Monday, March 17, 2014
Saturday night a good friend of mine wrecked on a side by side ATV and was killed.
I was just talking to him a few days before that.
He loved to discuss music and I always shared any new songs I heard with him.
He had a drinking problem and me and him spent many days discussing that issue and how to find ways to stay sober.
He was a calm and gentle person, but he liked to have fun and I suspect wrecking his atv, he was probably whooping it up, going to fast and enjoying his night.
It is sad that it ends that way.
We are definetly not promised another hour or even another minute.
I hate that he is gone. I have felt the loss so deeply. And I havent known what to do with those feelings.
He was only 32 years old. Had two young sons and its just affecting me so much.
Other than that, I have been trying to decide about vacation. Paying down some bills to try to have that extra money.
And I lost 2 pounds since I was last on the scale!!!!
Friday, March 14, 2014
Didnt get to walk today, it was a nice warm day, but the wind just was so swift.
Have I ever blogged about how much I hate the wind?
I am sure I have, as I hate the wind so much I often talk about it.
What is it for anyway?
All I know is, if the wind didnt blow so hard, the sun would feel so wonderful, one could enjoy walking, or sitting outside, or working in the yard.
All I can do is look forward to the coming summer days when there will be more sunny days and less cold rainy windy days.
Back is achy today.
Laid in the tanning bed today.
Went to walmart.
Bought some cream for dry itchy skin.
Came home, watched the walking dead, had a salad, did laundry, watched more walking dead.
Now, gotta fold some clothes, then off to bed,
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Does anyone ever feel like they are trading a good for a bad, or a bad for a good?
In order to try to up my iron, calcium and vitamin d levels, I have found myself eating a little more, drinking more milk, Today for lunch I had a baked potato with some vitamin d and calcium fortified butter.
Before, I wouldnt have touched a potato with a ten foot pole.
When I refer to before, I mean during my weight loss period.
That time between May 2012 and January 2013, when I lost 70 lbs and was walking daily and eating healthier choices than ever before.
I find myself struggling to get back to those food plans.
But today is such a great and beautiful day that I am not going to worry about calories.
I am eating healthy, making good choices for the vitamins and nutrients my body needs right now.
The sun finally made an appearance today and not just peeking out, but really OUT.
I, in my shorts and tshirt, sat out on the lounger for nearly an hour, soaking it up.
I hope it was enough for my body to jumpstart that vitamin d process.
I dont go back for more lab test until May.
So, every day that the sun comes around, I am going to, hopefully take full advantage of.
The weatherman, who I have decided is my arch enemy and the first one I will take out in a zombie apocalypse, lol, is telling me that once again, the sun will leave and be replaced with cold, damp, wind and rain, and possibly even snow.
NOOOOO, I cannot take much more!!!
I walked yesterday evening and was distressed and dissatisfied with my walk, because my foot began hurting me again and I am not sure what is going on.
But I am scared the break isnt healed at all and since I have gained some of my weight back, I am putting more stress on that foot.
I did some reading recently about flat feet and one article suggested that doctors have it all wrong when it comes to telling their patients to wear shoes with orthorpeadic inserts and lifts and arch supports, etc.
Some naturalist type doctor suggested the best solution is to go bare foot as much as possible.
To train the arches and feet to support themselves.
Wonder if anyone out there has an opinion on that.
Going barefoot has never been a problem for me, I have spent many summers barefoot.
But my feet are more tender now and I guess since I am a little older, its expected of me to wear shoes, lol.
Not so much planning, but dreaming and idealizing summer vacation and have my eye on the beach again.
Hoping the taxes come soon so we can sit down and do some planning, figure out the priority on bills and payments and make sure the car is in tip top shape for that 8 hour drive.
Hope all of you are having a good day and that the sun is shining where you are.
Friday, March 07, 2014
Last night was a rough night, all the congestion and soreness had moved down into my chest. I was so raw, every breath hurt, every cough worse.
I was hoarse and could barely talk.
I am feeling some better today, Only the cough is sticking around now.
I really want to try a walk, but wondering if its worth it to drive to the track and maybe walk a lap or two and get a coughing fit or get out of breath.
Besides, my foot has been killing me today, last night I awoke with something like a cramp in my foot, this is the foot that had been broken last year, and it hurt like crazy.
Enough that I was near to crying out!
Only the break happened on the outside of the foot near the little toe, and the pain last night was in the arch, up by my ankle bone.
