Saturday, October 20, 2012
Sometimes I need a reality check. Probably more often than not...so, there is this one song I play when I feel life is spiraling out of control, or when I just need a slap back to reality.
Or when I just want to be reminded, that we are all human and make mistakes and learn, hopefully, and move on.
Today I got on the scale again, not my regular weigh in day. I know, I am getting back into that bad habit of weighing too often, but this week its been for good reason.
That wall I had hit, is beginning to slowly crumble.
It took three weeks, but I am finally beginning to lose weight again.
I have lost 5 pounds. Today when I got on the scale I seen a number that a month ago, four months ago, seemed impossible to achieve!!
I never dreamed when I first gave up soda and began walking daily, and adding weights, and gave up junk food and began really sparking and journaling my food, that I would reach this number.
I am no where close to where I want to be, but its just beyond the horizon, I can see the forrest thru the trees now.
Nothing is impossible to achieve, look at the dude who jumped from outerspace last week!!!!
I know that I have a long road ahead, and I plan on walking that road daily, learning the scenery, and figureing out new paths!!!
Methaphors....but this is real now.
So, I have been asking myself when I am going to share my number. I read a friends blog recently on this subject and I think its silly that I say to myself, "wait til you lose a little more".....of course, when I share how much I have lost, everyone, who can do math that is, will be able to figure out how much I weighed to begin.
So, I am still a number sharing virgin!!!
I guess I will be ready to admit it soon enough....if the scale keeps going in the RIGHT direction that is.
I got to thinking about my blog about not losing inches and sizes quickly enough.
I went out to lunch with my mom, son and sister yesterday....(plans for my friends bday lunch got postponed, will blog on that later)....and we also did a little shopping.
All day my pants were so baggy.
Here is the thing, my pants are lose in the butt, and around the upper thigh area, so I know that I am losing, but in the waist they are still about the same.
I can wear a smaller shirt size, and fitted shirts, however, my tummy is still there and there and here and a little over here too.
So, no matter how well they fit, and make me look thinner in the waist and chest, cause they arent loose and baggy shirts, they still fit snugly around my stomach.
This damn stomach. The pain in my side!!!
Guess I will just keep doing my best and work it and accept what I cant change.
Hoping everyone has a great weekend.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Tomorrow is one of my best and most valued friends birthday. And I have invited him out to lunch, at a pizza place and I am going to buy him a Reese milkshake and cupcakes!!! And I am going to sit there, probably a little envious, and maybe a little sickened, and watch him eat them....and pizza.
While I have my salad and water and will be very happy. Cause getting to spend an hour over lunch with him is plenty of enough treat for me.
He has been thru so much this last year and just being able to take his mind off that issue for an hour will make me feel like I have given him a great birthday gift.
Today, I got on the scale, for a little midweek torture and wasnt at all tortured, but a smile crept across my lips.
Another pound gone and I am happy.
My goal for October was to lose 9 lbs and so far I have lost 5, with 2 weeks left, I just might make it.
I got in my walk, late today, but it was so windy out, the weather man told me it was gonna rain early this morning, but he was wrong.
So, I had gone back to bed and slept late til nearly 9am....of course, once again, I didnt lay back down til nearly 7...waiting to see if the wind let up.
But got that walk in and feeling great, back is hurting a little.
I gotta watch this week, with the birthday lunch and a baby shower coming up on Sunday.
I gotta keep myself in check.
I have had a minor issue with a skin problem....it seems that on my right side, up under where my bra band lays, I have begun to get a rubbing friction rash??? Maybe not even a rash, more like just where the band rubs, and leaves redness and pain, I mean literally I was in so much pain from it the other evening I thought I would die.
I use moleskin, but cant do that as it pulls off the top layer of skin, and so bandaids, the water proof big bandaids is my only relief.
I am going to discuss this with my doctor if it continues, but I am sure short of offering me some kind of cream or something and telling me not to walk til its cleared up, not much she can do.
The redness and pain are gone, but I am left scarred.
And not only from that, I have a scar on my side from where my pedometer laid to deeply and I didnt even feel it when I was walking.
Between that and my feet....sometimes I sit and wonder why it is that trying to get fit and lose weight and get healthy exercise can be so problematic.
Wow, I wish I had started this plan of action about 50 or 75 pounds ago.
But people say to me, wow you look so good, you can tell you've lost weight, etc, but when am I going to start really seeing it??????
I mean 42pounds ppl and I am not seeing much. My tummy and my body does feel smaller to some extend, I can walk up a hill or stairs now without falling over from lack of air.
I am down ONE pant size, ONE shirt size and ONE bra size.....
ONE....after 42 pounds!!!!
I mean come on when are the inches going to fall off ???
