SOFT_VAL67   84,763
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SOFT_VAL67's Recent Blog Entries

i just need a plan...and a kick in the pants!!!!

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

Actually complained a little about the heat today...but not too much, and only to myself. lol
Well, the trial continued today...and the morning half seemed to go in favor of the defense, but the afternoon was worrisome.
I guess another long day tomorrow.
But, my friend is in good spirits and I got to enjoy sitting outside in the sunlight today for almost an hour.
I go back to the doctor on Friday, and I am just so so so hoping for good news.
I hope my vitamin d is up and I hope the bone is beginning to finally heal.
I really do not want to have surgery...I just want to walk again.
NO, I NEED to walk again.
I am feeling like I am really getting too far away from it.
I miss it, but I am falling back into bad habits and no matter what I try to do, I just cannot make myself want to or like other forms of exercise enough to really feel like I am making a difference.
I am not going to weigh this week...and maybe, well most likely, I will see bad results next week...but, I am ready to get back to it, I just really need to get this week over with...
If my friend is acquitted, I will feel like we can all move on with whats next.
And I can breathe easier and get on with whatever the future holds for me....and maybe get a part time job to give me something to busy myself...and get back to walking, once the doctor finally gives me the thumbs up.
If I do have to have surgery....I fear my depression will overwhelm me and that I will get so far away from walking and so much back into bad habits that I will really do some major damage to my weight loss.
I have gained back 5 pounds and I vowed this morning that was it, that was ENOUGH!!!!
I do not want to gain another pound....I cant afford to, I know how hard it is to lose it.
So, what can I do????
I cant decide which plan will be best for me to jump start again...weight watchers or what???
I know what worked for me before...and try as I might, I cant seem to get back there....its mostly the lack of daily walking that has taken my mind away from healthier eating...
Gosh I am just so sick of feeling this down in a rut!!!!
I have to climb out and soon....
So, Friday isnt that far away, once the doctor gives me the news, be it good or bad, I will know where to go from there....
So, I am just really hoping for sunlight again tomorrow.
And good outcomes for my friend and for myself.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAPECODBABE 4/10/2013 8:20AM

    I'm sending healing thoughts your way,
and praying for good news Friday.

Remember we are here for you!

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NEW-PAMELA-BERG 4/9/2013 9:53PM

    emoticon emoticon
I give you hugs because you deserve them. I give you a kick in the pants (or just a kick) because you feel that's what you need. Best wishes for your journey, where ever it may lead you.

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USMAWIFE 4/9/2013 8:39PM

    emoticon Take it one day at a time and don't worry until you see the doctor

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stress eating, but not as bad as it could be

Monday, April 08, 2013

Today, I got up very early and went someplace I wish I never had to go...court.
One of my dearest friends in the world went on trial today for murder.
Nearly one year ago, he shot and killed a man who was trying to illegally and forcibly enter his home.
He shot the man, as he grabbed the front door of his home and jerked it open, after being told to friend, didnt know if the man was armed or not, so he wasnt willing to take a chance.
He then, along with his mother, who lived right next door, heard the shot and came running over, tried to administer cpr to the man, tried to help ease him, with blankets and comfort and called 911...
However, after talking to the police, my friend, instead of being upheld as a law abiding homeowner, who has a right as an American citizen to bear arms, and who also has a permit to carry concealed weapons, was branded a murderer.
It has been a long 10 months.
Stressful on my friend and his wife and family.
I dread these next days coming...I know I will hear thing about my friend and it will hurt.
Today, after 3 hours of jury selection, I had to leave, I couldnt stay and wait it out to see if the trial would begin, which it did after I had come home.
It pained me that I had to leave, because I have told my friend that I will never leave his side or stop supporting him.
I see fear in his eyes now.
I want to spend as much time with him as I can....just in case!!!
So, I ate a big ol sausage biscuit from one of the quick marts and I ate a turkey sub from Subway and I ate a poptart and I ate a 100 calorie snack pack and I wish like hell I felt like just getting drunk, but I dont!!!
And, besides, it would neither change the situation or make me feel better.
So, I will workout, lift weights, ride my bike and drink my water and try not to snack anymore the rest of the day, eat the other half of my sub for dinner and hopefully relax, maybe take a long bubble bath and wish all these situations with my friends and my home life and my health, such as my broken foot would hurry up and be resolved and done!!!!
More about the foot tomorrow, as I prepare for my ortho visit on Friday....
have a nice healthy evening to everyone/

