Sunday, July 20, 2014
Today I wanted to walk so bad, so I laced up my shoes and went to the track.
For the first time in a month.
After only 20 minutes, sadly I had to give up.
My foot is so numb that all I could feel was my the numbness of my toes to go as a guide.
Fearful of misstepping with my numb foot, but then I began to have some pains up in my bend of my knee.
My leg is beginning to get numb as well up from my ankle.
I am very worried now.
It has been a month since this started, but it isnt getting any better.
My ortho told me the broken bone healed ok, but I havent seen the xray myself, so tomorrow I am going to get a copy of the disc.
He thinks the problem is lack of support and so I am waiting for new custom orthotics.
He says it might also be Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome.
No, I am not a diabetic, but this is a form of Neuropathy caused by what??? possible nerve damage from the long long time it took the bone to heal???
But, whatever it is, he wants me to wait til Sept to have tests conducted to find out.
Hoping new support shoes and inserts might help, but I am not wholly convinced.
I am bitter and angry and sad and upset that I cannot enjoy walking.
Why did these things, broken foot, numb foot, why did they happen to me after I started loving to walk????
Before when I was sedentary, I was fine.
I understand I put alot of work on my feet, but I was doing so good, now I am sidelined, yet again and I am just beginning to worry about this lack of feeling.
I really am.
Friday, July 18, 2014
I am just so beyond ready to get back to healthy eating and eliminating the junk from my life and the toxins from my body.
And I will not be tricked by my mind into believing I am hungry when I know I am full and I wont give in to cravings for that junk.
It is a detox, they call it that for a reason, junk food is just as addictive as cigs and alcohol.
I have been listening to this singer named Jason Isbell, and he sings alot about drug addiction and recovery from that and alcohol abuse.
and while listening to those songs, I find the words inspiring to me in my struggle to overcome food abuse and self abuse.
Because ultimately, no matter what the vice is, addiction is real and why is it we give pity and understanding and offer help to someone who is a drug addict who is struggling, but a food addict, who back slides, is just a pig, or a glutton, we laugh at pics of overweight people in bathing suits, but not at the pic of the wino homeless on the streets.
The young kids who get addicted to their parents prescription pills in the medicine cabinet, we try to get them help, but the overweight children being picked on, who helps them??
I bet there is no answer to those questions that I havent told myself a million times.
well we just have to deal with our own demons. whatever the reason is that we eat, or gamble or cheat, or steal or get high for. Well, onto healthier thoughts------(we just try to ignore the elephant somehow)!
Last night, realizing I had red, yellow and orange bell peppers in the refridge, that had been there a week at least, I decided to make a nice sauce.
So, I added some oregano and some mushrooms and onions, and olive oil. I added some ground beef, and ground pepper, both black and red.
I put it all in the crock pot and let it cook.
Honey had a bowl of the sauce alone when he came in from work at 4am, but my plan had been to cook some whole wheat pasta and have it for dinner.
I think I like cooking sauces and other foods in the crock pot.
Next I am going to make some non-rolled cabbage rolls, adding basically the same ingredients as before, only with brown rice and cabbage, if you like added flavor, you can add spicy rice, and myself, I always add a can of some kind of beans, usually just Lucks pinto beans, but red beans or black works too.
After that, I am going to make some chicken breasts, I add the mushroom onion pepper mix, but leave out the sauce, although some people enjoy marinara on chicken.
I usually add veggies and chicken broth and make more of a soup.
And I add carrots to everything, sometimes celery, but always carrots!!
So, planning out all these veggie laden meals, I have to get my veggies in and sometimes I just add a big bag of frozen mixed veggies, although to me they taste too waxy, so I prefer fresh.
I plan on getting more than my 5 servings of veggies, I plan on focusing my meals around the veggies.
And today I plan to stick to my calories, I will eliminate alot of processed foods, such as the frozen dinners I have been having.
Not that I dont love them.
Pecan chicken is a favorite of mine.
Water, veggies and fresh fruit is a must for me. but I cant forget my protein right now either.
I guess I enjoy reading blogs and articles and researching foods.
Any helpful hints from friends are welcome.
Hope everyone enjoys the weekend.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Today I got on the scale for the first time in about 3 weeks and I have gained 8 pounds!!!
I knew vacation I had let things go and since returning home I have found it very difficult to get back on track.
I had assumed maybe I had gained 2 or 3 pounds, but EIGHT!!!
So, all games end today and all the relunctance to cook and eat healthy and make better choices when deciding what to eat.
It all has gotten out of hand and this isnt the first time and this wont be the last time that I find myself here, in this place, of anger and self blame.
It is just time to stop the nonsense, stop the insanity and stop the weight gain.
No, I cannot walk for health right now, that bothers me deeply, but due to the problems, unresolved with my foot, I cant chance making it worse.
