Wednesday, April 17, 2013
I got a little ticked off at a FB friend today after posting that I had done my squats using 10lb dumbbell in each hand...now, I am trying to include arm and upper arm workouts as well as some cardio and some strength training.
She suggested that for a woman I should only be using 3 to 5 lb weights, unless I want to bulk up big enough to move a refridgerator..
THIS PISSED ME OFF!!!
For one, maybe I do...and for two, this woman is all of five foot tall and maybe 120 lbs at best...
She might be right, I might be adding too much weight, Personally I dont think I am.
I need to increase muscle, calorie burn, whatever, I just need to get some exercise and do it in my own way.
If she had to comment, why not just say, thats good or way to go or whoopee or something...why try to correct someone and make me adhere to her style of workout????
What do you all think SP friends...?
Am I adding too much weight???
Should I stick to small dumbbells and not add more weight????
Believe me, I would have to work out at a much higher rate and much more intense to ever bulk up as she said...
I have a long long way to go to even have definetion in my muscles...
I guess I am just really ticked off cause I have all these other issues going on and for me to workout at all was fantastic, I was feeling so high and endorphins running wild and then kabam
someone stomped all over it and made me feel stupid like I am too dumb to know how hard and how far to push myself.
Other than this, I have had a good day.
I got up early, enjoyed my coffee while listening to the rain and trying to work on these tough decisons...
I took a good shower and the Vaseline cocoa radiant body spray moisturizer makes me smell so good and feel so silky soft.
Nah, I am along way from bulking up.
Thanks for reading my rant.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Feeling sick and a little like a failure. Even though my food tracker says I stayed within 100 calories of my range today.
I feel as though I ate way more than I should and am not really sure that my tracker is accurate or that I am sparking correctly.
I didnt get in a workout yet, maybe once I do I will feel a little better.
It has been and I expect it will be a stressful few days...the day I have dreaded for so long, amongst many lately, will be here in the next few days and I have alot of big decisions to make that I have been avoiding and putting off and hoping wouldnt actually take place.
But I am a woman torn with this decision and dont have any real guidance.
I could use my friends advice right now, but hes unable to give it.
Tomorrow is supposed to rain, right when I start to get able to walk again, rain rain rain sets in...but Thursday is supposed to be really hot and nice and I plan to take full advantage and get in an early morning walk.
I walk alone.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Hated that I was having such a good day only to come home to watch the news out of Boston.
But, I was having a good day.
I did something today that I havent done in 3 months...I tracked spark fitness points for WALKINGGGG!!!!
Yes...you did read it right!
I walked a full twenty minutes and I loved it...I was soooo happy to be back on MY track.
The track was a little on the slick side, and with the new shoes, the ones in my pic...I had to be a little more sure footed.
Maybe was extra cautious, since the last time I was there it was the day I broke my foot.
It is a little tender tonight, a little achy, but no real pain.
And I am not going to walk again before possibly Thursday and then only another 20 minutes.
But it sure did feel good while it lasted.
I dont want to over do it and I am going to follow doctors orders and go easy...
It felt good to see that view and put my earbuds in and walk...
Cannot wait til the day comes when this is no longer a big deal and walking is routine once again.
Aside from that, I went riding thru the park with my friend Amy and then she and I had a great lunch at Subway...double chicken chopped salad and a parfait.
Then I went back to her house and got 20 minutes of tanning.
I am quite the brown biscuit these days!!!!
I kept under my calories today, got my water in and still have some left over for my honey yogurt, orange and a cup of milk tonight.
I am making progress and I can really feel it for the first time in awhile.
I am letting the stress of my friend and other situations go.
It is time to focus on me, my health and my happiness.
And one other little side thing...I ordered a new pair of compression shorts for walking, since my two old pairs are now too loose and dont give me the hold I need....2 sizes smaller than the old ones!!!
Now, Hillbilly Days, our local heritage festival which raises money for the Shriners Childrens Hospitals, is coming up this week and I hadnt planned to go, due to the foot, but I am going to go and buy myself a new purse...and some tanning bed lotion...cause I want it and I feel like that will be a good treat for sticking to my calories all week and getting my workouts in and just because Im a girly girl and I like purty pocketbooks!!!
Prayers for Boston and the USA and for all my spark friends who read and comment and wishing everyone great weather and great health. sorry the pic isnt so good of me, but i was so jubliant to be on the walking track, i didnt have time to fix my hair and makeup!!!!
Friday, April 12, 2013
Things didnt go as I had hoped today at the Ortho visit.
It wasnt all bad.
The foot isnt any worse, the bone hasnt seperated anymore than it had.
But, its not growing back, or healing in a timely manner.
It has been a full 3 months. And at this point, the callus or cartiledge should have closed the gap, or filled in between my foot and the broken off piece of bone.
The callus is forming, but its still too soft at this point.
So, the next step is to continue the high doses of vitamin d. And soon, in about a week I will get an appointment made to begin electromagnetic bone stimulation. Bone stimulator as the doctor called it, in the only real positive part of the day, my friends and I shared a good chuckle at that title...(dirty joke inserted here).....
