Monday, February 03, 2014
Saturday was the baby shower. All the planning, printing off of games, prepping and shopping and it lasted about 2 hours, and didnt have a big turnout.
Maybe 16 in all.
Which sorta upset me, because I have gone to enough showers for friends kids and bridal showers for friends kids and have gotten invites where I have gone out and bought gifts.
At what point do you just stop????
I am currently invited to 2 bridal showers, followed of course by the weddings, and a product party.
I have no intention of attending or buying gifts for any of these, I know it sounds childish, but all of these people were invited to the baby shower and not only did they not show, they didnt even drop off a gift.
Maybe they are feeling the same way as me, when is enough with buying gifts for other peoples babies, weddings, etc?
But there are a few who know they got a gift from me and didnt bother to reciprocate, its a shame people will do you dirty.
No Super Bowl party for me, I flipped back and forth and didnt even catch any of the commercials, I watched the Walking Dead marathon, I am a Peyton Manning fan, but not so much the Broncos, I had wanted him to go to Tennessee.
So, while I was hoping to see a better showing by the Broncos, I wasnt really bummed out by it.
Saturday after the baby shower, I went walking, yes, it was so warm and the sun was out.
I took a hoodie, but didnt even need it, it felt so so good with the sun on my arms and face.
I hadnt walked in weeks and so I was hoping to push it to 30 minutes, but the weather was so nice, I was so inspired by the kids playing basketball and riding bikes in the park, that I ended up walking a full hour.
Now, today, I woke to find my car and yard covered in ice.
It rained all night here and I have no plans to go out in this today.
I really cannot wait til the next pretty warm day.
And, back to the shower, after it was over, whatever food was left, I sent home with my son and his girlfriend, for their Super Bowl gathering, cupcakes and cookies and summer sausages and gerkins, etc.
I didnt eat a piece of cake or a cupcake.
I did pretty well thru it all.
Spring cant get here soon enough for me and my feet!!!
Friday, January 31, 2014
I dont mean to wish my life away.
I just want to say I am happy the first month of the year is done.
Tomorrow is the baby shower for my neice, I havent sat down all day, two trips to the store for supplies, my car is loaded and so is the fridge.
Gotta get up in the morning and make sandwiches and frost cupcakes and head to the center to decorate.
Not to mention, take a shower and do my hair, and find something, SOME THING????, to wear.
I dont seem to have any clothes these days!!
Then after this is done, time to start on getting my own issues lined out and getting things back on track for MY life.
Maybe even do a little job hunting.
I was asked if I wanted to work by a neighbor in her pawn/flower shop a few evenings a week.
Well, of course I said yes, but that was a week ago and so far, no call.
I cant understand people like that.
Why offer if you have no need or no intention of actually following thru.
I really need to add that to my list of things to organize, people who I want in my life, people who need to go.
No weight loss at all for the whole first month.
I need to move that to the TOP of the list!!!
Thursday, January 30, 2014
A friend of mine was talking recently about how hes been having the same odd dream, not so much scary, just the same dream, that he is being chased by a bear. And sometimes he can see it and sometimes he cant, and sometimes he thinks it isnt a bear, but some other large animal or unseen predator.
I told him I feel this dream means he is running from something he has left unfinished.
Or some mistake he knows he needs to go back and fix.
Something he thought he left behind him but maybe its undone and that is why it chases him.
I told him to sit and think of things he might have left unsaid, undone, some debt he owes, someone he might have wronged.
I can dispense this advice easily but why cant I follow advice I so readily give others?
I have been running, hiding, denying for so so long and putting off the inevitable.
Just wishing and hoping it can be fixed or repaired or at least duct taped until it at least holds a little longer.
But I know it cant be.
I am just scared, just like my friend is scared of what chases behind him in his dream, I am scared of what lies hidden in dark corners and ahead of me down dark unexplored roads.
I know I need to make so many changes in my life.
and I know that baby steps right now has to be the way for me.
I dont seem to have really strange or scary dreams, I often dream I cant find the phone or that I find the phone and need to make an important call, and the phone is broken, or I keep missing the numbers.
