Wednesday, August 14, 2013
the invention of social media has made it almost impossible for those of us who choose to use it, to keep quiet many details of our lives.
about a year ago a friend said something to me that really angered me, he said, you shouldnt live your life on facebook.
so i challenged him to go to my facebook page and find one thing on there that was about my private life.
there are very few details.
no relationship status, very few pics of me with the man i am in a relationship with.
no job status or former jobs.
i post mostly joke memes or some silly comment, such as my current status concerns americas got talent.
today however, i did post that my personal life is none of YOUR business, meaning a certain person who insists on coming up to me every time i go into the store where she works and asks me questions about MY life and my personal business.
so today i told her finally once and for all that if i want her to know i will be sure to run in and tell her.
its childish but its so angering, you cannot go buy a newspaper and a cup of coffee without her running up asking questions that really dont concern her.
but seriously, i share more here on sp than i do on facebook.
mostly because none of my everyday friends or family are on here with me and most of you, sp friends, are also going thru challenges of one kind or another, weight, substance, financial, relationship issues, whatever it is, you can relate and offer words of advice and encouragement and very very little judgement.
its refreshing to have this outlet to vent and to track my food and exercise and to talk about things that are making me happy, sad, angry, whatever.
sometimes i will post something on facebook and before the day is out i delete it.
but i do not live my life on facebook.
i do not post when i am moving, when i am fighting with my family or my man or my son.
i do not post about family issues at all.
and i have pretty much stopped posting about my weight or my walking.
i keep that for here.
and for my closest friend and my doctor.
this was just a little rant about how i got so angry in my own life that i took it to the social media to allow others to take it to others to take it to others, so that eventually all the tounges would be a waggin and fingers pointing.
just take this advice, if you ask someone something once and they give you a vague answer, maybe dont ask them again.
unless your intention was to anger them to begin with.
and the advice for myself, tell them plainly the first time so that they have no reason to ask again and therefore save myself the anger.
other than all that it was a good day, i visited with my good friend and had lunch with some others and came home to a very very clean house, courtesy of my sons g/f and im getting to work a little this week and going tomorrow to get my hair colored and thinking about getting a dog.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Fear is a quite real emotion.
There are many forms of fear, fear at a scary movie, fear of flying, spiders, snakes, fear of the dark.
My fear has held me down for way too long.
My fear is living. I was walking and as I always do, listening to my music when the song came on that really made me think. There is always that one song that stands out at any given moment during my walks, according to what mood I am in at the time.
I have been living in a constant state of limbo for way too long.
I attributed my slow down on weight loss to my broken foot, but it all coincided with events in my personal life that occured around the first of the year.
I wont go into detail, but will just say it involved decisions I knew I needed to make and yet I kept hoping they would be ok to wait.
But I cant wait any longer.
I fear the future and I fear going on with my life and seeing whats on the other side, just as the person in the scary movie fears that noise or fears whats on the other side of the door....yet they always go check it out.
and I know I have to go check it out too.
I have to stop being afraid and I have to get back to my walkng, my nutrition plan and back to my healthy life.
And I know the life I have been living the last 7 months, under this constant state of fear of the unknown has to end.
I may regret my decisions but I know I have to make them once and for all.
This week I have to get my head out of the clouds and back to the walking track and back to my health.
The song lyrics, " I never feared death or dying, I only feared never trying, I am whatever I am now, only God can judge me".
Well, I havent been trying and I have feared living.
Whatever the future holds for me, I have to make sure I am healthy enough to live and handle the hard times and enjoy the good times.
I have been at a stand still on moving ahead with my life and losing weight too and its time to turn this thing around!!!
Because as the song says, "we only get one shot, everything rides on this night, even if ive got three strikes, imma go for it, this moment, i own it"
Thursday, August 08, 2013
Iron, and vitamin d and calcium. oh yea, and fiber too. No matter what I do, I cannot seem to get them, thru food, up to the numbers I need daily.
I am trying, I keep tweeking the foods and trying to put together a diet high in these nutrients and yet, staying under my calories and fat.
I fight a losing battle almost daily.
I am taking an iron tablet, a womens one a day, a fiber tablet, and of course still taking upwards of 5,000iu of vitamin d a day.
I will keep on trying.
Have not walked in the last two days and am pretty angry with myself over it, but mostly angry with the weather.
Some things are just out of our control.
Good thing I learned that lesson and dont beat myself up too bad these days.
So, hoping to see the numbers reflected on the scale this week, in a good way.
Just trudging along.
I set a very specific goal for September, for my birthday and I am quite a ways off.
I know I have time to work harder and maybe i wont reach that goal right on the dot, but if I can get within 5 lbs of that I will be feeling pretty good.
Monday, August 05, 2013
Sleep finally returned on Friday night. I went to bed at 11pm and didnt get up the next morning til around 9am. After soaking my feet about an hour in epsom salt and eucalypus sore muscle wash. I was aching all up my feet and legs. But the soak helped and I went to bed and slept like a baby.
It was wonderful.
I had not had a real nights sleep for days.
I have been walking, hoping to get back to a full hour, at least 4 days a week.
But Saturday I went to a birthday party for my 4 year old neice and ate pizza and one, yes, only one piece of birthday cake, it wasnt the ooey gooey sugary kind, it was just a home baked cake with canned icing, so maybe it wasnt too bad.
I am just wishing I could get back to keeping my calories under about 1400 a day and closer to 1200 and most of those coming in the form of protein.
I just havent really sparked since about Thursday.
Feeling good, but a little tired after my walk, achy.
My foot has been bothering me, not while Im walking, but later and if I turn it or move it quickly, reflex, it hurts.
I dont know what is up with it.
The bone isnt healed I guess, I hope to see my doctor in a few weeks and have another xray, also need to start taking some iron, I do believe I am anemic and this is contributing to my tiredness.
Oh well, age is no friend of mine!!!!
46 in a few weeks, I am sticking up both middle fingers to that number and rememebering my 45th birthday, partying hard at Lynyrd Skynyrd concert!!! remembering many birthdays past, my 16th, my 30th, that was the year my brother got killed and I refused to celebrate, it had only been days since he had been buried, and I made my family not call me or anything.
and of course, the big 4-0, why do people say that? the big 4 0 the big 5 0, the big 6 0, etc.
I hope I can live to see the big 9 0 and that I am able bodied and minded to enjoy it...lol.
Lol....I aint goin down til the sun comes up, aint givin in til Ive had enough.
So, the new motto, from my song of the day...
"I never feared death or dying, I only fear never trying, I am whatever I am, only God can judge me now"
Thursday, August 01, 2013
I am feeling pretty tired, the last few nights I have had insomnia, I dont experience this very often.
Maybe stress, but I am not really sure, I feel tired and yawn my head off til I lay down, then nothing.
So, I am really hoping tonight I can sleep.
It doesnt help that our neighbors run the roads on 4wheelers and motorcycles all night, and makes our dogs bark their dang heads off.
I guess when you dont have to work for a living and get up at 4 am its just fine to do that.
So, anyway, when I am tired I tend to eat more and so today I did, I had a really good day up til dinner, then I snacked and had pizza.
But I got in a good sweaty walk so I guess I did fair.
I am going to set the alarm and move it across the bedroom in the morning so I can get up at 7 and go walking.
I have to force myself to get up out of bed and go lately.
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