Thursday, September 27, 2012
Today I have just really been super distracted. I had a good morning walk and have stayed pretty well within calorie range. But I just havent had time or the mental fortitude to get on here and Spark.
I am super duper distracted. Yesterday I spent some time with my dear friend....the one I have blogged about in the past, for those who regularly read, the one who has this upcoming trial.
And that trial is now one week away. I am scared for him and for my mental ability to handle the stress if he is found guilty.
He is holding onto a piece of my heart right now and I cant focus on other issues.
Like the fact that my scale hasnt moved all week, despite the fact, I have walked daily and stayed on calorie range.
But there are alot of other issues floating out around me right now.
Home life is stressful right now as I have blogged about.
But I am getting back into the weight and strength training more and starting to look into some new toning exercises.
I hope everyone knows how much I appreciate their encouragement and good thoughts.
I promise to try to touch base with as many as I can on a personal level soon.
We took pics, since this might be our last chance to get any together...but none of them turned out so great, we were beginning to wonder what forces were preventing us from being seen in a picture together....haha, he is that friend who thinks the same nutty thoughts that I do.
The thoughts that he might go away for life scares me so deeply. But when I am with him or talking to him, I just try to be upbeat and positive and let him know that I really believe in him.
And then I come home and bite my nails....I wont have any once this trial gets underway.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
I had a most eventful and unpleasant Friday night. Last night my friend and me, and our dates went to a bar, and my only reason for going was to hear my friend do an acoustic set and sing....I knew when we ordered deep fried greasy junky lard grease food that I had made a bad mistake...... And I am beginning to wonder if my best friend, who I love and whom I know loves me too, is unintentionally trying to sabatoge me.
I dont want to go into the long details, but I will blog a little more about it tomorrow.
But it just involves her insistance that I drink and not just a couple, but alot.
And other issues surrounding her strange behavior lately. I know in my heart that she wants to see me succeed, shes come walking with me, given me shoe inserts when my foot hurt, she always tells me how good I am doing, but the last few weeks, shes been calling me up early to ask me for coffee and breakfast, and this weekend it was just push push push beer on me, and when I finally reached my limit, she told me I dragged her to the bar, and she said she hated the guy we went to hear sing, she thinks hes ugly and a bad singer.
She then began to follow me into the ladies room and ask me whats wrong, whats wrong, well when you are ready to tell me you will.
I dont know what it is I am supposed to tell her, other than, I need to not eat gross cheese sticks and ranch dressing and drink 9 beers....I just cant go back to that.... I love her, shes my oldest and dearest friends, but I think I need a few weeks to just distance myself from whatever her problem is, and whatever problem she thinks I am hiding or I am holding out telling her.....
But, I am wondering if I made a mistake today...I had helix piercings in both ears, in the upper cartildge area and so someone told me I should have only done one side, or at least one at a time...due to soreness and maybe not being able to sleep on them.
But the tattoo shop I went to was doing a special, 10 dollars on any piercing...so, I figured do both now, I had planned on it anyway, and why not save 15 or 20 bucks....I guess I will find out tonight, in a minute cause I am off to bed.
Monday, September 17, 2012
When I got up this morning, and I decided to get on the scale, not really giving it much thought as I have now made Tuesday official weigh in day...but, I had lost another couple of pounds and at first, while very happy about it, it didnt quite sink in.
I had reached my goal weight that I had set for myself for my birthday, of Sept 30th....and ALREADY REACHED IT!!...with a full 13 days left in the month...so, am just hoping maybe to get another 3 or 4 off by that date.
I was so happy and couldnt believe I had made it to that number without a huge struggle...I went walking at daylight and walked an hour til my foot began to ache.
So, its back tomorrow to get fitted for my ortho shoe insert, and hoping they can recommend a good pair of walking shoes to help allieviate the problem.
So, now today my best friend wants to have lunch at the pizza place...and while I swore that place off, I know I can go there and have a nice salad lunch, and maybe even a slice, but not six slices. I changed my goal, since I had met my goal, and changed the new one to lose 4 more lbs by the 30th, and so, SP took my pounds lost off and set it to zero, which disturbs me cause I feel like when I see that, its like saying, ha ha, you didnt lose any...but I know I did and I am tracking that myself as well. I know I have lost 37 pounds since May 24th!!!
So, I know I got this today...maybe just for today works pretty well afterall.
Talked to my friend and work issues interfered with walking this morning, but perhaps gradually it will work out.
