Sunday, January 19, 2014
I am asking SP friends for support today because I am having a pretty bad day.
I wont say I have eaten too much, yet. But the feeling, the cravings, the stress is there today.
Many of you have read my blogs concerning my best friend, and yesterday his dad died.
This isnt so much the reason for MY stress, but it isnt helping.
I know I need to clean up and go be there for him and his family today, but I just cant get it together, I am so stressed over this puppy I just dont feel like doing much of anything.
Housebreaking isnt going well at all, I spent most of the morning cleaning the carpet in the living room, not that it really matters because if I take my eyes off her she squats to pee and goes places I cant get to her.
She will use her pads but not always and not for number 2.
Today has been one of those days, so, to kinda help ME out, I took the scissors and clippers to her and shaved her backside, in hopes that what sticks to her, and very often gets rubbed off on the floor, wont stick to her anymore.
Then I took her out after she ate and she had zero interest in finding a spot to do her business, but instead wanted to pick up walnuts and run under the car with them before I could get to her, and then I dont know if it was a piece of walnut hull or what, but she began choking on something and proceeded to gag for minutes and scared me.
She has gas that killed Elvis and is stinking up the house, but isnt making a poo and I have taken her out 3 times since the morning poo incident that resulted in my cleaning the carpet at 7am.
The issue is causing fighting and hurt feelings, mostly mine, between Honey and myself, he is adament that she isnt going to do this in the new place and dirty and stink it up and I agree on that issue.
But shes not an outside dog, shes much too little and I am doing the best I can to get her housebroken before we do begin staying up there.
He has said he will tear the carpet out of the smallest bedroom and that will be her prison, she will not be allowed out in the rest of the house.
The only other rooms that arent carpeted are 2 closets, 1 bathroom, the utility and the kitchen.
This has caused hardcore arguing today.
And top of all that, I am really struggling with the wind and the cold weather.
Taking her out, to TRY TRY TRY to get her to go, the wind is cutting me into pieces.
The wind is so cold and swift, there is zero chance of a walk.
I have zero desire, but lots of need to workout otherwise, at home, but my heart isnt in it, my heart isnt in anything today.
I started out with my protein drink and coffee, after the stressful morning of poo cleaning. and butt shaving!!
Then searching for something to eat, I started to go for oatmeal, but convinced myself not to have that many carbs today and that would lead to me wanting toast.
So, instead I had greek yogurt, yes, carbs as well, but still protein.
Then the cravings began and all I wanted was more carbs, and so I had a snack size bag of sour cream and onion chips!!!
The madness begins.
Today is my sons birthday and I baked him a chocolate cake and white icing with colorful candies spelling out his name.
So far, the cake remains uncut and if he doesnt come and get it soon its going to the bottom of the trashcan under the dog poo pad!!!
I am really struggling!!!
I want so badly to get thru these stressful days, figure out what I am doing wrong with the puppy training and there isnt anything I can do about the weather, my stress and sadness are reaching all time highs today and there is no light.
I feel so depressed and just so over this whole thing.
It is like why bother, just eat, have some more chips, you have already had some what difference does it make, the dog isnt going to do her business outside, just let her poop in the floor and clean it up and eat some more chips.
Your son would want you to enjoy a big piece of his birthday cake!!!
Those mean, evil, angering voices.
I wish they would go away and take the cake and the chips and the cold wind and snow and maybe even the dog with them.
Friday, January 17, 2014
So here I am, midway thru the day and once again, I am doing good. I have had protein shake and a slice of ham and two eggs. and my skim milk and two cups of black coffee, no sweet additives!
I have had some sliced tomatoes.
and I am full, I feel good, I went to the tanning bed and to the walking track, although, the wind and cold ran me back to my car after only a few minutes. Timing is everything, because by the time I buckled up and started my car it was sprinking rain and a few flurries drifting around.
School is being dismissed early here today due to weather, but so far its just bad wind and cold.
I am hoping it doesnt turn bad here, I have seriously had about all I can stand of this dark, dreary cold windy snowy rainy days.
