Tuesday, May 06, 2014
ok for some reason the link keeps going to the bottom, try this one and see if it works. thanks.
Has anyone read this? See, this is my love hate relationship with the Biggest Loser and any of the other "weight loss quick" shows.
You all know, well most of you, who have lost a significant amount of weight, and especially if you are over a certain age, that your body doesnt miraculously get tight and toned such as they want us to think it does on the BL.
While I know they work out alot, like training for the Olympics workout, they still arent going to go from 450 pounds to 180 and not have some skin and some other visible signs of the loss.
I know I have blogged about this before, but this isnt a crapshoot show, they DO NOT pick people at random.
This is how they are able to bring us the heart wrenching back stories of some of the contestants.
They are examined, etc long before the show.
They have experts who pick and choose the contestants they believe they can show as fit and toned and not the ones who are going to be jiggly.
At any rate, they need to stop pretending to the home viewers that they too can look this way and not ever have to have surgery to help remove skin and that their bodies will be prefectly toned and no scars and life will be sunshine and roses.
They have past contestants come on to encourage and you can see that some of them have gained some of their weight back, which is typical especially if you lose it so quickly.
The girl they had on this past season who lost so much weight, that was scary.
The biggest incentive for them to lose the weight is money.
That is not a good reason in my opinion, yes, we all need money and some way more than others, but when she went home and came back, she looked sickly, almost anorexic.
This is not a good way for her to have lost the weight, and probably she has gained some back.
Anyway, this story is inspiring and sad all at once, that this woman lost all this weight on her own, and then her pic was rejected because who wants to see the truth right??
No one wants to admit that this is what happens to our bodies after a significant amount of weight loss.
This is probably one reason that holds alot of people back from really going for it.
Fear of having loose hanging skin.
Fear of having to have plastic surgery and even bigger fear of not getting approval for it.
There is a plastic surgeon here in my town, and he only really does surgeries on patients who have the WLS at the hospital he works from. In fact, they only brought him here once they started doing alot of WLS here, to keep people from going elsewhere for the surgery.
I recall when I made the choice not to have WLS, the surgeon told me that if I was lucky enough to lose any weight on my own that my insurance wouldnt cover my reconstructive surgery since it wasnt related to WLS.
I said oh well, and left her office and never looked back and I am happy with that decision.
I am often left shaking my head at the decision of some and most insurance companies not to pay for these surgeries.
Well any way that is my rant for the day.
I have so many other things I could rant about but I will save it for tomorrow, its so hot in here.
That is one of my rants, the heat and lack of having my a/c unit fixed yet!!!
Monday, May 05, 2014
I spent the day in the doctors office. The gyno!!
I had put the visit off for far too long and I knew I needed to get some answers about pcos and if my meds need to be changed.
So, it was a 3 hour visit, an hour of that just being waiting, then the exam, the discussion, the lab work, the ultrasound, and finally I was out of there. None to happy with the number on the scale, but, I guess it could have been alot worse.
So, I came home to bath the puppy and she tried to bite me as she always does when I bath her, only today she really bite at me like she was trying to bite me.
I bought her a muzzle for when she has her surgery which is coming up at the end of this week.
When I tried it on her, it seemed to fit and now today I put it on her and it was so lose it was coming off of her.
I am trying so hard to tough it out with her, but after nearly 5 months, the potty training is still an on-going battle, she will pee everywhere BUT her pee pad.
I really want to keep her, but its getting tougher.
I am at my wits end.
I just hope to get some things done here around the house that are well past due, like my dishwasher is leaking in the bottom, it doesnt drain properly and the standing water stinks and is making me fear rotting and insects.
So that is the job 1 here.
Then I need the outside air unit serviced, yes, I know that should be job 1, but its not, its job 2 and then is having the hot water heater checked, and the water pressure here is terrible.
This place was supposed to be move in ready and its been one issue right after the other.
Well, its getting on toward dinner time and I havent a clue what I am having.
I was so starved out by the time I got out of the docs office today I went straight to mcds for a coffee and mcchicken and that is all I have had today, well, Hope all of you are having a better day than I am.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Thursday, May 01, 2014
For 3 weeks my so called best friend has not spoken to me.
It all began with a "he-said, she-said" situation, and I believe the HE said.
I wont go into detail, but I will just say, two people in my life were discussing me behind my back and deciding what is best for me.
What I should do, where I should live, things I have said.
And one got mad, one denied saying what they said, and both I told to stay out of my personal life and leave me to make the decisions I need to make.
This person was my best friend.
Ladies, you know what I am talking about, the one friend.
The one you tell EVERYTHING to, the one you know will never betray you, the one who puts everything in the vault and throws away the key.
Well, I guess she left the lock unlocked when she got drunk and ran her mouth and denied saying what she said.
The things she said werent even really deeply bad.
They were just things I never thought she would talk about behind my back and the denial was the part that angered me, had she just said, yes, I had too much to drink and messed up, I am sorry.
I would have said ok, talked it over and moved on.
But she lied, she made the other person out to be a monster, a troublemaker and the cause of all the issues.
And that is partly true, but not all because she was there, she was in the conversation and she said things as well.
So, I told her that I need some time to myself and that I think its best for everyone to just leave me to make my own life choices and that I am not a child who needs people making decisions for me.
So, she hasnt spoken to me.
She hasnt liked or commented on anything, she is still there, but not.
And while I am a little bothered by it and wish she had the backbone and the heart to apologize or just say hello.
But I guess she and I are both being stubborn.
But I am not in the wrong here, am I????
I am not 100 percent bothered by her not being in my life.
She wasnt there for me the last few months anyway. Since she got back with her boyfriend, the cad.
She let alcohol run her life and play a big role in ruining a friendship.