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I'm sorry you had a stressful day. I'm sorry you are hurting for your friend.
We know there will always be these hard days in our lives; we can wish them away and feel victimized or face them with the knowledge that "this too shall pass." Turning to exercise was smart. You did, however, kinda get drunk on food. Escaping. I understand this b/c I'm a stress-eater too. It's what we grew up knowing. I wish I had learned to just go into the woods and hit a tree with a stick or something instead. I liked trees too much, I guess. Myself, not so much, so killing myself with food was the easier answer.
Praying for you today. Warm weather is here. Maybe you can potter around outside, pick up the yard to be mowed later. Pull some weeds from a flower bed or some other nice outdoor constructive activity. Or maybe you can write in a journal, get all these feelings out on paper. Or get in some target practice. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it. You've been a good friend.

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CAPECODBABE 4/8/2013 8:03PM

    I'd say you had a stressful day!

And you didn't do that bad considering...

Stay strong - for both you and your friend.

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a sunny day with a dark person

Friday, April 05, 2013

I am so tired. I dont know why. I guess its just been a long day.
Oh, wait, ok, I spent about 2 hours with my friend and her boyfriend, the cad.
Had I known her invite included spending the evening with him, I would have gladly passed.
I dont get it.
But then, Im not the one who dates him.
He is 46 and I believe every pair of jeans he owns are the ones he wore to a Van Halen concert in 1982....stonewashed, full of holes and so tight he can barely walk in them.
A biker ring on every finger and a bandana...
But, I guess Im being judgemental about his looks, when in fact, its his personality that I cant stand,
He is the most sarcastic, smarmy, condescending man I have ever met.
I wish I had declinded the trip, however, what do you say, when you have already accepted, and when they pulled in, me, thinking it was her alone, walked out to the car and there he was.
Oh well, its over, lesson learned, never again. I did find me a nice set of pink flamingo windchimes at Lowes!
It just wears me out.
So, other than that its been an ok day.
Sunny, warm and no major stress.
I found a lounge chair at Lowes I want and am going back for it tomorrow...
We are being told there will be sunny days in the high seventies this coming week....wooo hoooo.
Gotta get me some of those rays.....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Haha... 1982 Van Halen. That was when David Lee Roth was still the front man. What memories!
I always try to figure ppl like that out. He is obviously living in the past, clinging to 'better days' and very insecure with himself now. He doesn't love who he's become so he clings to a time when he last remembered being happy. Poor guy. Maybe your friend just sees his potential while he doesn't. Some folks just never move forward in their lives. I know a LOT of ppl like him, stonewashed and all.
Today will be a great day! Pretty weather, new chair, SUN! Enjoy it and don't give yesterday another thought.

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ELSCO55 4/5/2013 11:10PM

    I am sure she appreciates your friendship.

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MUFFINSKI 4/5/2013 10:07PM

    Well, you are a good friend to go, it's too bad he had to come too...
We are having pleasant weather also (for Chicago anyway...) I am SO looking forward to Spring!

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SWEETNEEY 4/5/2013 9:05PM


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pics...before? I sure hope so.

