Tuesday, October 08, 2013
I will probably regret blogging so early, later, after the day has passed. If anything eventful happens, I will have to save it for tomorrow.
But I wanted to blog this while its fresh on my mind.
Today was weigh in day. As usual, no loss, no gain....I am going to seriously have my scale checked!! or buy a new one.
Last night, I sat up kinda late, probably til after midnight, watching the Walking Dead marathon.
And all night, I was up and down with what felt like a full bladder.
my question to everyone is, could my vitamins have done this?? acted almost as a diuretic??
Because I took them pretty late, around 9 or 10 pm, vitamin d, iron and a womens one a day.
I hadnt drank an unusual amount of water thru the day, a cup of coffee with dinner at around 6pm.
So this morning, after a really sleepless night, I got up at 730, and was starving, so I fixed sugar free instant oatmeal, two slices of double fiber wheat toast and a cup of coffee.
A cup of vitamin d and calcium orange juice and a banana.
Alot of calories for first thing in the am.
But I needed the fiber, and the vitamin d and its so so cold here this morning, I am sitting under a blanket, time to bust out the plug in for the electric blanket, and I turned on the little electric fireplace.
Just annoyed about the scale, but not surprised, its become the never-ending saga of the never-moving scale.
Think I will go to a late evening walk and then the little leauge football game.
No hot dogs, no hot chocolate. and hopefully no 5 trips to the bathroom after bedtime tonight!!
Monday, October 07, 2013
Awoke to the sound of rain falling, hitting the leaves on the ground outside my window.
A nice morning to just roll over and go back to sleep. I had pretty much decided there would be no chance of a walk today, as the track is quite slick when its wet.
I walked onto my porch to feed the dog around 11am, and it was very chilly outside.
So, it has me craving a good long walk.
I think possibly, if no more rain, I will go to the park later and walk on some of the dirt trails, hidden by the trees, I am sure they arent muddy.
I think its a nice day for it, although, even as I type this, the sun is re-appearing and will probably get hot out.
Just my luck.
But anyway, its fall, might as well get used to it.
This time last year was sure different, I was at the height of my weight loss, losing at least a pound or two a week.
The future was looking so bright. I guess I hit a wall and it was a very tall one because since January I havent been able to get back to that place.
I dont give up, I make mistakes, often.
I eat things I wouldnt have dared touch a year ago.
And yes, I have moments of great guilt. Feelings of failure and desperation.
I try to stay positive. It isnt easy when you struggle and try and have one good day out of five. But I wont go back.
I will never say, "go ahead, have another piece of pizza, or drink a soda or whatever"
I will stay on this course, even when the wall jumps up and knocks me back down.
There has to be some give.
I MUST start losing weight again, its just that simple, I wont stop until I do.
This is my mantra, my will power is tested daily, my resolve, my desire....
I spark, I count calories, fat, protein, carbs, I try to add fiber, calcium, iron, and get my vitamins.
Each and every day I am here, each and every day I awake with the best intentions.
I know we arent supposed to focus so much on the numbers, we arent suppose to make it all about the scale, but I havent seen a loss in so long, there has to be some issue.
There has to be, right???
So, anyway, I will get that walk in today, because my body desires it. My heart longs for it, my mind says do it, and my determination says "show them"!!!
Sunday, October 06, 2013
Yesterday was the reunion and you all should have seen the food!!!
Mostly from the Southern tradition, corn breads and dried beans, fried chicken and sweet potatoes smothered in ooey gooey marshmellows!!!
And then there were foods from out of state cousins, pea salads, and cashew ham salads...all just other names for Mayonnaise salads!!!
I did eat, but really not that much...a spoon full of maybe 4 of the potato/pasta/veggie salads...one piece of ham, one chicken strip, and one boneless chicken wing.
one cheddar biscuit and a hearty portion of fresh from the garden cooked green beans and some fresh from the freezer/from the garden of my uncle, sweet corn!!!
