Monday, February 24, 2014
I often wonder what it is inside of someone that makes them covet? or makes them want to wound someone, or rub something painful in the face of a person who is supposed to be a friend?
Who knows, it has to be something deep in the person psyche, or maybe its right there out in the open and they are just so cruel and have such a black cloud or circle around them that it shows to everyone, eventually.
Not letting those ugly spirits get to me today.
The sun is shining, but the wind is brisk and the day is almost bitter,
Still, I said no more excuses and I went walking.
I walked about 40 minutes yesterday and today pushed to 55.
Probably could have gone longer, but the foot was beginning to bother me.
I went back to my old asic gel ventures, they are nearly 2 years old, but good shoes.
Maybe its the inserts, might be time to visit the podiatrist again to see about getting new ones made.
But the foot felt a little tender today.
But the last two days I have stayed on point with my calories, carbs, etc.
Drinking my water and just cutting out alot of fat, bread, and junk.
Adding more veggies and cutting coffee, not entirely, never give up my coffee entirely, but will cut back to a couple days a week, that I am getting back to walking.
Still searching for a good pair of walking/running shoes, have been researching alot and Brooks and Saucony brands keep coming up alot, but I have never seen them in any shoe stores.
We dont have too many good quality shoe stores around where I live, and I dont get to the big city malls too often.
I hate ordering online because as I found out this week, they are often too tight, too narrow, too low, etc.
Asics Gel keeps coming up alot.
I am wondering if anyone out there has tried Gravity Defyers??? I was very close to ordering a pair, but I read some poor reviews.
Tomorrow is hair day, a new stylist, I am way overdue for a color.
Trying to purty myself up. lol.
Hoping everyone has a nice healthy and stress free day.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Right now, I am cold. Could be because I am wearing shorts and a tshirt. Maybe I am pushing the day to hurry, get thru the chilly early morning and onto the warm sun shining down.
I am hoping to get an hour on the track today.
And soak up some vitamin d rays that I so badly need.
No coffee today, have decided to cut coffee out at least 2 days a week and I choose days when the weather is going to be nice, walking day.
Drinking coffee and walking dont mix well for me, too much time spent looking for a bathroom.
My neice had her baby yesterday, a healthy boy, almost 8lbs.
In other news, I havent heard from my "friend" since I told them on Wednesday that I cant loan, I cant spend, I cant give, I cant do, anything for them to help them in their life, and that they need to find a way to help themself.
Has not bothered me, I am glad I did it.
I can see that I was only being used, and I am glad I woke up to the game.
Yesterday a high school friend of mine, and his wife, who is also by the way, the second cousin of Honey, were killed in a car accident.
She was a lovely young woman, very quiet and humble person.
They had young children, and its very devastating that they were killed in such a terrible way.
So, for me, today, is going to be a nice day all about me, just enjoy my walk and my time in the warm sun and enjoy the fresh air of the day.
Then come home, get dinner on the table, I am making homemade veggie chili, and then, The Walking Dead tonight.
No drama Sunday!!
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Got all dressed up to have lunch, just because I felt like doing something for me.
Even though we only had salad and water at the local pizza place, it felt good to put on a nice dressy shirt and style my hair.
Got alot of positive feedback and even some good stories from others on a post I made on a message board, concerning friends who cause you more grief than happiness.
I have blogged about this friend who is such a debbie downer. and not only always messaging me complaining about being in pain, or being sad, or wishing they could just end it, but, bumming.
Bumming money, a ride, a babysitter, even eardrops.
I finally had all I could take.
And I had planned to just ease my way out of the friendship, but I just couldnt keep making excuses.
So last night they message me, with yet another down attitude, they dont have the will to go on, life is too hard, they dont have the money for a doctor, etc.
I decided, the only way to get this to stop, is to put a stop to it.
I messaged back and told them, I am not a doctor or a counselor, I dont know what it is they expect me to do.
I told them there are clinics and doctors that can help them find out what is making them feel this way.
I told them I cannot and will not give money or anything else.
I told them I am beginning to feel uncomfortable with some of their requests and that I have been brought down by their bad attitude and that they need to find out a way to help themselves.
I wasnt confrontational, I just told them to have some respect for me, that I have my own issues to deal with and that I dont choose to find it in the bottle of a bottle of alcohol or pills,
I suspect, (thru information i was told by a few other people) that a big part of this persons problem is drugs and that because they live in a nice home, come from a nice hard working wealthy family, and went to college, that others wouldnt believe it of them.
But when you know about addiction, you know it doesnt discriminate based on someones upbringing, religion or wealth.