Thursday, April 04, 2013

I had the double chicken chopped salad for lunch today from Subway. It was amazing. I loved it, I have found my new go to food!!
Its rained here all day today, and mud mud I have spent alot of the day clearing out some more clutter.
I dont know where it all comes from..I cant name the times Ive cleaned out drawers, must multiply in the dark of the night.
Tomorrow Im bagging up some clothes I can no longer wear and giving them to a friend or taking them to Goodwill.
I took some pics of myself...I was thinking these are after pics...But I cant really find any before pics to put beside them.
So, as of today, they are BEFORE pics.
I am planning a busy busy busy weekend...its gonna be warm and Im gonna buy me a lawn lounge chair, park myself outside and soak up some vitamin d...shoot my .380., and maybe go shopping for that new .38
Go to the movies...Jurassic Park 3D,,,!!!!
and maybe, do some more decluttering.
Yep...busy busy busy...
Cant wait to go to the doc next week, who woulda thunk it...looking forward to going to the doctor?
But Im dieing to find out if my broken foot is on the mend, finally.
Just cant wait to get back to walking again and back to taking AFTER pics!!!!
So, here ya no attention to the messy bedroom in the I said, decluttering.....All these pics were taken 4/03/2013....
I had some that were near to STREAKING, but thought it better not to share those just yet!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I like your attitude! "So they are BEFORE pics!" Nice.
Way to keep busy despite the rain. I am almost afraid to get excited for the warmer weather this weekend, like I'll find out the weatherman is It's almost too good to be true!

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nice not knowing ya.., and electrodes anyone?

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

So, tonight, I decided, its time to do some SPRING CLEANING...and I started with my Facebook or in this case, FAKEBOOK, I deleted 9 friends, and on SP, I went from 133 friends, to 44....I just didnt see the point.
I just never talked to the people and didnt have time to comment or like, or give goodies or read blogs or check their progress, etc.
Then I cleaned out my car and tomorrow, its gonna be the closets...
Time to eliminate the clutter and that unfortunately includes "friends"....or so to speak.
Heck, I had 345 FB friends, I might have 5 real life friends!!!!

Yes, I did go over my calories today...which really surprises me, because everything I had, with the exception of ONE bottle of light beer, was pretty spot on my food plan.
I did have a snack of peanut butter and jelly.
What brought that on...?
But, I feel pretty good about the day.
I am still stressing over not being able to walk, I have 8 days til my doctors appointment.
I cannot wait to hear what he tells me, if my vitamin d is up and if the bone is healing.
If the news is bad, then the next step is the electrical stimulation of the bone...and then, as a last resort,,, surgery.
Im just wishing away the days!!!
I drove around by the walking track today....the sun was out and what a day it would have been for a long happy walk...ohhhhhh welllllll.
I have had a pretty good day otherwise.
Just hoping the stressful home issues hurry up and get resolved.
But they arent driving me to overeat.
Tomorrow...increase my strength training.
I have missed it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GREEN-EYED-LADY 4/4/2013 6:56PM

    Love the title of your blog ! WTG on the spring cleaning ! You certainly have energy !

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    Whew you sure are into the Spring Cleaning mode! Can I have some of your energy??? FB is great entertainment when one has the time - More DRAMA than a soap opera show!

Sending you Healing Wishes and hope that you are told great news! emoticon

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FEDGIRL4 4/4/2013 1:47PM

    I had gathered "stuff" for a community yard sale, then at the last second backed out of the yard sale. We need desperately to de-clutter too.

I should delete some friends from FB too. There is one who is a staunch conservative (nothing wrong with it), but all she posts is about the 2nd amendment or how bad Obama is. I didn't vote for the guy, but all she posts are those things?! Another is a former employee and he is 23 years old and I guess the stuff he posts are relevant to him, but the language sometimes, sheesh!!

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    Isn't it funny how the internet and computers were supposed to make things faster, easier, more streamlined, but actually bring clutter too? I save emails like some ppl save recipes. And I hear ya on the FB thing! I went from over 300 down to 200 recently too. I do it every Fall and Spring, it seems. I just get to feeling the need to simplify and declutter my entire life.

Have a super-sunny day today!

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FLAMENM 4/3/2013 10:29PM

    Sometimes you have to clean out the clutter to make room for the stuff that really matters.

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