Toning and strength workouts dont seem to be really brining the inches off, someone said maybe all I have lost is water weight, damn that is like alot of water!!!!
Just hoping to start really seeing some changes soon.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Got on the walking track today, cold and shivery, but I was there. The walking pants I bought were just way too long and cumbersome, so they will be taken back, if it has to be sweats, then I am searching for a pair of mens with no elastic in the bottom of the leg.
And until then, I guess when its not too cold I will wear my capri and when it is, my jeans.
I hate walking in jeans!!!
And today I have eaten....and eaten and eaten.
I know I went over my calories by a long long mile. But, I cant unring a bell....just dont know what was up with me....
But the weather is supposed to take a turn back toward the warm and so I will be walking tomorrow and maybe I can get it all back under control.
I didnt necessarily eat anything too calorie heavy...but I did just overeat today.
And no it isnt emotional, I am doing just fine...the little problem I had blogged about has been resolved, the friendship is not on solid ground, but is on alot sturdier ground.
Maybe it was boredom, I had absolutely nothing at all to do this evening.
I did dishes and laundry and then pretty much set staring off into the great horizon, thinking, meditation maybe....but still bored.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Today was a pretty good day. I didnt get enough sleep, but I talked to several good friends today, who are also working thru issues and one of them told me that some words I sent him in a text yesterday helped empower him to stand up to his boss...(ie dad)...who had him so dysfunctional that he was beginning to get panic attacks....had gone to the doctor and was going onto medication.
I didnt meant to get involved in a family/work issue, but, yesterday, entirely out of the blue...knowing he had been dealing with some issues, I sent him a text, telling him that I had extreme confidence in him and that I seen him as a power force to be reckoned with and not the scared little kid he thought others saw him as, as the bosses son.
I told him I believed in him.
Today, he texted me and told me that gave him the confidence he needed to confront his dad about work issues that were giving him these health issues.
He and his dad agreed that he should step back from running one area of the business until he gets help for his panic disorder and until his dad can give him the trust he needs.
That made me feel really good, to know that just a simple text message telling someone how much they are worth in my eyes, helped him so much.
I also spoke to another friend today, the one who I felt had wronged me and who I felt had turned their back on me, and as it turns out, they really have just been dealing with stressors and family issues and work, etc.
I did get a chance to tell them that I thought their treatment of me had been unnecessary, since, if nothing else, they could have simply stopped me on the road or flagged me over or stopped at my home and told me what was really going on, instead of making me feel like a pest and a loser and a thorn in their side.
That issue is still a little rough, but is getting smoothed out and I am glad, I do not like feeling as if I have wronged anyone or been wronged by anyone.
After our talk, I went to the walking track, where I walked and allowed myself to let the words sink in and decided to forgive and forget and move on and just try to work on my own health/weight and family issues without allowing anything to make my struggle harder.
I went today to walmart and bought some danskin workout or walking pants...not in love.
They do fit, a size smaller than I typically wear, but they are way too long, and wide legged.
What is up with that????
I mean, if I am gonna be wearing them out on cold mornings, I sure dont want something the wind can pick up and blow up my legs.
I do think they will have to be hemmed and taken in a little or just returned....maybe I will just have to settle for sweats, which I do not like in the least.
Maybe if I can find some of the mens straight leg sweats and not the kind with elastic in the bottom.
Then Subway turkey sub.
Then 3 hours with the cable men here working on my cable/internet, only they didnt even come to the door when they were done to ask if it was working.
Hmmm, maybe they could hear the clicking of my keyboard.
Hoping everyone had a nice day...with the exception of a few minor glitches, this has been about the best day I have had in 2 or 3 weeks.
Tuesday, October 09, 2012
I got on the scale this morning and found that the plateau I have been experiencing, is over.
I lost another 2 pounds. And I was so happy with this discovery that I allowed myself an extra 15 minutes on the walking track.
But it was no great sacrifice, As the cool morning air picked up my wings!!
I do feel good today.
Despite 2 hours of jawbreaking dental work yesterday. And unpleasant sightings on my way to the walking track.
But, it only stayed in my head about a millisecond and then I got to stepping....listening to my oldies and my hard rockers and even a country boy or girl...and I felt good.
No one is gonna break me or bring me down today.
I own this.
So today it is official....I have lost a total of 40 pounds since May 24th.
I love that number....now, I need to just keep working hard, revamp my game plan and really start toning and keep up the strength training.
I am sleeping well, my anxiety or anger or whatever it was I thought I was going to have to deal with, fizzled out and was replaced by pure happiness for ME.
That no matter who others might treat me or think of me, I am worth way more to myself and others.
Tomorrow my son goes to take a dna test to find out if he is the father of a 15 month old little girl.
And we only found out about this in May...so, it may take a couple of weeks....but I kinda hope he is the daddy.
Time will tell.
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