Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Things I learned today. I have the worst luck and the shortest fuse!!!
I lose things easily, and no matter how organized I try to be, I never am.
I am always under Murphy's Law, if something can go wrong, it will. and if I try to print pics, my ink will run out.
And I think my friend uses me for a wing man.
I get invited to lunch, when she wants flirt with a local worker who comes into the same place to eat.
I think they discuss it and when he is going to be in the area, she wants to meet him for lunch, and uses me as an excuse.
Today, one thing she learned was that I dont have time for her games.
I was in the midst of dealing with these financial problems, which the bank created by their own incompetence, stupidity and laziness.
and she messages me wanting me to meet for lunch.
She didnt respond earlier, when I asked her if she wanted to have lunch with ME.
But she knew just where he was having lunch, because she texted me and asked me if I wanted to go there. not knowing I had just seen his work truck.
I told her to go have lunch with the man because she didnt want or need me there.
and she learned that I am not going to play games like that anymore. She didnt ask me to go out drinking with her tonight as she had said she was going to and its a good thing, because the mood I was in, I might have said something harsh and regretful, but I dont regret showing her that I was onto her nonsense and she needs to get a new excuse.
I also learned that when I let my guard down and begin to believe people around me and my own thoughts, that things will work out for the best and wont be all that bad, that I find out just how wrong I was and how I should have kept my guard up.
I also learned that I am not that good at making buckeyes. or chocolate covered peanut butter balls.
But I made them anyway. and I only ate maybe 2, or 3.
I learned that if I order someone lotion from Victoria's Secret, I shouldnt open it to see how it smells, because I am going to want to keep it for myself.
I also learned that sometimes, when you think a situation or a person or a thought is behind you, it never really is because it will find you and one day you might walk around a corner and see it standing there and what can you do, the town is small and they arent going any farther than you are.
So, you keep on walking, and push that back down on the bottom of your list of things to worry about.
And I learned that just because someone works in a professional job, like for example, in a bank, doesnt mean they have any sense and that they will cut corners and take shortcuts to save themselves a little work and screw with peoples lives and then they will deny that they did anything wrong.
And the customer is the one who ends up having to run here and there to try to get this situation straightened out and hopefully save any future problems.
Never mind the fact that this incompetent persons costly mistake, made 3 people have to go and totally close out their accounts and re-do the whole thing, new account numbers, new pin numbers, contacting every business that does automatic payments, such as your car insurance, etc.
and they sit in their office laughing it up on the phone, and they got the job becasue their uncle was once the mayor of the town.
Yes, i know it sounds crazy, but it is all true and its what you deal with in a small town and you have to deal with people who have no concept of what the situation they created has done to your life.
But, I also learned that I still have to live life and cook and clean house and wrap gifts and try to not go crazy, waiting to see if things are going to go from bad to worse.
And if they do, what can I do.
and one last thing I learned today, I cant walk at the track I love and have walked at for 2 years because the town began doing work, laying water lines and drains and repaving it, weeks and weeks ago, put up yellow tape and left it.
And water is standing on the ground. So, this means, going to the next track, and getting my walk and hoping to do so tomorrow, and be done with Christmas candy making and get my house cleaned up, just in time to start cooking holiday dinner.
and thus went my day.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
I got up this morning, and started listening to music, sitting here with my earbuds on, listenng to some of my walking songs.
I hear them like I never really heard them before, when I am on the walking track.
A song comes to me, gets into my mind, I hear the words, I feel the emotion, I find where it fits in my life at the moment.
Today, I have a stressful situation to deal with. I have stressed to the point that my hair is dry and breaking.
I considered getting drunk, I considered eating junk, I considered crying.
Then I said, to Hades with all of that!!!
After talking to a good friend last night, I just understood, nothing I can do will change what has already happened, I can only move on from here, make the necessary changes that will end this situation and go into the next day a little clearer.
I wont go into details, alot of it is financial and I have been alot poorer in my past than I am now, I will figure it out.
But I feel better about it right at this moment.
By 2pm today, I might be in full melt down mode, I am sure hoping not, but my friend told me, whatever happens is going to happen and you just have to see that it isnt as bad as it could be.
So, I spent last night making candy, for friends and relatives, and I didnt eat any, and I didnt drink any of the bourbon that I used to make it.
I did it to keep myself busy and not dwell on things I have no control over.
The whole year of 2013, I have said was one of the worst years of my life and it didnt fail to live up to that title.