I sit under a lamp at home, in hopes of getting some light and I go to the tanning bed a few days a week, I know it isnt the same as sun and as for having any vitamin d behind it, I am unsure, but it makes me feel better all the same.
Thought I was getting sick again, all day yesterday with the soreness and thick feeling in my throat and my right ear is popping with every swallow.
I am going to make myself a big cup of hot tea with some honey later and hopefully after a good cardio workout and some light weights I am going to take a good long hot shower and relax.
Now lets just hope the munchies stay away with the snow!!!
Thursday, January 16, 2014
dont know whats going on with me lately.
i seem to do well thru the early part of the day, but later in the day i snack.
while today it was weight watchers 2 point cakes. i must have eaten 3 or 4, i know this is why i dont normally buy these kind of cakes, while i tell myself they are low in calories etc. i know if i have a box in the house, i will eat half the box, then the rest of the box!!!
sweets arent really my biggest downfall, its carby cheesey bready type foods.
chips arent really my down fall either, but crackers are.
so, cheese and crackers seem to be a big part of my evenings lately.
i just dont really know where this is coming from.
the only option i can see is going to bed at 6pm so that i dont eat all evening, but that isnt possible.
i know the real solution is finding out why i feel the need to eat these snacks.
what is causing me to crave carbs lately, and why do i do well in the day and not so much in the evening.
i feel like im failing myself.
i feel failure seeping from my pores and it smells like cheddar!!!
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Despite one more day away from the walking track, today has been pretty fair, so far.
I did get outside and soak up what little tiny itty bitty speck of sun that was out there.
Went to the tanning bed and now I have a slight headache. It is nothing new, I often get the slightest headaches on tanning days and yes, I do wear my safety glasses.
Went to the drug store and picked up my Vitamin D, (ergocalcifero, 50,000) popped one of them bad boys in my mouth and drank it down with some orange juice fortified with calcium and vitamin d.
Then I stopped and picked up some mushrooms and a big fat orange and I am going to make myself a healthy dinner tonight of grilled chicken breast with mushrooms and steamed veggies.
I didnt get to walk, well, ok lets be honest, I JUST DIDNT WALK. I hate to sound like a crybaby, but I really cannot tolerate the wind.
The cold seems to stay with me lately, my nurse friend told me that also might be a symptom of my low vitamin d and that I probably do need thyroid tests done.
I have had them done before, but its been a few years, I honestly dont think I have anything wrong in that area, I just think my body is growing older and maybe more intolerant of the elements.
But let me tell you, heat or no heat, sweat or no sweat, when that sun starts shining again and putting out some real uvb rays I plan to be out there soaking them up and I cannot wait.
I really need it, not only for my vitamin d, but for my sunny disposition, lol.
Today like I said has been pretty good, I went ahead and sparked the foods I plan to eat for dinner and so far, I am right on track, if I stick to that plan, I am going to have a big healthy dinner and a good snack as well.
Hoping everyone else is having a good day, No, make that a great day.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Was so very happy and thankful around 7pm last night when my water came back. It was slow going at first, I guess it takes time to build up and so its on today, good pressure, still under a boil advisory and its white white as snow.
I guess thats air and chlorine? Maybe, who knows, either way, I have done 2 loads of laundry, with doggie bedding still to do later, and a doggie bath to follow.
Got all my dishes washed up and put away and tomorrow, will be mopping day.
Never thought I would be so happy to actually do housework.
Today I just had to get out of the house, so I got up early and hit walmart, then went to a couple of dollar stores to start buying stuff for my neices babyshower in 2 weeks.
I have had a decent day so far, despite the wind.
I had hoped to get in an evening walk and go to the tanning bed, but since the tanning place is closed today, I guess I will not chance the wind, its brisk and cold. its raining now anyway :(
I got in a pretty good walk at Walmart anyway.
I have so far also stayed on calorie range and am feeling pretty good, I am just trying to be optimistic and hope how soon we finally see some sunlight.
I have exactly 4 weeks til my next doctors appointment and I am hoping my vitamin d will be up by then and my weight will be down.
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