Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Last night, just after dark, which was actually only around 6pm, I took puppy out to TRY to go, she on the other hand prefers to pretend shes a squirrel and gather walnuts off the ground.
Being that there was already several inches of snow on the ground, her smelling sense was off and all she wanted to do was run and play in the snow.
It was after about 5 minutes of being out in the dark snow that I realized, there was a mini-van sitting on the bank by the highway, it was somewhat lodged between the bank off the highway and a tree inside the yard.
I walked down to it and felt the hood to see if it was still warm, wondering how long this had happened and why I had heard nothing.
I tapped on the window and looked inside, just to make sure no one was inside, cold or injured.
I was afraid to try the handle on the door, the way the van was just somewhat hovering over a ditch.
No one was inside and the van remains there this morning.
The roads got really bad here last night. Yet people were still out traveling.
What is it about cold and icy roads and snow that makes us want to roam?
Where we live is in the hills, all around us, are hills and roads and trails.
All hours of the night, atv's ran the roads coming and going.
Other than taking the puppy out, I opted to stay inside and well, EAT.
I got on a late night snack binge.
I dont know why, or what force was behind it.
But I snacked, on a beef sausage stick and 4 mini white donuts and crackers.
Now this morning, I am back on track, lol. lol lol.
I read somewhere on here, or maybe it was a comment to me, that each day is new, whatever we do the day before is no reflection of the new day.
Put the past behind you and move on, get back on track each day????
Is this what I am to understand???
Well, I am not going to follow that advice anymore because here is what happens, I allow myself to snack and eat junk and not exercise, etc. Then I tell myself its ok, you messed up yesterday but today is all new.
Well if I continue to follow that motto, I will mess up every day.
I dont know if its the cold weather, staying inside, what is going on with me.
As I blogged recently, going to bed at 6 pm seems to be my only real defense against eating late in the evening.
Because I do so well in the day.
I need a new motto and a new willpower and some appetite and self control.
and I need the snow and ice to melt and the sun to come back and I need to walk.
And I need to stop being so excuse making and just get off my butt and do what needs to be done.
Monday, January 20, 2014
First of all, thanks to everyone who commented on my blog yesteday.
The day got away from me, it was a hard struggle filled day, mostly of my own making.
But as for food, the only slip up I had was the chips and my son finally come and got his birthday cake out of my house, UNCUT!!!
The Broncos are Superbowl bound, and that is a good thing.
While I was mostly distracted during the game. After my blog yesterday I decided to do something, so I cleaned, I put puppy in her crate, and I vacuumed and dusted and pulled out furniture and cleaned, then I swept the kitchen and mopped.
Washed up all the dishes and had a healthy supper of chicken patty and peas and carrots.
And I felt alot better.
Puppy went out to potty at 5pm and again at 8 and she played so much that at around 10 pm she went to her crate all on her own.
and she did go once on her pad.
It was a better night.
She really didnt fall fully asleep until midnight so she slept later this morning and I didnt have to get up til 8am!!!
The sun is out today and while the wind is still cold and swift, the ice is frozen in the water pail sitting by the front porch, it feels better out there.
Puppy and I have been out 2 times this morning and I have been enjoying the feel of the sun on my face.
No pee pee or dog poo accidents so far inside today.
Going to clean up and go to my friends dads service tonight and then come home and wait for the snow we are due.
I am feeling better today.
A little headachy but not down and blue and depressed like yesterday.
I know there will be puppy accidents and I know there will be arguments and I know there will be cold dark days to come.
and I know I will even slip up and eat things I am not supposed to.
But not today!!!
Sunday, January 19, 2014
I am asking SP friends for support today because I am having a pretty bad day.
I wont say I have eaten too much, yet. But the feeling, the cravings, the stress is there today.
Many of you have read my blogs concerning my best friend, and yesterday his dad died.
This isnt so much the reason for MY stress, but it isnt helping.
I know I need to clean up and go be there for him and his family today, but I just cant get it together, I am so stressed over this puppy I just dont feel like doing much of anything.
Housebreaking isnt going well at all, I spent most of the morning cleaning the carpet in the living room, not that it really matters because if I take my eyes off her she squats to pee and goes places I cant get to her.
She will use her pads but not always and not for number 2.
Today has been one of those days, so, to kinda help ME out, I took the scissors and clippers to her and shaved her backside, in hopes that what sticks to her, and very often gets rubbed off on the floor, wont stick to her anymore.
