Sunday, September 30, 2012
Whatever forces are at work in the universe, they did a big turn about for me, and today when I got on the scale, it was exactly my goal weight for my birthday!!!
I had surely thought I was going to be off by at least a pound, but maybe increasing my cardio the last few days made that little bit of difference.
I cant say today was the best birthday, not by far. Still dealing with alot of stress and worry, but knowing that I am doing my best has helped me.
I treated myself to an extra 15 minutes on the walking track this morning, and was pleasantly surprised when my best friend showed up with my pink camoflauge coffee cup for my gift.
She loves me this I know. When all others let me down, and even after our little crazieness at the bar last week, I know I can always depend on her.
I got around 100 birthday wishes on Facebook, and while I know FB prompts us to say HBDAY to our friends, it was still nice and made me feel pretty good.
So, I have not had the best, and not had the worst birthday either.
I am just going to be thankful for the fact that I reached my goal, and that honey cleaned my kitchen and bathroom and that I have good friends who love me.
And for SP and all of you!!!
Friday, September 28, 2012
So, Sunday is my birthday. One of those days with strange and unusual numbers attached...45.
I dont really feel that age. I wonder if there is a feeling to age? I know when I turned 30, I thought it would be a tremondous let down...but, my brother had been killed in a car accident only 9 days prior. So, I didnt really have time to feel blue for myself.
But I do remember taking 31 pretty hard.
And as I recall, 44 was no walk in the park.....But then...I began to WALK IN THE PARK....and so...45 doesnt feel too bad.
I actually feel pretty good.
Even though, my goal for my birthday was to have lost 10 pounds for the month. Not a big number to ask for....and while at one point, I had actually reached that goal, with time to spare.
The last week, the scale has inched its way back up and so now with only one day left, I have missed the goal by about a pound and a half.
But I am not looking at it as I came up short, I am looking at it as I lost 8 lbs.
And I am well aware its time to really amp up my workouts. I have this friend who is an ex-green beret and I have been begging him to come work with me, to teach me some good hard core CORE and muscle toning exercises.
He wont do it. I guess he knows I am really not physically at that point and I guess he doenst want to see me kill over. haha....
But he says he can give me some to try, to learn on my own.
What would be so freakin awesome, would be if I woke up and my big fat flubby lubby wubby stomach was flat......ah, it is my birthday and I should get to have one nice moment of unreality.
So, 45 isnt a sad number, or a bad number its just a number.
Now, 45 pounds is a great number and I only have about 9 more to go to make that number a reality....maybe that will be my goal for October.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Today I have just really been super distracted. I had a good morning walk and have stayed pretty well within calorie range. But I just havent had time or the mental fortitude to get on here and Spark.
I am super duper distracted. Yesterday I spent some time with my dear friend....the one I have blogged about in the past, for those who regularly read, the one who has this upcoming trial.
And that trial is now one week away. I am scared for him and for my mental ability to handle the stress if he is found guilty.
He is holding onto a piece of my heart right now and I cant focus on other issues.
Like the fact that my scale hasnt moved all week, despite the fact, I have walked daily and stayed on calorie range.
But there are alot of other issues floating out around me right now.
Home life is stressful right now as I have blogged about.
But I am getting back into the weight and strength training more and starting to look into some new toning exercises.
I hope everyone knows how much I appreciate their encouragement and good thoughts.
I promise to try to touch base with as many as I can on a personal level soon.
We took pics, since this might be our last chance to get any together...but none of them turned out so great, we were beginning to wonder what forces were preventing us from being seen in a picture together....haha, he is that friend who thinks the same nutty thoughts that I do.
The thoughts that he might go away for life scares me so deeply. But when I am with him or talking to him, I just try to be upbeat and positive and let him know that I really believe in him.
And then I come home and bite my nails....I wont have any once this trial gets underway.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
I had a most eventful and unpleasant Friday night. Last night my friend and me, and our dates went to a bar, and my only reason for going was to hear my friend do an acoustic set and sing....I knew when we ordered deep fried greasy junky lard grease food that I had made a bad mistake...... And I am beginning to wonder if my best friend, who I love and whom I know loves me too, is unintentionally trying to sabatoge me.
I dont want to go into the long details, but I will blog a little more about it tomorrow.
But it just involves her insistance that I drink and not just a couple, but alot.
And other issues surrounding her strange behavior lately. I know in my heart that she wants to see me succeed, shes come walking with me, given me shoe inserts when my foot hurt, she always tells me how good I am doing, but the last few weeks, shes been calling me up early to ask me for coffee and breakfast, and this weekend it was just push push push beer on me, and when I finally reached my limit, she told me I dragged her to the bar, and she said she hated the guy we went to hear sing, she thinks hes ugly and a bad singer.
She then began to follow me into the ladies room and ask me whats wrong, whats wrong, well when you are ready to tell me you will.
I dont know what it is I am supposed to tell her, other than, I need to not eat gross cheese sticks and ranch dressing and drink 9 beers....I just cant go back to that.... I love her, shes my oldest and dearest friends, but I think I need a few weeks to just distance myself from whatever her problem is, and whatever problem she thinks I am hiding or I am holding out telling her.....
But, I am wondering if I made a mistake today...I had helix piercings in both ears, in the upper cartildge area and so someone told me I should have only done one side, or at least one at a time...due to soreness and maybe not being able to sleep on them.
But the tattoo shop I went to was doing a special, 10 dollars on any piercing...so, I figured do both now, I had planned on it anyway, and why not save 15 or 20 bucks....I guess I will find out tonight, in a minute cause I am off to bed.
Monday, September 17, 2012
When I got up this morning, and I decided to get on the scale, not really giving it much thought as I have now made Tuesday official weigh in day...but, I had lost another couple of pounds and at first, while very happy about it, it didnt quite sink in.
I had reached my goal weight that I had set for myself for my birthday, of Sept 30th....and ALREADY REACHED IT!!...with a full 13 days left in the month...so, am just hoping maybe to get another 3 or 4 off by that date.
I was so happy and couldnt believe I had made it to that number without a huge struggle...I went walking at daylight and walked an hour til my foot began to ache.
So, its back tomorrow to get fitted for my ortho shoe insert, and hoping they can recommend a good pair of walking shoes to help allieviate the problem.
So, now today my best friend wants to have lunch at the pizza place...and while I swore that place off, I know I can go there and have a nice salad lunch, and maybe even a slice, but not six slices. I changed my goal, since I had met my goal, and changed the new one to lose 4 more lbs by the 30th, and so, SP took my pounds lost off and set it to zero, which disturbs me cause I feel like when I see that, its like saying, ha ha, you didnt lose any...but I know I did and I am tracking that myself as well. I know I have lost 37 pounds since May 24th!!!
So, I know I got this today...maybe just for today works pretty well afterall.
Talked to my friend and work issues interfered with walking this morning, but perhaps gradually it will work out.
Hope everyone has a nice day.
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