Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Feeling sick and a little like a failure. Even though my food tracker says I stayed within 100 calories of my range today.
I feel as though I ate way more than I should and am not really sure that my tracker is accurate or that I am sparking correctly.
I didnt get in a workout yet, maybe once I do I will feel a little better.
It has been and I expect it will be a stressful few days...the day I have dreaded for so long, amongst many lately, will be here in the next few days and I have alot of big decisions to make that I have been avoiding and putting off and hoping wouldnt actually take place.
But I am a woman torn with this decision and dont have any real guidance.
I could use my friends advice right now, but hes unable to give it.
Tomorrow is supposed to rain, right when I start to get able to walk again, rain rain rain sets in...but Thursday is supposed to be really hot and nice and I plan to take full advantage and get in an early morning walk.
I walk alone.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Hated that I was having such a good day only to come home to watch the news out of Boston.
But, I was having a good day.
I did something today that I havent done in 3 months...I tracked spark fitness points for WALKINGGGG!!!!
Yes...you did read it right!
I walked a full twenty minutes and I loved it...I was soooo happy to be back on MY track.
The track was a little on the slick side, and with the new shoes, the ones in my pic...I had to be a little more sure footed.
Maybe was extra cautious, since the last time I was there it was the day I broke my foot.
It is a little tender tonight, a little achy, but no real pain.
And I am not going to walk again before possibly Thursday and then only another 20 minutes.
But it sure did feel good while it lasted.
I dont want to over do it and I am going to follow doctors orders and go easy...
It felt good to see that view and put my earbuds in and walk...
Cannot wait til the day comes when this is no longer a big deal and walking is routine once again.
Aside from that, I went riding thru the park with my friend Amy and then she and I had a great lunch at Subway...double chicken chopped salad and a parfait.
Then I went back to her house and got 20 minutes of tanning.
I am quite the brown biscuit these days!!!!
I kept under my calories today, got my water in and still have some left over for my honey yogurt, orange and a cup of milk tonight.
I am making progress and I can really feel it for the first time in awhile.
I am letting the stress of my friend and other situations go.
It is time to focus on me, my health and my happiness.
And one other little side thing...I ordered a new pair of compression shorts for walking, since my two old pairs are now too loose and dont give me the hold I need....2 sizes smaller than the old ones!!!
Now, Hillbilly Days, our local heritage festival which raises money for the Shriners Childrens Hospitals, is coming up this week and I hadnt planned to go, due to the foot, but I am going to go and buy myself a new purse...and some tanning bed lotion...cause I want it and I feel like that will be a good treat for sticking to my calories all week and getting my workouts in and just because Im a girly girl and I like purty pocketbooks!!!
Prayers for Boston and the USA and for all my spark friends who read and comment and wishing everyone great weather and great health. sorry the pic isnt so good of me, but i was so jubliant to be on the walking track, i didnt have time to fix my hair and makeup!!!!
Friday, April 12, 2013
Things didnt go as I had hoped today at the Ortho visit.
It wasnt all bad.
The foot isnt any worse, the bone hasnt seperated anymore than it had.
But, its not growing back, or healing in a timely manner.
It has been a full 3 months. And at this point, the callus or cartiledge should have closed the gap, or filled in between my foot and the broken off piece of bone.
The callus is forming, but its still too soft at this point.
So, the next step is to continue the high doses of vitamin d. And soon, in about a week I will get an appointment made to begin electromagnetic bone stimulation. Bone stimulator as the doctor called it, in the only real positive part of the day, my friends and I shared a good chuckle at that title...(dirty joke inserted here).....
And I am unsure how long that will continue or how often I will have to do this.
I go back to the doctor again in June.
He isnt going to do a repeat lab on my vitamin d until June.
He didnt give me all bad news.
He told me that if I feel that my foot isnt hurting too much, I can try walking.
He said maybe I can start with about 20 minutes once or twice a week. And if my foot isnt hurting then I can continue that until I come back to see him.
If, he says, the foot is bothering me, then I shouldnt walk on it. I can stop wearing the boot unless I begin to feel pain and today, when he touched the area where its broke, there was some pain and thru out the evening its been hurting.
So, I am going to wait to see if the foot is no longer sore on Monday, and I might give that walk a try.
I am feeling defeated, even with that bit of news, due to the fact that I know 20 minutes twice a week, isnt going to give me any kind of calorie burn to help me get back to losing weight.
But, I know it will help me to ease back into my walking.
The doctor didnt seem to optimistic about it and part of me wonders if he simply said yes to my question about walking, because deep down he suspects the bone isnt going to really heal on its own and that surgery will eventually be required!!!
I am just sick of it all!!!
I am sick of the injustice my friend has had to endure and I am sick of my body doing this to me!!!
I was being good to my body, I was eating healthy and walking and drinking water and taking my vitamins, so why wasnt my body absorbing the vitamins?
Why did my body rebel against my attempt to make it healthier???
Why is all of this happening to me and why is it happening during the most stressful time in my life??
I feel so overwhelmed and almost like just going back to being a big fat lazy slug sitting on the couch with a damn cookie in my hand!!!
I mean afterall, why try when the body obviously doesnt care.
Well, I guess that is just stinkin thinkin and the only thing I can do is workout in other ways and walk what little bit I can.
At least I will be outside in the sunshine for 20 mins and maybe if the freakin wind ever dies down around here I can actually get warm and enjoy it!!!
So, I guess thats the update, not much of one.
My body just refuses to heal itself....maybe now that some of the stress is behind me I can focus more on just exercising with my stretch band and recumbant bike and weights.
