Sunday, August 11, 2013
Fear is a quite real emotion.
There are many forms of fear, fear at a scary movie, fear of flying, spiders, snakes, fear of the dark.
My fear has held me down for way too long.
My fear is living. I was walking and as I always do, listening to my music when the song came on that really made me think. There is always that one song that stands out at any given moment during my walks, according to what mood I am in at the time.
I have been living in a constant state of limbo for way too long.
I attributed my slow down on weight loss to my broken foot, but it all coincided with events in my personal life that occured around the first of the year.
I wont go into detail, but will just say it involved decisions I knew I needed to make and yet I kept hoping they would be ok to wait.
But I cant wait any longer.
I fear the future and I fear going on with my life and seeing whats on the other side, just as the person in the scary movie fears that noise or fears whats on the other side of the door....yet they always go check it out.
and I know I have to go check it out too.
I have to stop being afraid and I have to get back to my walkng, my nutrition plan and back to my healthy life.
And I know the life I have been living the last 7 months, under this constant state of fear of the unknown has to end.
I may regret my decisions but I know I have to make them once and for all.
This week I have to get my head out of the clouds and back to the walking track and back to my health.
The song lyrics, " I never feared death or dying, I only feared never trying, I am whatever I am now, only God can judge me".
Well, I havent been trying and I have feared living.
Whatever the future holds for me, I have to make sure I am healthy enough to live and handle the hard times and enjoy the good times.
I have been at a stand still on moving ahead with my life and losing weight too and its time to turn this thing around!!!
Because as the song says, "we only get one shot, everything rides on this night, even if ive got three strikes, imma go for it, this moment, i own it"
Thursday, August 08, 2013
Iron, and vitamin d and calcium. oh yea, and fiber too. No matter what I do, I cannot seem to get them, thru food, up to the numbers I need daily.
I am trying, I keep tweeking the foods and trying to put together a diet high in these nutrients and yet, staying under my calories and fat.
I fight a losing battle almost daily.
I am taking an iron tablet, a womens one a day, a fiber tablet, and of course still taking upwards of 5,000iu of vitamin d a day.
I will keep on trying.
Have not walked in the last two days and am pretty angry with myself over it, but mostly angry with the weather.
Some things are just out of our control.
Good thing I learned that lesson and dont beat myself up too bad these days.
So, hoping to see the numbers reflected on the scale this week, in a good way.
Just trudging along.
I set a very specific goal for September, for my birthday and I am quite a ways off.
I know I have time to work harder and maybe i wont reach that goal right on the dot, but if I can get within 5 lbs of that I will be feeling pretty good.
Monday, August 05, 2013
Sleep finally returned on Friday night. I went to bed at 11pm and didnt get up the next morning til around 9am. After soaking my feet about an hour in epsom salt and eucalypus sore muscle wash. I was aching all up my feet and legs. But the soak helped and I went to bed and slept like a baby.
It was wonderful.
I had not had a real nights sleep for days.
I have been walking, hoping to get back to a full hour, at least 4 days a week.
But Saturday I went to a birthday party for my 4 year old neice and ate pizza and one, yes, only one piece of birthday cake, it wasnt the ooey gooey sugary kind, it was just a home baked cake with canned icing, so maybe it wasnt too bad.
I am just wishing I could get back to keeping my calories under about 1400 a day and closer to 1200 and most of those coming in the form of protein.
I just havent really sparked since about Thursday.
Feeling good, but a little tired after my walk, achy.
My foot has been bothering me, not while Im walking, but later and if I turn it or move it quickly, reflex, it hurts.
I dont know what is up with it.
The bone isnt healed I guess, I hope to see my doctor in a few weeks and have another xray, also need to start taking some iron, I do believe I am anemic and this is contributing to my tiredness.
Oh well, age is no friend of mine!!!!
46 in a few weeks, I am sticking up both middle fingers to that number and rememebering my 45th birthday, partying hard at Lynyrd Skynyrd concert!!! remembering many birthdays past, my 16th, my 30th, that was the year my brother got killed and I refused to celebrate, it had only been days since he had been buried, and I made my family not call me or anything.
and of course, the big 4-0, why do people say that? the big 4 0 the big 5 0, the big 6 0, etc.
I hope I can live to see the big 9 0 and that I am able bodied and minded to enjoy it...lol.
Lol....I aint goin down til the sun comes up, aint givin in til Ive had enough.
So, the new motto, from my song of the day...
"I never feared death or dying, I only fear never trying, I am whatever I am, only God can judge me now"
Thursday, August 01, 2013
I am feeling pretty tired, the last few nights I have had insomnia, I dont experience this very often.
Maybe stress, but I am not really sure, I feel tired and yawn my head off til I lay down, then nothing.
So, I am really hoping tonight I can sleep.
It doesnt help that our neighbors run the roads on 4wheelers and motorcycles all night, and makes our dogs bark their dang heads off.
I guess when you dont have to work for a living and get up at 4 am its just fine to do that.
So, anyway, when I am tired I tend to eat more and so today I did, I had a really good day up til dinner, then I snacked and had pizza.
But I got in a good sweaty walk so I guess I did fair.
I am going to set the alarm and move it across the bedroom in the morning so I can get up at 7 and go walking.
I have to force myself to get up out of bed and go lately.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
So Im scrolling along, doing my SP thang, when I notice something that made my head turn around, like the girl on the exorcist....my weight on my tracker, was a full 10 lbs higher than my actual weight!!
WHAT THE H E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS IS UP WITH THAT????
So, I went in and changed it to my actual weight. I know full well that the last time I weighed I put the right weight.
I am unsure how that happened, but it made me pretty ticked off, I hadnt noticed it in over a week since my last weigh in, this isnt the first time SP has gotten my weight ticker messed up, this is one reason I do not share my tickers!!!!
I had lost about 60 lbs and it had me having lost less, its just wrong, wrong I tell you!!!!!
Work so hard and every pound lost is a victory and then to have it set 10 lbs higher than you actually are.
Oh well, just gotta keep a closer eye on my trackers and such I guess.
So, today its nice and cool out not too hot, a little sun, rain is in the forecast but I am hoping it holds out at least til after 9pm tonight, we are supposed to go to the drag races, first time I have been in forever ever and I am looking forward to it, being outside and not in some dumb movie theater or store.
Another little bit of good things to look forward to, my son is going to be coaching little league football along with his best friend and old football buddy and I am lookng forward to going to their games, I miss going to football games, my son played from 5th grade thru high school and I loved it.
Got in a great long walk Thursday night, but sadly skipped yesterday, hoping to maybe squeeze in a late evening walk before heading on to the racetrack, weather permitting.
And tomorrow is grilling out day, steaks and mushrooms and corn on the cob, yummmmmy, now, wait, about that weight tracker....I might need to change it again, ohhhhh boy!!!!
Have a great weekend to everyone.
Get An Email Alert Each Time SOFT_VAL67 Posts