Then I took her out after she ate and she had zero interest in finding a spot to do her business, but instead wanted to pick up walnuts and run under the car with them before I could get to her, and then I dont know if it was a piece of walnut hull or what, but she began choking on something and proceeded to gag for minutes and scared me.
She has gas that killed Elvis and is stinking up the house, but isnt making a poo and I have taken her out 3 times since the morning poo incident that resulted in my cleaning the carpet at 7am.
The issue is causing fighting and hurt feelings, mostly mine, between Honey and myself, he is adament that she isnt going to do this in the new place and dirty and stink it up and I agree on that issue.
But shes not an outside dog, shes much too little and I am doing the best I can to get her housebroken before we do begin staying up there.
He has said he will tear the carpet out of the smallest bedroom and that will be her prison, she will not be allowed out in the rest of the house.
The only other rooms that arent carpeted are 2 closets, 1 bathroom, the utility and the kitchen.
This has caused hardcore arguing today.
And top of all that, I am really struggling with the wind and the cold weather.
Taking her out, to TRY TRY TRY to get her to go, the wind is cutting me into pieces.
The wind is so cold and swift, there is zero chance of a walk.
I have zero desire, but lots of need to workout otherwise, at home, but my heart isnt in it, my heart isnt in anything today.
I started out with my protein drink and coffee, after the stressful morning of poo cleaning. and butt shaving!!
Then searching for something to eat, I started to go for oatmeal, but convinced myself not to have that many carbs today and that would lead to me wanting toast.
So, instead I had greek yogurt, yes, carbs as well, but still protein.
Then the cravings began and all I wanted was more carbs, and so I had a snack size bag of sour cream and onion chips!!!
The madness begins.
Today is my sons birthday and I baked him a chocolate cake and white icing with colorful candies spelling out his name.
So far, the cake remains uncut and if he doesnt come and get it soon its going to the bottom of the trashcan under the dog poo pad!!!
I am really struggling!!!
I want so badly to get thru these stressful days, figure out what I am doing wrong with the puppy training and there isnt anything I can do about the weather, my stress and sadness are reaching all time highs today and there is no light.
I feel so depressed and just so over this whole thing.
It is like why bother, just eat, have some more chips, you have already had some what difference does it make, the dog isnt going to do her business outside, just let her poop in the floor and clean it up and eat some more chips.
Your son would want you to enjoy a big piece of his birthday cake!!!
Those mean, evil, angering voices.
I wish they would go away and take the cake and the chips and the cold wind and snow and maybe even the dog with them.
Friday, January 17, 2014
So here I am, midway thru the day and once again, I am doing good. I have had protein shake and a slice of ham and two eggs. and my skim milk and two cups of black coffee, no sweet additives!
I have had some sliced tomatoes.
and I am full, I feel good, I went to the tanning bed and to the walking track, although, the wind and cold ran me back to my car after only a few minutes. Timing is everything, because by the time I buckled up and started my car it was sprinking rain and a few flurries drifting around.
School is being dismissed early here today due to weather, but so far its just bad wind and cold.
I am hoping it doesnt turn bad here, I have seriously had about all I can stand of this dark, dreary cold windy snowy rainy days.
I sit under a lamp at home, in hopes of getting some light and I go to the tanning bed a few days a week, I know it isnt the same as sun and as for having any vitamin d behind it, I am unsure, but it makes me feel better all the same.
Thought I was getting sick again, all day yesterday with the soreness and thick feeling in my throat and my right ear is popping with every swallow.
I am going to make myself a big cup of hot tea with some honey later and hopefully after a good cardio workout and some light weights I am going to take a good long hot shower and relax.
Now lets just hope the munchies stay away with the snow!!!
Thursday, January 16, 2014
dont know whats going on with me lately.
i seem to do well thru the early part of the day, but later in the day i snack.
while today it was weight watchers 2 point cakes. i must have eaten 3 or 4, i know this is why i dont normally buy these kind of cakes, while i tell myself they are low in calories etc. i know if i have a box in the house, i will eat half the box, then the rest of the box!!!
sweets arent really my biggest downfall, its carby cheesey bready type foods.
chips arent really my down fall either, but crackers are.
so, cheese and crackers seem to be a big part of my evenings lately.
i just dont really know where this is coming from.
the only option i can see is going to bed at 6pm so that i dont eat all evening, but that isnt possible.
i know the real solution is finding out why i feel the need to eat these snacks.
what is causing me to crave carbs lately, and why do i do well in the day and not so much in the evening.
i feel like im failing myself.
i feel failure seeping from my pores and it smells like cheddar!!!
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