I really feel betrayed and what other things might she have discussed about me, private things I have told her???
and all because she likes to get drunk and run her mouth.
So, not only because of this, but maybe partly, I have had a few bad weeks.
I have really fallen off the wagon.
NOT alcohol, I havent had a drink and dont feel the need to have one.
But I am not exercising much at all, my feet are bothering me so much, and my ear is full of fluid and wont drain and I cant sleep at night because of it.
I am eating junk I shouldnt be eating and I am just really sliding deep down.
I am hanging on and not giving up.
But today I sat in my car, not wanting to go home, not knowing where I wanted to go at all, but remembering the betrayal of yet another friend at the beginning of last year and how deeply that affected me.
Because yesterday I had to take a road I dont normally travel and was tired and it was beginning to rain and I had to give someone a ride and was wanting to hurry home and I came upon that person, met them on a narrow one lane part of the road where we both had to slow to pass and knowing this person wouldnt even look my way as if I didnt exist and my car wasnt right there and feet from them and all that pain and anger came back again.
And now here I am again.
Feeling friendless and betrayed and lost and angry and wondering why my feet have started bothering me so much and why I cant get my ear healed and dreading going to the doctor next week for lab testing and weight check.
And I sat there in my car, just sitting there until my car began to idle and jerked me out of my deep thought.
And I found myself wondering what is wrong with me that attracts me to these no good friends, people who dont honor their word, and people who can drop you as a friend as fast as you drop a bar of soap in the shower!!!!
I sat there.
With no answers.
And I am a little bit happy that she isnt in my life with her alcohol and her creep troubled boyfriend.
and I am a lot hurt that she betrayed my trust and lied to me about it.
And I am proud of myself for standing up to her, but also wondering if it plays a role in my slip up?
and how to get back from it.
I havent been depressed, I am not so much stress eating as I have just allowed myself a break that I cant find my way back from.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Feet and legs are still aching.
Why is this I wonder?
I didnt walk anymore in the 3 days I went to the festival than I probably do in a week.
Maybe its due to walking so much at once, and so many people that you are walking in such slow steps you are standing more than walking.
Seems like I can predict it will take 4 or 5 days after the festival every year for my body to fully recover.
Someone suggested this could be a part of my vitamin deficiency.
I am taking vitamins daily, and now that the weather is getting warmer, I am trying to get my vitamin d thru the sun as much as I can.
Instead of taking it or eating it because apparently its in my intestine where the issue resides.
Guess I will find out if its working in 13 more days when I go back to the doctor.
But not today, the sun is no where to be seen, its getting ready to start down pouring rain.
And as tired as I am, I have laundry to do and rooms to clean and alot of trash to take out.
I am also feeling down due to having made the mistake of getting on the scale, going against my little voice telling me not to and against my own judgement.
So, I have gained a few pounds and I shouldnt be surprised.
Stress eating and not exercising as much and the festival junk.
So, this is all just coming to a head and its time to stop this before it gets any farther out of control.
Yesterday was a fair day for me, while I was too sore and achy to exercise, I did make much better food choices.
And stayed within calorie range.
I am actually looking forward to these next two doctor appointments because I plan to have them test my thyroid, a1c and other hormones and such.
I have to find out what is causing this weight gain and lack of losing, and yes I know I can be working harder, but I am NOT eating to the point of gaining this way.
There has to be something I can do now to nip it.
So today I am going to lift weights and use the stretch bands, focus on the upper body until my foot begins to feel better.
It was swollen so big yesterday and the pain was bad, last night in my sleep I must have flexed it and made it hurt worse.
I am positive that the bone isnt healed at all and this is just something I have to live with.
I am tired just posting this.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
I cleaned house for about 10 minutes and had to sit down to rest.
My body is so tired.
This past weekend was our towns annual Hillbilly Days celebration.
It is 3 days of food, music, arts and crafts, carnival, walking, shuffling thru thousands of people, food, walking, hot sun, rain, more hot sun, more walking and did I mention food???
The event is to raise money for the Shriners Childrens Hospitals and it has been going on for around 38 years or so.
I went all 3 days and my feet are worn out, aching, my whole body is aching from all the walking and sitting and standing and walking some more.
Of course, the walking would have been ok, had I not eaten like a crazy person.
Pulled pork sandwich, chicken on a stick, a third of a funnel cake, red velvet cookies, lemonade, and the finale, deep fried peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
And my new background pic on my page is my sons girlfriends little girl, at the carnival, this was her first time coming to the event and she loved it, she is a real daredevil and wanted to ride the big people rides and she rode everything that she was allowed to.
We had a blast with her!!!
So, now comes the payback.
All those needless calories. Time to pay the piper.
So, as I spend the next few days recovering physically, I also have to deal with the guilt of all those calories and the knowledge that I have to face the scale in a few days.
I kept telling myself, HBD is like Christmas, its one time a year and you are almost obligated to participate, Shriners has helped several members of my family, neighbors, etc.
Of course I know I could just make a donation without partaking in the food, but what? What I didnt hear that, lol.
Back to reality.
I probably wont walk for a few days, my foot is really mad at me for over use and I am aching from shoulders and neck to feet.
So, I am drinking gatorade, water and taking my vitamins, eating my fill of protein to try to rid myself of this feeling of being hungover, without having had the fun of partaking in any spirits!!!
It is a beautiful day here and I might sit outside on the porch later and soak up some vitamin d and relax.
then its back to the old drawing board of how to get back on track and forgive myself for putting extra calories, sugar, carbs into my body.
In my last ditch effort to defend my actions, I will say, I didnt eat as much as much as I could have and I did walk alot. ALOT.
Hope everyone is having a nice relaxing guilt free Sunday.
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