But, I can lift weights, I can use the elliptical, I can find other ways to exercise and why am I not????
Well, its time to stop making excuses.
So, today I get back to reality and had to take a good long hard look at myself and say ok enough is enough.
I also said to myself, "start right now, and decide, continue bad behavior, continue gaining, stop even trying or, live and find your way back and be healthy again".
I chose happiness, and believe me, happiness you find in the good taste of a cheeseburger or a brownie isnt the happiness I speak of.
It is the happiness you find, when you can look at yourself in the mirror and not feel disappointed, not feel hatred and heart break for your own failures.
I want that feeling back again.
I have heard it said, nothing tastes as good as weight loss feels.
Well, I will let you know how good weight loss feels when I actually begin to lose this weight once again, but, Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels.
Nothing tastes as good or gives you as much pleasure, as seeing results.
I start today.
It is a long road back.
It always is.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
The last few days have been pretty much playing catch up from vacation.
Cleaning house, laundry, grocery shopping and two doctors appointments.
Here is what is going on with my foot----the numbness set in around June 20th and hasnt let up, even on vacation, which meant for me not alot of sight seeing and walking.
So upon my return home I went to see the orthopaedist who treated my broken foot last year.
According to him and his xray, my broken bone has healed nicely and there are no indications the numbness is related.
Of course I am keeping my options open to get a second opinion and a copy of my xrays/
He thinks the numbness is most likely caused by my flat feet and the fact I have been going barefoot more and not wearing my orthotic inserts.
So, yesterday I got fitted for a new pair and was told to look for a good pair of supportive shoes, such as Brooks, for flat feet.
I have been online browsing for a pair and have found some I like.
I just hate to order shoes online because one pair is never the same as another and what fits in one size might not fit in another shoe.
But since Zappos has free shipping and returns, I am going to take my chances.
So, Honey is back to work tonight since vacation and things are getting back to routine.
I am planning healthier meals and while I dont even know if walking is a good idea right now, I am going to be using the elliptical and doing upper body workouts.
I am wearing my shoes with orthotic inserts all the time now, even though, when I wear shoes my foot seems to become number.
At this point, I really dont know what to do.
He told me to wait 2 months and come see him again, if the problem persists, he will order nerve conductive tests to indicate where the problem is coming from.
He told me it can take as long as 3 months from the onset of the numbness to pinpoint the problem.
So, in the meantime, I wear the inserts, dont overdo it on this foot. I will try to walk at the track a little to feel it out and see how it goes, but not too much til I know something for sure.
And try to get back to losing some weight, that might help take some of the burden off my overtaxed feet.
I hate waiting, not knowing and maybe find out it was a problem that could have been treated sooner!!!
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
The story of the dog---my son took his dog with him camping a few weeks ago, and let him off his leash because they all went into the lake and the dog loves to swim.
So, instead of putting the wet dog back into his car to drive back to the campsite, he allowed the dog to walk back with a group of friends he trusted.
But they didnt put the dog back on the leash and the dog chased after my sons car and got out in the road.
My son looked for the dog all that night and the next day until he could no longer he had to leave to return home and back to work, this was in another county, about an hour from home.
Apparently, according to the vet and the animal shelter, the dog was hit by a car, injured and brought there by a good samaritan, no one knows this to be for sure because we only had their word for it.
About a week later, someone seen the dogs pic on the animal shelter website and contacted my son and he called to claim the dog, but he got a mouth ful of flack about proving the dog was his.
They were trying to threaten him with enforcing the leash law, which no law enforcement agency around here enforces.
They told my son the dogs leg needed amputating and it would cost 500 dollars.
But instead of wanting to give the dog back to my son, they wanted him to sign the dog over to them so they could pay for the surgery and then put the dog up for adoption.
This made no sense to me, sign the dog over??? they would pay??? I told him this didnt sound right, so I contacted some local law enforcement, not to mention the ASPCA and the humane society.
I asked this question, if my son cant have the dog back because he cant prove its his, then why do they want him to sign the dog over?
If my son had no proof the dog was his, then what good was his signature, I was told they wanted him to sign so they would have someone to go after for the money.
We were not going to settle for this.
So, my son contacted them and told them someone from the local spca wanted to come see this very injured, badly in need of surgery dog.
Who by the way, had supposedly been laying injured in the vet office for nearly 3 weeks without receiving surgery.
Suddenly, miraclously, the dog is all better, can come home to my son, who had no proof he owned the dog.
Wonder what happened?
A medical miracle?
hmmm, probably more like fear that they were going to be found out that they were trying to cheat my son out of money for an unnecessary operation.
Anyway, the dog is home now, thankfully, and I advised my son not to take him anywhere again for a good long time and not without at least a leash and a new waterproof tag!!!
So, that is the positive outcome of a negative situation.
Tomorrow I will blog about how I spent my day.
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