Yes, I even had dessert...a half a piece of nut brownie and a half a piece of some sort of pecan sweet brown sugary concoction...and, I was sicker than a dog!!!
Just as I was the day of the barbecue meat meal!!!
Probably the only thing that saved me from really going overboard, aside from NOT wanting to, was my spanx!!!
I guess after one plate full, they were stretched to the max and my stomach was about to pop the seams!!!
So, while I only felt like I was going to die, I only went thru the buffet line once!!!
Then came home and had a yogurt for a late evening snack, how I even found the room is beyond me.
But I had a nice time, visiting with cousins and seeing aunts and uncles getting older, seems to have more meaning the older I get.
I got two really sweet compliments, my cousin Pam told me I had the prettiest hair and that I must go to a wonderful colorist, YES YES, My colorist is GREAT!!!!
She worked me in on her day off, Friday, just so I wouldnt have to go to my family reunion looking like Grandmama Addams!!!
And my moms cousin was talking to me, and she said "You are so pretty Valarie, you have the nicest skin and the prettiest lips"!!!
I love getting compliments, it really made me feel great.
Now if only next year, they will all compliment me on how much weight I have lost since they last saw me and how much restraint I have from the dessert table!!!
So, today I got up and went for my walk and going to stay in the rest of this beautiful fall day and clean my house and get ready to watch the Broncos/Cowboys tonight.
mother vs. son
my team, the broncos and my sons team, the cowboys!!!
Poor guy, I hate to see my son in pain, but he will be after Peyton Manning tears the cowboys to shreds heheehe....
Everyone have a lovely Sunday!!!
the day of the reunion.....
Thursday, October 03, 2013
I was so so sick. We went into the grocery store to get honey crisp apples, I added the apples to my cart and went thru the grocery, but by the time I made it half way thru, I was about to totally barf.
I honestly felt like I was going to pass out.
By the time I paid for my apples and a few other items and walked out to my car, I was full on sick.
I got up early this morning, and went walking.
I worked part of the night last night but my employer cut her trip short, so I was home by midnight.
Slept well last night, but for some reason, my feet and legs were like lead on the walking track today.
But I did walk that full hour.
But later in the day, after visiting several department stores, including Walmart, on the 3rd day of the month, I was hurting pretty bad. So, I had to take my pain medication for my foot.....
Since my birthday was Monday, and this was the first day we had a chance to get out together, Honey took me out to eat.
And eat I did!!!!
I sat down in that restaurant and I ordered a heavy meal and I ate, hence....the reason I was so sick.
I left half a piece of cornbread, and almost an entire uneaten baked potato.
And I got a take out box for what was left of my brisket and pulled bbq chicken.
But I ate a hearty portion of baked beans, one piece of cornbread, and a half of a half rack of ribs.
A hearty portion of pulled bbq beef.
And a large cup of sweet tea.
How many calories was it???????????????
Good question, I have zero idea.
I do know this, I was so full I was about to pop and sick as a dog!!! Could have been a combo of the fact I hadnt eaten anything all day but a protein shake, the mixture of the pain meds with all that food???? I am not sure, but I know I was about to lay down in the parking lot....
I dont know if it was just the portion, or if it was all that meat, or what, but within 10 minutes, I really thought I was gonna die.
Will I sit here and say never again...? Havent we all said that?
Do I regret it...? Well now I do, a little, because I know it was probably my calories, fat, carbs, sodium, etc for 2 or 3 days....but at the time, I didnt, It was very tasty.
And I guess if I look at it like, its once a year, lol, lol, the same old tired excuses.
Nothing I can do now, but confess it and own up to it and hopefully not do it again, for at least another year....
I guess that is just a reminder as to why I no longer eat that way on a regular basis, and the fact that the portion of food, NOW makes me that sick, when before I could have eaten all that and more....Well, what it told me was I DO NOT like being that sick and I do not want that much food in my belly at one time, ever!!!
Live and learn.....I hope I did.
And here it is, a good 6 hours later and I am still feeling a little queasy!!!