My theory is, that I havent been wearing my arch supports, and putting too much pressure on my arch, being that I am flat footed.
So, I decided, walk or no walk, I am going to start wearing my walking shoes with arch supports around all the time.
I have been cleaning a little and find after only a few minutes, I begin coughing.
I really hope this is on its way out.
I was reading yet another article on the dangers of low vitamin d and of course, susceptibility to colds, flu, etc is one of the problems.
This is the 2nd or 3rd cold i have had since Christmas.
It is in the stage now where I am coughing up a lung, hard long coughing, til I turn red.
I hate hate hate all cough syrups, it seems there are none that dont contain some awful ingredient to make one sleepy.
I hate Nyquil, I hate all those types of cough syrups.
So, I go for a chest covered in Vicks salve and a vaporizer.
Such a nice day out, would love to be out walking, and soaking up what little rays of sunlight being sent this way.
But I would just cough up a lung on the walking track!!!
Thursday, March 06, 2014
Decided to blog early today. I have to be accountable for my actions and so it begins today.
I hadnt been paying close attention to the scale lately.
I knew I had gained weight, have been gaining weight back!!
Tuesday is my usual weigh in day, but I skipped it.
For some reason I decided to get on the scale today. It wasnt terrible, but it wasnt good!
So as I am standing there on the scale, I say to myself, whatever was was and whatever is going to be STARTS TODAY!!!
No more do I want to dread getting on the scale, or dread trying to find something to wear when I have to go someplace. I sold all of my "fat" clothes last year and now, I am finding my new clothes are getting more stretched out as I try to squeeze the 16 lbs I have gained into them.
I was living pretty well with the fact I had gained some of my weight back.
I had the excuse of my broken foot all last year to use. couldnt walk as I had been, low vitamin d.
So that weight gain, I was living with, but I have gained an additional 5 lbs since I seen my doctor on Feb. 12th, that is less than a month I have gained 5 lbs!!!
At that rate, all my hard work and all the pounds I lost in 2012 will be erased and forgotten and I am not even about to let that happen.
I still remember the hard work, getting out of my warm bed at 6 am to go walk an hour, or two, going back in the evening, hot sun beaming down, sweat pouring.
The feeling of joy every time I got on the scale to see another 1 or 2 or 3 lb loss!!!!
I even recall what I was eating and what I wasnt.
I know I cant go back and change it, but I can start today.
No more comparing how much I weighed a year ago, or a month ago. It has to start today, from here.
So, I did some weights, dumbbells and the stair stepper. I would go walking, but I cannot breathe. One minute my head is all but closed off and the next I am dripping and draining, and wondered if people would find it strange to see a woman with a tissue sticking out of her right nostril.
So, I plan to stay inside today, and nurse this """whatever it is""".
But back to the weight.
Accountability, I have been putting off facing the truth of my weight gain and living in the past glory of my weight loss for too long.
If I do not make the necessary changes now, I am going to be too far gone to ever say I lost a very large amount of weight, the gap is closing in.
I start today.
I have to be honest with myself first, and I havent been wathcing what I eat. Not so much as I did before. I have been snacking more. It does me no good to buy lowfat, low cal snacks, like the weight watchers 2 point red velvet cakes, when I end up eating 3 at one time.
That is accountability.
I have been eating junk. I still only drink water, skim milk and coffee, but what good does it to to drink coffee when I add two spoonfuls of sweet creamer!!!
All these little things are adding up.
To more calories, more sugar, more carbs, more fat, and more pounds.
I did set a weight goal and a deadline. Just to revamp my plan and get back on track.
Nothing long term, and no great expectations. As some of you may know, my son is coming up on having 3 years clean thru the NA program, he is very active in NA and thru him I have done alot of reading about it. They follow the creed, JUST FOR TODAY. now while I have set some goals, to lose some weight, I cannot do anything more than get thru each day, one day at a time, that is what I am going to do, each day, one day, til it adds up.
Just a simple 2 lb a week til I lose 16 pounds.
And I do not sit here with a big dumb grin on my face thinking I have it all figured out and I will actually lose 16 pounds in 2 months.
But I do sit here with a satisified look and a feeling inside that I know that while I might not make that particular goal, I will make it, eventually.
I am saying this, putting it in writing, holding myself accountable for my most recent down turn and its all on me.
Now its time to get back into the right frame of mind, and meet those overall goals.
Weight loss, good mental, physical and emotional health.
I start today.
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