And I am unsure how long that will continue or how often I will have to do this.
I go back to the doctor again in June.
He isnt going to do a repeat lab on my vitamin d until June.
He didnt give me all bad news.
He told me that if I feel that my foot isnt hurting too much, I can try walking.
He said maybe I can start with about 20 minutes once or twice a week. And if my foot isnt hurting then I can continue that until I come back to see him.
If, he says, the foot is bothering me, then I shouldnt walk on it. I can stop wearing the boot unless I begin to feel pain and today, when he touched the area where its broke, there was some pain and thru out the evening its been hurting.
So, I am going to wait to see if the foot is no longer sore on Monday, and I might give that walk a try.
I am feeling defeated, even with that bit of news, due to the fact that I know 20 minutes twice a week, isnt going to give me any kind of calorie burn to help me get back to losing weight.
But, I know it will help me to ease back into my walking.
The doctor didnt seem to optimistic about it and part of me wonders if he simply said yes to my question about walking, because deep down he suspects the bone isnt going to really heal on its own and that surgery will eventually be required!!!
I am just sick of it all!!!
I am sick of the injustice my friend has had to endure and I am sick of my body doing this to me!!!
I was being good to my body, I was eating healthy and walking and drinking water and taking my vitamins, so why wasnt my body absorbing the vitamins?
Why did my body rebel against my attempt to make it healthier???
Why is all of this happening to me and why is it happening during the most stressful time in my life??
I feel so overwhelmed and almost like just going back to being a big fat lazy slug sitting on the couch with a damn cookie in my hand!!!
I mean afterall, why try when the body obviously doesnt care.
Well, I guess that is just stinkin thinkin and the only thing I can do is workout in other ways and walk what little bit I can.
At least I will be outside in the sunshine for 20 mins and maybe if the freakin wind ever dies down around here I can actually get warm and enjoy it!!!
So, I guess thats the update, not much of one.
My body just refuses to heal itself....maybe now that some of the stress is behind me I can focus more on just exercising with my stretch band and recumbant bike and weights.
And maybe 8 weeks will make some difference for the positive.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
As I sit here with my front door open, listening to the birds chirping and feeling a cool breeze blowing past...I see the sun come and go.
I think we are due for some rain showers later tonight.
But its ok.
I am going to enjoy this day as much as I can.
The last 3 days were beautiful...highs in the 80's, bright sunny and hot.
Of course, I spent the better part of those days inside, inside a hot, stuffy courtroom.
Listening to the horror story and waiting with dread the outcome of the trial.
When we would get a break, or the court would recess for lunch...My friend and his family, who almost all smoke, would go to the smoking area, but I would go to the bench in the courtyard and try to enjoy the sun.
Soaking up that vitamin d my body so depserately needs.
My friend walked over to me the other day and said come sit with us, and I told him I cant stand the cigerette smoke, he said..."You sure love that sun dont ya Val"?... and I said "Yes, I love it and want more of it"!!
Yesterday, the day the trial was wrapping up...was another beautiful day....we were sitting inside the hallway of the courthouse and it was hot, the sun was beaming thru the window and I was sitting directly in its light.
He got up and moved to a shadier chair because he had on dress shirt and tie...I said I love this sun....
He was just so content and seemed more relaxed than I had seen him in awhile...
He said "Its gonna be a beautiful summer, try to enjoy it".....
Those words will stay with me thru every hot day.
Every hot car ride I have to endure in my non air conditioned car....
Every time I hear myself beginning to complain about the heat....I will remember he is sitting in a stuffy hot jail cell with all these other convicted felons and he would love to be on the riverbank, fishing pole in hand....shorts and bandanna on.
He is the most cheerful, upbeat man I know.
Takes life in stride.
Why this horrible event happened to him is beyond me.
But its another turning point, a lesson learned in time.
And if he were able, he would be outside, mowing his yard or working on his camper or riding his Harley.
Fishing or just sitting in his pontoon.
So, this is going to be my summer of freedom.
I am going to enjoy my life.
Not sit and worry about how I am going to pay a bill or what I am going to fix for dinner or what I am going to do Saturday night.
I am just going to enjoy being free to do nothing.
And I am going to get back to my exercise, because my friend would want me to to.
He was one of my biggest supporters and came and walked with me and I think mostly he just wanted to talk but he was there.
He always drove around the track to see if I was there walking.
I feel content this morning. I feel like he is at peace and he is resting easy. I can just feel it and I know that his sentence will be light and he will be home before we have time to miss him. Freedom, it really isnt just another word for nothing left to lose. Freedom has come to mean so much more to me and I know I want to be free, not just free as a citizen, but free in my own mind and body!!!
I want to continue to lose weight and get healthy and be free of the fear of getting sick, and to free my self esteem and feel good and free to not feel like everyone is staring at me in a bad way....these are freedoms we dont think about...but I am now...I am glad to be free to eat healthy and work out and drink my water and lose weight and have access to the great outdoors and hiking trails and take advantage of every chance.
Today I am going to just relax at home and not do much of anything but sit on my porch in the sun and even enjoy the wind and rain....
SM at the river in happier times!!
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