Tuesday, January 07, 2014
While its still early, I am feeling not much better today. A friend posted on FB last night that according to "those in the know". January 6th is the most depressing day of the year.
Yesterday was very depressing for me. Add to it the cold cold frozen tundra and having not left my own house in 3 days.
I know all about SAD and I know I suffer from it. However, its worse for me right now, dealing with this impending move. I want to clarify. I am not moving to some new magical land where I will meet lots of new people and live in a new exciting town. No, I am moving less than 2 miles up the road from where I am now, and its up a holler, up on a hill, or as I call it, "in the boonies". On days like today, snowy cold days, the roads are more dangerous to have to travel on.
I will feel more depressed than normal as I will feel stuck.
Honey is going to go cut some trees down around the area in the hopes that maybe I will get some more sunlight, because right now its dark and bleak. Very bleak.
So people will say make the best of it, well honestly I cannot see any good in it at all.
Then of course there is dealing with the puppy training, right now, I just dont care, I put her in the crate but I got her out and turned her loose, let her poop everywhere I really dont even care.
I am up 16 pounds from this day 1 year ago. And that is depressing for me, I am sick to death of cold and wind and snow and rain and ice.
I havent seen sun or felt warmth in so long and I cant even get in my car and drive to the tanning bed because my car doors are frozen. And besides the tanning bed is closed due to the below zero temps, schools are closed and most people are just staying inside, happy to still have electricity and my neighbor has a dog who absolutely refuses to go inside his dog house, he put straw down and he put the dog inside the house and stood over him and as soon as the man left, the dog was right back outside and he isnt a mean bad man, he cares for his dog, but he has no where to put him inside and I looked over there early this morning and that dog was laying outside on the ground next to a perfectly good big roomy doghouse with straw and I dont know what my neighbor is going to do.
Add to all of this that tomorrow is the 1 year anniversary of the date I broke my foot.
So, here I am a year later, 16 pounds heavier, no chance to go walking anytime soon.
Maybe people much stronger and much younger and healthier than myself can bundle up and go out in this, but I cannot and will not.
And that is so far my depressing, sad, cold, poop filled day.
But really, I am feeling a little better. LOL.
Monday, January 06, 2014
Today has been a pretty bad day.
This puppy training is for the birds!! I just am at my wits end with this puppy!!
I know shes just a puppy, but I have put pads down almost every inch of the room where she goes, behind the couch and futon, in corners, behind tables, there has to be 6 down right now, and she still goes on the carpet.
I cant take her outside, its like zero degrees and shes only 8 weeks old, shes teeny, like 1 lb, 2 at most.
Going outside just isn't an option right now.
Well, shes in it right now, she also sleeps in it, I have to put her in it if I go anywhere cause I cannot leave her out in the house alone, not only does she poop everywhere, she chews everything.
I really wish in a way I had not gotten her and had waited til warm weather to get a puppy that has to be trained.
But what difference would it make, warmer weather, eventually is going to turn cold right.
So, right now, I am very depressed.
I am depressed over the poop piles I have cleaned all day long, and I am depressed because its so bitter cold and I haven't seen sun in a week or more and no heat and my electric bill doubled last month and I am sure it will triple next.
I am depressed because for 2 days now I have eaten mac and cheese and corn bread muffins, and I have eaten cool whip and I am sick to death of eating junk and I cant figure out why I do.
I am just overall sad and depressed about all of these things and I don't know what to do.
I really just don't know what to do about anything.
I am sick of sitting in this house with no place to go and there is literally NO place to go.
And I couldn't go if I wanted because my car doors are frozen shut and probably will be all day tomorrow as well.
It is just a bad depressing sh1 tt Y day!!!
Saturday, January 04, 2014
Feeling a little proud, I was smelling poo, So, in anger I jumped up with my trusty flashlight and went to look under the futon, and lo and behold, Biscuit had used her pee pad!!!
Now this is a small victory, but it has been a good day in her world and in mine.
I had to go to Walmart to buy a new router, and so I was in and out, straight back to electronics and straight out, of course, it took me half an hour to get into the parking lot and find a place to park and almost that long to get back out.
Then I had to stop at the local grocery and that was another super fun experience.
I would not have had to go if Goodys would have taken my payment over the phone, I tried paying online, it kept saying my password was wrong or something.
So I called and they said 15 dollar charge to pay over the phone, I laughed out loud and hung up on them.
So, off to the store to make that payment and came home, took my dad a bottle of leftover early times, left over from making christmas candy, because he is very sick, has an upper respitory infection and wanted to make himself a hot toddy.
Then, home, shower, walked Biscuit outside and she made her business out there as well.
Now, football, the Colts won, YAH HOO.
And, Subway and milk and now to relax.
The only set back to the day really was, I got a letter from my doctors office telling me that they will no longer be able to accept my health insurance, due to a dispute with my carrier, it seems they do not want to start a contract with my doctors offices.
This bugged me, but didnt deter me, I only see her once every 3 months, sans any emergencies, and if I have to pay to see her I will, because I will not leave her and go elsewhere, hopefully they can work the issue out soon and I will be able to have my office visits covered.
Gonna try to stay warm and watch some football and go to bed.
Overall, day 4 of the new year was pretty fair.
Friday, January 03, 2014
I am trying to stick to my plan of being accountable and owning my shortcomings.
So, here it is, the 3rd day of the new month, the new year and I am struggling.
I have not only eaten a kit kat today, but alot of bread.
Bread is worse in my opinion, because I didnt want to buy this bread but I did, knowing it wasnt going to end well.
It is a big loaf of wheat french bread, and while it IS wheat, its also BREAD, and I put butter on it.
I dont know why I am having such an issue saying no to this bread, or saying no to myself walking into the kitchen, opening the loaf, cutting off a thick slice and heating it in the microwave, then spreading the butter on it?????
But whatever the reason, I am.
I havent done well today at all.
It is cold here, super cold, like 8 degrees and I havent been out of the house today.
Also, really, really struggling with training the new puppy.
I have been trying with the pads, and while she does fair, I would say, 70 percent of the time on them pads for peeing, she absolutely WILL NOT go on one to poo!!!
And I am sick sick sick already of cleaning up poo!!!
In the 11 days shes been here, shes gone on the pad, maybe 2 times.
Mostly she goes anywhere she feels like.
No particular part of the room. There are pads down.
Any one have any suggestions?
Someone even suggested kitty litter. She is a very small puppy, and wont get to be more than about 8 or 9 lbs grown, but right now, she is a 1 pound poop machine and mostly what is making me the most angry, is that she goes under the futon and does her business, so that it has to be pulled out and cleaned.
I am really at my wits end.
So there it is, my day, struggling with food, and struggling with poo.
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