Hope everyone has a nice day.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
I have lost 32 pounds, and I know I have still a long way to go. But today, I got what was probably one of the best compliments anyone could get. A request to help someone begin walking and try to improve their health.
Now, keep in mind, I do prefer to walk alone and except for the occasional girlfriend to join me, mostly for gossip and socializing, I do walk alone.
But this person is a young neighbor, whom I have known since they were a very young child.
Also, not just wanting to lose weight or get in physical shape, but, wanting to find a natural way to overcome frustration and anxiety.
Dealing with work issues and family life issues...and really just wants someone to help them get started and keep them motivated.
What I like best about it is, they live right near me and their family owns this huge piece of land that winds up into the mountains overlooking my house and there are trails and side roads that are mostly used for 4 wheelers, etc.
But this is just what I have been wanting to do, get off the track and onto some trails, I have even been looking into buying some trail hikers or trail shoes for the upcoming colder weather.
I think we might just be able to help each other out. I have often wanted to ask if I might walk along their back roads, but I know I cannot walk up the steep hill that leads to the roads, so taking a car would be necessary til reaching the top and then there are miles of trails to be walked.
I would never want to go alone either and having a friend along who knows the area would be so great.
Dont know when this is supposed to take place, hoping soon, they said they would text me tonight about possibly hitting the hills first thing tomorrow morning.
If not, oh well, there is always the track.
But it made me feel good to have someone say to me, """you are inspiring me!!!"""
To have someone say, """I want to walk cause I see you losing weight and I see you getting healthy, and I see how determined you are, even with a foot injury to not give up""""
This person is dealing with the recent miscarriage of their first child and also just general anxiety, I told them I cannot tell them what to do to treat that, but I can offer to walk with them to see if that might help them clear their head a little with the other issues.
They dont want to treat the problem with drugs, but I did suggest they discuss it with their doctor to make sure that they understand that walking, especially trail walking can lead to a fast heart rate, which might be mistaken for anxiety.
I sure as heck dont want to get back into the mts with someone having a panic attack!!!
I sure hope this does come to be maybe one or two days a week, I really think walking in the fresh mountain air, away from traffic and along incline paths will be just the thing I need to help me overcome some of my own cluttered thoughts and feelings.
As well as help with leg muscles. Also this friend also has an issue with a weak ankle due to a childhood injury, so they told me they might slow me down, haha, well I had to let them know that I am not a speed walker and mostly I go slow. But once I get going I really want to keep on going, this is one reason I dont walk with anyone, some walk too fast for my pace, or others want to walk 20 minutes then sit and chat.
So, I will update on this, but I have done good today, have finally eaten a little more, some chicken and beans and banana and yogurt and later I will have a snack.
I do feel good and I just hope if I have anything to offer someone that might help them find their own road to good health, that I can.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
I know that eating too few calories can cause a set back, our bodies will begin to rebel and store fat.
But, I cant seem to help it, the last week or so, I just dont feel like eating. Some of it has been excitement, from hanging out with a really great friend and just enjoying being out and talking and laughing.
Part of it has been from excitement building up to the concert I attended, and maybe just a little saving up for alcohol consumption....and I did very much consume.
And part of it, I know the biggest part is stress and worry.
I am just really having a hard time dealing with this move. Honey knows this and we just seem to butt heads, whenever I try to voice my concerns, etc, he takes it as an assault and wants to become defensive and argue.
I am finished arguing. I really just dont know what my next move is going to be, either choice I make is going to be a big big change.
I dont know if I am ready for either, or.
But I am going to try to get back to the walking track every morning this week, no rain or zombie attacks will stop me.
I havent walked since Thursday, and I go to the ortho specialist on Tuesday to get fitted for my insert.
My foot does feel a little better today....I just need to purge my body of some toxins, both from the alcohol, and stress and just get a good sweat going.
I am also, once honey goes back to work dayshift on Monday, begin doing my tummy toning that is long past due.
This is the ugly side effect of weight loss that no one shows in the fitness magazines or even on the Bloser....
the droopy sagging of the tummy....I have only lost 32 pounds, and I can really already begin to see it, I personally havent noticed much else.
My clothes are somewhat looser, and I really havent even seen any significant inch loss anywhere except maybe my hips....I have had a few people begin to tell me how I have lost SO MUCH weight, HA!!!
Well, it does make me feel good, but heck I know I have a lot more to lose and alot harder work outs to get some toning done.
Here are some pics from the concert.... Me and my best friend for life, Pam....
my son and his date.... refreshing refreshments... the band Lynyrd Skynyrd...
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