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this little ray of light came shining thru

Monday, January 07, 2013

today was pretty nice out, maybe upper 50's, a bit of a chill to my hands, and the wind in my hair made it necessary to wear my headband, but the walking was good, did an hour and ten minutes, i cannot wait til nicer warmer weather
have been making some life decisions and am going to set out to find a part time job or some retraining or go back to school part time, something that is training to work
no long term school and get my life on the right track, have lost 63 pounds and hope to keep on going with it......
today i cleaned house and still have alot of dusting to do and changed the curtains and cleaned off the front porch and cleaned out my car
so so productive
now, what is there to do tomorrow and the next day
hmmmm, well, i know i have to find some way to fill the time and the void in my life and maybe i will start doing late evening work outs
weight lifting and maybe even get to walk some more later in the day once the days last longer
i hate winter
i hate it so much, i really feel such an overwhelming depression and despair has been hanging over me since about november and its only gotten worse with the loss of my friend
i miss this person very badly
but, today, it wasnt so bad, i walked
i enjoyed the sun on my face and i seen some friends and chatted in the park and i came home and cleaned and have made a decision that i am giving the puppy away
i know it seems shallow and maybe heartless
but i honestly think someone else can care for her more than i can right now
maybe if it was a different time in my life
but this time right now i have to find me and i have to find where i belong and what is causing me this grief in my life
and i cant even begin to know which direction to turn
but, i stayed within calorie range today and now my house is pretty clean and i feel ok
right here and now, i feel ok

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I'm glad you got out for a walk and are making plans. Stop judging yourself as "shallow and maybe heartless", you know you are doing the right thing by finding a good home for the puppy (NOT either of those things) and you don't need that dialogue in your head about what others could think - who cares what haters think?!!!
Don't dwell on the false friend. Grieve it, yes. Accept it. (Hard, but healing.) But practice on putting your mind/energy on where you are heading and the good friends you still have. I know it seems impossible to do b/c I've been there, but time really does heal IF you keep pressing forward to better things instead of over-analyzing what went "wrong." Sometimes it really is the other person.
"Dwelling on someone who has hurt you is like letting someone live in your head rent-free." Actually, it's worse. It's like they are charging YOU rent for living in your head! So draining. Cut 'em off.
Here's to new beginnings, and GOOD friends!

Comment edited on: 1/8/2013 8:43:09 AM

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what a choice, a choice to live healthy

Sunday, December 09, 2012

Well I went on the big coon hunt last night. Mostly, as I had suspected, me and my friend sat around the tailgate, waiting on her hubby and sons to follow the dogs around.
But I had a great time, we drove some very deep backroads and seen some great scenery.
Cant wait to go back again.
Today I got my walk just before the rain came, and now they tell me we might see snow soon.
I knew it had to happen.
And today I got a shirt out of my closet, one I had bought just after the Tsunami hit Japan.
It was a promotional shirt put out by Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones in order to help raise money for the relief effort.
I could not wear the shirt, being an adult 1x...but seemed pretty small, to me anyway.
Today I got the shirt out and tried it on and low and behold....IT FITS!!!!
I feel good about it and I know that even though I have been in a bit of a plateau, I cannot stop and I cannot let myself stress too much about it.
I will continue to lose, maybe not as much as I had hoped, and maybe not at the rate that I have already.
But my decisions are clearer to me.
After talking to a good friend last night about life decisions and choices...I realized that even the food choices, and choosing to drink a beer, or two or three or four....It is all just a choice.
He said to me, "we can only be defined by our own actions"....
It really hit home to me....I have to act better.
I have to act like someone who really wants to lose weight and get healthy.
I will be defined by my actions.
And I am glad to see things more clearly today.
Well, here is a pic of me in the shirt, not a good pic of the shirt, but I will put some more on when I can.
Hope everyone is having a nice fit and healthy Sunday.....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LADYFROMTHEWOOD 12/10/2012 12:52PM

    Oh, doesn't it feel good that the shirt fits! It doesn't even look tight at all! Congrats!

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RG_DFW 12/9/2012 4:17PM

    Way to go!

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RHONDA-MULKEY 12/9/2012 3:41PM

    Good for you! There is nothing more rewarding to to be able to fit into something you could not wear before! Keep up the good work!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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glittery gold and camouflage, for girls like me!!!

