SOFT_VAL67   84,763
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and nothing else matters!!! read this sp friends.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

I got up this morning, and started listening to music, sitting here with my earbuds on, listenng to some of my walking songs.
I hear them like I never really heard them before, when I am on the walking track.
A song comes to me, gets into my mind, I hear the words, I feel the emotion, I find where it fits in my life at the moment.
Today, I have a stressful situation to deal with. I have stressed to the point that my hair is dry and breaking.
I considered getting drunk, I considered eating junk, I considered crying.
Then I said, to Hades with all of that!!!
After talking to a good friend last night, I just understood, nothing I can do will change what has already happened, I can only move on from here, make the necessary changes that will end this situation and go into the next day a little clearer.
I wont go into details, alot of it is financial and I have been alot poorer in my past than I am now, I will figure it out.
But I feel better about it right at this moment.
By 2pm today, I might be in full melt down mode, I am sure hoping not, but my friend told me, whatever happens is going to happen and you just have to see that it isnt as bad as it could be.
So, I spent last night making candy, for friends and relatives, and I didnt eat any, and I didnt drink any of the bourbon that I used to make it.
I did it to keep myself busy and not dwell on things I have no control over.
The whole year of 2013, I have said was one of the worst years of my life and it didnt fail to live up to that title.
Only weeks away from the end of the year and this hits me, but like I said, it happened in this horrible year, the lost year, the year of pain, the year of loss, job loss, the year of emotional upheaval and desperation and broken bones and medication and devices to help bones heal.
And it was beginning to ease, but it made sure to get one last jab in on me before it bid adieu!!!
The one positive, the one comfort, the one in your face, straighten up and fly right was SP.
all of you who commented on blogs, sent private messages, helped me thru the pain, sent words of encouragement, kept me grounded.
Just reading your blogs and message boards, showed me I wasnt alone.
We all deal with what comes our way, "this thing of ours"/
I seen others dealing with much worse than I.
and I got words of encouragement, and others told me to suck it up and deal with it.
Thanks to all of you, and I just hope these words, of Metallica, the song I never fail to listen to on the walking track, will help you see what I feel about SP and how comforting it is to come here each day. Losing weight, eating right, walking, drinking water, taking my vitamins, not drinking alcohol, victories and losses and depths of despair and rises to glory, I share with each of you.

""""Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters""""
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tj75Arhq5ho

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHUBBY_MOM 12/22/2013 3:27PM

    I'm not a huggy person but sure wish I could give you a hug right now! emoticon
Hoping things get better for you in 2014! emoticon emoticon

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BRADMILL2922 12/17/2013 11:44PM

    Sometimes things are the darkest before the light shines through. 2013 was a rough year for you but I guess that means you have one way to go in 2014, and that is UP! I hope your day went well for you and you can rid yourself of some of that stress!

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BARCLE 12/17/2013 3:29PM

    You WILL get there - you've totally got the strong, positive and sparking attitude and determination to make it emoticon emoticon

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CAPECODBABE 12/17/2013 2:26PM

    You are strong, you can do this.

I can't wait to see the end of 2013. It hasn't been a great year for me either.

I agree about spark friends. The loss of my little grandbaby showed me who my friends and support are here.
Here's to 2014 emoticon

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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 12/17/2013 12:04PM

    What I see in this blog is the strength you have gained by living through all of your 2013 experiences! May 2014 be a year filled with joy, peace, health and great abundance for you!

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ALHOOVER81 12/17/2013 10:03AM

    I feel your pain, this has been such a hard year for me too. I myself have great music that helps sooth me, mine is Westlife and Shane Filan though. We can only pray it will get better. I always ask God why me, I try so hard but get nowhere it seems. I Went through a divorce this year, he is suppose to be paying child support hasn't but 6 times this year, and he is suppose to be paying spousal support, hasn't yet. If he would do what he is suppose to be doing things wouldn't be as bad, but he is a jerk and thinks only of himself, one reason for the divorce. Hold your head up and dont give into temptations, I know I have and gained 4 lbs because of it. I have told myself I am going into the new year positive, going to go back to being vegan and get my bills paid off and not incur new debts. I will graduate college this year, just to have another year and the community college, but I would have finally accomplished something I have been working on for years.

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i just dont know

Monday, December 16, 2013

Stressed out to the max. I have a very important meeting tomorrow that could change the course of my life and could be very bad for me if it goes the wrong way.
There is nothing I can really do about it, but just go and deal with what needs to be dealt with.
I see people saying, pray on it, I see people saying God doesnt give us more than we can handle, I see people saying you cant change what is or something like that, I am unsure, but all in all, it means, theres not a darn thing I can do about it.
I can make a few changes that might help, but overall, it will probably not help.
So, I sit here stressing, not knowing how bad it might be, or if I am just stressing and worrying over nothing.
I doubt it is nothing.
But what can I do, like I said, it is going to go my way or its not.
I have to accept it and live with it.
Doesnt stop me from stressing out over it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRADMILL2922 12/17/2013 1:30AM

    It is hard not to stress about things like that but I hope you found some peace tonight. Hope your meeting goes the way you want it too!

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DIANE7786 12/16/2013 2:54PM

    emoticon Stress and worry zap our energy and never affect the outcome of our problem. Most of what we stress about doesn't happen or isn't as awful as we imagined. Until you know, make every effort to calm down. It seems silly to exercise but endorphins clear our mind. Immerse yourself in something you love to do. If your meeting does go the wrong way, you will need energy to stay calm so you can think clearly. I hope all goes well!

