Sunday, February 16, 2014
For some time now I have had these feelings of being used by a certain friend.
This person is someone alot younger than me, and at first it felt almost like they needed me as a friend for advice and to sort of play a role of an older advisor, etc.
But now, I am beginning to see the situation as more of them using me.
I am often asked for favors, and maybe I am to blame partly because I would always tell them "you can depend on me, you can rely on me, I am a true friend, I will be there when no one else is"
So now, I see that they will text me, say hi, start up a normal conversation, and by the 2nd or 3rd text they are asking me for a favor.
Can I babysit, can I give them a ride, and the latest was money.
I am not a lender, I do not have money to lend.
AND I NEVER BORROW what I cannot pay back. So, therefore, I never borrow.
So, when I last talked to them, I had to tell them NO, to yet another favor.
and here is what they did.
Sent a friend to my house to ask me for the SAME exact favor, only to make me think it was for them.
Me knowing full well, these two are also friends, so here I am, having to say no I cant help you out.
But I have no way of proving it.
I can only speculate and I feel I am right.
It is way too much of a coincidence that the two seperate people would ask for the same favor in the same day.
I am not gullible and I am so done playing games.
It is going to hurt, mostly me I assume, to tell this person not to contact me anymore if all they want is what I can do for them or give them or take them or whatever.
I am tired of feeling used and whats worse, I am tired of feeling like they are sitting there thinking they have pulled the wool over my eyes, when indeed, they have not!!!
My grand plan had been to wait til they asked for another favor, and just say to them, if my friendship is only based on what I can provide to you, then we can no longer be friends.
But now I believe they had caught on that I had caught on to them, so they began asking others to contact me on their behalf.
This person is younger than me and so maybe they thought I wanted to be friends with them so badly I would do whatever they asked just to keep them and that isnt the case.
I am just wondering if I should call them out on this or just wait and let them come to me again as I had planned.
I really do not want conflict, but I have to let them know that I am not dumb or gullible or someone who can be bummed to death.
Just wondering what others think?
other than that, I have just had a totally 100 percent OFF and LOST weekend.
Began Friday when honey took me out to eat at a seafood place for Valentines.
Then Saturday, we stayed in and fixed burgers and watched movies all night.
Now today, he had to go back to work on night shift, so I got up early and fixed him gravy and biscuits.
And me too, no need to lie about it.
I have just put sparking and counting and tracking on hold all weekend and now I have to ease my way back in.
Still cold here, the rain came and packed down the frozen ground and snow and made it hard and slick and I havent left the house today.
But a change is coming, we are supposed to see 70 by Thursday and I cannot wait.
Going to clean off my porch, clean up around my yard, clean out my car, bathe and groom my dog and of course, go walking.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
I found another article concerning vitamin d, and sleep.
I can vouch for this personally, a few nights ago, I took my vitamin d about an hour before bed and I was wired, awake all night, couldnt beg for a minute of sleep.
The right time of day to take supplements can make a big difference in how they absorb and how we react to them..
Today was doctor visit day. I wont have labs to check my vitamin d again until May, just as I had expected.
She did however put me on a calcium with vitamin d supplement, in addition to the ergocalciferol.
She also changed my pain medicine, hopefully this new stuff wont make me so hungry and will help me find some better relief with the pain.
I just really want to soak in a deep hot tub of bubbles and get a good deep tissue massage, I think will help more than most anything.
I had gained a few lbs, as I had also expected, but, it wasnt so bad that it sent me into a tailspin.
It was a long day, alot of driving, sitting, waiting, more driving, home to cook, and do laundry and put some seed and suet out for the birds before the big snow.
And snow it did.
It started about 4pm and hasnt let up yet.
It is a wet heavy snow and the kind I hate the most, as it is the kind that can cause power outages.
I thought a cold was coming on, all morning my nose was draining, and my ear pops and cracks with each swallow.
I hope it isnt a cold, I am stuck inside, hate to be sick on top of that.
I havent even been here today, so I havent tracked, I track vitamin d along with protein, carbs, etc.
But I am getting the highest amount of vitamin d and calcium and iron from supplements.
I am hoping for some sleep tonight.
Nothing to do tomorrow, no running, very snowy roads I do not plan to drive on, so maybe a late sleep in morning.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Tonight I had a realization. I have one job right now, one job more important than losing weight, and that is getting my vitamin d back up and getting it up to a normal range of around 80.
Some of you may ask why this is such a big deal, well here are a few references and I hope you will take a minute to read them.
One simply does not know the importance of having vitamin d in their body, until they do not.
I was walking everyday, losing weight, happy, the stresses in my life had not peaked at that time, and then the day came I broke my foot and I found out just how much my body was lacking in Vitamin d. I felt nothing, I did not know I was in this state of poor health.
I was at the walking track, walking as normal, no real painful issues, no tripping over anything, no fall, no slipping on ice, just took a step as normal and heard and felt a loud crack, and months and months of pain, bone growth stimulators, trips to doctors, crutches and a boot and slow healing. Please find out what your number is and if its lower than 50, start today to increase it.
