread birthdays and anniversaries and MD/FD, any time I am expected to call and give well wishes.
I just cant wait to get it over with.
Maybe I have some kind of anti-social personality or maybe I am just a loner.
Have been taking care of puppy, she is doing pretty good, so far, she wants to try to lick but I had to put the cone on her, it isnt 100 percent preventing her from licking and I am concerned shes going to start scratching at the stitches.
Well, I am tired from all the running, but I keep waking up super early, Sunday morning and I wake up at 7 am!!!
And right back out to the doctor tomorrow, I know my weight is up and I have got my hormone test results to discuss with her and get this appointment behind me, and then hopefully I can rest for a few days.
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