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A_SIZE6 12/16/2013 1:12PM

    we often stress about things we don't know. for me I have found when I worry about something I feel is going to happen 98% of the time it doesn't.

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plans

Sunday, December 15, 2013

I found my micro card adaptor today, laying in my hallway floor, outside the laundry room door, I am thinking it was in my pocket and fell out, oh well, at least it wasnt laundered.
I got my desktop fixed, thats one thing off my list.
Got a few more gifts to wrap, honey is off the next two days, tomorrow is do nothing outside of the house day.
Get those gifts wrapped, the house in order to start making candy.
Tuesday I have an appointment and we are going to see Madea, and maybe get some of our grocery shopping lined out and then home to try to breathe a few days before the holiday go go go.
Today was a much more relaxing day than yesterday and didnt overeat or eat junk.
Feeling a little more organized.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GAYLLYNNE 12/16/2013 7:00AM

    Good for you!! Sounds like you are definitely getting organized and that will keep you on track for sure!! Enjoy!

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it had been a pretty good day

Saturday, December 14, 2013

I never really thought of myself as being OCD, but I am, I really am. Despite the rain.
Today, I went to the store, picked up some household items, toilet paper, etc.
Came home intending to clean a little and wrap gifts and get the kitchen organized for candy making.
I had some pics on my phone I wanted to put on my computer, so I began looking for my card adapter. I keep it on the table next to the couch, but it wasn't there, sometimes for safe keeping I put it in my purse, it wasn't there, I took my couch and chair cushions out and searched down in them, moved the tables, moved the gifts under the tree, looked thru all the bags, and boxes and drawers, and it never turned up.
Now, the importance of finding the card wasn't the issue, it can be replaced, I just go obsessed with finding it/
I did get some cleaning done in the search process, as it usually takes something like that for me to really do a deep clean.
I purged all old newspapers and sales paper and left over wrapping paper, cleaned off the tables and searched and searched and never found it.
I have no idea where it can be, I will go to the store in a few days and buy another one, and then that one will turn up as is almost always the case.
On one good note, I have been selling off some of my stuff to purge the house before the move.
I do not intend to go to the new place packing in the same old junk I have buried in the back of closets for years/
I have a lady interested in my portable hairdryer and another pair of boots.
one day at a time.
My sister in law if very sick, she had surgery a few days ago on her intestine, she had to have I guess what is called a resection of her intestine or colon, and shes bad off, she was moved to ICU tonight because they think she has a blood clot on her lung.
I currently have no home phone because we are moving in a few weeks so I just let it go and the only way I can find anything out is on Facebook.
It puts things into perspective.
She isn't overweight or has had no real health issues, she has worked since she was a teenager and worked hard and this all just came on in the last couple of years, crohns disease.
I want to be healthy, I want to know what its like for once in the last 20 plus years to live in a body that isn't flab!!!
I know I will never be skinney and I don't want to be, I know I will have flab and loose skin with each pound I lose, and I know I am not getting any younger.
I do want to live in a healthy body.
but I want also to lose weight, I can say its about being healthy all I want, but inside my heart and soul, I know I just want to weight less, much less.
I no longer want a 2 in front of my weight on my charts or on my scale.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAPECODBABE 12/15/2013 9:07AM

    I'm very organized, and things like that happen to me, too. And as you said, as soon as you replace it, it turns up.

I'm sorry about your SIL, you didn't say how old she is? I hope she heals quickly.
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It's hard to see someone you know get sick. I hope she heals soon.

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i could use a little patience

Friday, December 13, 2013

I was sitting here, waiting, very impatiently.
And it led me to think about how impatient I can really be.
For one, waiting for my vitamin d to increase, I know its going to be months before it raises enough to make any difference.
Waiting for the cold weather to go away, it seems I can no longer tolerate the cold. Walking for me is next to impossible. But not totally impossible. I just hate the cold so much.
Waiting to see the numbers on the scale moving downward again.
At this moment, waiting to hear from a lady about buying some items I have for sale.
It has been 20 minutes since she messaged me and I messaged her back, no response.
I hate that.
I am feeling a little better about one thing, getting my home a little closer to being organized.
I sold almost all of my "fat" clothes.
I sold a bike, and some boots, and some books, and right now, pending a sale on a cabinet.
I am ready to walk out the door, I have errands to run. I need to pick up wrapping paper and get the rest of my gifts wrapped and put away.
But, still I wait.
I will give her until 2pm then I am gone.
It is so cold, as I stated, I hate it, despise it. I could never ever live in Alaska or Canada or any other cold place.
I need heat, and sunlight and soon.
Have decided to start trying to cut back on my caffeine, I do NOT drink soda of any kind whatsoever, but have replaced it with coffee.
I am going to start cutting back to a few cups a week instead of a few cups a day.
I don't know if really does play a role in vitamin d absorption, but just in case, I want to do whatever I can to increase my D.
I have been put back on the high dose pill and I am going to do everything I can to get this lined out and get my weight and exercise back on track.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THROOPER62 12/17/2013 9:08AM

    emoticon

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NYARAMULA 12/14/2013 12:36AM

    emoticon

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CATLADY52 12/13/2013 6:06PM

    emoticon but it does help to stop and wait a moment before you go out the door. emoticon

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DIETROCKSTAR 12/13/2013 3:12PM

    emoticon

You sound so motivated and so organized! I know all of it going to happen!!

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