Only weeks away from the end of the year and this hits me, but like I said, it happened in this horrible year, the lost year, the year of pain, the year of loss, job loss, the year of emotional upheaval and desperation and broken bones and medication and devices to help bones heal.
And it was beginning to ease, but it made sure to get one last jab in on me before it bid adieu!!!
The one positive, the one comfort, the one in your face, straighten up and fly right was SP.
all of you who commented on blogs, sent private messages, helped me thru the pain, sent words of encouragement, kept me grounded.
Just reading your blogs and message boards, showed me I wasnt alone.
We all deal with what comes our way, "this thing of ours"/
I seen others dealing with much worse than I.
and I got words of encouragement, and others told me to suck it up and deal with it.
Thanks to all of you, and I just hope these words, of Metallica, the song I never fail to listen to on the walking track, will help you see what I feel about SP and how comforting it is to come here each day. Losing weight, eating right, walking, drinking water, taking my vitamins, not drinking alcohol, victories and losses and depths of despair and rises to glory, I share with each of you.
""""Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters""""
Monday, December 16, 2013
Stressed out to the max. I have a very important meeting tomorrow that could change the course of my life and could be very bad for me if it goes the wrong way.
There is nothing I can really do about it, but just go and deal with what needs to be dealt with.
I see people saying, pray on it, I see people saying God doesnt give us more than we can handle, I see people saying you cant change what is or something like that, I am unsure, but all in all, it means, theres not a darn thing I can do about it.
I can make a few changes that might help, but overall, it will probably not help.
So, I sit here stressing, not knowing how bad it might be, or if I am just stressing and worrying over nothing.
I doubt it is nothing.
But what can I do, like I said, it is going to go my way or its not.
I have to accept it and live with it.
Doesnt stop me from stressing out over it.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
I found my micro card adaptor today, laying in my hallway floor, outside the laundry room door, I am thinking it was in my pocket and fell out, oh well, at least it wasnt laundered.
I got my desktop fixed, thats one thing off my list.
Got a few more gifts to wrap, honey is off the next two days, tomorrow is do nothing outside of the house day.
Get those gifts wrapped, the house in order to start making candy.
Tuesday I have an appointment and we are going to see Madea, and maybe get some of our grocery shopping lined out and then home to try to breathe a few days before the holiday go go go.
Today was a much more relaxing day than yesterday and didnt overeat or eat junk.
Feeling a little more organized.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
I never really thought of myself as being OCD, but I am, I really am. Despite the rain.
Today, I went to the store, picked up some household items, toilet paper, etc.
Came home intending to clean a little and wrap gifts and get the kitchen organized for candy making.
I had some pics on my phone I wanted to put on my computer, so I began looking for my card adapter. I keep it on the table next to the couch, but it wasn't there, sometimes for safe keeping I put it in my purse, it wasn't there, I took my couch and chair cushions out and searched down in them, moved the tables, moved the gifts under the tree, looked thru all the bags, and boxes and drawers, and it never turned up.
Now, the importance of finding the card wasn't the issue, it can be replaced, I just go obsessed with finding it/
I did get some cleaning done in the search process, as it usually takes something like that for me to really do a deep clean.
I purged all old newspapers and sales paper and left over wrapping paper, cleaned off the tables and searched and searched and never found it.
I have no idea where it can be, I will go to the store in a few days and buy another one, and then that one will turn up as is almost always the case.
On one good note, I have been selling off some of my stuff to purge the house before the move.
I do not intend to go to the new place packing in the same old junk I have buried in the back of closets for years/
I have a lady interested in my portable hairdryer and another pair of boots.
one day at a time.
My sister in law if very sick, she had surgery a few days ago on her intestine, she had to have I guess what is called a resection of her intestine or colon, and shes bad off, she was moved to ICU tonight because they think she has a blood clot on her lung.
I currently have no home phone because we are moving in a few weeks so I just let it go and the only way I can find anything out is on Facebook.
It puts things into perspective.
She isn't overweight or has had no real health issues, she has worked since she was a teenager and worked hard and this all just came on in the last couple of years, crohns disease.
I want to be healthy, I want to know what its like for once in the last 20 plus years to live in a body that isn't flab!!!
I know I will never be skinney and I don't want to be, I know I will have flab and loose skin with each pound I lose, and I know I am not getting any younger.
I do want to live in a healthy body.
but I want also to lose weight, I can say its about being healthy all I want, but inside my heart and soul, I know I just want to weight less, much less.
I no longer want a 2 in front of my weight on my charts or on my scale.
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