I have decided that I must increase my vitamin d. I am sore all the time, aching, and in pain and the winter is keeping me from walking, my foot aches where I broke it and I am worried the bone didnt properly heal, as the orthopeadist told me it might not.
So, for the next few months, during whats left of the cold winter and spring, I am going to solely focus on getting the vitamin d supplement my body needs to heal and to then be able to lose weight more easily.
To keep my blood pressure more regulated and prevent other serious health issues.
I am currently prescribed 1 50,000iu vitamin d, ergocalciferol. once a week and am taking 5 to 8,000iu d3 over the counter once a day.
I go back to my doctor on Wed and I am going to get a referral back to the ortho to have my foot xrayed again to see what progress or lack thereof.
But, I know this, this is the one thing I have to keep sight of.
I have to eat foods, such as fish and try to keep watch on this in order to prevent it from dropping any lower and go to the tanning bed to get as much of the ultraviolet light i can that will convert to vitamin d in my body, during these months of lack of sunshine.
I have lagged around long enough, worrying too much about my weight and not enough about my overall health in general.
The weight issue isnt going away, I have no plans to use this as an excuse to eat whatever I want, I still plan to eat healthy and track my food.
But I am not going to cry and dwell and beat myself up over the lack of weight loss, this health issue is much more important.
I know that my worsened depression lately is most likely a side effect of this deficiency and I need to focus on my mental, emotional health as well, this is probably why people who are outside in the sunshine so much seem to be more lively,
I hope everyone will take the time to read the articles, I know we have so much to do online that sometimes actually reading these articles seems boring or time consuming, but if you have a moment, please read at least the last article.
I hope everyone will consider asking their doctor to perform this simple blood test on them to see what their vitamin d level is.
So much can be prevented and explained if you do.
Some articles will say an adult needs about 600 iu daily, but this isnt what my ortho told me a healthier number is more like 5,000 daily, especially if you live in colder climates where sunshine is lacking.
So, for me, for right now, the next few months, this is going to be my main focus and I hope every other issues, such as my skin issues, caused by low vitamin d and high blood pressure, depression, aches, pains, cold skin, all other issues I am experiencing, but most especially lack of weight loss, will be cleared up once this back to a more normal level.
It felt good to finally come to the realization that nothing else is going to work for me until I do this,
A list of possible issues that a lack of vitamin d can lead to or worsen.....
Cancer Hypertension Heart disease
Autism Obesity Rheumatoid arthritis
Diabetes 1 and 2 Multiple Sclerosis Crohn's disease
Flu Colds Tuberculosis
Septicemia Aging Psoriasis
Eczema Insomnia Hearing lossex
Muscle pain Cavities Periodontal disease
Athletic performance Macular degeneration Myopia
Pre eclampsia Seizures Fertility
Asthma Cystic fibrosis Migraines
Depression Alzheimer's disease Schizophrenia articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/
Sunday, February 09, 2014
TONIGHT TONIGHT ITS COMING TONIGHT, TONIGHT TONIGHT, TONIGHT!!!
The Walking Dead, yeahhhahahahahahaaaa!!!
Cant get any better than this!!!
And I got me some coffee, my mom had an extra coffee maker, one that incidentally, I had given her for Christmas a few years back, so she gave it to me.
I am excited, despite the fact I go back to the doctor Wednesday and I know the scale isnt going to show in my favor.
I honestly dont think I have gained, at least on my scale I havent.
But I am pretty much right where I was when I seen her in December.
I counted the number of days I walked in January, for a grand total of 4!!!
I really need to stop making excuses and stop letting the cold windy damp dark dreary days keep me from walking.
And theres always other workouts.
My friend wants me to go to Zumba with her. I want to, but theres the factor of me, being the fattest one there, out of breath, huffing and puffing and passing out within the first 5 minutes.
And, then theres the clothes issue, well not so much JUST clothes, but pain and not being supported. namely, I am having bra issues again.
I know Zumba would be great for me, to help me get in shape, but my back hurts, its a double edged sword of sorts. Go go exercise class to lose weight and help ease pain, but, you are in so much pain from your weight and non-supportive bra, that exercise is the last thing you feel like doing.
The Enell sports bras I have been wearing for the last 6 or 8 years, and ONLY bra I will ever wear, dont seem to be as supportive during workouts now.
I just dont know where to turn, I have ordered bras people have told me about, to no success for me.
I am going to discuss the surgery issue with my doctor again and ask for some PT and maybe a referral for a chiropractor.
To get the ball rolling.
But insurance issues, and I need to lose more weight, my BMI is still above their requirements for surgery, I know these issues will prevent me from being approved.
But I have to try, I cant stand the back pain anymore.
My mom calls and asked if I have spoken to my sister or neice, she has it in her mind they are at the hospital having the baby and she wasnt told.
I dont really think that is the case and I surely hope it isnt, because I would be hard pressed to choose between attending the birth and staying home to watch the Walking Dead, lol.
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