And maybe 8 weeks will make some difference for the positive.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
As I sit here with my front door open, listening to the birds chirping and feeling a cool breeze blowing past...I see the sun come and go.
I think we are due for some rain showers later tonight.
But its ok.
I am going to enjoy this day as much as I can.
The last 3 days were beautiful...highs in the 80's, bright sunny and hot.
Of course, I spent the better part of those days inside, inside a hot, stuffy courtroom.
Listening to the horror story and waiting with dread the outcome of the trial.
When we would get a break, or the court would recess for lunch...My friend and his family, who almost all smoke, would go to the smoking area, but I would go to the bench in the courtyard and try to enjoy the sun.
Soaking up that vitamin d my body so depserately needs.
My friend walked over to me the other day and said come sit with us, and I told him I cant stand the cigerette smoke, he said..."You sure love that sun dont ya Val"?... and I said "Yes, I love it and want more of it"!!
Yesterday, the day the trial was wrapping up...was another beautiful day....we were sitting inside the hallway of the courthouse and it was hot, the sun was beaming thru the window and I was sitting directly in its light.
He got up and moved to a shadier chair because he had on dress shirt and tie...I said I love this sun....
He was just so content and seemed more relaxed than I had seen him in awhile...
He said "Its gonna be a beautiful summer, try to enjoy it".....
Those words will stay with me thru every hot day.
Every hot car ride I have to endure in my non air conditioned car....
Every time I hear myself beginning to complain about the heat....I will remember he is sitting in a stuffy hot jail cell with all these other convicted felons and he would love to be on the riverbank, fishing pole in hand....shorts and bandanna on.
He is the most cheerful, upbeat man I know.
Takes life in stride.
Why this horrible event happened to him is beyond me.
But its another turning point, a lesson learned in time.
And if he were able, he would be outside, mowing his yard or working on his camper or riding his Harley.
Fishing or just sitting in his pontoon.
So, this is going to be my summer of freedom.
I am going to enjoy my life.
Not sit and worry about how I am going to pay a bill or what I am going to fix for dinner or what I am going to do Saturday night.
I am just going to enjoy being free to do nothing.
And I am going to get back to my exercise, because my friend would want me to to.
He was one of my biggest supporters and came and walked with me and I think mostly he just wanted to talk but he was there.
He always drove around the track to see if I was there walking.
I feel content this morning. I feel like he is at peace and he is resting easy. I can just feel it and I know that his sentence will be light and he will be home before we have time to miss him. Freedom, it really isnt just another word for nothing left to lose. Freedom has come to mean so much more to me and I know I want to be free, not just free as a citizen, but free in my own mind and body!!!
I want to continue to lose weight and get healthy and be free of the fear of getting sick, and to free my self esteem and feel good and free to not feel like everyone is staring at me in a bad way....these are freedoms we dont think about...but I am now...I am glad to be free to eat healthy and work out and drink my water and lose weight and have access to the great outdoors and hiking trails and take advantage of every chance.
Today I am going to just relax at home and not do much of anything but sit on my porch in the sun and even enjoy the wind and rain....
SM at the river in happier times!!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
It was a super long day.
Court began at 9am, and wasnt over til nearly 7pm.
My friends trial is over. He was found guilty of second degree manslaughter.
It could have been much worse I guess, murder was the request of the prosecutor.
The verdict carries a sentence of no less than 5 years and no more than 10 years.
If he is given the lesser, he will be eligible for parole in 1 year.
If he is given the maximum, he will be eligible for parole in 2 years.
Given the fact that my friend, was the legal homeowner, and the legal gun owner and was inside of HIS home, and a threatening person put their body, hands and feet on his doorstep and door knob, he should have been well within the boundaries of the law to protect his home and his life.
The Castle Doctrine says, you do not have to retreat, you have a right to meet force with force.
And this is what my friend did and yet, he was charged, his rights taken away.
Not that it matters in the eyes of the law in my little town, but the man who came to his door, had known that my friend had a large sum of money earlier in the night, as he had lost his wallet and someone returned it to him, with all the money in it, and the story was told where the dead man was residing.
He went there, I believe to try to rob my friend...he was a known drug user and at the time of his death had 5 different controlled substances in his system.
My friend was no saint, he drank at that time, but he was inside his home, at 330am and the home of his 13 year old daughter and his wife.
How was this intruder to know that his wife and daughter werent there????
My friend is also the father of a United States Marine.
I guess this just goes to show you, if someone comes to your home in our town, you had better throw down your guns and let them in and let them rob you, rape you, beat you or kill you, or else!!!!
The laws of the United States Constitution apparently do not apply here.
But, I am feeling peaceful tonight.
I am not worried about my friend, as I know he is a man with God in heart and his family to motivate him.
I do believe he will be alright. Last year he came and walked with me a few times to help motivate me, and once he had on a bandanna with an american flag on it...on my birthday, he said he would buy me a gift, but I told him I dont want you to BUY me anything, I wanted him to GIVE me something that was his, something I could keep.
And he gave me that bandanna,
I will be carrying it when I start back walking.
And since he used to come walk with me some...I felt so motivated on the drive home, to get back to my walking, and if I cannot walk, I will find another way to get my exercise...I am now motivated.
Knowing what my friend faces and what he has to do, I know the little struggles I face are nothing.
I told his wife to tell him he better know I am saving him a spot on the walking track with me.
Just last week he and I talked about going walking as soon as my foot is healed.
And now I have to let my heart heal as well.
I will heal!!!
Me and SM...10/21/2012
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