Saturday, December 08, 2012

Well tonight was to be the big coon hunt, but not sure if its gonna happen, its been sprinkling rain here this evening and turning cooler.
I sure was looking forward mostly to just getting out of the house with friends for awhile.
But I spent the day with my mom and sister, shopping, but not really.
I did buy a few little things, and bought myself a mossy oak camo shirt to wear on the walking track on cooler days.
I love camo, and mostly pink.
I have done good with calories today, of course, I am having a cold one, or two, so huhhhhh, maybe I will have to watch it.
Was an ok day.
Cannot wait for warmer days to return.
Pics of my nails someone asked to see.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CUPCAKECOOK20 12/13/2012 10:07PM

    pretty love sparkles!

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    LOVE the polish color you picked out! It will go with most anything, especially Mossy Is the shirt you bought one of those that has the pink in the camo too? I think pink camo is fun, but a few hardcores that I know fuss that "I'm sure you are really hiding from someone in your PINK in the middle of the woods." My reply is that most wildlife are supposedly color-blind, and I don't mind being found in the woods if I twist my ankle.
Have a great one today despite the foggy, wet mess I'm seeing so far!

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ELSCO55 12/8/2012 10:23PM


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    Nice!!! emoticon

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AQUAGIRL08 12/8/2012 9:36PM

    Very nice nails - love sparkly things!

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SUPERTAM 12/8/2012 5:49PM

    Pretty! I love the sparkles! emoticon

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TRYINGHARD54 12/8/2012 5:40PM

    nice color on the nails....... :)

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put your pretty pink toes on the dash!!!

Tuesday, December 04, 2012

Today was to be my regular weigh in day. However, I have decided to skip the weigh in til next Tuesday, give myself a week to get back on the right track and the walking track.
Planned to walk today, and yet here we go again with another windy day, too windy.
So, I guess its the bike and the weights for me....which I really need the weights more right now anyway!!!
I cant say I am really "off track" too much with my food....just havent really been counting it as much as I should.
Maybe having a few too many late evening snacks, and even though it is 100 calorie snacks, they do add up.
But I havent gone over but maybe 2 days and not by a heckuva lot.
Today, even though I didnt get to walk has really been a good good good day.
I got to see two of my dearest and bestest people and I am really feeling good.
Cant wait til tomorrow for my mani/pedi spa day and then, even with pretty painted pink toes....I will go to the walking track and walk.
I miss my walking and my music....I need a fix real bad, maybe I will just have to cover my head with a scarf and push on against the wind......
Have a great one!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I'd try for the walk. Dress in layers and definitely cover your head. Put some "warm" music on--Beach Boys? Seriously, anything that gets you moving and makes you happy.
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my ranting angry hateful blog

Friday, November 23, 2012

In the grand scheme of thing, yesterday's Thanksgiving Day, was one of the worst freakin day of my life!!!!
It ranks right up there with the day my dog died.
I am just sick of other people.
I would rather not spend one more minute of my life wasting on pretending to like people or pretending to give a crap about what they are saying to me or what they are asking me.
I would rather be left alone.
I didnt need yesterday.
Oh well, life goes on, for some. A very very important person in my life lost his dad yesterday.
He had been battling cancer for a long time and had been in and out of the hospital for the last two months.
It was just a bad day.
Today wasnt that much better....maybe just a little.
I have blogged about how much I despise this colder weather...well, my hatred is growing ever more, as tonight we are supposed to be seeing flurries and temps will be dropping near the teens the next few nights.
and on top of everything else, the NEW laptop I bought 9 days ago is already screwed up and I had to call tech support today and they told me to do a reset, since I hadnt added any important files or pics or programs.
Oh joy!!!
I havent even tried it, if I get on in the morning to the same problem, its going back to the store.
Life is not a box of chocolates, its more like a big bowl of stinking rotting leftover rotten eggs!!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LADYFROMTHEWOOD 11/24/2012 10:30PM

    One of my favorites....

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

On days like you had, I read this before bed and breathe deep. I hope it helps you look forward to having a serene tomorrow.
~ t.

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RG_DFW 11/24/2012 8:09AM

    Thank goodness we all do a reset every time we get out of bed... hoping this reset is more to your liking!!

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