Lately I have noticed my sleep interrupted, not by dreams, but by me and the fact that I need to dust off the old cpap machine and start using it again.
I hadnt used it in probably 6 to 8 months, but maybe its the heat on in the house and my sinus' being dried out or maybe its the foods I am eating and the fact I get very little exercise lately.
But I am going to clean it good tonight before bed and back to using it again.
Back to the changes I need to make....
I am starting with this Sunday, after my neices babyshower is finished Saturday and I am able to get that commitment over.
I am going to begin getting my life organized.
I am going to begin with cleaning out the little things, like reducing my monthly outgoing payments, I am going to have my cable tv either fully turned off or reduced to the most basic bare channels.
The fact that I never turn my tv on, except to check the weather, watch Days of our Lives, if I am home, and maybe the evening news.
I have sat here since about 6pm with the tv off and have no desire to turn it on.
I love Game of Thrones on HBO and the Walking Dead.
I can watch these online or go to my sons or a friends.
This alone with save me between 35 and 75 per month.
Next I am going to pay off store credit cards. I have one that I only owe 26 dollars on, that one is easy, the next is 102, that one will be next and then the bigger one of 460, this one will take a few payments to get lined out but no more charging.
Next after that, I currently have vonage at a rate of 18 per month, that will go up to 29 in a few months, I am going to look into Magic Jack, where I might even be able to get a payment of around 10 dollars a month or less for home phone service. And the only reason I have home phone service at all, is because I live in a very poorly serviced area for cell service, yes I can get a signal at my home, but I have to go outside to send a text and I can get a call on my phone but it is dropped the minute I pick up my cell.
So therefore, as long as I live in this home, I will have to have a home phone.
And that is another issue, my electric bill sky rocketed his month, doubled in 2 months and I am seriously going to have to watch how much kilowatt hours I use.
Honestly I just think the power company gave us such a huge rate increase that it wont matter.
Then I am going to start organizing my home.
I clean out rooms repeatedly and seem to never really get anywhere.
I have sold several larger items and a whole shelf of books and a laundry basket full of my old clothes.
Next is going to be sorting thru what I absolutely need and cannot live without and the items that I havent touched and or looked at in years.
Then and not lastly its time to focus on ME.
My physical health is NOT going to improve as long as I stay stressed out emotionally.
I know I have to make a hard decision and I know I have to do it soon.
But lately, it doesnt seem all that hard.
And like I said, tonight I sit here alone, no tv and just the dog for company and it isnt all that bad.
The fear isnt what lies behind me, its what lies ahead.
And that isnt just the thoughts what I might be giving up, but what I might find.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Thanks to friends who commented on my blog yesterday.
I am doing much better today.
I know I make the new place sound horrid, but its really not. It has a big scrawling yard and its a nice place, it is just located at the top of a steep road and in winter, it is this way for many people around here.
Icy hilsides that see little to no sunlight and I know many others who are in the same situation, if they dont drive their cars to the road the night before, and it snows, they are stranded.
I just hate the thoughts of it so much, I live right by the main highway now and I have gotten used to being able to go when I want and not having to worry about such nonsense.
I dont know what I am going to do about the situation, but for now, I am keeping my mouth shut and staying right where I am and he hasnt made much more comment about it.
Spring and summer might be a different story but then I know winter will come again.
I have done better today, cleaned house a little and went to the tanning bed, ate some subway and took my vitamins, had some healthy orange juice and milk and now I am just catching up on SP.
I feel better today, not as cold, but the wind is still bitter and punishing.
Tonight we are supposed to get another round of this artic blast of cold and I dont honestly know how much more I can stand.
I dread opening the door.
Maybe I will just stay indoors.
Saturday we were to have a baby shower for my neice, but the cold and snow made us reschedule, and I am hoping this Saturday will be alot better.
I weigh tomorrow and I already know, because I cheated and got on the scale today, that there is no good news to report.
No bad either, still even steven.
Maybe when it gets so hot I can sweat off some calories, I promise not to complain about the heat!
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