Maybe this person seen me as someone they could use, because maybe they thought that I didnt know their background, or that their parent had pretty much set them up in their own business and they had nearly lost the whole business, or that others in the neighborhood have warned that this person is a fraud.
Maybe they didnt realize, that while I am not a drug addict, I know all about addiction and consider myself a food addict and know that every day is a struggle to deal with what it is you crave and desire things that are bad for me.
I think a part of me knew all along that the things I had heard were true, but I kept hoping maybe this person really wasnt a fraud, and really was just down on their luck.
I am so glad I got wise before it got too far out of hand.
So, I havent heard back from them and honestly, its been a nice quiet day without my phone going off, dreading to open the text, knowing its going to be some request I cannot fulfill.
So, I went to lunch with another friend, and had a nice salad and some water and wanted to go walking, but the wind is terrible.
Its so swift that my front door nearly blew out of my hand when I opened it.
Looking forward to getting things in my life on track again.
Warmer days, without wind, are right around the corner, and while I need to get busy getting a little more organized, I feel that taking this constant dread of what this person will ask of me out of the equation, I can move on with my own life.
Getting some debts paid down.
Moving closer to having 2 less monthly payments feels pretty good.
Decluttering my house, my debts, my hair, lol, I have to get a cut soon, its getting wild.
But mostly just eliminating people, toxic, bad for me, people from my life is the number one goal.
I think I took a step in the right direction.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Didnt blog yesterday, but wanted to say thanks to all who commented on my little issue I am having with this friend.
I guess I can see they arent really a friend, and better to get out while the getting is good.
I find, going back thru some blogs, and journal entries, that I have for about 2 years now had alot of issues with toxic people in my life.
And seeing that I am part of the problem, I choose these people, I choose them maybe because they are damaged and I can relate.
The difference is, I am trying to heal and repair the damage, my own damage, and they arent.
They, want to drag me back down to where I was, where they still are.
I am learning alot of this from my son, as I read his posts about NA and leaving behind those who arent ready to change.
So, yesterday I had an appointment, that turned into an all day event.
But in between waiting, and thru lunch, I was able to go to the park and enjoy the first really sunny day we have seen in weeks.
I even put the car windows down a little yesterday.
Two of my friends wanted me to join them in Zumba last night, but I was so tired and didnt feel like moving, let alone REALLY moving.
One friend kept insisting I go.
Despite me telling her how bad I felt and yes, I am sure I would have felt better once I started moving, but I am still really concerned about injury.
I dont know where my vitamin d number stands right now, but in December it was only 19.
Very severe deficit.
So, my other friend, who is an RN, told me, dont go if you arent comfortable, she has been doing it awhile and told me that injury is a possibility.
But I did walk yesterday and was so tired.
35 minutes was pushing it for me.
I have alot of people ask to come walking with me. I dont want to offend anyone, or stop them from walking, but my walk, is my alone time.
I have my music, which is a big part of my walk, and just my alone time.
My habits have to change, I have to get back to walking more and eating less, or at least eating less carbs and junk as I have been.
Went to bed at 10 last night, was so exhausted and that meant I woke up at 5am.
So I got up, took a shower, made coffee, and now going to get ready and run some errands, have a salad lunch and come home to clean house.
Pics from yesterday.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Thanks everyone who commented on yesterday's blog. I know deep in my heart what must be done but it still doesnt make it any easier.
I can remember losing a very dear friend Christmas of 2012, and how painful that loss was at that time in my life, with no explanation and just adding to my depression and feelings of inadequecy, and now this.
Oh well, it will work itself out because I will let them know how much it bothers me the next time they do it.
Today has been pretty positive otherwise, except for the bitter cold, the weather man is telling me all day its been close to 50, but I aint buying it!
I have froze all day today.
And now I have the kerosene heater going, and am sitting under a blanket.
But I have eaten healthy, made wise choices in my food selections and can still have some milk and a snack.
I have gotten my vitamin d and have been doing alot of reading online about how and when to take certain vitamins in order to get the maximum results from them.
For example, waiting a few hours in between taking my fish oil and my other vitamins, in order to prevent the fish oil from preventing them from properly absorbing, things I never really thought much about.
I have to be up super duper early in the morning, and out into the cold, but the good news is, that its supposed to get up into the 50s and even 60s later in the week.
I really honestly hope the cold bitter long dark days are on the way out.
I really need sunshine and warmth.
Have a nice night to all. Stay warm friends.
Get An Email Alert Each Time SOFT_VAL67 Posts