Monday, September 30, 2013
This is a new one, I havent shared.....I suppose 46 could be alot worse....
Woke up to an early foggy chilly fall morning. Got a late start on the track, but I got that hour in and loved it.
Feet are a little achy today, not sure why, but maybe shoes???
So, as some of you may know, today I turned 46!!!
Yes, 4 6....I know its hard to believe!!
I met a Facebook friend a few weeks ago for the first time in person, thru my employer, he was talking about people from our high school and he kept saying names and I told him I didnt recognize the names, then I told him I was a few years older than him and his classmates, he said, no, you graduated when...90 91???
LOL, I am unsure if he was just yanking my chain or being nice or what, but I said nooooo, I was class of 85.
He said no way!!!
Well that is my being bragged on, or bragging on myself moment for the day.
Maybe I am delusional, but I know friends who are my same age and they look alot older than me, so I feel I am doing pretty good.
The lady I work for told me the first time she met me that my skin is flawless.
I was unsure if she needed glasses or if she had been into the wine.
But I feel pretty good about it, I dont smoke, dont drink, often, and I guess now that I am eating healthier foods, drinking lots of water, sleeping better and exercising, getting alot of fresh air and sunshine, when I can....I guess my skin is in good shape for 46 years of sometimes rather rough living.
I got my walk in and went to Subway and treated myself to one indulgence I know I need to make a very rare thing, A blueberry redbull!!!
I dont drink them often, and not for energy, but I like the taste.
And I came home, and that has been my birthday so far. No plans. The walk was great, added some new songs to my player this week and really enjoyed being out in the sun.
Now if I can just start seeing some progress on the scale!!
I know, I know!!!
Dont put all our eggs in that basket, but some of them right?
I mean, come on already, I am walking as much as I can, trying to work on my abdominal and stretch band workout as often as I can.
Eating pretty good, staying pretty well within my calories daily, no alchohol, lots of veggies, lots of water.
WHY AM I NOT LOSING ANY WEIGHT????
I cant take this much longer!!!
Every Tuesday I get on that scale and sometimes I am down a pound or two, but by the next week, its right back.
This is my one contentious issue for the day.
I just want to continue to lose weight, I want to get some pounds off me.
I hit a wall back in about Feb, after I had to stop walking due to the foot, and it has just stuck, I knew I had slacked, I knew depression played a role in my not eating so healthy.
But I am feeling good, I am not dwelling on the past or the negative thoughts, I am upbeat and I am trying really hard.
But I am seeing zero results!!!
So, blah, now I have gotten bad thoughts in my head and I feel like I am missing something, somewhere, like theres a big secret I am not in on it.
Turning 46 isnt too bad. If I were down another 30 pounds as I had really hoped to be by now, I would be alot happier, but overall, its not been depressing.
I feel pretty good, and I dont look too bad...oh there I go bragging again, lol.
I mean, just imagine how smoking hot I would be if I had continued on my weight loss thru this past year.
When I do my end of the year review in December, I know my focus is going to be on how bad 2013 was....from start to finish, it was just an overall depressing year, wrought with anger, sadness, loss of hope, loss of physical ability.
But never once loss of determination, or desire!!!
Thanks to all friends who take the time daily to comment on my blog.
It is nice to know someone is listening.
Here is one of my new songs on my player, I listen to it when I walk and I ponder the meaning, most of these songs were probably written about lost love.
To me, they often hold different meanings and this one does....to me, FOR ME...WHEN I AM HEARING IT....THRU MY EARS, MY SOUL....it is about finding ones self again, I say, I am not leaving ME behind.
I am not giving up on ME!!! So, my birthday wish, I make WITHOUT a cake, Is to lose another 80 lbs....in time, and to just feel as good or better on my next birthday and that I can keep on working on me, physically, emotionally, just find time for me and workout. My wish is to be where I want and need to be.
Hope everyone is having a fabulous last day of Sept. www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2ZAWszgtLM
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